Stop blaming teachers for your child’s behaviour

[Woolfatthedoor]

I’m so fed up of my partner return home from school exhausted and mentally drained due to the appalling behaviour of some of their year six pupils.
Heaven forbid they are reprimanded. Then a slurry of emails accusing the teacher of ‘shouting’ at their innocent kids.
My Partner and several colleagues are at the point ot resigning.
They are experienced teachers who love teaching yet these kids make teaching intolerable.
If feels like these kids are not set any boundaries at home therefore come to school with a degree of arrogance.
Parents don’t seem to take any accountability for their children’s behaviour siding with them against the teacher who just wants to teach the rest of the class.

Agree completely. It’s always ‘my child is such a frail flower, they only act out because it’s an anxiety response..’ etc

We have lost respect for education as a whole - the way an educated person is derided especially by the right wing , the lauding of the self made man , the derision of the ivory tower of university - even the term middle class makes people feel uncomfortable

And once you lose respect for education and laud t he self made you start to make your own rules up , you assume you and your child know best in everything

We is a shorthand for society is trending ...

And any upset is seen as mentally damaging not mentally building

This generation has been permanently damaged both mentally and physically by adults who asked for lockdowns.
Now you will have to face the long term consequences.

Mental resilience is severely lacking , so challenges - lockdown - caused far more problems than it should

Physically we have seen Children who hadn't learnt to talk , not potty trained - I mean they weren't separated from their parents during lockdown - what were the parents doing there? Yes trying to hold down a job at the same time - but that's still a pretty poor excuse - I I suspect that lack of parenting impacted mental health also

That and the lack of funding for mental health support

Oh give it a rest. No they haven’t.

Trying to hold down a job is a poor excuse?.. 🤨
OK then. You probably live in the land of plenty and not familiar with mere mortals' lives.

Lockdowns are not challenge. It's direct and severe harm to development, and I'm speaking not as a parent but as a neuroscientist.

I 99% agree with you. Although, a very small minority of school staff do have issues with some children. My son has a TA working with him sometimes who is consistently negative about him. Never has a good word to say about him. He has SEN but she refuses to acknowledge it although everyone else in school accepts it, even if they're not able to help with it at times (ADHD so his behaviour can be off, which he absolutely has to be held accountable for).

@Woolfatthedoor Totally agree. I’m sorry your partner (and others) are suffering. It’s time teaching was treated with the respect it deserves by everyone, but parents of children at the schools especially. A friend resigned because the parents were so obnoxious and nasty (like their children). A loss to the school (Primary).
I don know what the answer is :(

Teachers are punishing the wrong kids. There’s another thread on mumsnet right now about someone’s daughter getting a black eye, and the assault was allowed to continue because the female teacher had to find a male teacher to break it up, and the school have claimed there is nothing that can be done to prevent her daughter being harassed and assaulted in future.

All the mother is asking is for her daughter not to be abused at school.

Of course it’s a poor excuse. For thousands of years parents have managed to toilet train their children while working. Things are not the worst they’ve ever been, most people live charmed lives in comparison with their ancestors. People need to take some bloody responsibility and stop making pathetic excuses for avoiding doing the basics of child rearing. We have free contraception in the U.K., if you choose to have children it’s your job to bring them up properly.

This definitely does happen, I assume the posters here who accuse people of "screaming " if they disagree over stuff.

However l it's also fair to point out that teachers can also get it wrong, and there is sometimes favouritism.

Sympathy to your partner. I'm afraid this is a common complaint among teachers and the situation will not improve until schools are given full discretion to exclude abusive or disruptive pupils. Unfortunately, that probably won't happen until a teacher gets killed at work.

LOL your comments are beyond ridiculous 😂 For thousand of years European were throwing their excrements out their windows and no one gave a sh*t (quite literally) about their offspring "toilet training", they were all covered in dirt and stinking, including princes 🤣

OP is not talking about toilet training btw.

This.

Also there will be (already is?) a system where schools are fined for permanently excluding pupils. A two-tier system will be created whereby better-funded academy chains in nicer areas exclude badly behaved pupils because they can afford to, and the state-funded schools in deprived areas can’t afford to.

Teachers did get fatally stabbed before but the rules haven't changed.

On a parallel thread parents and teachers alike vehemently oppose Mossbourne School that imposes very strict behavioural rules 🤷‍♀️

Agree with you OP.

I don’t know why anyone would want to be a teacher, to be honest. It seems like the pros massively outweigh the cons now.

Heard stories of parents complaining because a teacher raised their voice, gave a detention (which surely infringes on human rights) and parents telling staff that their child is “triggered” by being told no.

Kids who are misbehaving and disrupting the classes on a consistent, regular, worsening basis should be removed if the necessary measures/punishments have made no difference.

Any time a teacher or parent dares to post on here about issues at a school, any and all behaviours are attributed to Covid lockdowns, SEN, probable abuse at home and whatever else.

Let them go back to their half-arsed, discipline avoidant parents and they can deal with their behaviour all day. Send them work on a weekly basis and leave the door open for them to return when they can act more civilised. LAs make schools jump through hoops, while the parents relax at home in full knowledge that their child is making someone else’s life miserable.

It’s not right at all.

As a parent and a school staff member I would say some teachers are far better than others. Yes absolutely some kids do need told off which most parents seem to accept but equally some staff shouldn't be working education. Also most kids I work with are fantastic and very respectful (secondary age). Yes they can push boundaries but that's part of learning. Most just need a gentle reminder of what the rules are in school.

However my own teenage son was the victim of very unwanted pre sexualised behaviour from another boy for a number of weeks recently in school. He told staff multiple times to get the boy to stop and staff were present on multiple occasions and heard the boy make very inappropriate comments to my son but did nothing to stop him. This is despite witnessing my son getting very distressed by the boys comments. My son eventually lashed out at the other boy to get him away from him (2 other boys had threatened to do the same that day to) . My son was punished severely for lashing out but yet the boy who was behaving in a really inappropriate manner didn't even got spoken to and was allowed to laugh at my son whilst he was being punished.

In my child's case he was punished for being the victim then segregated and bullied by a senior staff member for 8 hours. Unfortunately some staff are punishing the wrong kids and are nothing more than bullies themselves.

As someone who works in education I was beyond appalled at the senior staff members behaviour toward my child so raised a complaint and moved him to another school who do have an excellent senior leadership team.

There are always 2 sides to the story and maybe that child is exceptionally difficult and does have behaviour issues or maybe the staff member is the issue.

Ive never liked schools and im not keen on teachers either but that is a pass me problem.
However as time as gone on i do feel sorry for teachers now and i agree with you op.
Some kids never get told off until a teacher dose it and then the teacher is then blamed for abuse its wrong.
And some parents always bring SEN in to it to use it as an excuse for there child being in the wrong.
I dont like parents that have kids that are never wrong then wonder why they grow in to awful teens well news flash its your doing with over molly cuddling gentle parenting.
I do wonder why some have kids when they cant parent without a screen in hand or blaming others because there little angel is never wrong.
Its not just the kids nodays its also the parents with their school gate dramas and some even go and ask the teachers for help because of other parents ive read that on mumsnet a few time.

100%

I was brought up with the idea that getting into trouble at school was grounds to be in massive trouble at home because it was shaming my mum.

I've been the same kind of mother to my own kids. Even when my oldest DD got an hour detention for a very minor thing (lab coat left in locker) I told her to just suck it up because it would be for the best in the long run.

Absolutely. I worked in education for three years and had to leave before I had a breakdown. I had tables and chairs thrown at me, was bitten, kicked and punched, sworn at and had my children threatened (I worked at the same school as them). When the parents were told about these behaviours, they were furious with me! Their child can't cope with demands, their child can't cope with losing, their child doesn't want to sit down and listen, their child must be in charge, their child doesn't like the word 'no'.
My DS has autism and I will never let him think it's ok to hurt others or disrespect his teachers. One day I'll be gone and I want him to live a fulfilling and independent life. I don't see how that would be possible if I condoned him losing his shit over a teacher asking him to pick up a pencil.

Teachers should be allowed to wear body cameras and the footage should be available to parents.
Behaviour is out of control.
I pity anyone trying to teach in a classroom-I moved to an online school for this reason.

It’s Year 6 and the time period at the end of winter when endless SATs revision plus the start of hormones for many kick in - perfect storm, all round. Year 6 is not for the faint hearted. Request to teach another year next year instead?

We've got threads about how parents are spending hours encouraging their kids to do things like putting their shoes on, stopping them going into the garden or drawing on paper until they can 'understand', spending so long talking to the children that perhaps this is how kids think school should be? That teachers should be gently encouraging them to 'discover' things rather than telling them to do things?

I'm sure gentle parenting with endless exploration of emotions etc has its place, but does it fit kids for a world where teachers don't have time to explain in great detail individually and they sometimes get yelled at?