Complaint against school

[tubsters]

Posting with a name change to protect my child’s identity. Has anyone had experience with a Level 3 complaint panel hearing at a school?

My 12-year-old son, who has never really been in trouble before, was given what I feel were punitive and degrading punishments. For example, he was made to sit alone on a bench in the yard for about an hour, as all the other children walked past knowing he’d been excluded from a trip – a clear act of public humiliation.

He was also called into a meeting with the Head and three other teachers, where he was pressured to end every sentence with “sir.” He was clearly nervous, and this only heightened the power imbalance and distress he felt. he is usually very polite and would always use ‘sir ‘ in normal circumstances

I accept that children need discipline and have always supported teachers, but the way this was handled felt oppressive and unnecessary, especially for a child who posed no danger and was already anxious.

The Head has denied much of this, so I escalated it to the governors and it’s now going to a panel hearing. I feel quite daunted about going up against the school, but I strongly believe this needs to be addressed for my son’s sake and for other children in the future.

If anyone has been through a panel hearing and can share their experience or advice, I’d be really grateful.

I've been staff and parent at independent prep, day, boarding and senior schools. I now work within the admissions teams in state education. We now see a lot of young people moving between private and state, often these young people have been 'asked to leave'
The panel meeting won't be an arena for lasting change, they are doing it because that's what the complaints policy tells them they have to do. Particularly in independent schools, head teachers can arrive and decide to 'make their mark'
Was his 'punishment' fair, justifiable etc, probably not, 3 adults shouting at a 12 year old is overkill.
As I've previously said, the bench incident sounds like a lot of crossed wires, staff trying to check whether the children in question have been excluded from attending the trip. So, the slip up there is who ever dealt with the misendeavour didn't follow it through, leaving the people supervising the trip to do the following through with possibly inadequate information.
The other thing is that your son has left the school, even if the school issue an apology etc, unless you have some kind of ongoing financial investment in the school or you or your husband are governors or employed at the school in some way, those decisions or apologies will be lip service only. But, if you're happy with that outcome then that's ok.
Independent schools, particularly small ones, tend to have a family feel, I do get it, I'm still in contact with my sons headmaster and my son is 23! I don't think a complaint panel will provide the resolution you seek.

It course the irony is OP will probably get an apology and come out triumphant.

She won't have the self awareness to realize they are humouring her so she goes away.

What's your point? If OP - and more importantly her son - get an apology, then that's great. If the school don't have the integrity to reflect and change them that's their loss, but OP's son can move forward knowing that the behaviour shown by the school wasn't right and that his mother had his back. I don't think there's anything more important than that - do you?

I agree with a PP who I can't find now saying that even if nothing happens on the school's end - this kid will learn a powerful lesson and hopefully pay it forward in the future by standing up for others.

The school don't seem to have anything to apologise for based on the info shared. Let's hope op's son manages to apologise for his poor behaviour. Whatever op ends up coming back with, we'll never really know what happened at the time, or in the panel.

The school haven't done anything wrong though!

Do you honestly think a school is going to recall a 12 year old to apologize for a punishment that is within their policy?

What are you on?!

You were the one that said it!

"It course the irony is OP will probably get an apology and come out triumphant".

Yes, they will apologize to shut her up!

The son will learn that he can bullshit his mother and she won't let anything go. That's all he's going to learn.

No one wins from this.

The school don't seem to have anything to apologise for based on the info shared.

Well that's quite the debated situation isn't it so you just stating it as fact isn't particularly enlightened as obviously I and others don't agree.

My post wasn't really about that anyway so it's irrelevant - a PP said that OP would get an apology and 'think' they'd won. Gleefully implying I suppose that they would be kidding themselves, judging by their second sentence.

So I replied that as long as OP and her son have an apology it doesn't matter to them what further poor choices the school make.

Luckily, I wasn't attempting to 'enlighten' you.

Yes, they will apologize to shut her up!

Aaaaand, we're back to the fact that OP's son will have an apology for their bad behaviour against him. Great!

The son will learn that he can bullshit his mother and she won't let anything go. That's all he's going to learn.

That makes you very angry doesn't it? Hmm.

No one wins from this

Hard disagree. The OP and her son will hopefully take the apology and move on, as I said. Being treated poorly and recieving an apology is certainly a win.

Job done then

Think you have issues.

Hope you join the OP on her chopper soon.

I knew you were flailing a bit but I genuinely did not expect this response.

Oh my life don't be daft, let's just agree to disagree.

@tubsters

this would have gone a lot better if you had either given more details to start with or at least answered the questions when asked.
You would at least have fewer people trying to extrapolate what was going on.

There are a couple of areas that you seem to have missed that could have almost guaranteed you a win or at least got some of the panel on your side.

But you seem convinced that your way will win them over.

So best of luck

The school won’t apologise! It’s a private school. They will support the head. These meetings are never going to go against the head because the panel will uphold the way the school dealt with this issue because they cannot lose face with their Chief Executive, the head. They appointed him! So they won’t eat humble pie over anything. The op will get to say her piece, hopefully backed up with quotes from the behaviour policy (that unhelpfully might also be vague) and then they will back the head. I’d put money on it.

That, emotionally, is ritual public humiliation. I'm concerned that you think corporal punishment has to be involved for it to be humiliation.

Btw I did do panel, at primary. Got nowhere. School didn't apologise, not that I thought they would, council lady taking notes said "we never apologise, on principle".

my friend attended who is a lawyer and also a chair of governors, she accused them of systematic bullying of me, the parent. Had zero affect.

in the end I escalated it, just because I could, to the Secretary of State for education. I only did that because they then need to declare it at their ofsted inspection.

All pointless. But I am glad I did it and have no regrets.

No, I don't think corporal punishment has to be involved but I do think a child being made to sit on a bench for a bit in front of their peers is not a humiliation and too many kids these days are being raised to think the slightest slight must result in a sense of mortification.

Precisely. This was not corporal punishment.

The OP has shared that sitting on the bench was not part of the punishment but they were asked to sit whilst they decided the way forward. I don’t see how that is humiliating tbh.

’Sit there for a minute’ giving them a chance to decide what to do next was not parading them in front of their peers. They had misbehaved to the point where they were not allowed to join in an activity. The teachers needed a moment to think. I cannot see the premeditated choice to cruelly humiliate them that the OP does.

I think this is more about the interview with a pompous new head and three other teachers being present and dc feeling interrogated. The bench is a side issue. It could have been outside the head’s office. The interview sounds like a military style one and sounds inappropriate. We don’t really know the punishment either. Was dc sent home or what?

The issue is that we still don't know what happened, and I am not talking about whatever infringement of the rules that the OP's DS "allegedly" did but the OP is ok with them being sanctioned for it.

Again extrapolating from the OP's posts

The OP's DS is a day pupil at a boarding school.

The day before the sitting on the bench happened the DS and maybe his mate did something that they were sanctioned for.

The DS wasn't allowed to go on an after school trip, possibly as part of the punishment, but was there when the teachers loaded up the vehicles.

The DS was separated from his mate and they were told to sit on separate benches for 52 minutes whilst the teachers sorted out what to do with them.

Even though it was after school hours all the staff where still at work and the two boys could have been sent to the library which was only one meter away.

At some point after the infringement their was a meeting, might have been before the trip, could have been after, involving the head and three teachers.

But even with this amount of involvement what ever the DS "allegedly" did was just a misdemeanour and didn't require this level of intervention.

And this meeting was conducted in a far too heavy handed way.

This might not be all but I am not going to scrap through the OP's posts to find more.

But some times when these things happened would be nice as their are several things that if at certain times, like I previously posted, would be a major concern due to how they were handled and would at least get the board to look at her case in a light that puts her in the right, but if she goes in with the attitude that she currently has she will set the panel against her.

Also was the trip a fun and of term jolly or a curriculum trip. Was it a day trip or residential? Was that a punishment too far? Is it in the punishment “menu”?

I am think more of

Why was the OP and DC not told that he wasn't allowed on the trip?
It all happened the day before. Did the school not inform the teachers, was everyone informed and the OP and DS did know in which case why was he there and the teachers had to figure out what was going on.

If this was a spur of the moment decision, why was it a spur of the moment decision, was the DS still playing up?

Why wasn't the OP contacted to come and collect him?
He is a day pupil, it was after the school day had ended.

If the meeting was because the school took the offense so seriously that three teachers and the head had to be involved why wasn't the OP informed and invited to the meeting.

We don't actually know when this meeting took place.

So much just doesn't add up.