To think unless you’ve been to private school you don’t really understand why it’s so valuable?

[huopp]

I have so many people telling me the state system is fine, a private school just has better facilities, that the teachers aren’t any better, that the extra curricular stuff can be done after school at a state school but at a different venue etc etc…

whilst all the above is true, it isn’t what makes a private education valuable? And that you have to actually have lived it, been to one, to get the whole experience it gives you across the board and not just academically?

i think this is why a lot of people with ‘new money’ don’t always spend it on school fees. In contrast those who have been privately educated mostly want the same for their children.

Having been to an independent giris school myself (secondary only), I knew she would get more support and more understanding in a small giris prep and it's working well.

I was independently educated. I have no idea what it is like to attend my local comprehensive school. I could tell you the positives and negatives of the individual schools I attended, but not much else. All children and young people deserve an excellent education that meets their needs. I wish we could provide that in this country.

I think this is a misunderstanding. My parents could have afforded to send me to private school but chose not to because of their political beliefs.
We could afford to send our child to private school (at a push) but didn't/wouldn't because of our political beliefs.
My state school education in the 80s and 90s was patchy. My DD's state school education has been bloody amazing. I feel incredibly lucky and don't for a moment wish we had gone private.
No spite. No jealousy. We're very happy with our choices.

I get you. I would send my kids to private school but only if I could afford it - which I can’t. I personally see the benefits as being quite holistic - and alot if it is probably connected to the “social status” that you have access to in a way that you may not in state school and I can imagine the whole system is different and maybe more tailored?

It’s a guess - tell me if I’m right OP.

Not all state schools are the same though. Whilst there is a high expectation if you send your child to a private school or even a grammar school, state schools are a mixed bag.

This is so condescending. Even state educated povs are aware that education is about more than academics.

And OP - by talking about "new money" you come across as the stereotypical private school snob.

You phrase things so well. This was my thought that I couldn’t articulate

What I can’t really understand is why so many people have such strong opinions on how other people choose to educate their child. Surely everyone does what’s best for their own child. Does it matter what everyone else is doing? If you’re happy with your choice, that’s all that matters. Saying “I’d never choose private because they’re full of entitled brats” isn’t any more acceptable than making derogatory sweeping statements about state pupils.

I have two male cousins who went to Eton. Neither are particularly intelligent or talented but developed charm and confidence with excellent social and networking skills to land themselves brilliant jobs. Needed as their family is ‘old’ money and not mega rich.

Although they have family connections which benefitted them greatly, I doubt they would have achieved as much had they attended the local comp.

I was privately educated at the tax payers expense. The quality of teaching was awful and the pastoral care was non-existent. But the vast majority of other students had huge houses with swimming pools so the parties in sixth form were great. Private education guarantees social exclusivity (or mostly it does!) but thats about all. There are some brilliant private schools and some absolutely awful ones, same as state system.

Best post on the thread by far.

I think you must be lying about your education, the state system surely couldn't produce someone so shrewd and eloquent.

My Mum went to private school as did both of her siblings.
Myself, siblings and my cousins were the first generation in our family to go to state school (not even grammar). None of our parents have every regretted this and have stood by their decisions including when there parents offered to pay the fees.
We are surrounded by good state schools so it didn't even cross my mind to send my own children to private school. They do have private tutoring though and overall have a pretty good lifestyle. My parents have put money aside to help them in other parts of their lives.

Even state educated povs are aware that education is about more than academics.

That isn’t always true. These threads, including this one, are always full of comments like “private school didn’t help as my state educated children got the same exam results as their private friends”, or “it’s a waste of money because I know state educated children with the same jobs as state educated pupils”

by talking about "new money" you come across as the stereotypical private school snob

I agree with this.

I think some people would sleep a lot more peacefully if they just said they want their kids to have a headstart in life by mixing with the 'right' sort of people - in this way they'll either acquire the skills to be able to paddle their own canoe or at least have accrued a few friends whose canoes they can ride in.

I am private school educated at a really good school. Both my dc are/will be state school educated (decent state schools admittedly). I don’t think private really offered more value than my dc get. My DS has had more experiences (mostly via scouts) than I had had at his age (12). It didn’t particularly make me super confident or well rounded etc. I did well academically but probably could have achieved that elsewhere and it hasn’t (currently!) translated into a lucrative career.

I’ve also seen DC of family members go through private school more recently (a range of schools but all very “good”) and some of their experiences have made me more sure I’m happy with state schools for mine. I just don’t think the value is there. The only one is one DC who had a few issues and they’ve chosen a very practical private school. I think they’re really happy with their choice.

I’d say the opposite @huopp . People who haven’t had first hand experience of private school tend to assign it more value than it merits.

I did this, and in my experience the public and private school kids were better talkers but really struggled with the written work as they'd had their hands held so much through A levels. This was one step down from Oxbridge (as in we'd all been rejected after interview).

I suppose in professions where blagging it is a key skill (investment banking, Tory politics) they'll have done quite well but I'd rather raise a child with integrity and compassion.

No not true at all.

My two best friends were privately educated and both have chosen our local state school over private. As was my Aunt and my cousins didn't go the private route either.

You can't make generalisations about it because there are excellent state schools and not particularly good private ones.

I genuinely do not believe our nearest private school could offer my children anything that their current school doesn't and that includes class sizes and range of subjects on offer.

I went to private (boarding) secondary
My job involves visiting state and a few private schools
My kids go to state and have been well educated. I never saw any better teaching in private, tbh. and lots of less good, less inventive, less engaging teaching because teachers could be dull and get away with it.

The value to every person will be different.
My brother went to selective private secondary school due to being badly bullied at state school.
I got into a selective private secondary but chose not to go.
Probably equal ish in terms of intelligence.
I came out with 9 A's/A* at GCSE and 4 A at A level. He got a mix of B's and C's at both. In many ways I think my teachers were better than his as a larger school and more specialists. Although it was nearly closed down by ofsted 3 times whilst I was there due to poor performance.
But he had wider experiences, for his PE, he did sailing, climbing, water polo and flying lessons. I did hockey with broken sticks.
He needed a really nuturing small class directed approach, I needed the independence to do what I needed to succeed, I think I would have found private school oppressive.

There is no better school, only the best school for your child based on their personality, learning style and preferences

My sister was an absolute PITA when we were growing up and she was at the private school.(Another one there on the tax payer).

She's okay now, and has been a state school teacher for the past 24 years.

😂

The OP has disappeared, so probably not worth responding. For what it's worth, I went to private school and would have done much better in a state school.

You probably need to have recent experience of both to make a judgement.

But one big issue is state schools vary hugely from each other as do private schools.

Would you know what going to a tiny rural church school infants was like v a large urban primary v a prep for public school.

I was state educated, my DS has just finish school, private. The difference, very little, but I was educated 50 years ago in a comp that had recently been converted from a grammar. The years were streamed and the streams were noticeably segregated. Staff were very wary of the new system and so the group of kids who would have been grammar educated had massive advantages. It was also a very middle class intake.
The reason we chose private was that the feel of the school was right. We needed wrap around care and the primary school was very sporty and outdoors so a brilliant match also our local village school teach in combined year classes which I was uncomfortable with. In addition DS would have been in a cohort that was very girl heavy. The private school was the opposite.
I cannot compare the two systems since my experience of state was light years away from today’s state. But how DS’s school performed during the pandemic was worth every penny. One of my work colleagues DD is in the same school year and comparing her experience with DS’s was like chalk and cheese and her school was one of the better local state schools.

I went to both. I’d never send my kids to a state school.