Parents of summer borns who deferred school entry! Any regrets?

[JL0]

My DC was born on 30 August 2020 and is due to start school in September 2024. My other half and I are on the fence about whether we should defer them to September 2025, but are leaning slightly towards deferral.

The impact of being summer born is well-documented through research (eg lower academic attainment, lower self-esteem). Based on these factors alone, the argument for deferral seems strong.

I'm less clear on the "cons" of deferral. I haven't found any research on this point. Anecdotally, I've heard stories about deferred children struggling emotionally and/or being socially isolated because they're older than their peer group.

Parents of deferred children - do you have any regrets? Have your children struggled emotionally or socially because they are older? Are there any other disadvantages to deferral?

For context, my DC is a pretty "normal" 3 year old. Meets their milestones. Is often shy in new settings. No SEN concerns. Attends preschool 4 days a week.

My friends dughter isn't deferred but her birthday is 2nd september, so she is the oldest, so similar situation if a child whose birthday was end of august was deferred.

She finds it very hard in her class as lot of the kids birthdays aren't until january onwards so she feels much older han most of her class and finds it hard to find friends with sinilar interests, she'w in year 3 now and its getting worse each year. So i would be worried about the social side more than the academic side

We looked into this, DC1 is a July baby and DC2 is pretty much the same age as yours.

Cons I've found of deferring:

• Depending on where you live, you can't really defer, just skip Reception and join Y1, which is crackers given how much they learn in Reception
• As they get older, depending on which sport they might take to, they may be forced to play in their correct age group, so with kids form the year above that they don't know and not be with friends
• Ending up excluded from age limited activities at birthday parties (but they'll get to do other things first!)

Less specific, but my DC are/were at nursery and used to big groups and long days. Chatting to the parents of the September born children in DC1's pre-school, their kids were bored rigid in the last nine months or so. A bit like the isolation you decide, they had no interest in mixing with their peers then, and this continued for about half of Reception.

Now DC2 is in pre-school, she's holding her own with her peers. She's not as good at emotional regulation, but physically she's catching up fast on the skills and so we will also not defer for her either.

I'm aware of the research on summer born children's attainment, but we felt we are intelligent and dedicated parents who (hopefully!) will do all of the right things at home such that our DC have the strongest chance of maximising their potential.

It's a very personal decision, you know your DC best, and whilst no concrete cons as you are asking, we felt on balance it would be best for ours to be in their correct year.

This is odd that most kids bdays are not until Jan? How small is the school? I have 3 dc and all years have kids with bdays September, Oct, December.....a few in each month.

And to answer the posters question, I have seen both sides and it really depends on the child. I will send a private message to let you know my experience with it.

1 form entry each year, so 30 kids per class. Its just a very odd class with such late birthdays, although my daughters class there is only 1 in september, and 3 in october, then no more till January!

It may not be an issue for OPs child if they do decide to defer, but something i hadn't considered as presumed most classes would have a good range of birthdays

Hi op I haven’t deferred but I have 2 kids who are born Aug and Sept. I would definitely say there was a big difference in the first few years of school and my sept baby was at a definite advantage being the oldest in the year in key stage 1. Not just academically but physically too.

deferring wasn’t an option for my aug baby who is now in year 7. I would have seriously considered it if it was. However, it has worked out. He is currently having a crazy growth spurt and is one of the tallest in year 7- I can’t imagine him in year 6, he would have towered over them all! He plays football outside of school with his school friends in his year group. (I doubt he would be allowed to play down a year if he was deferred). It took longer but he caught up with his peers and is now working at an average/ above average level which is the same as the sept baby although hers was continuously at that level.

its such a tricky decision because how they are at 3 is not how they will be at 7 or 11. At 3, my ds was behind in speech, tiny and behind in many areas compared to his peers. I absolutely would have considered deferring him. Now, aged 11, he was soooo ready to go to high school and is flourishing. He would probably be fuming with me if he was in year 6 right now and knew he could have been in year 7. It makes me glad the decision wasn’t there for me.

I think you’re doing the right thing finding out as much information as you can. I would look into sports clubs near you and ask if they play in their school year and if that can happen still if they’re deferred. And look into the school and the support and differentiation offered there for the summer borns. From my experience, I think there is a benefit being the oldest for the first few years of primary school and then after that, it all evens out.

I know this isn't what you asked, but my DD was also late August born, and we did not defer. She has been absolutely fine so far. The teacher forgets she is even summer-born, for the most part. I'm not surprised, because she was in preschool full-time and very much prepared. Deferring would have meant being held back in nursery for another year. School has been so much better - more structure, more stimulation, just a bigger wider world for her to be part of. She's thriving there.

Speak to the school. They will probably tell you they are well used to dealing with summer born children, and that they stay aware of this in the classroom. Also, they don't have to let you defer - some schools will only consider this if there are additional reasons, e.g. child born very premature and not hitting milestones. A developmentally normal child who just happens to be young in the year is a different kettle of fish... Someone has to be the youngest!

Also, Reception is quite a gentle step up from preschool.... It's still very play-based. They don't sit at desks all day. So don't worry that your little one will go straight from being a carefree 3yo in the nursery sandpit, to a just-turned-4yo having to sit still for hours in a Dickensian schoolroom!

Hi op,

Kind of opposite issue, but the feedback i’ve had from a couple of friends whose kids are the oldest in the year is that they were absolutely bored stiff in the last months of nursery and needed more stimulation. So if you defer your DC, you may have this issue at the other end of the scale. Apparently them being bored negatively impacted their behaviour and the nursery staff said they often saw this.

@JL0 this thread may be relevant - it covers the process for transferring to secondary school for children who aren't in the normal agegroup: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/secondary/4940271-admissions-if-your-child-iswas-outside-of-their-normal-age-group-at-primary-school

Hi OP, I have deferred my summerborn son. He's currently Year 2 but could be Year 3 (August birthday). His nursery told us that they thought he'd benefit from another year of pre-school but, in hindsight, I think he was overshadowed by his very confident live wire best friend. I have days when I really regret it and days when I think we definitely made the right decision. His maths and spelling are good, his handwriting the worst in the year by far. His school say, were it not for the handwriting, he'd be "fine" in Year 3. My main concerns stem from the transfer to senior school, if I'm honest.

Anecdotally, I've heard stories about deferred children struggling emotionally and/or being socially isolated because they're older than their peer group.

But with your child's birthday, they wouldn't actually necessarily be that much older than other children. If you had a September baby you wouldn't worry about them struggling in this way. I can see how it might be an issue if an April/May child was deferred, but not 30th August. This particular issue wouldn't worry me at all.

My only concern would be the repeat of pre school. I'm sure plenty of deferred children manage it just fine, but I'd be worried that 2 years of pre school would be boring and frustrating. Childcare providers are stretched very thinly, and while in an ideal world they'd have suitable resources etc, that may not be possible. My DD (June birthday) loved her pre school, but was ready to move, especially as everyone else was. She had a small group of friends in pre school, all May-August birthdays and none deferred. I think if one had it might have been hard on them to go back to the pre school without their friends, when all their friends were talking about going to "big school". Again, I'm sure plenty of children who are deferred manage that just fine. It's just that that would be my concern, rather than them being slightly older than the children in their school class.

It really depends on the child. My cousin was deferred (different country), and it wasn’t great for her. She is very, very clever and that together with being by far the oldest was awful. She could read, write, do maths etc before starting school and spend the rest of her school life being bored (and consequently being a pain). Still got excellent marks, but hated every single day.
But she is an extreme case!

It was by far the best parenting decision I ever made and I have zero regrets.
My child is now in Y6. Applying for secondary school has been extra admin but by the time you enter that world then the secondaries will be better educated about this topic and it should be less of an issue.

I deferred my son as he was born August 18th. He started Reception 2 weeks after his fifth birthday.

Me and DH always knew we’d defer him as soon as we learnt we were having a summer baby 😂

He’s just gone into Year 1, shortly after his 6th birthday and we have no regrets at all.

He is only the oldest by two weeks so there’s hardly a huge age difference. There are also another five children in the class who turned 6 years old within a month of my son turning 6.

People always have the crazy image that deferred children are way older than the rest of the class, but they really really aren’t as there will be plenty of children with September and October birthdays.

We have absolutely no qualms about the decision we made.

And as an aside seeing as sports have been mentioned:

Because my son ‘should’ be in Year 2, he is in a football team with Year 2 boys. His coaches have said it’s not a problem for him to drop down to the Year 1 football team so he plays with the children of his classroom year group, but my son is happy staying with the Year 2 boys. His coaches have said that as deferral is now much more common, the children are allowed to play with either the year group they’re educated in, or the year group they ‘should’ be in and it’s their choice to make.

I wouldn’t for two reasons.

One - often this is managed by skipping Reception and going straight to Y1. This is a vital play-based curriculum year and essential for children in my view.

Two - if your child doesn’t do this and enters Reception a year late, they will reach the end of statutory school age in Y10, not Y11. This is a problem for two reasons: one, if it turns out your child goes through an anti-school phase and decides to leave in Y11 with no qualifications there will be nothing you, school or anyone else can do as they are not of statutory school age. And linked to this, if there was an incident in Y11 and the school wished to exclude, they would potentially be able to argue that your child isn’t SSA so they are able to therefore end the place.

Primary schools are very well equipped to cope with summer-born babies (they track their progress as a separate group) and others who are “younger” than they should be due to prematurity (increasingly more common as more and more significantly prem babies survive). Plus you’ll find that if your child does an extra year at nursery, they basically do the same curriculum twice and lose all their friends who move up to school without them. I would send your child to school in the school year they fall into, personally.

Depends on the child. Mine is late august, was shy at nursery but bright. Am glad I didn’t defer her, she’s always been top set and clearly thrives under academic challenge. She is the youngest in her class but you would never guess. Also represents county at her sport.

One child in our NCT was held back by their parents but he wasn’t toilet trained and was generally just a bit behind / slow on milestones so right decision for that child. Turns out he has some additional needs so it was better for him to have extra time at nursery and go at a slower pace.

From the perspective of working in schools I would suggest as others have said that you take a long view. Not just what feels right for reception and KS1 but what happens later with transfer to secondary etc. It’s not always easy to skip ahead a year if your child starts to feel ‘left behind’ when others their actual age cohort go into year 7 or at 16+ when they leave school.

Based on what I’ve seen overall I wouldn’t suggest to defer entry unless the child really isn’t ready for school for some reason.

My son is a summer birthday. We didn't refer but at the time we were only allowed to send him in the morning for a term.

I do work in schools though, particularly reception, and if I was in that position now I wouldn't defer. Most of the children seem very happy regardless of birthday month, and in fact the older ones can struggle too. Reception is a usually a fun place with lots of playing and very little 'work' so personally I wouldn't worry.

Personally I would do it. I (very very late summer bday) was the youngest in my year and struggled socially as I was a very shy child, I was always treated (not unkindly) as the ‘baby’ of the class. It got worse as we went through school. Especially when people were learning to drive and going out etc and I was a whole year too young for that. I could keep up academically but the social side was a bigger issue

I have an August 31st child who we didn't defer. She's naturally very bright and we felt that she was ready for school. She is now in year 5 and she has been fine. She's exceeding expectations in most subjects. She was probably meeting expectations in infants.

We are happy we kept her in her year as she's happy at school. Obviously it's worth thinking of the financial implications of having a child in nursery for another year too.

I forgot to say it's 100% child dependent. A boy from nursery deferred, he was struggling in a number of areas and it was the right choice for him.

Remember that 4 year old will become a 16 year old who might not be best pleased they still have a year of school left - in fact legally they could quit school without taking their final year of school as they will have reached the age they can. I'm an august birthday and would not have wanted to be delayed, did absolutely fine, top university at just 18...

The other main consideration is sports teams, you have to have been born by certain dates often, we had to bring DD's passport to price move it, this means your dc would have to play with the year above

@SheIsStuck23 If your child is very sporty, then the age rules are very strict - playing at county or national level sport then the cut off dates are as per school “birth years”. A child can play up an age category but not down. Obviously only relevant for the very talented though, school teams and local clubs are usually flexible.

@JL0 I have one child born the last week in August and one in the first week of September. No SEN or premature birth etc. It would have been wrong to defer the August one as they were totally ready for school. They struggled a bit with the more physical side of things (pencil grip, skipping etc) but by the end of Y1 there was no difference between her and her peers. She aced the grammar 11+ with no formal tuition and plays sport at county level.

My friend has a child with the same birthday who suffers from slow processing. He was deferred - absolutely the right thing and he almost certainly would have struggled being in the correct cohort.

My September one struggled far more being the oldest in the year. She was only one of a handful of children with older siblings, the rest being mostly only children or very small babies as siblings. Socially she was much more mature than her peers. She also had a funny mix of birthdays with a weird skew towards summer borns in her class. Her classmates were still watching Peppa Pig and she was into Mia and Me. Socially it was a bit of a disaster, also acknowledged by the school and we even had a chat about moving her up a year. It had all evened out by Y2/3.

She was also bored in lessons. Found everything easy. Coasted somewhat. Was given extension work but again it made her “different”. She’s taller, stronger, more mature and obviously the oldest in the year still. Academic outcomes identical to her older sibling.

I wouldn’t defer just because you can. I would for a specific reason though.

It really depends on your child. Both my DC are born early Autumn so if they were born a month earlier, they would have fallen into the year above.

For DC1, I often think this would have been better. They were ready to start school a year earlier than they did - the final year of nursery was mind-numbingly boring for them. They started many extra curricular activities with Reception children in that pre-school year (I did this to stimulate them) and have stayed with them ever since so their social circle outside school is with the year above them and do assessments etc with them.

DC2 on the other hand was absolutely not ready for school a year earlier and that final year in nursery is where so much of their development happened. I would say they were absolutely ready by April/May but would have struggled had they been made to go the previous September. Fitted into school perfectly this September and is flying.

If your child had to go straight into Y1, there is no way I would hold them back but on the basis you have the option to start Reception one year later, decide based on your child rather than the research as it wont apply to all. Many are ready and do thrive