To think unless you’ve been to private school you don’t really understand why it’s so valuable?

[huopp]

I have so many people telling me the state system is fine, a private school just has better facilities, that the teachers aren’t any better, that the extra curricular stuff can be done after school at a state school but at a different venue etc etc…

whilst all the above is true, it isn’t what makes a private education valuable? And that you have to actually have lived it, been to one, to get the whole experience it gives you across the board and not just academically?

i think this is why a lot of people with ‘new money’ don’t always spend it on school fees. In contrast those who have been privately educated mostly want the same for their children.

That’s so sad

Me and my sister have two cousins the same age. Our cousins went to private and we went to state. All fairly similar paths through life - I was in my cousin’s class at law school - and ended up with similar level jobs/homes in similar areas.

But my brother and I had nicer experiences growing up like 2 foreign holidays a year and a bigger house as my aunt and uncle didn’t have as much disposable income after school fees and other expenses. Also my parents were able to save more to help us out with house deposits etc.

@PrimaDoner Yes it is sad. And my point upthread was that most of the other parents don’t realise it’s sad because they don’t recognise what it could/should be like (and, in many cases, was like in the past).

We’re very lucky in that we have to means to move and seek better provision elsewhere. But I hate that we’re having to plan a cynical move to a leafier middle class enclave with ‘naice’ parents in order to achieve that, when it should be available to everyone.

In the meantime I’m doing what I can to ensure that DD’s current school hangs on to the bits of creativity/arts-based education it does have left.

Which newspaper is this one going in @huopp ?

Unless you went to a sink estate school and breezed past the privately schooled to an Oxford First and a professional career, you’ll never quite grasp how much of private education involves artificially inflating the attainment of the sub-average in capacity.

But you do you, obviously.

I went to private school. It was ok. Probably not worth the money. I've never managed to forge a career. I'd have preferred my parents to save the money and have a better lifestyle.

My parents are private school educated and are 'old money', if we're using your terminology. My sister and I went to state schools (mine in a very rough inner city area). We both did well - I think you get out of education what you put into it. We also learned a lot of life skills that I feel a more sheltered private school wouldn't prepare you for. I could send my children privately, but haven't and won't. I see no need - they're all thriving and have plenty of support both at home and at school. They have a fantastic range of friends, some of whom are upper/middle class and some who aren't. They're all brilliant kids and will all do well as they've got a good work ethic and are lovely people.

My dh went to Westminster school in London. I went to a shitty secondary school and got zero GCSEs.

I've started and run 4 businesses. DH has worked mostly minimum wage jobs.

Private school isn't what it's cracked up to be.

DH and I are both privately educated. As a result, we choose to send our children to a state school, and they are happy and thriving. They are also getting experiences a private school would never offer, and I think this is incredibly important to them for the rest of their lives.

My siblings and I all went to a private senior school. They both loved it and thrived, I hated it and after being hospitalised for anorexia at 15 I moved to the local state sixth form which I found a lot nicer. I'd never send my children to private school.

I know some private school parents refuse to accept this, but it really is the grades that get you in Uni.
Yes, you are more likely to have 'the grades' if you go to a selective private school/have tutoring etc. Of course you are. You have already been through a selective process.
But state school pupils also go to top Universities. If they get the grades. Like anyone else.
There really isn't a short cut. 'I got 3 Bs but let me in to 3 A* because I went to a £blahk a year private school' doesn't work.
Of course, there are contextual offers for all.....

To add, it amazes me that people who are so concerned about University and post-graduate opportunities for their children are not paying more attention to that sector, rather than focusing on private education.

Some people do better in private, some with thrive no matter where you put them.

My DB went to private school. My parents scrimped and saved to send him as he really needed it. He was set to attend the local state school (a few years after me) with a bunch of kids who would frankly have had him smoking behind the bike sheds and not making much of himself. I went to the same school (7 years older than him) but was much more headstrong and not easily led and I did fine in state education.

That school absolutely made him, it's plain to see and he openly admits it. He now lives abroad, is incredibly successful and has really made something of his life. He is very modest but told me a couple of years ago that his net worth had passed £100m (He only told me because he was updating his will and living power of attorney, and DSIS and I are the executors as he is unmarried and has no kids). He laid it all out what he has and where it is etc... I nearly passed out!

100% were it not for that school he would not have that success.

I've read this full thread and all it tells me is that parents generally want to do the best by their children.

That each parent has a different view of what 'the best' is, influenced by their own experiences and politics.

What I don't really understand is why parents have such strongly unpleasant views of other people's choices. We are all trying to achieve the same outcomes for our dcs.

My ex husband was privately educated- he is exceptionally intelligent. I match him quite easily, despite being state educated.

What makes me chuckle about him being privately educated is that, because he was being educated as such, his younger brother was too. However their mum knew what was what and sent the younger, less bright sibling, to a less prestigious private school.

My former brother in law is eaten up with jealousy to this day.

You are talking about boarding schools, which are a smaller subset of private schools. Most UK parents who use the independent sector use private day schools, not boarding, where the children come home every day, just like normal state school. For those, it is about £24,000 a year in fees.

This discussion is mainly irrelevant to the 93% of us who didn't/don't use private schools.

But we do understand the false confidence it breeds & the disaster this has been for the country recently.

May we be spared more of this, please.

Sorry, but how is this relevant?

Tell me you’re a snob and extremely closed-minded without telling me you’re a snob and extremely closed-minded.

I’m glad I went to a state comprehensive with my fellow ill-mannered plebs. With my crooked (clip on) tie and scuffed shoes. And not forgetting the lads with the shaved heads. You know, as hair length and intelligence goes hand in hand, doesn’t it?

Of course though, that means I’m uneducated. Despite having a degree and working in PMO. One of my fellow state school pleb classmates is now a University lecturer with a doctorate in psychology. There’s also medical doctors, a veterinary nurse, members of the armed forces, a queens guard, a dentist, hospital matron and multiple business owners just to name a few from my school year.

But hey, who wants to live like common people?

I was very expensively privately educated in senior school. The kindest school was my state primary. The best hope kids have is warm loving and supportive parents. That would have been far more valuable than my years at a well known fee paying school.

I went to private day, boarding school and grammar.I found the ethos and facilities very similar, but the grammar school had (by definition) a much smarter intake, and the academic standards and expectations were much higher.I have never attended a comprehensive but have been round loads of schools of schools of all types when my kids were applying and really can't see any obvious difference in facilities
I would never send my own child to a boarding school because it is a bully or be bullied environment.That isn't because of a failing of the school, it is the nature of children that age being together 24/7.

As an example Ampleforth college (£50 k per year) was ,a few years ago, ordered by the government to stop admitting pupils following evidence of decades of safeguarding failings including serious sexual abuse

I went to private school (not a super expensive one). My DH went to state school. He studied a wider breadth of subjects and state school had much better facilities than my private school. My own children have attended a mix of private and public schools, depending what school suited their needs best.