Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

Thank you everyone who made helpful suggestions about the panel! I have learnt a lot about what to expect and from being apprehensive at the beginning, it sounds like a good opportunity to be heard and perhaps affect some change in a school I care deeply about.

For all the other posters who have used my thread to dump your own unmet needs and unhappiness by laying into my parenting and my 12 year son - I wish you well and hope you heal from what ever trauma you have unresolved within you.

Now youve shown you're a walking red flag OP using abuser tactics, mocking abuse and trauma and saying behaviour is down to unmet needs.

They won't care a jot that you care. They will be dealing with what's in front of them – your complaint regarding your DS. They're not going to entertain a lecture from you about how they should be running the school and you're naive if you think they will.

The only thing you might change is how much alcohol the staff get at the end of term party.

You'll be an absolute laughing stock.

Those are horrible and unkind comments about your child, but those posters would have come up with different insults, e.g. 'thugs', 'feral', if you had been posting as a parent of a child in a state school. I don't think it's envy, but it is spite and kicking a poster when she is down. You have extrapolated from those comments to imply that all posters agree with those descriptions because they are envious of your privilege. Some posters are just twats.

I think you need to look at this objectively. I've never worked in a school but I e worked in HR for over forty years ending as head of HR. We had a problem in one location, hard to figure out the rights and wrongs with two young members of staff at loggerheads and people taking sides. I had a good relationship with one of the more mature staff and asked her a few questions which helped clarify the situation. It was friendly with no raised voices and no indication I thought she was involved.

Later that day her line manager came to see me, she'd gone back to work upset, apparently I'd given her a real bollocking. I was totally mystified and I had a witness as my assistant could hear what went on.

My point is your son isn't necessarily telling you what happened, he's seeing it from him feeling guilty foolish and not knowing what to do. The three teachers are seeing it as a boy who has done something wrong and is now not being polite which is what they expect and is normal for your son. No one is lying just a different view point.

If I was you I'd be telling him not to break the rules. Reassuring him that sitting on the bench must have felt horrible but sending him off alone wasn't appropriate, maybe the person normally supervising had gone to the loo or had to go to a meeting and what he sees as punishment was keeping him safe. Yes you know it felt uncomfortable having three teachers there but the Head was following safeguarding in not seeing him alone, maybe two would have been better but that is a matter of opinion and maybe both teachers had information.

It's over now, move on and help him move on, making him feel the victim isn't good for him. He did something wrong, he got punished now let's start a fresh page.

@tubstersSchools change. I know exactly what you mean. They are not the schools we chose. New head - new ways that are not always good. We’ve had exactly the same in the past. One DD stuck it out, the other left. There’s only so much you can accept.

We complained about something which I knew wasn’t DDs fault. In fact it was a made up allegation by a very disturbed child. After dd left this dd escaped (boarding) and was missing for 2 days. They had admitted a very wealthy “wrong un” but blamed the existing girls when the wrong un made allegations. The head had turned a blind eye (or didn’t know!) to the fact this child had already been excluded from 3 schools! The child boasted about this and the boarding staff knew. They failed to inform the head. As a result we and others left. 33 out of 66 dc stayed on for 6th form. So financially they got their comeuppance. But, you won’t win! Parents never do. But escapee wasn’t allowed back.

It's 'effect' not 'affect' here.

What a horrible, “degrading and humiliating” thing to invent and then weaponise trauma of posters. You’ve also said that anyone who disagrees with you is “jealous” - classic gaslighting/bullying technique. I am actually starting to feel sorry for the lad as it’s not his fault he’s being brought up like this.

Agree with a previous poster that you’ll be the laughing stock of the staffroom - think this thread minus the supports as word will get round about what he did the more you make of this. I think it’s fine that people disagree, but supporters should remember that they don’t have the whole story as they don’t know what the boy did. OP says it’s low-level but then is too ashamed of the son and his behaviour to give the full story. By all means, defend your child. But defend him whole-heartedly and not with an air of embarrassment of his actions.

”Meet the parent, meet the problem” has never been more apt.

@FooldoththinkheiswiseMaybe we were laughing stocks in the staff room too but speaking to the staff I knew, they disliked the head. They didn’t stay either. Plus if op has left, who cares! We found a much fairer and happier school elsewhere as did all the others who left. Money does talk and it can buy somewhere else.

How does your son feel about this all now OP as he’s had the summer and is preparing to attend a new school? What does his Dad think? Have you discussed your plan to complain with your son?

The school won’t care about you the way you do about them.

You were a source of income to them. You’re not now. So they’ll say what they need to to keep the peace but it’ll be a non-apology and nothing will change.

I had a child bullied so much the police were involved. I battled hard to change things for my own child and everyone who came after them and ultimately I made very little difference. I had evidence of malfeasance, I had evidence of staff lying, including the headmaster. I had evidence of the governors colluding with the headmaster to lie and cover up what happened.

and ultimately my child left and went elsewhere and recovered and achieved well and has a good life now.

the school is still a shit show.

I just want to know if her helicopter has landed yet.

I'm sure she hasn't got one.
It would have run out of fuel by now, anyway.
🤣

But how is sitting on a bench: degrading?

OP must know that the school are only doing the panel because they have to, and that they'll be in the pub 20 minutes later having a stiff drink and a good old laugh at her expense.

There's no way they're admitting fault or changing policies. And if this new head is as bad as she says he is, why on earth would she expect him to take anything she says on board anyway.

She's made so much of a scene that she can't back down.

Oh my goodness, don't go there @tubsters

There are endless 1,000 post threads on this particular topic.
🤣🤣

That in itself wasn’t humiliating - I imagine it was him crying whilst sitting on it that would have been humiliating for a 12 year old lad in front of his peers. I imagine he was unable to control his tears. His peers may have been sniggering as the filed past.

That's a lot of imagining and may have isn't it?

You can paint any scenario into something horrendous.

OP needs to get out more, perhaps she can go somewhere on her helicopter.

Probably just crying as they were going and he wasn't.

Yeah what I’m trying to say was being made to sit on the bench perhaps wasn’t a deliberate act of humiliation - it was the crying that made him feel humiliated.

but also I wasn’t there - so yes imagining!

I am just surprised we haven’t had the ‘helicopter parent’ joke yet😂Maybe I missed it.

Some times the kind mummies allow us poor child free types on here to talk about TV shows, pets, gardening, cooking, work, relationships, shopping, books, radio programmes, podcasts, news, films. Some of us are teachers or work in education so stick our oars in there.

Personally I came here while having IVF. Sadly my baby didn’t make it to full term. Sorry if you don’t like that I’m still here.

OP I’m not sure that “investing heavily” and “caring deeply” about your sons old “small exclusive private school” are valid reasons to be going through this process.

your son was embarrassed- I’m not sure it was humiliating though.

being prompted to renew to say “Sir”. That’s just a non event.

your son has probably forgotten about it, and is about to go into Year 9 at a new school.

you aren’t advocating for anyone or anything. Move on

Don’t let OP’s mean girl behaviour get you down. She’s been vile to several posters who didn’t automatically agree with her, claiming that anyone who has a different opinion must be jealous. Yes, we’re all so envious of your naughty child and questionable parenting 🧐

I agree that having a go at a poster for not having children is the low point of this thread though (especially given your circumstances). But if you want compassion, empathy or sympathy from the OP, you’ll have to go sit on a bench - which we all know is the most traumatic of experiences in life 🧐