has anyone sent one child to private school and other children to state school? just curious really

[nailpolish]

not interested in reasons (be they personal) but just wondered what the children themselves thought

thanks

I should add though; in the long term I don't think it made much difference to me - I don't harbour any grudges now.

I know a family where the pfb (male) went private, the girls all went state

Not sure of the reasons but it certainly caused issues

Please don't do it.
My brother was sent to a private shcool (he sat the entrance exam as his state primary teacher thought he had a chance of a scolarship he just missed out but my mum and dad decided to make the sacrifice and send him any way) while I went to the local not very good comprehensive.

This still affects our relationship to this day, I feel furious that my parents treated us differently and my abiding memory of our childhood is parents working long hours and not beeing around much inorder to pay for his school fees.

I did fine at the local comp and would even venture that in the end it made me a more rounded person with an understanding of the real world he will never have.

Having been hot housed and pushed accademically from a young age he now doesn't have the slightest interest in the wider world or learning for the pure joy of it, something I have always had.

Sadly history is repeating itself as he has chosen to send dcs private while mine are thriving at their wonderful local state school and very much part of their local community.

The injustice of beeing treated differently is always there and also affected my relationship with my parents.

Give all children in a family equal opportunities or you risk fracturing your family and storing up a can of worm for the future.

Maltloafeater - if it made you a more rounded person than him, surely that means YOU were given the better education? If you you are happy to send your children to state schools, why do you resent him having gone private?
I am interested in the various views on this form those who have been through it, as we have two Dc. We have been told the elder would be a cinch for only local grammar.
The younger would be borderline, so we would have to send him private, as the local secondary school would not suit him.We figured that it might cause resentment later between them. So they will both go private, and we just accept that the fees we are paying for DS1 are worth paying to avoid a potential wedge in their relationship , whcih is very good, and which is the most precious thing to us.

'so we would have to send him private' there is no have to, it is your choice not some thing you HAVE to do.

Accademically my education was poor, but I have made up for it by grasping opportunities I have been offered with both hands and working dammed hard rather than being fed by silver spoon which sadly is the attitude I see in many privately educated adults.

I also think it's nice for siblings to attend the same school - adds to the community feel of a school plus you know each other's teachers and friends, it's something you have in common. I think sending them to different schools can create divisions.

I didn't really hang around with my sister & brother at school but it was nice to know they were there, particularly when there was an issue with bullying.

I was the only one of five siblings that did not go to a private secondary school as I passed the 11+ and went to a very good grammar school. I had gone to a private school from Yr 3 to Yr 6. All except one of us spent some time at state schools and some at private.

My eldest ds went to a private secondary school, having passed the very difficult entrance exam, ds 2 took the exam and went to a very good comp - when we had dd 15 years later we made the decision not send her privately and she went to what we thought was a good comp, found out that it wasn't, moved house and she is now at an excellent school.

I have never felt jealous of the fact I didn't spend as long at a private school as the rest of my siblings and my children seem to be happy with where they have been to school.

My daughter is at a private school and her two stepbrothers are at a state school. In all probability this will not change throughout all the children's school career.

My father, his two brothers and one of his sisters went to private (boarding) schools. His other sister went to a state grammar.

My father's younger brother sent his eldest son to a state grammar school and his three other children to private (boarding) school.

I don't think it is necessarily a big deal if all siblings don't go to the same type of school, but there need to be valid supporting reasons.

My daughter is at a private school and her two stepbrothers are at a state school. In all probability this will not change throughout all the children's school career.

My father, his two brothers and one of his sisters went to private (boarding) schools. His other sister went to a state grammar.

My father's younger brother sent his eldest son to a state grammar school and his three other children to private (boarding) school.

I don't think it is necessarily a big deal if all siblings don't go to the same type of school, but there need to be valid supporting reasons.

Policywonk - Interesting. My DS1 keeps telling me he's going to pay me back for his school fees. Not that I ask him to - just he's very aware it costs a huge amount of money. Being nosy - do you think your brother would have rather had the comp ed and the deposit on his first house? Or is he proud of his alma mater?

Oh, he would have preferred anything to SPs - he absolutely hated it there, was very socially isolated, bullied and felt not up to scratch academically (bro was very clever but not much of a grafter, and the constant testing wore him down). And yes, these days he's quite grasping, money-wise, and so probably thinks he got the sticky end of the stick all round!

However, it would be a different kettle of fish if he had enjoyed school. Your DS sounds lovely - I'd never have been so conscientious about money at school age (in fact I'm probably still not, even now).

'sticky end of the stick'

y'know what I mean

We all went to private schools but my brother's was more academic and my sister's and mine was much smaller and didn't even have things like a choir. My parents chose our school because I was very shy, I think but I probably would have been better at another school with more girls like I was but it certainly didn't rankle. I think that's just my personality, that meant it didn't and for some people unless they are treated exactly the same it's a problem. In general though I think it's best to try to treat children equally.

Step families are a huge issue if one branch is getting a good private school education and another lot aren't.

We would love my stepsons to go to the same school as my daughter... but their mother won't here of it (she wouldn't be the one paying, either)

hear

I wasn't really meaning you because France is different anyway,. Just you sometimes get new partner who are very against private education. It can be a controversial issue particularly if their children are languishing in the state system.

I think it's just one of myriad issues (though one of the bigger issues, perhaps) of parity of treatment in step / blended families.

On a similar note, my parents paid for years of piano & clarinet lessons for me and didn't offer it to my sister & brother, no idea why. I think they labelled me as 'musical', which is rubbish (I'm not and anyway, you don't have to be musical to play the piano). But i'm very grateful I can now play the piano and my sister and brother regret not being able to play an instrument.

a school that is right for one child, might not be for another

Snora - yes, that's right. Children are all different - which can be a very good reason for sending them to different schools.

I think you need to try to ensure that each child believes that they are getting parity of treatment in their education overall as compared with siblings, and the best option for him/her as an individual. Which is not easy, and probably the easiest route is to send children to the same school.

Maybe not at primary level but I think that most children of secondary age are aware that some schools cost a lot of money and which schools those are. I don't think that counts as discussing money.

Policyw - SPs would be too old school for my liking. I think it's perfectly possible to teach latin and ancient history to boys wearing 100% polyester blazers (available for a tenner from the school's second hand shop).

Horrible that your brother was bullied.

• yes, it does (or at least did) seem to rather revel in its nineteenth-century attitudes.

Sorry, that grin was at the polyester blazers, not my bro getting bullied.

I was bullied too at my comp! Rough girls spat at me! Some of them pulled my hair too. But I like to think that it prepared me for office life.