If you have a child who works their socks off at school and diligently follows the rules …..

[RudsyFarmer]

Never causes trouble, listens in lessons, is kind and thoughtful. Has your child ever received any acknowledgment, reward, praise for this from the school?
i know this has been discussed on here many times but I’d love a quick straw poll.

Thank you 💐

Yes, ds was. Large state school. Despite being a bit geeky and awkward he was made Head Boy in 6th form (might have helped that he was one of the few prefects that did his job!)

My Foster Son is brilliant at Sports. He is also helpful, friendly and finds ways to include others. He plays cricket for his county, swims competitively for our town, is a black belt in karate, he won the County Aquathlons series for his county. Also won 800 metres and 1500 metres at school sports day and second in 400 metres. He is in all school sports teams and captain of 2 of them. School were aware of all these achievements. Prize giving evening is only for years 10 and 11. On prize giving day for Year 10 it stated in the programme of events all subject prizes are given for subject excellence. We were invited to attend which means your child will be receiving an award as only a few parents are invited to see DC collect awards. We obviously thought FS would win the Sports Outstanding Performer award. In the evening FS was awarded some Class Roll Model award which meant so little to him he put it on the bin on the way out and a 100 percent attendance award, because child given Outstanding Sports Performer award not in any school team for Sport and apparently used to help the teacher tidy equipment away in his break time. FS was gutted because Sports means everything to him but school didn't recognise him for his outstanding contribution but instead a DC who was useless at sport but helpful to the teacher. We complained after the event because the programme publicly stated subject awards given to excellence/achievement in subject not helpfulness or effort. We were told he couldn't win 2 awards. We said he didn't want 2 awards just the Outstanding Sports Performer award as he was the best Sports performer at his school. My FS got his own back though he resigned from all school Sports teams with immediate effect and suggested to Head of Sports that it was fitting the Sports outstanding performer award holder should take his place. His Head of Sport told him he might win it next year. He also told Head of Sport as he'd no longer be representing his school for sport don't even think of trying to give me the Sports trophy next year because I'd refuse it. His school lost a couple of sports tournaments the following year. They could have given the child who got the Outstanding Sports Performer award a special trophy for being helpful. As a result of this several other parents and people from the Sports teams complained to school too as the person who won the award was not an Outstanding Sports Performer. One other child who also played in the county cricket team with FS also resigned from school cricket teams in protest. They decided to just focus on county games instead.

This makes me so sad for your DD.

@caringcarer it was an important life lesson and we supported her and saw her achievements, making sure we have praise but it’s not the same as hearing that from school. What about the children without the support from home? She’s 15 now and, as I say, her secondary has been great with consistent good behaviour and effort getting rewarded. To be honest, the sats thing was the final moment she realised that no matter what she had done at primary it wouldn’t have made a difference and it was never about her.

Reading through this thread, I find myself at a bit of a loss. Naively, I would have thought that you're more likely to be able to reason with older children ("the real reward is your achievement and how it's likely to improve your future") than with younger children. Outside of school, the main anecdote I have is that, with sports, teachers seem give younger children lots of affirmation; e.g., stickers for this, that and the other; but give older children more explanations, e.g., you're more likely to win if you do things this way rather than that way.

Yet the vast majority of responses here indicate that middle-of-the-road children are not affirmed in primary but they are in senior school. Can anyone who has taught at both levels explain why this is the case?

@caringcarer we have found sport to be a funny one. DD plays in a few school teams always doing well other schools pick her as player of the match. Has been first last 2 yrs in every sports day event competed at county in athletics after being unbeaten in our town for several mixed school events for athletics in track and field for her year. Never mind cross country or other competing sport she does. The school had her In the bottom set in pe till a few mths ago DD has been moved up and school told us she is managing to fit in. 😂 The school do have a UK champion in field who they never even mentioned or congratulated but mentioned some kids who got 2nd at county level in tennis.

Yep - he got a form prize last year for it.

The school has various subject prizes for academic/sporting excellence, but the form prizes are for exactly this type of student, whether academic or not - the ones that are just solidly, reliably, good kids.

I was a studious quiet kid in primary, advanced in most things. I was 8 and remember seeing a classroom helper roll her eyes at another when I'd offered the word "ought" up as a rhyming word. I regularly read in church services so my vocab was good for my age. That stayed with me for a long time. When I got to secondary school my abilities were praised and rewarded.

I have never thought that school was a reward based game. Isn't good attendance being about maximum opportunity to learn. Not for a certificate.

I have 3 children with different strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes these are acknowledged by the teachers sometimes not. Is it the most important thing?

Nope. 2 very well behaved kids in primary and certificates always seem to go to the disruptive kids who happen to have had a good week. I've pulled the teachers up on it many times and they all but admit that they're used as an incentive to promote good behaviour. It's like history repeating itself for me as this happened to me all throughout primary and secondary. I was even mistaken for other girls at secondary as I fell under the radar so much.

The teachers warmth and their clear like and regard for the child plus the string of 8s and 9s at gcse were good enough for us.

To be fair she received a large
trophy at the post gcse award ceremony for being consistently best at one topic and getting a 9 in it.

Primary it’s all about praising the struggling ones.

To a degree, in our secondary school. However, we've a new head now who's said he will be placing a bigger emphasis on rewarding those students.

Take a leaf out of my posh friends book when her primary aged son was disheartened about never getting star of the week despite being a good lad heard her say “we don’t need external validation in our family darling” 😀

Mine do, but have seen situations as a teacher where pleasant children who do what's expected get overlooked.

One school I worked in overhauled the behaviour policy and rewards to focus more on rewarding those who do the right thing all the time. Some staff still gave fewer praise points to the good majority, and dozens to the two or three they bribed to write the date.

Nope.

I've got two that don't (didn't in adult sons case) cause any kind of scene, just get on etc, not trouble makers and also not the ones who are desperate to always help the teacher etc (DS2 particularly seems to have a lot of those in his year!)

We had a meeting pre summer with DS2's head of year regarding his SEN and she admitted "it's wrong, but he's probably overlooked and forgotten about as he just gets on" (her words exactly) , which summed it up perfectly. He doesn't get noticed for special awards/extra stamps for improving his behaviour, or being extra helpful..

I agree with a PP, it also depends on the teacher. DS's school has teachers who are very slap happy with the rewards stamps, and others who hardly give any at all. So it can be luck of the draw if you happen to have the reward happy teacher.

The problem is, our school puts a lot of weight on those stamps, it dictates if you're allowed to join in on reward week at the end of the year (very limited space, so even those who deserve it might miss out). It also determines other things over the year.

School have acknowledged it, but claim not to know how to change it..

Yes, there's a positive points system to accumulate rewards for good behaviour and termly praise emails to parents of well behaved kids. Separate from the awards for academic achievement. This is in a secondary school with a lot of poor behaviour.

thats the thingy sometimes , knowing your doing well, is a reward in itself

It is up to a point. But it's very disheartening to never be recognised as doing well.

If someone came on here saying they were consistently performing top in their work, but when it came to bonuses they were overlooked and the people who'd done nothing like as well got considerably more, no one would say "knowing you're doing well is enough reward" would they?

Everyone likes to be praised and rewarded sometimes, child or adult.

not quite , as thats a different system,
yes i understand your perspective, in the business world then the better employee etc, = rewards.

This is exactly the situation I'm in with my DS. DD is far more confident and the one with her hand up all the time so no chance of blending into the background there. We're planning to send DS private next year as he's behind with some basic things (Covid also a factor there) that aren't being recognised as he's so under the radar. We have a tutor to help bring him up.