Convince me to not homeschool..?

[TawnyT]

Hello MN. I think we're going to homeschool my DD.

DD is 2 now. DP and I both work currently and she's in nursery 4 days a week (I work PT). We jointly earn about 150k and would loose a third of that if/when I quit work to homeschool. Based on our current ongoings its financially feasible.

I just don't think our school system quite cuts it anymore. Not sure it was ever great really, but the attendance crisis, increase in bad behaviour and decrease the number and quality of teachers, the introduction of questionable 3rd party teaching material, increased focus on exam results, and generally bad reports from teachers/sudents on their current school experience... has me thinking there might be a better way to do things.

We're considering homeschooling and potentially travelling a bit (DP can work from anywhere). We would enrol in a local homeschool programme while in the UK (there's lots in our area) to cover the social aspect and provide a bit of structure to work to. DP and I currently work from home so we know we can spend a lot of time together quite comfortably and are good at instilling a work-like structure at home. We'd let DD have input on what to learn and when, and give the option of traditional schooling if she wated to...

It feels like a massive step though, and so against the norm. So I'd love to get other views and opinions... has anyone homeschooled and loved it? Hated it? Why? What worked, what didn't work? Anything I haven't thought about? Anyone having a great experience with schools (as a parent or teacher) and think I should reconsider?

I would look carefully at your local schools. Not all are bad and some are great. In England we tend to do Primary much better than secondary and there are a lot of really good, nurturing primary schools.
On your salary could you look at private schools?

We homeschool! I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way, yes it requires alot of time, dedication and input- but you sound like you have thought it through well. And the cost as you have to buy evverrryyythhiingggg yourself. But for us the pros so outweigh the cons. There’s just too much to write here but if you have specific questions fire away!

I'm not sure why you want people to convince you not to do it. It sounds like a good fit for your family.

There's a book on Amazon called Homeschooling 101 or something like that, packed full of info about how to set it up, it's the only one I've seen that's written about UK homeschooling. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Homeschooling-101-homeschool-your-child/dp/B08S2Y1FVG/

I don't think anyone can tell you either way, or even with their own experiences.

Its so dependent on your family, your children as individuals, access to activities and support in your area and also the schools in your area as they are can be so different even in the students attending.

I think research all the schools available, look into how you would provide schooling ect if you were to homeschool and then decide as a family. If your child/children doesnt take to one option then look at enrolling or homeschooling based on them.

no one can tell you which way to go - it’s a massive decision and life style change. The only thing I would say is that I wouldn’t read the threads on here and get carried away with what state schools are like - many children do enjoy and thrive in them. You could also consider private if you can afford to lose that amount of income. Home school is equally valid if it works for you all.

I think people will answer based on their own opinions so not much help to you? It would be my absolute worst nightmare although I agree that state schools (not all) are facing some challenges. We're on an income not dissimilar to you and are moving DS to private school in August (currently in state) and DD at a later date. To me that seems the logical 'next step' for you if you're not happy with the state offering. If you're happy to give up your salary to homeschool, you can give up your salary to pay school fees.

We are homeschooling now or maybe the more accurate term is free schooling. We didn’t set out to do it but have an autistic DD & she couldn’t cope at primary school. We really liked the school though, as others say there are lots of great schools. I do think there are so many advantages to home schooling now & more & more people are embracing it. You can join local groups & make it really sociable.

I home school as we had no choice. It's the best thing for my ds and he's doing exceptionally well. However it's a huge amount of work. You really need to consider your options very carefully. I'd look at a number of schools to get a feel for them. I'd also join some home Ed groups and have a good look at resources etc.

Best thing to do if you are considering is to start 'homeschooling' now or at least from age 3 by joining the home ed groups and meeting other families.

You don't have to make a forever decision with either school or home education, loads of people do one and then switch.

No one can persuade you not to do or not, you simply have to make your own choice on this.

Thank you for the responses so far! I'm definitely not looking for anyone to make the decision for me (Sorry title may be insinuating that a little) but as its stepping into the unknown a bit I do really value others opinions and experiences on the matter.

Private school has been discussed, still something I'm looking at. Definitely a good point on actually looking at and researching our local schools, I'm aware it's generally only the bad experiences that get shouted about and the people having good experiences don't feel the need to tell everyone, so maybe my view of school atm is a little skewed.

I'm actually feeling quite excited about the prospect of homeschooling, thinking what an awesome challenge it could be and I could learn so much too. But super aware that my excitement might be clouding the actual reality of things...

@Whatsthestorynow @Strictlymad
Do you follow a curriculum or just go at your child's pace?
Did you leave work/a career to homeschool? Do you find homeschooling suitably challenging/engaging/rewarding in comparison to work?

@Strictlymad I hadn't thought of all the stuff I'd need to buy...! What's been your biggest/best/worst investments?

Hello OP, no we don’t follow the curriculum at the moment. Our DD was 5 when she stopped school (year 1) as she was in burn out (autism). We’ve been giving her time to come out of it & we are following her interests mainly. We did try tutors & a forest school group but it was too early for her.
In terms of work I had actually stopped working anyway due to a medical condition. I do miss working to be honest as I used to work part- time & I think a balance was good. For us because DD isn’t really keen to engage with others at the moment it can be quite intense. But I know for other home schooling families they arrange a lot of different activities to break things up. We are planning to move closer to my family to make it easier & to provide more opportunities to socialise for DD. I think it’s ideal if it can be shared with your DP so it doesn’t all fall on you.

I think you really need to centre your child in this... and 2 is really incredibly young to decide what they individually need. I have experience of home schooling, state and private. One child absolutely loves school and HE would have been a disaster for them. I actually put them into a small school to begin with as loved the idea of a small nurturing community but they hated it and thrived at a huge busy school (one that I had been quite anti before!). Another who is at home and very self-directed but might go back into school for 6th form.

It might be better to find and visit schools (both state and private) that might share your ethos and move nearer to them, start school and see how the first couple of years turn out. I do worry that too many EHE families don't make an informed decision about what might suit an individual child, but instead a decision (often philosophical) about what the adult wants. I've met EHE children who have no experience of school but think they are all bad, scary places as this is the only narrative they have heard.

Massive Commitment to be able to teach a child what's needed IMO without any help or support in reality. Just know what you're signing up to first and do extensive research

Fine, but be aware it takes most of your day and you won’t be getting the child free breaks that some parents need.
And if you will be giving up your job to be dependent on DP, how are you planning to protect yourself in the event that you split up? How will you future proof your earning capacity and pension? If you decide to go down this route, the best protection is for you to be married and make sure you agree finances, particularly salary and pension compensation for you.

I’m an ex secondary teacher and a Mum to kids in primary school and I agree with this.

Would DD be and only child or do you have to potentially factor in other children?

I home educated my now adult children. The best advice I can give is to encourage you to research the whole area: legal requirements in your county, different methods of home education, what the community is like in your area (bearing in mind it will be different in 3 years), resources you may need, whether you can afford it (people will tell you it's cheaper than school but groups and resources add up) etc. It only works if it works for the entire family, parents and children and in my experience every year is different.

You need to remember that everything is your responsibility. The biggest frustration when I was home educating was people joining the community without any research and expecting others to organise things for them covering the areas they wanted, on the exact day and times they preferred. This is your choice and your responsibility and if you aren't prepared for the weight of that it can be very hard.

Having said all that I wouldn't change what we did and if it works for you it can be amazing

Keep your child at the centre of this. She may ask you to justify your decisions! (My kids have never been to a normal school, though they have had years in p/t Forest school type settings and home ed groups.) My teen is at college p/t now, p/t HE and my youngest will try secondary at y7. They’re very happy with the decisions we made when they were younger and the level of autonomy they’ve had to choose as they’ve grown.
I’ve loved it, but of course it isn’t about me.

I agree make sure it' what you daughter wants as she gets older. I was homeschooled, as all my siblings were, and I absolutly hated it. I feel I missed out on so much, struggled a lot (and sometimes still do) about being 'different'. I hated going out and about during school time and it being obvious I wasn't in school like everyone else. I had a very limited social circle as there were no other children my age that I clicked with.

I was desperate to go to school once I hit secondary school age, and thrived once I finaly went to collage. However it left my very vulnerable socially, and it has taken a lot of work to work through it all.

It’s easy to think everything is terrible. My grandson has started at a school which a few years ago had a poor ofsted report and it is awesome fantastic!

@Batgin, that’s awful. I’m sorry you went through that.

mine go to school and i can tell you the pros (and the biggest)!

socialisation, - this is huge they are constantly making and breaking friendship groups and learning important life skills

i work, get child free time but i manage to work a job around my children, i have time for ME!! (you wont get that home schooling!)

they are only in 38 weeks a year, its structured and if you are not a teacher i think you are making a huge mistake by not trying school first

i get the anxiety of people starting school with their kids but i am pro school, unless my child was autistic/bullied or really hated school, they go!

i think home schooling is limiting for children for uni/college etc and does not provide enough structure and discipline

I always wanted to home school but my DH said no and I’m so glad I didn’t. There’s a little girl (9) in my sons dance class and she just doesn’t understand all the kids jokes and silly games, she looks so lost and is unable to comment much on what the others children are talking about such as things that happened at school and teachers they dislike! It might be due to personality but she’s too scared to talk to boys, she won’t even look at my son, she’s an only child!

@carly2803 how is HE limiting for uni/college?

wrt socialisation, structure and discipline, these are all very individual: neither school nor HE will be perfect for any child, but these things are achievable for HE families.

I’d start off at school and see how it goes. My children thrived at primary. Now at secondary only one enjoys school but the one that doesn’t would HATE to be home schooled.

It's not that big a deal. There are amazing resources, lots of discounts for home edders now and lots of social groups. You have to be prepared to take the initiative and not mind spending lots of time in waterproofs though. If it doesn't work for you, you can change your mind. If you want that option I would keep up with phonics and maths though - there's nothing wrong with doing it all a bit later as some do but it does mean your child would struggle if you need to put them into school on a hurry.