To think unless you’ve been to private school you don’t really understand why it’s so valuable?

[huopp]

I have so many people telling me the state system is fine, a private school just has better facilities, that the teachers aren’t any better, that the extra curricular stuff can be done after school at a state school but at a different venue etc etc…

whilst all the above is true, it isn’t what makes a private education valuable? And that you have to actually have lived it, been to one, to get the whole experience it gives you across the board and not just academically?

i think this is why a lot of people with ‘new money’ don’t always spend it on school fees. In contrast those who have been privately educated mostly want the same for their children.

I live in SE and about 70% of the people here speak with an RP accent. If that's a sign of being posh and privileged you've massively over estimated how many people went to private school. No wonder you feel there's such a divide. Even back in the 50's people used to have a telephone voice.

You can't tell anything about someone from their voice alone.

Haven’t RTFT (will do later) but first thought is that yes I do agree to a point but it depends on the schools involved and your own educational priorities.

I didn’t actually attend private school myself, but I DP and I were lucky enough to experience an excellent education at a super selective grammar, which I credit for inspiring me academically and massively broadening my horizons. We both loved school and now have similarly high expectations for our own DD, which I don’t think are shared by all or even many of the parents at the primary we currently attend.

The Arts in general and music in particular are particular priorities for us, and I can certainly see that DD’s school is somewhat lacking in this regard compared to what we aspire to. We recently attended a very mediocre ‘Summer Show’ there, where the kids basically sang along to pop backing tracks, interspersed with a few poorly chosen solos and a bit of squawking on the recorder. Most of the other parents loved it, whereas DP and sat there comparing it to what we experienced and what our friends’ DC at various private schools experience now.

We can’t really comfortably afford private school ourselves, but we plan to move in a year or so to a more solidly middle-class area where DD can access at least an approximation of what we had education-wise.

Being called Rupert is hardly aspirational 😂😂😂

Are you confusing private schools with grammar?
Plenty of not very bright kids at private schools.
Plenty of very wealthy kids at grammars, which truly are selective.

So OP after in excess of 125 posts, you’ve not responded to any questions. Wtf did you post initially?

And no child of any name deserves your condescension.

What kind of state school did you go to?

I went to state, large, comprehensive. I had a tutor for 2 years, I had him for history the third year, he had no idea who I was. I was well behaved, fairly intelligent but not high flyer and from the estate, so low expectations and judgements I swore my kids would never be that 'invisible' in school. Mine all went at various points from state into independents through scholarship/ bursaries. I think they all did better academically than they would have but as adults they are fairly average in jobs.

YABVVU

I went to a private school. DH went to a sh*tty comprehensive. My kid went to a great comprehensive.

I genuinely think my son got better teaching at his comprehensive than I got at my private school.

He's better adjusted, more mature and a more independent learner than I was at his age.

DH has got a PHd and earns 4 x what I earn.

I'm so proud of having a son who's done as well as kids at private school without the leg up of an unearned massive cash injection into their education.

Oh, and just to add that it isn’t that the parents at DD’s current primary don’t care about what opportunities their kids are able to access in school - parents are broadly supportive and it’s actually a reasonably high attaining school by all the usual measures, which does well by its mixed intake. It’s more that many of them genuinely have no idea about what’s on offer in the private sector (or even leafier, pushier state schools) so they can’t make the comparison.

DH went to prep then on to a very highly regarded private school.

We both agree that it can boost an otherwise average child to a somewhat better academic outcome but you can achieve the same with some private tutoring.

Many of the positive effects people attribute to a private school aren't the school itself's doing, but are more about intake, family resources & engagement.

• lots are to some degree selective. You'll have few childen with major behavioural issues, learning disabilities or lower iq.
• the parents have chosen to commit a lot of resource to education so they value it and will support learning and school policies.
• the children will typically have greater exposure to enriching and enabling hobbies - music lessons, good quality sports tuition, dance, drama etc. Less time to spend on youtube & tiktok.
• the children will typically have greater resources at home. Better nutrition, lots of books, stimulating board games, bikes, scooters and sports equipment.
• the families are more likely to provide for travel to improve language learning opportunities
• tutoring is not unusual!

"Most of the other parents loved it, whereas DP and sat there comparing it to what we experienced and what our friends’ DC at various private schools experience now"

Music tuition costs between £20 and £40 an hour. A cost repeated week after week, year after year to get a child proficient in an instrument. Plus the cost of the instrument. There were only a handful of middle class kids at my dc's primary school (which had a seriously deprived intake) who were proficient in an instrument, though there were some cracking singers.

His comprehensive had more middle class kids and a great music department. School concerts were epic. So many gifted kids.

There is an element of "valuable" which comes from private education - a form of confidence that comes from public speaking exams, debate society from lower juniors and a wide choice of extra curricular activities.

Those things can be found or bought in the state system where the parents are invested enough to find it. If not within the school itself, within a wider community - music charities, clubs etc.

We can afford private but chose not to send our children there - out of choice. Not all children in the state system are there because their parents can't afford private.

And yes, private school kids do have a "network". But as someone who has worked in the City and in a professional environment, and socialise with a cohort that sends their kids exclusively private (all of us state educated ourselves), I'm not concerned my children don't have the ability to make that network.

.

But surely it actually the case that unless you've been to both, you can't make a reasonable comparison?

And that's assuming that all private schools are equal, and all state schools are equal, which they aren't.

Going to a private school (which I did) doesn't give you insight into anything beyond what it's like to go to that private school.

My children go to Private school.
They are both academically achieving well so would do well at either state or private.

However we view it as going business or economy. Same destination, different journey. Plus they'd only spend the money on a Ferrari or something when they eventually inherit.

My husband and I are 'new money' I went to an inner city state at the time and ended up earning very well despite going, not because of it. My husband went to his local state comprehensive and has out earned and out qualified all of his peers. We both had a horrid experience as we were the geeks. Nowadays, as this thread and so many others have demonstrated on this thread it is not cool to be aspiring, or want more, or want better.

I sit on a few state governing/academy trust boards because ALL children deserve to have an education like that which is given at Private school. However all I see are people that want children to be brought down. Private schools tell us that education can be better and should be better. That if children and families are supported then they can achieve. State education is not good enough in most cases for my children, or yours.

But unfortunately most people see it differently and don't want that for their own children. Or anyone else's.

I wish I'd gone to Private as I can blatantly pick out those around the boardroom who have and those like me who haven't. They speak well, know how to use influence and charm to get their point across effortlessly. They have a sense of entitlement and self worth. That's what I want for my children and I won't apologise for it. I'm happy to pay my taxes and contribute to society as well.

I went to private school as did my sister. No way are we sending our kids to private schools after a fairly traumatic experience for us both.

So no response OP?

Not impressed and can’t take your initial post seriously

I think it depends on the child and the school - I think the London private school are generally better than state schools in terms of education, however, there are lots of people enrolled who don't have to work or get a career. This attitude can rub of children who do not have this privilege.

I was privately educated. My children are not. Dd is doing FAR better in her state school than she would at any of the private schools near me, she is thriving, doing really well academically and puts quite enough pressure on herself without the added peer and institutional pressure of a private school. She also has excellent teachers who value her and her desire to learn. There are significant behavioural challenges around her but she has learnt to steer clear and deal with it.

I think geographical area may play a factor. For example, I am inclined to think that most of private primary schools in Camden and surrounding offer a better education than state schools. However, I am not convinced that the private secondary school offer better education that the grammars such Queen Elizabeth's School, The Henrietta Barnett School, The Latymer School, St Michael's Catholic Grammar School etc. They may offer better extra curricular etc but I noticed that that grammars tend to study two languages, all three sciences etc. Most top school are selective, so much of the results and outcomes are down to selection.

A kind of bog standard average one in the 90's. Not the best in the area nor the worst in the area.

At the time her private school was one of the top performing in the country. (It was highly selective)

We are all happy where we have ended up, that's the most important thing.

"whilst all the above is true, it isn’t what makes a private education valuable? "

Really, a private education is a waste of money, if the recipient still ends a statement with a question mark.

I was private school educated from age 4 to 18. My children are state school educated, as are every single one of my friends went to school with. I'm afraid I see very little value for the money.

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