To think unless you’ve been to private school you don’t really understand why it’s so valuable?

[huopp]

I have so many people telling me the state system is fine, a private school just has better facilities, that the teachers aren’t any better, that the extra curricular stuff can be done after school at a state school but at a different venue etc etc…

whilst all the above is true, it isn’t what makes a private education valuable? And that you have to actually have lived it, been to one, to get the whole experience it gives you across the board and not just academically?

i think this is why a lot of people with ‘new money’ don’t always spend it on school fees. In contrast those who have been privately educated mostly want the same for their children.

100%. This is why I prefer the grammar route—your score gets you in, rather than your parents’ ability to pay the £15k* annual tuition. The academically-minded kids can thrive without being called ‘nerdy’.

I know lots of people who went to private school who haven't bothered sending their DC to one.

I've also worked with people who attended private school - they never appeared any different to, or any more special than, those who didn't.

Yes, what is this ‘new money’ business? How many generations do we need to go back to clear this ‘new money’ bar?

I assume you are both private school and "old money" OP.

The quality of your question/statement tells me everything I might need to know about what your education has done for your critical thinking skills...

Quite. And each school is so different, private or state.

It’s unfair to consider state kids as rough, violent etc or private children as entitled brats. School is a big influence but so is home life. And parents greatly influence the kind of adults their kids turn out to be.

It is easy to focus on extremes but as an adult, I cannot tell which of my friends or acquaintances went to state or private school. They are all pretty decent people, despite what kind of school they attended.

What op is saying doesn't make sense. Plus it's only a small % of the population that can relate.
I had both private and state education myself. I can't afford private for my ds's but that never mattered because onbever wanted nor considered it, as our local school is so good, it's one of the best in the country. I have been very happy with their pastoral care and education of ds1 (now at uni) and ds2.
Many families locally are very privileged. Ds1 says he might send his future children private. We'll see. I'm happy with the education my ds's had. What exactly do you think they missed out on?

I wonder if OP realises she's almost certainly considered new money herself to some.

Tempsperdu my kids are at a one form entry primary. The music offering is great.

It makes a huge difference that its a well off area and a high proportion of kids have parents paying for private music lessons. Private often aren't doing any more than state schools they just have enough kids learning an instrument to run band etc. If parents don't provide that the school can't do much about it.

Unless you went to a sink estate school and breezed past the privately schooled to an Oxford First and a professional career, you’ll never quite grasp how much of private education involves artificially inflating the attainment of the sub-average in capacity.

This is kind of true. I went to a shit comp but got into a top uni and sailed into a high paid career. I earn about double what DH sister (went to one of the top private schools in the country) earns. She got similar a-level grades to me but is far less academic, the school had to absolutely prise those grades from her and it took a massive amount of work.

I think what people really really don't get is how much SEN children benefit from small class sizes/small secondary schools in the private sector.

I was privately educated. My kids have both been in state primary and my oldest is going to state secondary in sept

We considered private secondary however we have good local schools and the private schools near us are either out of our price range or are nothing special. The labour 20% cemented our decision.

My oldest is autistic- if we needed to take him out of state we can but it will be a back up rather than the first choice.

When I went to private our fees were about 3-4k a year. Now it is 18-21k a year. The cost has exploded since the 90's when I went and far outstripped wages. While we could do it for one it would mean significant family sacrifice and I am not sure it is worth it. There is also the risk that if they need to come out they will be offered the school places no one else wanted.

We are happy with our choice. Hopefully it works out

I genuinely can't think of a single thing that my DS would have had in private school that he didn't get at his state school. He is on track to do a medical degree. Hobbies are horse riding and football which you don't need to go to private school to access. And he has grown up with a variety of different people, I wouldn't have liked him to be in a bubble.

He doesn't have SEN so I can't speak from that perspective.

I went to both state and independent schools (my parents were privately educated for context)

The state school I went to was bloody awful. The independent school I went to couldn't have been lovelier.

I chose to send my DC to decent state schools.

Yes, it's more than about just the academic side of things. I don't think my children would have received better exam results if I had paid for their education. My DC made really wonderful friends from lovely families. Yes it's nice to spend time in well maintained buildings with good facilities and extra curricular activities, but is it really value for money if you can't easily afford it? My parents offered to pay for the grandchildren - not all at the same time they're not that loaded (all my siblings sent their DC to state schools) and we've all declined, as overall we didn't think it the best option for our DC.

BUT when I first started work, I was definitely offered some jobs because of the type of school I attended, due to the attitudes of the people interviewing me. It might I have worked against me in other jobs (I don't tell the people I work with now where I went to school )

OP, I think people do get it.

We’re all born on different steps on a metaphorical ladder—some are born on the bottom rung, some are born one rung below the top step, and most of us are born somewhere in between. The more rungs someone has climbed to get where they are, the more I admire and respect them. I find it odd to look down one’s nose and to label people as “new money”.

So in your opinion what makes a private education so valuable is (among other reasons) that you can do your activities at school??? I think that is a disadvantage, especially for children who play sports at a higher level, they will have to attend a specialist center anyway (a football academy, olympic size pool etc). Big disadvantage is also that you are with the same people all the time.

Quite.

Exactly - i didn't recognise that behaviour all all in my older children's PS (to be fair, i don't recognise it in the state primary either, that my younger one goes to - but i know it goes on in the local state secondary as i have friends with kids there (most of whom are moving out to PS as they can't tolerate it anymore).
These friends comprise of - a GP, hospital pharmacist, in the Navy, local solicitor, trainee interior designer, project manager, BA flight attendant. Very much NOT your average 'Eton' types!

If you could have easily afforded it, would you have sent your children to PS?

I agree with you. I was and always wanted that for my children. My husband thought I was insane when I wanted to look at private schools when my daughter was 2. He grudgingly came, said he had no idea of what they offered and it was him who insisted they actually went privately in the end.

The downside is that, despite best efforts, as someone says above my daughter only actually knows wealthy people. We have tried, and we both have a very good understanding of how fortunate we (and she) is/are. But her school offers everything co curricular wise, her hobby and passion is horse riding….you can’t really engineer a more diverse social circle. The only knows what she knows, and it’s very much a world of relative privilege. That bothers me. That being said, she’s a lovely, generous, kind hearted child who is utterly gorgeous in her spirit and nature so she’s not growing up a spoilt brat at all. She just doesn’t really live in what I would call ‘the real world’.

that's an Irish perspective imo. hardly an 'arriviste' if they had to figure out on their own probably how to apply for grants, mocked by the teachers at a sh1t school, told no, not that university, how about local institute of further education? so they get certificate/diploma from local college of further education which is a bit looked down on by the middle class kids who were spoon fed through the system. But they get a job and turn their certificate/ diploma into a degree. work pays for a masters. they have a bit of a an accent but they'd RUN RINGS around anybody stupid enough to underestimate them.

I see these people in my working life and I admire them MORE> I went to a private school, so did my parents so did my grandparents but my ancestors were peasants!! farmhands to the gentry. I know it.

i've adhd and there was never any chance of me benefiting from my expensive education. all this talk of sen kids benefitting at private school confuses me. at my school they were just concerned with anybody a bit different trashing their stats.

I haven't been to private school but years ago worked somewhere that private school students would attend for part of their duke of Edinburgh award. I was impressed at the time that most students had a high level of ambition, knowing what to do with their lives etc at a young age. I was in my twenties at the time. However I understand it is full on and too much for some. I would have considered a Montessori style for my children for secondary school due to smaller classes and the one size fits all system in state schools. As a parent of a child with an ehcp it would have given more options if I had afforded it.

💯

Of course, generally speaking, Private provides a better education, whether it produces a happier more rounded person, is another matter.

Private, for my brother was all about networking, making contacts, not the educational value, which tbh was exceptional.

Two more uncaring and arrogant children you could never wish for but the exam results? 110%.

"we are surrounded by good state schools'

I don't need to say another word.

I grew up near a very famous private school. We had a friend with a kid there on a bursary/scholarship type thing. His experience was very average. The school had a terrible reputation for bullying locally, and when the private school kids went out in the local area they behaved appallingly. Not all private schools are equal, in the same way not all state schools are the cess pits of drugs and poor quality teaching some people make them out to be.

So yes, perhaps those of us who attended bog standard schools didn't have the private school experience you did and can’t appreciate it. Equally you didn’t attend some of the amazing state schools out there so don’t appreciate that.

I do understand why some people send their children to certain private schools though. They are mostly better funded, lower child to staff ratios and have better wrap around, support, facilities and opportunities.