Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

I do not share your sentiments at all. Actually it was a number of other parents who approached me afterwards - and I learnt about their own grievances.

most of us are hard working professionals who have no time for gossip and intrigue . That I am sure of

It's comments like 'envy politics' which have set the tone of this thread because you dismiss even polite comments which you don't agree with by assuming that posters are envious of the fact that your children have all attended exclusive private schools. Many parents would not send their children to private school, even if they can afford it.

Which is?

Detention? Isolation? Suspension?

But no talking to him though to tell him about the punishment as talking to a kid about their behaviour is wrong, right? And no sitting, he must be standing during punishment.

She did ask that. She also gave some back story, that's allowed. You seem to feel entitled to some information so that you can judge what he did - but the point is that part is irrelevant, humiliation as a consequence is never OK.

You just want to know so you can gasp.

Maybe , but it needs to focus on the right way with the right children.
The real problems have not changed in the school. His erratic behaviour and bullishness has just made more teachers feel demoralised and leave (hardly any staff turnover in the 12 years prior to him coming) . The bullies are still being bullies.

most of us are hard working professionals who have no time for gossip and intrigue . That I am sure of

OK. Right. Sure. Not the impression given by your deluge of posts.

your questions are disingenuous . Not designed to help and are actually irrelevant

I'm sorry - reading comprehension? Literally OP has addressed this question several times.

I think it was a relatively small misdemeanour, a first time mistake for a child with a 9 year spotless record. Yes op thinks he did it

Happy for him to take a punishment. Yes op thinks he needed to be punished.

@takealettermsjones what's with these persistent questions? She literally says her son has done something but that the way it was handled was erratic and inefficient, humiliating her son in the process.

OP isn't one of those parents as she hasn't once in 9 years raised an issues.

She doesn't like the way new head is dealing with things as he appears to be erratic, inefficient and heavy handed. Sounds like new head is out of his depth and perhaps he is also a bully.

😂😂😂

Okay?! In that case a normal, non-snippy response would be "I don't want to answer that," as opposed to vague non-answers and then getting rude about it 🙄

Good luck in your panel 🤣

I stand up for myself and my child. All this ‘precious darling’ ‘golden child’ ‘snivelling Ptolémys ‘ little wuss‘ reeks of envy.
why else would PP lay into a child?

You can sit in that panel meeting and say until you are blue in the face that you think the head needs to do x, y and z but he's just going to nod and ignore you because you don't matter any more. Your child isn't a pupil and you no longer pay the fees. So again, what do you hope to get out of this?

And how does your son feel about you pursuing this?

So it wasn't the actual punishment but a 'sit there while we sort your classmates out and get someone to come and supervise you' situation

Now it has taken place in the evening- presumably therefore the library and classrooms were therefore closed and there weren't other teachers milling about who could instantly take them somewhere else nor could they be trusted to take themselves somewhere.

I find your line of questioning aggressive and a bit weird considering I have laid out the situation. Of course I am going to sound snipey if I tell you that

And some of us dont have kids but apparently we are envious of sending my peace and quiet to nowhere 🤣🤣🤣

What are you sorry for? There's nothing wrong with my reading comprehension, trust me, but I hope your snippy little dig made you feel better on this lovely Sunday morning ☀️

Saying that you're happy for your child to take a punishment is not the same as believing in your heart of hearts that he ought to be punished for it. I'm asking because I suspect this is colouring the OP's judgement and will affect her demeanour and eventual success in the panel and next steps.

Nah it was a simple question. One that anyone who has been to school could read and answer so long as they didn't have a chip on their shoulder.

Weirdly, having invested in the school so heavily, and part of its community for so long I do care about the direction it is going in . The school culture has changed it is losing wonderful staff since the new head arrived

Why are you on mumsnet if you don’t have children? I thought it is meant to be for parent related issues

Yeah right.

You have absolutely no idea what private school staff have to deal with from parents. You are not privy to the emails, the meetings, the phone calls. Please don’t claim knowledge you can’t possibly have.

I regularly have colleagues in tears over abusive emails sent by entitled parents who think that they can treat us like dirt because ‘I pay your wages!’.

Many parents in the sector seem to think that because they are paying the piper, so to speak, they have the right to play the tune.

Your tone on this thread is reminiscent of many unpleasant and entitled parents I’ve had the misfortune to come across in my career.

Frankly I think you clearly have far too much time on your hands and have allowed a very minor incident, where clearly some
level of disorganisation or miscommunication - understandable in the busyness at the end of term - led to your son unfortunately having to sit on a bench for a bit while teachers worked out whether he was supposed to be on a trip or not. It wasn’t ideal but it also wasn’t abusive or intentionally humiliating.

The headteacher wanting your son to show him respect in his disciplinary meeting is also not unreasonable. It might have been a bit heavy handed but none of us were there - including you! - so we can’t judge.

I think really you need to let this go and move on with your life. Surely you have better things to fill your time than arguing the toss over a minor incident with a school your son has left and none of your other children will be attending?

Nah it isnt for just parent issues. You misunderstood that. There are job issues, travel issues, religion issues, political issues, health issues. Also it is free for all to join. Not just parents. You might think because it is called mumsnet that only mums can be here. You misunderstood.

Just like you misunderstood kids when you thought your child doesn't lie.

All kids lie.

I asked you a question. Given that you are on AIBU and you responded, I assumed you were happy to engage. My mistake.

Ha, another mistake (by me) - you're not in AIBU. My apologies. 🤣

It's none of your business what OP believes in her 'heart of hearts' 😂

Of course not, but none of this is anybody else's business - she posted on here asking opinions about it. What a strange thing to say.