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Original poster

What are my options here? DS very unhappy in Y6

69 replies

LittleSeasideCottage · 16/12/2024 19:23

DS is in year 6 at a local state primary school. He is very unhappy and pretty miserable to tell the truth. He doesn't have anyone he considers to be a friend or feels a connection to (although others consider him to be a good friend). He is a very bright boy and is bored and unchallenged. The teacher appears to be going through the motions and if honest is struggling to control the class effectively.

DS is going to a local independent school from Y7 up to the end of 6th form. He is very excited and looking forward to it, and hopefully should be starting transition days soon.

The problem is we are on the verge of him refusing to go to his current school and he regularly comes home in tears. He feels bullied and isolated and is just so miserable. He has anxiety at night time about going in the next day and his shoulders sag as he walks in, it's heartbreaking.

I've spoken to his teacher and the head master but nothing changes. They just seem to be unable to actually help in any meaningful way.

I've always believed in finishing things off as a useful lesson in life, especially as DS knows where he is going next. I guess its the 'See it through to the end' mentality; however, DS has yet again come out in tears due to the bad behaviour of others in his class. I'm sick of seeing him so unhappy.

So I need to know what are my options here for the last six months after Xmas until he finishes in July?

What could I reasonably do?

I don't give a stuff about SATs as they're irrelevant to how he will be streamed in the next school.

What would you do?

Looking for advice or ideas from other. Thanks in advance ☺️

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleSeasideCottage · 16/12/2024 19:24

To add, I can't send him to the independent school early. That would be the ideal option but not possible.

OP posts:
TeenToTwenties · 16/12/2024 19:25

You could home school him for 2 terms, or find an alternative school for 2 terms.

TickingAlongNicely · 16/12/2024 19:26

Is home education a possibility?

modgepodge · 16/12/2024 19:27

I guess you have 3 options, if no space at the independent school before y7:

home educate
stick with it
look at other local primaries

it is quite disruptive to move schools for such a short time, but if he is that miserable it might be worth it. Maybe see if there’s one where people he’s likely to meet next year might be so he knows some people before year 7?

shellyleppard · 16/12/2024 19:28

Home education and a private tutor if needed??? If he's struggling so much it might be worth taking him out of school x its heartbreaking seeing your child so unhappy

verycloakanddaggers · 16/12/2024 19:29

I've always believed in finishing things off as a useful lesson in life, especially as DS knows where he is going next. I guess its the 'See it through to the end' mentality I really think this is a very foolish mentality.

If something isn't working, sensible people have a rethink.

pestoblush · 16/12/2024 19:30

He sounds like a lovely young lad. It’s frustrating for him to be bright yet unstimulated there. I think I would move schools if there are any better options - he’s bright and he’ll progress better if he’s happy

fruitypancake · 16/12/2024 19:30

This sounds really tough
It sounds like he is being bullied?
What does your son want to do? I think I would be tempted to home educate

Original poster
LittleSeasideCottage · 16/12/2024 19:39

Thanks everyone, really appreciate your feedback.

He really is a lovely lad, he's just unstimulated and unhappy.

I'm challenging my own thinking by looking at options, so I'm open to taking him out and not just trying to slog on.

I don't think moving schools, to then move schools again would be a good idea. I think that would be too much disruption for him.

I was toying with the idea of arranging transition days with his new school and run parallel home schooling along side it. So say 1 day at the new school and 4 days home schooling.

In all honesty I have no idea where to start on home schooling! what syllabus do we follow??

How do I actually go about pulling him out of his current school?

I'm new to all this so please forgive my ignorance. I just want to make my lovely bright boy feel happy again

OP posts:
AllYearsAround · 16/12/2024 19:46

You don't have to follow any particular curriculum with home education, you can teach what you like.

In school they would just be preparing for SATs until May, and then doing fun stuff after, so it's not a crucial year in terms of education.

If you want to take him out you just email the current head saying you are deregistering him to home educate.

Solent123 · 16/12/2024 19:49

1 day a week transition for two whole terms? that would be unusual - is there no way you could just move him to the new school now, assume it has a year 6

TickingAlongNicely · 16/12/2024 19:50

I would start by looking at where he needs to be academically for next September... if rhe school is academically selective they probably will have higher expectations than a non selective school. For maths and English.

Then... whatever he wants to learn. Coding, a language, a certain point in history... indulge his interests.

Sassybooklover · 16/12/2024 19:53

Honestly, Year 6 is a waste of time. All they will be doing to revising for SATS in May. Once that's out the way, then it's just fun things because there's no 'learning' left to do. My son was bored and unchallenged in Year 6, and was glad to leave. He started the local secondary school for Year 7, and it was like a light went on in him. He's now Year 9, and is thriving at our local secondary school. Variety of lessons and different teachers.

TitusMoan · 16/12/2024 19:54

I’ve seen children move at this point in year 6 for similar reasons (am primary school teacher) and it’s been very successful. Can you put him in another primary for the last two terms? If he makes friends, then he can have a lot of fun before he goes off to secondary, whether or not any of his new class go with him.

Birdscratch · 16/12/2024 20:05

You’ve said he came out of school in tears ‘yet again’ due to the bad behaviour of others in his class. You’ve said he feels bullied, isolated and anxious about going to school. I would want to know exactly what’s going on in the classroom.

Sistertwo · 16/12/2024 20:09

Is he definitely bored and unstimulated?

Friendless and starting to come adrift academically - not being able to get thoughts on paper whilst fully understanding the input - sounds like fairly classic EBSA in internalising autistic students.

Sistertwo · 16/12/2024 20:15

Adding - as does coming out crying because of others' behaviour. Unless they are attacking or bullying him that is quite sensitive for age 11.

NowYouSee · 16/12/2024 20:15

Is his new school an all through school? If so are you completely sure there no chance they would take him from now? Schools may be more flexible than they were pre VAT…

You could still consider another state primary and worth seeing where has space. I remember DC’s class had a new child join after Easter in y6 so it does happen. Yes not ideal but may be worth considering if there are good schools - manage your expectations that he won’t necessarily have best friends quickly.

I would think though you also want to try and break down the issues. If he has done academically selective 11+ then it is quite usual being bored during y6 if you’ve had to speed up maths etc. plus some schools really grind the SATS prep which is dull. So that is tedious but not worth moving schools over. General class disruption is frustrating but at this stage I don’t know if would be enough for me to move him. However if he is being actively bullied (you don’t elaborate how) then I would be actively following up daily with the school - get the policy and follow it to the letter

User346897543 · 16/12/2024 20:17

Transition days are usually only in the summer

Numbersarefun · 16/12/2024 20:17

Does he know anyone going to his new school? Or is there a school which usually sends students to his new school? Could he move there?

Meowee · 16/12/2024 20:25

Have you considered Flexi schooling where he could attend for half days or part of the week and the rest home schooled? There is plenty of stuff online, Oak national academy has lessons on pretty much everything

Original poster
LittleSeasideCottage · 16/12/2024 20:28

To answer some questions

He already has a place secured and confirmed by the new school, so no worry about him being selected.

The current class has a number of challenging individuals and is well known for being very difficult to handle. Some parents have already removed their children.

I have repeatedly spoken to the school about him being distressed, it feels like banging my head against the wall. A number of other parents have expressed the same concerns, so it's not just DS who is struggling. I hate to say it but the school is ineffective in dealing with issues.

I don't want to move him to another school to move again, so that option isn't under consideration.

His new school are starting transition days in the new year and have offered as many top up days as needed. They are very open to supporting individual needs of the child

Unfortunately no option to move earlier.

So I'm thinking that leaves us with home Schooling for the last two terms and then starting the new school in Sep.

How do I actually deregister him from the school and switch to home Schooling? is it simply an email to the school saying we no longer need his place?

DS is very STEM focused (already knows he wants to do a STEM Subject at uni!) so would it be a good idea to find an online STEM program for kids to keep.him academically engaged until he starts Year 7? Anyone done this for their child? if so, how did it work out?

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleSeasideCottage · 16/12/2024 20:29

Meowee · 16/12/2024 20:25

Have you considered Flexi schooling where he could attend for half days or part of the week and the rest home schooled? There is plenty of stuff online, Oak national academy has lessons on pretty much everything

I didn't know this was an option!

Do the school have to support a request for flexi learning?

OP posts:
AllYearsAround · 16/12/2024 20:29

Yes, email the head to say you are deregistering to home educate.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 16/12/2024 20:30

Hmm. I would want to be much clearer about what the problem really is. He says he has no friends, but other kids consider him their friend. He feels bullied...okay, what is happening that makes him feel that way? He feels bored...will he be any less bored next year in another school?

If you don't really know what the problem is, what makes you think a move to a different school will fix it?