Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

No , there are plenty if staff around , including boarding school staff, full time librarian etc.
it is within the scope of a parent to expect a school to understand what may be humiliating and what isnt.
you can argue about many things not intending to be humiliating, even 1980´s boarding school punishment - but doesnt stop it being true

You probably have a better chance of it being upheld in that case. You could look at research around authoritarian discipline and the long lasting impact of humiliation used as punishment. Talk about the impact it had on your son and if that is still ongoing. Prepare comparisons of the consequences other's have faced for more serious incidents at the school if you are aware of them, this could show it was unjust.

Yes the library would have been the most obvious

Personally, I would want an explanation of why they feel that using humiliation tactics is an acceptable form of punishment nowadays.

I would want an acknowledgement that it is an outdated method of chastisement and an undertaking to use less emotionally damaging forms of reacting to misbehaviour in the future.

Depending on what your child has actually done, I'd want them to consider whether or not it was a proportionate response.

My children were EHE, but I believe most schools have to have policies which outline expected standards of behaviour and what actions they take to discipline children who do not uphold those standards.
It will probably be on their website.

I'd be looking at those documents to see if this sort of punishment is listed.
If not I'd want to know why they went beyond their own policies.
If it is, I'd still want to know why it is part of their policies.

God help this child when they hit the real world and are reprimanded at work or broken up with over text or get made redundant etc.

The kid wasn’t humiliated and the fact he cried is in response to being in trouble and punished and not liking the punishment.

You pay for his schooling so feel you are the judge of what happens. From what you have posted it sounds like a colossal waste of everyone’s time especially as you have now left.

As the vast majority have said - let it go.

Zero point posting then was there?

OK. Thanks for that.
I've gone right off the idea of even thinking your complaint should stand.
What a terrible attitude!

All I can think is that you're after some sort of fee reimbursement. You are hell bent on complaining, your kid will not be going back. So it's either petty revenge due to powerlessness, or it's money. Shame on you for using so many people's professional time for this. Good luck.

Of course if you minimise it to just sitting on a bench it isn’t humiliating. Do you honestly think I would be that annoyed if it was just that?!

Nothing about money. I don’t need any fee reimbursement. It is about the school accepting wrongdoing

Really helpful thank you

Absolutely

they acted out of emotion or couldn’t be bothered

either way they should have figured out that he was uncomfortable and taken him somewhere else
wtf are they good for, if it’s not to judge a crap situation and act on it

absolutely you have every right to complaint, you’re the only person in his life who ll stand by him in shit times like this… he does need to learn though to identify when he’s in a bad place and tell a member of staff (he’s too young now but still good learning ) x

Plenty of really helpful replies on here so it was worth it

You know they’ll just end up saying some form of words to mollify you.

You will leave, thinking you’ve won and they’ll all be glad to see the back of you.

And?

Or was he removed from the trip at that moment and told to sit at the nearest place whilst staff dealt with everyone else

I don’t think this scenario is as simple as you are suggesting

Was he for example told he couldn’t go on the trip and then told he had to come in to school specifically to sit on a bench where everyone would see him

Or as I said. Was it just a bench nearby and convenient at the time

You’re going to get a non-apology and you’ll think you’ve won and they’ll be cracking open the champagne to see the back of you.

nothing will change. No one will be held to account and it will be a waste of everyone’s time.

Petty revenge then.
Have you no dignity?

@MrMucker probably more dignity than you trolling someone on the Internet who's asking a question about their child?

@DidIdotheritething cheers Mystic Meg

@DrPrunesqualer it's a private school who are awash with staff. Him and his friend were made to sit on separate benches in the school yard watching all their friends fall past them to go on a school trip. This wasn't actually part of the official punishment which was the next day, but simply because the teachers were deciding on what to do. This was nothing to do about the convenience for staff as there are plenty of other staff in the school that could've supervise them.

Addressing teachers as Sir is not humiliation. You know what is humiliating? Having your parent complain that the school has rules.
I
t sounds to me like you are wasting the school's time.

Not in the slightest. I’ve been there. I have a big age gap between my kids too and at various times felt they were treated badly in an exclusive school.

unless it’s going to make a difference going forward for your child it’s not worth the emotional energy. Focus on moving forward and the new school and don’t look back - you’re not going that way.

focusing on this to the extent of pursuing a complaint after the child has left will only drag the thing out and achieve nothing.

So they were told to sit there til we decide what to do with you.

sounds fair to me.

maybe if him and his friend hadn’t done whatever it was, they wouldn’t have had to sit there.

you do your son no favours by these sort of actions.

You need to read the school policies on what punishments they give for what type of behaviour that is being punished. It seems a bit unnecessary, but I’ve always hated boarding schools, they fuck up a lot of people IME so doesn’t surprise me that they’re using crappy ways to humiliate people. I doubt you’ll ever win either as they’ll have a bunch of other kids waiting to go to that school no doubt.

DS’s state primary also sits them on benches in the playground if they have misbehaved and are made to miss break. Often the entire class is sitting there, in full view of the rest of the school, for the whole break.

DS was upset the first time it happened, in Reception. He isn’t particularly bothered these days as he sees that it happens all the time to various people. The punishment is missing break, not everyone seeing you sitting on the bench.

I have to agree with other people, your child feeling ashamed that everyone knows he has been naughty is not the school’s problem. He wasn’t put in the stocks. If he was put on the bench for a reason, such as needing to be in view of a teacher, your complaint isn’t likely to go anywhere - it’s a very common punishment.