has anyone sent one child to private school and other children to state school? just curious really

[nailpolish]

not interested in reasons (be they personal) but just wondered what the children themselves thought

thanks

My sister (middle child) wasn't sent to private school and my brother and I were for some or all of our school years.

She uses it to get more money out my parents for fun things like shoes, clothes etc (she is now 15) but isn't bothered by it. My parents however regret not sending her private.

My middle brother went to private school for a while, and I did for 6 form. I'd do the same if necessary - getting the right school for the right child. Didn't bother any of us at all - don't think we even thought about it. We all went to good schools.

My friend wasn't but her older brother was. Her family moved to an area with a good local school when it was time for her to go to secondary. Her brother was sitting his highers, so he stayed at private.

She still has a chip on her shoulder about it 25 years later.

My big brother, myself and my sister all attended grammar school.

My little brother went to private boarding school.

None of us had a problem with that.

Similarly my dh went to private day school while his big brother and 2 sisters went to state schools.

None of them appear to be bothered either.

Not us, but I know two couples who have done this.

One couple sent girl to local, very good girl's comp and boy further afield to private boys school. Both kids absolutely fine about it.

Other couple sent oldest son to private school (very bright, sensitive, socially awkward - they were worried he'd be bullied at large local comp). Second son much more ribust type - sent to comp and thrived.

also know families who have made this decision based on the needs of the children in question, and it has worked out fine

My brother went from a state primary to a private prep at aged 8, mainly because of his wild behaviour and the state's school inability to cope/deal with it. He thrived in a smaller class with a stricter regime.

I stayed at the state primary and was very happy there, have never had an issue with the fact that he had a private education as it was always explained to me why.

I went to a state school and enjoyed it, my brother went and it didn't suit him so he went to a private day school that was also a choir school. Worked out well for us and I would have no qualms about doing the same for my children.

I think it depends on the reason for doing it.

I had a friend at school whose only brother was sent to private school but the girls were all sent to the local Comp. Her father did this because he didn't think there was any point spending his money on educating girls!!!

I may be doing this in September - ds has failed his 11 plus by 1 mark (I'm appealing), is dyslexic and the school he was offered was totally unsuitable with appalling behaviour and very poor teaching according to Ofsted. Dds 1 and 2 are at grammar school and are doing well there. I don't think I should have to pay and it's really up to the LEA to provide a decent school place for my son so will fight all they way.

Different needs for different children but I'll make sure I work to cover fees so that the others don't miss out on holidays and all the extra stuff we do.

Personally would never do this. Think it's a recipe for sibling conflict. Even if there are good reasons for choosing private school for one and not another e.g. behaviour or one is particularly sporty or whatever you are still investing financially in one child in a way you're not in the other.

i have so far, ds2 only started reception at state school in sept and i am considering leaving him there if he is happy. ds1 we moved for the same state to private just over a yr ago. t suits him much better and is finally happy. no idea what they feel about it but i feel guilty and also its a pita collecting from 3 different places (inc dd at playschool). i suspect when we can comfortably afford to send the other two as well we prob will

very interesting, thanks everyone

My big sister went to grammer school but the rest of us went private. I think the grammers had all been abolished by the time we went, but in any case I know my parents weren't very happy about my big sister's experiences. Ironically she did the best at university time (she went to Oxford) but I think that's because a) she went to a crammer for her retakes and b) she's probably the most academic in the family. I don't think there was any resentment as we all went to different schools for secondary. She's certainly never mentioned it, and I'm sure she would if it annoyed her!

a friend of mine went to a state school while her siblings went to private schools because her parents couldn't afford to send her too. She's never really quite got over it, and it caused her lots of self-esteem issues, even tho she went to uni and is doing well in her career.
I'd do it in the same sort of situation as swedishmum tho I think.

dh went to independent secondary
his 5 siblings didn't - lots of problems between them (not dh) and comments on subsequent careers choices (or not) and options even now 25 years later

My bro went private and I went to a comp. We did drift apart quite markedly after that point (we're only two years apart and had previously been quite close). I remember feeling a bit abandoned, as we had been at the same state primary - but I think that was more to do with him going to an all-boys school (at which I obv. could not join him) than the fact that it was private. I don't remember feeling any resentment at the fact of it being private. However, my parents have had quite a lot of guilt about it over the years, and insisted on giving us a deposit for our first house as a way of 'making up' the fees they hadn't paid for me.

My db went to boarding school and I stayed at home at went to comp. My Dad was in the RN and away quite a bit, so it was to provide db with male role models.

The only bit that pissed me off was that he came home and Mum got horribly over excited wittering on about how her baby was coming home. Now he lives 25 minutes away from her and I am 12 hours and the channel away, and I think she gets horribly over excited about me going home, so what goes around, comes around.

I did better academically than him and didn't want to board, so felt no great pain at not going and don't resent it now. Having proof read his MSc dissertation last week, I am shocked that having had an expensive private education, his spelling, grammar and punctuation are quite so appalling!

I'm one of four - the first two (I'm pfb) went private, the second two to a (very good) local state (not our most local comp)
I recently asked my little sister if she was ever bothered by it - she looked at me as if I was bonkers. She pointed out that she finds exams stressful as it is, & would have hated any more pressure. My little brother (state) who is probably the cleverest of all of us is also very happy with his school & feels he got more out of being in the state system.

Fwiw, all four of us have attended good universities & done reasonably 'well' in material/life balence type ways. We are all reasonably close.

My older two are in a private school, and my younger three are in a state school. They will all go in the course of time, when they get to Y7. DD1 will join me at my school in September.

I think it can cause family problems if children aren't treated the same and there was this horrible sexist tradition in this country as Q mentions to spend money on boys' education but not girls as girls would only marry and have children anyway and not work (which actually is what a good few mumsnetters do so perhaps it's an appropriate tradition!).

What would be interesting would be to chart a big sample of sibilings one of whom went to state school and one private and see how by say age 50 things like their income level, accent, hobbies, career success turned out.

DC1 (DD) went to private secondary. DC3 (DS2) went to private Juniors. DS1 and DS3 went to state schools.

In our case we got Assisted Places and the 2 that went were the right age at the time. DS1 went to one primary and one secondary. DS2 and DS3 both changed schools for Y3. DS3's new school was a state school but not the same one the others went to.

I'm a firm believer in the right school for each child rather than one size fits all.

Or even how happy they are Xenia !!

I am the yougest of four and we all went to the local comp but I left after the first year to go private
The reason was my brother had just only got 4 gcses and my parents decided the school wasn't as good as it used to be
There isn't really any resentment , not that i know of

one of my sister's never went to uni and she lived at home until she got married at 29. My eldest sis often said she was being financially subsidised (ie low rent) and the other sister (the one living at home) used to say back - 'well you all went to uni and got money from our parents then'

I went to the local comp, as did db1. Db2 went to private school.

I hated local comp; he hated private. He got moved to the comp, I had to stay put. I remember at the time my parents told me they were sending him to private school and I was devastated - I was desperate to go to private school. It may not have been the answer to my problems (bright and got bullied for wanting to work hard, which I guess I would have swapped for the bitchiness of an all-girls school) but nevertheless it didn't do my relationship with my parents any good at the time.