How to check my child’s grades at a Uni?

[Snowflake55]

I am in despair as my son refuses to tell me if he is attending Uni at all, let alone to tell me how his grades are! I tried calling his Uni and all they say “it is confidential”. Do we parents have any rights in the UK to find out how our children are doing at a Uni? Thank you

Students with disabilities etc have personalised support agreements that often allow them to make recordings for their own use.

I get this, its a paradox.
DD's loan is based on MY income, I pay her rent AND I still have no right to know how she is etc.
However, they are adults and legally we have no right to know anything at all and I suppose its how it should be.
At DDs Uni there is a number parents can call and the Uni will do a welfare check, they won't give specific information but can reassure you apparently. Luckily I know a few of DDs friends there and when she was didn't reply to me when I already knew she was ill I could message her BF and he confirmed she was ok and had been to the medical centre but was now asleep.

I'm far from a jobsworth, I've gone above and beyond many times for a student who's struggling. I'm also not unaware that many have loving parents who would happily support them - and when someone discloses that they're struggling that's pretty much always my first question. I've had more than one parent thank me at graduation for the support I've given their DC.

I've had loads of meetings with students that parents have sat in on and I'll always encourage it if appropriate.

But I won't be speaking to a parent unless the student asks me to, because I have no idea what parents are supportive and what ones are overbearing or even abusive. And I'm not legally allowed to, and I fancy keeping my job.

The middle ground is that if a student gives permission we can speak to parents, that’s all we can legally do. It’s not the universities that set these rules. It’s the law.

But the university education is dependent on accommodation, unless a student lives at home. You can’t have one without the other. Not many students can do a degree while living on the street. I’m surprised you don’t understand this. It doesn’t matter what each £ specifically goes on. The fact is that the vast majority of parents contribute financially to the “university experience”, be that rent, food, pens, laptop, clothes, travel, socialising - whatever.

We still record lectures for students registered with disability services. I get a list from DS each term of students who need recordings, and I make the recordings available to only those students via the university e-platform. I agree with pps that general recording of lectures was disastrous for student attendance and engagement. I once had a total of five present in what should have been a lecture to 54 students.

This. Parents have a right to know if they're wasting their money or not.

He's not child. He's an adult . Of course you can't find out.

I have no idea what parents are supportive and what ones are overbearing or even abusive

This is something which is often missed off these discussions, often (not always) those people who are struggling with their mental health to the point of being at risk have had very poor experiences of parenting and telling their parents of a risk, against their will, is potentially going to make a situation far worse. It’s a truth which is hard to acknowledge sometimes, particularly for a grieving parent who might be angry and looking for answers as to why their child has taken their own life.

For some of the young people I see, they’ve never experienced feeling like someone actually cares about them until they get to uni, in fact for some as they’re about to graduate, the fear of losing that can make things worse.

Legally, a university would be breaching GDPR if they gave out an adult’s personal information without consent. This applies equally to anyone in college, university, work, medical records, accommodation, etc. etc. It is independent of who is paying for what.

Besides, parental contribution relates only to expectation. It is not compulsory (and indeed many parents cant afford it and give less or even nothing). It’s something you choose to do for your child, but it certainly doesn’t give you any rights.

In short u can’t, it’s against GDPR.

You can't , you have to wait til they fail the year

My dd passed year one but failed 2 modules out of 8 of year 2 so is re sitting

They give you lots of options so don't panic although obviously of course it will cost you more money for an added year

Our dd has had mental health problems and is much better than she was due to different medication so I'm hoping she will pass year 2 .. she knows there is a redo again on offer!

There are some really nasty people on this thread but thankfully some lovely replies too.

It is clear this mother is concerned about her son and wondering if he is attending uni or not. It is such a difficult time when our kids leave to go to uni and you just hope they settle down well.

To the poster I am so sorry you are going through this worry, I really sympathise for you and hope you can get some answers.

To the people who actually work at uni’s who have replied with such negative replies, I can only pray that my daughter doesn’t end up at your uni next year because my god you sound like very unprofessional hard people, a more professional person would be offering her advice rather than attacking her for worrying about her son.

Why on earth would you check up on another adult like that?

I sincerely hope there is nowhere for parents to interfere.

All of this. I work in a university too - my job is to teach a subject at a high level to adult students who have chosen to be there. I actually do put a lot of pastoral care into my role but that’s for my students. Not their parents.

Honestly, think people need to be preparing their children to reach adulthood - not demanding third party people mediate in family relationships.

Actually some parents here sound quite financially abusive “it’s my money so I have a right” - have a wee think about how that comes across.

No
You have no rights over your adult son

re Fees. Most students have their fees paid through student loans. It’s maintenance that some parents help with.

That money is maintenance.
It has nothing to do with Uni fees

Well he could lie if you asked. Talk to him about your concerns. If you've raised a reasonable person then you can be honest with each other. Trust your instincts on this. You know him.

Best case he shows you his grade transcripts. Worst case he won't and you pull funding. Try and appeal to him that if he is struggling you can help fund a new direction whereas if he just pisses it up the wall for 3 years he will be on his own with no qualifications and you won't be supporting him.

I don't think uni should report to parents but I think students should be able to deal honestly with their parents to show that they are travelling in the right direction.

I had more than a few friends (male) waste their first or second years and drop out. If the first thing you know about this as a parent is when they rock up at home without a means of supporting themselves then you aren't doing the best by your child.

I'd have been quite pleased to have less contact with my DC tbh. They regularly requested I proof read assignments which would usually drop into my inbox just as I was switching out the light to go to sleep when they were due in by 11am the next day.
I sympathise OP, a friend has been going g through this, supporting a failing DC and not knowing if he was even attending.

Plus there are reasonable concerns re support for mental health as pp have mentioned above and I think universities should address these concerns and open up some mechanism for dialogue.

My initial instinct is to say it’s none of your business and he’s an adult… but there is a huge mitigating factor of you being EXPECTED by the government to financially support adult offspring through university.

Perhaps you should have a conversation about finances and if he is unwilling to uphold his side of the bargain (attend and work hard) than you will have to cancel your end of the deal (financial support)

Not all students declare a disability and some won't even have a diagnosis. I think accessibility should just be the norm and not the exception. It's not something that students should have to ask for. In the university I work at students have to have a certain attendance rate. Not sure what it is but if they're not showing up it's dealt with.

With respect, checking his grades isn't going to tell you what his state of mind is anyway. You need to talk to him, not sneak around trying to get information about him which, as PPs have already said, you have no right to because he is an adult.

What uni are you at? Definitely one I would want my daughter to avoid if there are staff like you there.

Maybe there is a more professional member of uni staff on here who could offer the worried poster some constructive advice. After all if my child wasn’t attending uni I would want to know the reasons why and check on their wellbeing.

I'm sorry but it's uni not kindergarten. What's next? Ringing up your 20 something child's employer to ensure they are turning up and doing a good job? After all lots of parents support DC into their 20s. Is this right too?