Parents of summer borns who deferred school entry! Any regrets?

[JL0]

My DC was born on 30 August 2020 and is due to start school in September 2024. My other half and I are on the fence about whether we should defer them to September 2025, but are leaning slightly towards deferral.

The impact of being summer born is well-documented through research (eg lower academic attainment, lower self-esteem). Based on these factors alone, the argument for deferral seems strong.

I'm less clear on the "cons" of deferral. I haven't found any research on this point. Anecdotally, I've heard stories about deferred children struggling emotionally and/or being socially isolated because they're older than their peer group.

Parents of deferred children - do you have any regrets? Have your children struggled emotionally or socially because they are older? Are there any other disadvantages to deferral?

For context, my DC is a pretty "normal" 3 year old. Meets their milestones. Is often shy in new settings. No SEN concerns. Attends preschool 4 days a week.

The Schools Admissions Code changed in 2014, so we are in the 2nd or 3rd year of such children moving up to Secondary.
I am not aware (from the support groups) of any child who has been forced to miss a year on transfer to secondary - the Schools Admissions Code is quite explicit that this should not happen, and the wording has been toughened up in latest guidance published last April.

Can I give you my anecdotal tale? I have two summer born children. At the time Ds1 started school there was no deferral allowed. Both he and his brother have now been all the way through primary and secondary with Ds1 at uni and Ds2 in year 13. Looking back at Ds1 at 4 I may have deferred him just to give him another year of play in nursery however my friend's DD is 2nd September and because they do the same themes every year she was in nursery for 5 terms and was bored out of her mind.

Most children thrive in school, most. Most children have a nurturing environment to learn within in school and they are well placed to cater for young children and I don't mean birth dates I mean young acting compared to their peers, this doesn't always go hand in hand with being a summer born. Many things play into this, parental support, where they fall in birth order; oldest, youngest, age gaps between them and their siblings etc. I volunteered in a primary for over a decade.

Both my children achieved amazing GCSE results with mostly 9s, and Ds1 achieved 4 A stars at A level. Hand on heart Ds2 aced out his SATs and was doing year 8 maths in year 4 before they brought in "mastery" so realistically if I had deferred him and had to apply in year 5 for secondary there really was no reason he could not go, academically he was more than capable and it would have put him back with his cohort.

It is very hard to look ahead especially when children are 3 and you are applying for a school place. They make so much progress in a year, just think about that first year of their life, then their second year, how far they come. It is hard to think about them being in year 5 or year 9.

Google will confirm bias, if I am looking to say X is the best thing it will keep throwing up things that confirm that.

Gov reports show that around 80% ish succeed in their deferred application, some authorities want hard evidence as to why they should be deferred.

1 in 6 respondents said their child had been diagnosed with SEN.

There was no real impact on the phonics screening but the sample size is obviously small ie a tiny improvement but not huge (2018 report)

And "Parents/carers who requested to delay their child’s admission to reception were significantly more likely to have higher than national average incomes...and also 84% were white" from the gov 2020 report.

Parents/carers who requested to delay their child’s admission to reception were significantly more likely to have higher than national average incomes...and also 84% were white" from the gov 2020 report

I can believe this. It should be an accessible choice for all children but it isn’t right now because the Tories having announced it then forgot about it. It should (in my view) be a straightforward tick box obvious to any parent without having to read the small print or play the system, like in Scotland and Ireland.

One of my dc has a birthday at end of August, and we didn’t defer (didn’t even consider it at the time). I did ask his reception teacher at regular times during the year how he was getting on, and she would say that she couldn’t tell at all that he was the youngest (as he was coping as well as the rest of the cohort).

He did used to get very exhausted by the end of the day though (especially in that first half term) so if you decide not to defer and keep him in his current year to start school, perhaps be mindful of not overloading your dc with too many activities outside of school for the first term or so.

My dc has not had any problems throughout school due to being the youngest in his year - and is now very happy at Uni.

It's a very similar situation for my DC - both September born, both the oldest in their year by several months and struggling with friendships as a result. Eldest DC mainly plays with children from the year above; most of younger DC's peers are summer term birthdays. It's a small village school, and I suspect most of the more confident/"advanced" children in the local area went to the larger school nearby. Being older is definitely hard in the early years.

when I deferred my august born twins, I was told that I was wrong. That they would be okay ( we wanted thrive). That they would feel different (absolutely ridiculous because their friends were born on 1 Sept vs our 23 September. When my girls got to year 3, I had numerous parents come up to me and said, 'I wished that they had tried to defer'. I had 2 teachers tell me that I mad the right choice. In secret of course...
It is obvious who is the youngest up to year 9 where my girls are currently. From additional emotional challenges, losing play time to learn to write, get special help so missing the classes they like etc. The documentation on issues with early school start is very well known in academic communities.

We have NEVER regretted our decision and I have never met another parent that has either. I support parents in my area to go through the process.
Some people will say no as this is how it has always been. I would say go for it.

Change the system. Do what you believe is best for your child.
as an addendum, I was a summer born as well as my sister and my brother in law. We all have similar stories of being the youngest in class and all that comes with that. In the end, I have lived a good life. I would have rather had missed the younger years. I am happy to answer your questions.

Thanks all - I really appreciate everyone's input. It's useful to get all perspectives so we can better consider implications.

As some of you have mentioned, the tough part is trying to future-proof your decision making. My 3 year old will be a lot different in 10 years' time!

It strikes me that there's no perfect solution. You're either the youngest in the class, or the oldest. Both of these can have their own challenges.

Thanks for all the insight x

I had 2 DD with late summer birthdays and we didn't defer, primarily because they both were socially/emotionally intelligent and because I and my MIL are tall and went through puberty early.

Academically they were behind half the class (one more than the other) in the first 5 years but that disappeared around age 12/13 and both improved incrementally that each ended up excelling in school. Neither had learning disabilities, so I may have felt differently of they did.

Physically and socially they were better off not being deferred and I'm really really glad that neither were the first girl in the class going through puberty because they absolutely would have been had we deferred.

Oldest DD is doing quite well at her university and youngest is in top 10% of class - despite being in bottom 20-30% for the first five years of elementary school. In some ways, they worked harder than their peers to catch up and it's given them both a strong work ethic.

I do get quite annoyed at the boys who don't have summer birthdays but get deferred just to get a leg up, which meant some boys were almost 2 years older than my daughters (and bigger!!). That gets ridiculous. Like, we followed the rules, why do some people without special needs demand exceptions? I'm Scandinavian, however, and we frown on unfairness and exceptionalism :)

I work in a primary school and absolutely wouldn't do this unless your child has additional needs, and/or was born very prematurely. You can start to get an idea of this at nursery age if not before.

For all other kids, how do you know how they will compare to their peers till they start school? My nephew is an end of August birthday and he was not kept back. It became apparent very quickly as soon as he started school that he was going to be very academic, and he was way above his peers, to the extent that some of his needs weren't being met at school and that unhappiness at school at not getting the proper stimulation caused some issues at home for a while. He had friends but no-one he really gelled with but it wasn't due to his age, more due to academic ability. As soon as he was in his very competitive grammar in Year 7, he thrived and settled right down, made a good group of like-minded friends straight away and he's ended up at a top 3 university, tried for Oxbridge etc.

I simply can't imagine what it might have done to him mentally if he'd been kept down a year with a brain like that, desperate for knowledge but surrounded by "babies". As for emotional development, he actually started puberty early than many of the others in his year and got interested in girls before many of his peers so has matured earlier than many of his year group in lots of ways.

Even if you think your child is a little emotionally mature and this is the reason to hold them back, do you really think it will bring them on to keep them down a year, mixing with much younger children? It makes absolutely no sense to do this if you want to "bring on" a child. There is a reason that when putting children in pairs at school to work on a task, even if it's something trivial like taking the register to the school office, staff pair up a quieter less confident child with one who is more confident. They learn skills off each other.

Lastly, an August-born child is only weeks behind, age-wise, to many other year group peers. There just has to be a cut off somewhere, for admin's sake. I'm not even bothering to go into the extra year of nursery fees because the child doesn't care about that, and what is most important is what the child needs. And quite honestly, parents aren't always honest with themselves about the real reason for keeping their child back, because for some it seems that they want to view them "babies" for as long as possible.

Blimey, I hope any parent reading this thread really doesn't pay any attention to trivial matters such as whether they'll be the right age for Brownies or Guides. 😂Those things are such a small relatively short and insignifcant part of their lives that by the time they get to sixth form you'll laugh that you ever thought it a factor.

Interesting to hear about the school nursery. Did you need to pay for the extra year?

We didn't defer DC2 and, in retrospect, I'm glad we didn't. He was a bit behind in Reception and Yr1 but then began to catch up and is now at a selective grammar. Most importantly, he loves sport and, as he is in the right year, he gets to play in a team with his class mates rather than kids in the year above him.

Yeah I delayed my late August baby. Happy, thriving, teacher says she fits right in and that it was probably a good idea. She is small for her age too, aged 5 and only 103cm and 15.5kg.

She's with the same nursery lot as the two/three rooms are age and where your at kind room for example walking/talking then when COVID hit she was 18months so hadn't yet moved up with the 2 year olds to the next room and during COVID they didn't move up rooms so she would have had to skip a room and join a new one with hardly any kids she knows away from all her friends. I didn't have to worry about her watching all of her friends move up to school as she was still with them.

As for sports, you can get dispensation for football and rugby. Swimming is Jan-Dec and I'm sure gymnastics is too.

In our case, yes there was an extra cost, but she still got the 15/30 hours funding up to the point that she reached compulsory school age. Normally, summerborns lose up to a year of funding compared with autumn borns due to not being eligible until reaching 3.

This is where my daughter (very early Sept) is at. She would have been more than capable going this year, and is already bored stupid with nursery to the extent she has started to teach herself to read and write.

My son's child benefit was stopped because I couldn't prove he was attending a sixth form or college (because he was still in year 11 when he should have been in year 12.) I explained the situation and provided the council's original letter stating that he was being educated out of year plus details of the school he was being educated at but that wasn't enough. So watch out for the child benefit system when yours gets to that age.

It’s totally child dependent. I have one summer born that I deferred and one that I didn’t

I don’t regret either decision as it was the right one for each child

It definitely would depend on the child. I wish I could have deferred DS1. He only started liking school in Year 9, and it took him until Year 12 to reach his academic potential.

DS2 is early September. I probably also would have deferred him if he'd been born a couple of weeks earlier because he's a little bit immature physically, but he found the first couple of terms of Reception annoying " because none of the other boys can talk properly!" He was mainly friends with girls in Reception, whose communication skills were more on a par with his.

He's fine now and his male friends have caught up and overtaken him in some cases.

I am sure that secondary school stuff about them being allowed to leave is BS - it's not the 1970s! There are Year 11 kids who turn 16 in the first few days of September, before they are back at school. They don't just all leave one by one as they turn 16.

I haven't found any research on this point. Anecdotally, I've heard stories about deferred children struggling emotionally and/or being socially isolated because they're older than their peer group.

This, I am a teacher and have noticed the above (not always, but more have struggled emotionally/socially than have not). In my experience the social isolation has also come from other parents.
This year the child in my class talks a lot about it, it clearly plays on their mind. The parents had told them they would be the youngest if they had gone into their 'correct' year group, and they now know there are a few children in the year above who are younger than them and are genuinely confused as to why they appear happy and content- they seem fixated on the idea these children shouldn't be coping.
Last year I had a child who appeared to be coping better, however the parents had a meltdown when they approached the selective secondary they want the child to attend and were told they don't take children out of their chronological year. They asked for us to move them up a year which we did not.

I am sure that secondary school stuff about them being allowed to leave is BS - it's not the 1970s! There are Year 11 kids who turn 16 in the first few days of September, before they are back at school. They don't just all leave one by one as they turn 16.

@mynameisnotmichaelcaine the 16 year-olds in year 11 are not legally allowed to leave until the end of June, but a 17 year-old would be legally allowed to leave:

My DS is 31/08
Nursery suggested part time reception. As it is t compulsory you can ask the school for a place but only fulfil it as you deem appropriate. Obviously might not work depending on your work situation.

However if they settle well and don't struggle you can increase to full time before the year is out.

Best of both worlds

It's a complete throw of the dice ime!
Here's my anecdotal contribution...

DS, summer born, had a serious speech delay, by age 2.5 had exactly 5 words he could say, by the time he was due to start school he was clearly lagging behind his peers in everything, including physical skills, fine and gross motor, but the worst part for me was his social skills were really behind because the speech delay put him on the fringes of everything that went on.
I was in one of those areas a pp mentioned where postponing school meant you started in year 1 instead of reception, so no actual delay in practice, just joining into the same year but without the relationships everyone else has by then. Ridiculous system!
So not only was he summer born but he was behind in milestones etc.
Taking him in on that first day felt like feeding him to the lions. I hated it. I know it was sink or swim, and I greatly feared it would be sink!

His learning curve was super steep but after one year you couldn't tell him apart from others so easily. By the time secondary came around he was itching to move up and out of primary school as he was academically and socially ready (amazing to me, looking back!). In his peer group he is standing out in confidence and academics. I could never have predicted that for him personally when I had that struggling 3yo kid.
So the statistics and how he was at age 3 all pointed to keeping him back, and I would have done if our area allowed it (sensibly).

In contrast, his October born sister seemed well ready for primary school. One of the oldest in her year, confident, articulate bright and happy and hitting all her milestones with ease she skipped on in to school, while I cheerily waved her off, happy she was embarking on a fun new adventure.
As time went on however, she didn't do so well, struggled with lots of things emotionally and academically, she is currently under assessment for autism and needs a lot more scaffolding to support her schooling experience, though she's doing great and is happy.
I'm very grateful she is October born as she has matured much more slowly and has need that extra time as she is young for her age.

So, the stats can bear absolutely no relation to your child.
Your child at age 3 present very very differently to how they are age 10.
A decision to keep them back could be the swing thing entirely and your child could be cursing you, or out could be the right thing.

My advice would be to put that stats out of mind and base your decision on the direct info you have available, including family logistics! Another year of nursery is expensive! An additional child at home might benefit from some 1-2-1, if this year is a high/low birth year will you be more or less likely to get your preferred school of you go now/wait...
Factor in all in... Then throw your dice and in 7 years time you'll know if it was the best decision. 😁😁
Either way, you'll all survive it.

I teach a child who was deferred. She is extremely bright and mature for her age and this stands out quite a bit in her ks1 class.
I have started to wonder if being in her current year group is holding her back socially and academically as she would probably be flying in the year she should be in aswell.

I would only defer in extreme circumstances when a child isn't reaching milestones or showing maturity ready for school.

I cannot stress enough how much of a non-issue deferring my child has been. Now in Y6. Extra year in school nursery at no cost to me. Plays sport with his adopted year for some sports and plays with the year above for others and enjoys this aspect. He was allowed to sit the 11 plus for selective schools. I obtained agreement from different types of secondaries that they will consider his Y7 application like any other. There will be no issue regarding funding in later years. We hardly ever talk about it. No one cares. I doubt his class teachers even know. It is never mentioned at parents evening. In the end, he wasn’t the oldest in his class as two other children (not summerborn) were delayed and are older. I only know this because I was sensitive to the issue in Reception. I assume no one else knows or cares because no one talks about it. His friends in the class are a few weeks younger than him or nearly a year younger than him. They don’t care because they have better things to talk about it.

My son is a summer birthday (but born early-mid July so about a month older than yours). I think a lot of children outgrow nursery and I know that my son was ready to move on towards the end; his cousin born end of September is still there now and while my son seems to progressing lots, his cousin seems to be stagnant in his learning. I was worried that my son would be a lot younger than the others in his class but there's a good amount of summer birthdays so he's not out of place.

Does your DC have close friends at nursery? How would he feel them moving on without him?

And, coming from a teacher, I will say that the gap with summer birthdays become less apparent the further through school they go.