To think unless you’ve been to private school you don’t really understand why it’s so valuable?

[huopp]

I have so many people telling me the state system is fine, a private school just has better facilities, that the teachers aren’t any better, that the extra curricular stuff can be done after school at a state school but at a different venue etc etc…

whilst all the above is true, it isn’t what makes a private education valuable? And that you have to actually have lived it, been to one, to get the whole experience it gives you across the board and not just academically?

i think this is why a lot of people with ‘new money’ don’t always spend it on school fees. In contrast those who have been privately educated mostly want the same for their children.

MN and the generalisations. My brother went to a prestigious private boarding school. He left with terrible A levels, was 5-6 stone heavier than when he got there, endured racist abuse and was depressed. This was 20 yrs ago. When we have conversations now about school he always says he wishes he was never moved from his previous school.

My private school was better with the pastoral care side of things but even as a teen I could tell that the teaching was just OK and inspite of smaller class sizes the exam results were not excellent across the board. I am a yr older than DB. I have not been blown away by either of our experiences. So it's state primary for us for now.

New money seem to be the only ones who bother with boarding now. Many who boarded in 70’s and 80’s steer clear for obvious reasons.

In every case, it depends on the school.

You get posher contemporaries at private school and hang out with people who then invite you to do work experience at their family newspaper/bank/farm/hospital etc

All the posters who have posted, what exactly are the benefits, that a loving invested parent couldn't provide at a decent state school.
Once they get to uni, graduated, the more linked parents might be able to get their child a better placement. But if a state child is that bright, that determined, then the state child will hopefully probably get to where they want eventually, no?

Yes I think there are studies showing the most important factor in attainment is parental involvement. Choice of school is secondary to this as surprisingly is child’s IQ.

One of the things that put me off private was first hand experiences of friends. It felt little better than 50/50 between it was great/ it was a traumatic experience.
Lots of stories about bullying, missed dyslexia etc. It’s the same for outcome. 50/50 did really well or really bombed into a life with a lot of problems.
Looking from the outside it seemed a gamble, high stakes and high reward but risks in a system far more opaque. Two of my closest friends blame their substantial mental health needs on elite schools.

It wasn’t invented by Nancy Mitford.
It was originally coined by Alan Ross, professor of linguistics at Birmingham university.
Nancy Mitford then wrote about it.

I was privately educated throughout. My kids did a mixture of state and private primary, state years 7-11 and a mix of state and private for 6th form

The only advantage to the private school was the extra curricular which the state school couldn’t match. The state school instilled the values of kindness and compassion as a core principle and Charity giving back to the community in a way the private school didn’t. Not to say they didn’t excourage that but it wasn’t their focus.

Academically the state school was easily as good as most private schools and they got the best out of the children regardless of ability

The 2 who have left have done to RG unis and the eldest is in an incredible job alongside lots of public school people and more than holding their own.

Financially private school is completely affordable we just chose the best at the time.

What has made the difference I’m afraid is connections that both of our families and friends have. We’ve known how to navigate systems, make introductions for work experience, help with CV’s, set up interviews etc and our kids are making those connections too. We can also afford for them to get their foot in the door and support them if necessary whilst they’re on a low salary so they don’t have to worry about not being able to take a job which starts off low or as an intern

There's been two scandals at private schools locally to me involving sexual abuse. It seems to be prolific and brushed under the carpet in a way that simply wouldn't happen in a state school. Very concerning.

This thread is a wake up call for any parent considering private. It's a resounding no from the vast majority of former pupils.

Both DH and I were privately educated (and all our parents went to state schools). No plans to send our own DCs to private school. To be honest, it was the most miserable seven years of my life. Yes, I had access to excellent facilities and received a high standard of education, but if you didn't fit in to the very narrow mentality / lifestyle / world of the other students, then you were very ostracised and bullied. I would much rather my children went to a bigger school with more diversity, so they can find their people. That would certainly have set me up for life better and sent me out into the world with much more confidence.

My daughter had a private EYFS/KS1 education as where we lived the state schools offered, had poor Ofsted ratings and when we visited we just didn’t feel they were the right choice BUT; when we moved house and counties we discovered a number of outstanding state schools on our doorstep and we were spoilt for choice.

Maybe it’s where we live and the schools we chose but she’s doing better academically than her cousins educated privately.

I agree, I went to both and a lot of what is said about private schools on here I just don't recognise. We didn't have a swimming pool or stables, we finished at 3.15, never had class sizes less that 26 and no class ever had a TA. The big, big difference was the behaviour. There was almost no low level disruption and when there was it was often policed by the kids in the class. My comprehensive educated husband cannot believe me that there was no social stigma attached to high achievement and that the popular kids were often highly academic. He talks about his time at school as somewhere unsafe, where he was in edge. I know not all state schools are like that but so much of the quality state education is already 'paywalled' behind outrageous house prices that I don't know how morally different private really is. Interestingly my spouse would be more keen on sending our kids private than I am.

Too many variables. Where I live, local primary is an important part of village life and the sixth form college is very good. The value of private education is only really apparent age 11-16 and, even then, it is largely about avoiding the local secondary school, rather than anything else. Teachers have the same training and deliver the same curriculum in state and private schools.

You're right private schools kids do benefit from way more than academics and better facilities - what you're paying for is the social coding that allows your kid to waltz into a workplace, university or other setting with an air of confidence and belonging. You're paying for connections and exposure to other families, other professions, other better classier, wealthier social circles.

Basically what you're paying for is unearned privilege. It's ugly and unethical but thank you for owning it.

I think it really is the right child for the right school.

Private schools are brilliant for delegating parenting to. They will look after your child from 8am until 5:30pm, make sure they study, do sport and engage in co-curricular activities.

They are also brilliant at supporting kids who are failing. They have the staffing to look through exercise books, make pupils come back and repeat tests at lunchtime, have clinics for those struggling etc etc.

They also get fantastic ‘added value’. With the exception of a few pupils, they really do get the best grades possible for the pupils. If parents are honest, that is really what they pay 30k per annum for.

So, what’s not to like?

The downside of this is that schools are very focused on results (though they claim not to be) so often pupils know perfectly the 5 mark answer to a GCSE question, but it is just a script that they have learned, the knowledge is paper thin. In addition, they are so well supported, they often don’t do anything other than what their teacher tells them, which becomes a real issue at A levels.

And resilience? This is so often spoken about but it is probably the biggest joking point in private school staff rooms (or the lack of resilience is). The (large) marketing departments put out wonderful pictures of ‘trip weeks’ and ‘DOE’ but, fail a test, and pupils and parents will be straight on to the school about how the school and teacher is failing their child. And, if home life is difficult, pupils will be forgiven prep.

Don’t get me wrong, if my children started struggling in their (decent) comprehensive, I would look to move them to a private school for the support. But, as long as they don’t need it, I think that they will emerge tougher, more balanced and better rounded from their state education.

I was privately educated from 4 to 18. No way I'll be doing that with my daughter (not that I'd be able to afford to, anyway!).

I'm not sure it really is that valuable. I went to a private school, but when I went to university it really gave me no advantages over my fellow students either then or subsequently. There was a certain public school type at university who was superficially confident, and I guess it might have given them connections which were advantageous when getting jobs, but that related only to quite a limited pool of people.

How did your parents decide? Was it a coin flip or based on academic performance? Also which of the 4 siblings went on to be the highest earner and which of you the happiest?

As i said I went to private school. My dc go to state schools. I wouldn't bother with private for them. I have never had a job that wasn't basic admin or receptionist type roles. Despite my private education, I had a pretty shitty upbringing in many ways and private school wasn't enough to cancel that out. I know so many people who went to state schools and are very successful, much more so than me. The teaching in my DC's schools is of an excellent standard. The only thing I'd be paying extra for is probably better facilities, smaller classes and extra curricular stuff. These things are preferable but I don't think they're worth £15k a year plus.

My SIL sent both her sons to a private school in Hull.They are both arrogant wankers but I can't see that it's given them anything else. Buckets of superiority with absolutely no substance.She wanted them to avoid having Hull accents. Since she and her husband possess the strongest of Hull accents that was unlikely to work. Neither son has managed to achieve anything that they couldn't have achieved at the very worst of sink schools.

I'd also add that I know many private school types who live in total bubbles of privilege....they cannot even imagine that people live different lives to them. They are totally unaware. It's a dreadful trait

Yup but 24 k after tax is still an eye watering amount of money to find. For lots of people that's their entire take home pay (median wage 29k and average 34k before tax)..
That's how removed done private school parents are you see endless claims about how we're not all rich and we're normal we just prioritise education. But not one 'normal' or average can afford it.
We could if we wanted to but I really don't want it for my kids and I see it as a poor use of our money.
Even in day schools the kids are there much longer hours, there is often Saturday school or sports and additional clubs etc. My observation is that lots of kids end up Flexi boarding too. My two are home by 3.20 every day. Family, friends and out of school activities get equal air time and influence.
By way of illustrative example of what I was trying to say. Our hockey club is dominated by private school families (not surprised state schools don't often have the pitches/coaches/time to play). I've noticed by 6th form the state school kids that do play after also splitting their commitment to the club with paid work/volunteering. But the private pupils not so much (I mean the the obligatory bit for DofE but....). Now it's self selective because in all the kids this is a group that have committed to a sport from around 12, so they are all motivated. But one have been bought into the club via their private school coach, the other has sought it out. The first cohort- several cycling to practice, catching lifts to games etc. They seem very 'eyes on the prize'... Get the grades, get the experience, get the uni place etc. The other group have benefitted from the 'glass floor' effect. It's significantly easier for them, they are eased into opportunities to succeed. Some of them might well develop the self awareness to understand that their success isn't all about their brilliant talents/abilities but also about incredible levels of smoothing the path...but lots won't. They are all lovely talented kids, just with varying levels of experience and insight.
Out the other end that lack of insight makes for pretty poor managers and leaders, over confident, slightly blind to weak spots, not very reflective learners. They can't work out why their usual way of doing stuff isn't getting the results. Some then learn, but in too many areas they fail upwards. We have a massive problem with productivity and their is a growing evidence pointing to poor leadership and management being a significant factor in both the private and public sector. Then you look at the percentage of chief execs and C suite who are privately school educated...Or you know half the cabinet and at least 3 former prime ministers. Forget political leaning just competence... Absolute sea of averageness and no clue how bloody average they are ....

Having been to private school I have made the choice not to send my children to private school. Yes private school can provide opportunities state school might not, there is a wider subject range to choose from, often better facilities etc, but it also isn’t representative of the real world. Fortunately I’m able to communicate with everyone but I know of people who went to private who are very up themselves, haven’t advanced far in their careers and are socially unequipped to deal with anyone in society who isn’t a stereotypical “private school type”. I’d rather bring my children up attending state school, socially aware and well rounded but given extra opportunities outside of school according to their strengths and interests.

I didn't go to private school. I left school at 15 with few qualifications. The father of my children hardly attended school. Despite this, and despite being working class, we sent our children to private school. Mainly because it was the nearest school and we could afford it. But I'm so glad we did.

It was working in the state system that made me realise how much I valued my children being at a private school.