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Original poster

If you have a child who works their socks off at school and diligently follows the rules …..

121 replies

RudsyFarmer · 15/09/2023 20:31

Never causes trouble, listens in lessons, is kind and thoughtful. Has your child ever received any acknowledgment, reward, praise for this from the school?
i know this has been discussed on here many times but I’d love a quick straw poll.

Thank you 💐

OP posts:
Original poster
RudsyFarmer · 15/09/2023 21:43

TeenLifeMum · 15/09/2023 21:37

At primary? No. At secondary? Yes, they are great at praising good behaviour and consistent hard work.

Pupils with no demerits at the end of the term earn a treat day. Pupils with less than 5 demerits get a smaller reward (because we all make mistakes sometimes) and above 5 get nothing because that’s a choice and a pattern.

dd1 is quiet but conscientious and her teachers see her, speak to her and praise her. Her secondary is fabulous. It’s a comprehensive and there’s challenging behaviour in the school but I’m really impressed. The teachers care so so much.

i went to a grammar school and worried about schooling here where we have no grammars. She’s in line to achieve 7-8 across her gcse subjects. I hope she does because she’s worked so hard and I hope her results reflect that.

That’s the route I’ve gone down actually. Ive said not to do it for me or the school or for a prize, but to do it for themselves. You can’t let yourself down. You can control your level of commitment and study and I can step in and praise and reward.

OP posts:
Original poster
RudsyFarmer · 15/09/2023 21:44

SilverOnToast · 15/09/2023 21:42

I have one of these. Always on task. Kind and inclusive with others. No acknowledgment or recognition at all from school really, beyond lovely reports.

But I appreciate there are always lots of other students in a similar position, and my DC just gets on with it and doesn’t crave praise either really. I think raising a kid not to be reliant on external validation is probably a good thing, so that’s the big picture reward, if that makes sense? We do lots of celebrating them at home instead and as a family we try not to set much store by “awards”.

Absolutely and that’s the way forward for us.

OP posts:
Original poster
RudsyFarmer · 15/09/2023 21:45

Canisaysomething · 15/09/2023 21:35

Why can't you praise their hard work and achievement? As long as you know someone is rooting for you that's all you need as a child. Praise doesn't need to come from everywhere, some kids praised at school get no support or acknowledgement at home.

It comes from us in spades. An acknowledgment from school would have been nice but certainly not essential.

OP posts:
NotSorry · 15/09/2023 21:48

PuttingDownRoots · 15/09/2023 20:35

Was regularly overlooked in Primary.
Regularly awarded on Secondary so far.

this

Lemonademoney · 15/09/2023 21:54

Same as pp regarding primary especially early years but is being recognised far more in secondary…. Sometimes if they don’t hit the ground running at the start of EYFS it feels like they are not seen as ‘more able’ ironically my child out performed the majority of the gifted students by the end of primary and is continuing to do so at secondary where he’s now identified as HLP

hhyytt456 · 15/09/2023 22:01

Nope

In fact the kids that cause trouble get special days out and awards when they manage to have a day when they behave.

Drives me nuts!!

MaybeMaybeNotish · 15/09/2023 22:01

One did and one didn't.

The one that didn't was quiet, introvert, kept his head down, mainly worked hard and didn't cause any trouble. He always tried to say hello to the kids who didn't seem to have friends. He basically went unnoticed in the school.

The one that did was extrovert, did a lot of school clubs, a high achiever and generally high profile so was very much 'seen' and rewarded (also a nice person, helpful, friendly).

TeenLifeMum · 15/09/2023 22:04

Oh yes, dd got 100% in 2 of her Sats and high marks in the others. She said to me “even getting 100% wasn’t enough to get me a certificate… Jacob got ‘student of the year’ because he didn’t throw any chairs this term!”

i explained she’s self motivated so the certificates are for children who need extra encouragement. I still think it sucks and secondary being able to praise consistent hard work just highlighted how badly primary handled it.

Aparecium · 15/09/2023 22:04

PuttingDownRoots · 15/09/2023 20:35

Was regularly overlooked in Primary.
Regularly awarded on Secondary so far.

Ditto

Romiii · 15/09/2023 22:05

Yes all of mine in primary. Rubbish school

FancyFanny · 15/09/2023 22:10

They got all 7s,8s and 9s at GCSE and A* AAA at A-levels- no extra needed because those results and the prospects it gives them speak for themselves and are the best reward they could ask for.

mondaytosunday · 15/09/2023 22:11

No. She didn't get any recognition, never won any awards, until her last year, when she won 'Best EPQ' and most improved in History (considering she got 196/200 on her A level when she was predicted a B, it was too little too late)!

JanefromLondon1 · 15/09/2023 22:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

illiterato · 15/09/2023 22:19

RudsyFarmer · 15/09/2023 21:45

It comes from us in spades. An acknowledgment from school would have been nice but certainly not essential.

Show quote history

I was that kid and honestly it has to come down to intrinsic motivation. When you get to Uni you find your tribe. At my school I wouldn’t have wanted my head above the parapet anyway tbh. I don’t think my kids realise how lucky they are to be at a school where academic achievement doesn’t put a target on your back.

Smartiepants79 · 15/09/2023 22:22

Yes, she’s not the paragon of your OP but she’s a good girl who tries hard and is friendly and helpful.
She’s not going to stand out academically or sportingly in her school but she is definitely recognised by several of her teachers. She was chosen for a school prize for academic endeavour last year. Gets plenty of house points.

miserablebitch · 15/09/2023 22:25

I know how this feels @RudsyFarmer. I can remember coming top of my year (170+ pupils) in mathematics and in arithmetic (100% in standard grade prelims for both). Nobody else got above 95% in either. Despite this, in my report card, my effort was classed as ‘satisfactory’’, while some others got very good or excellent. Another pupil got an award, for ‘most hard working pupil” and I got nothing! DM brought this up at parent’s evening, but teacher said he didn’t feel I had put any special effort in, but other pupil had really tried hard, hence got the award! How did he know I wasn’t putting the effort in, when I was obviously scoring the top marks? I had always just got on and quietly did my work, so I was really pissed.

A few weeks later I only got 95% in a classroom exercise, while some other pupils got 100%. Teacher took great delight in saying that I wasn’t always right. I pointed out to him, that the answers were in the back of the book and I could have put the answer down that was written there, however the answer for question 5 was wrong. He went and checked it himself and was very unhappy when he found out that the answer was indeed wrong and the one I had given was correct, giving me….100%. Also meant his favourites, were shown as having just copied the answers…so much for effort!

wineandmaltesershappyme · 15/09/2023 22:26

Yes

Kendodd · 15/09/2023 22:28

hhyytt456 · 15/09/2023 22:01

Nope

In fact the kids that cause trouble get special days out and awards when they manage to have a day when they behave.

Drives me nuts!!

This was our experience as well.
The child who bullied some of the other children mercilessly (to such an extent one child moved schools) even received a special award for being a good friend during one assembly.

GirlOfTudor · 15/09/2023 22:33

Never!

Lizzieregina · 15/09/2023 22:35

Yes. My kids’ primary school gave “character counts” awards monthly. Recognized stuff other than academic or sports ability.

Itslosenotloose · 15/09/2023 22:37

Yes. My sons school does fantastic reward trips and he even got to meet the England players as a treat once for all his praise points (along with some other similar kids). Inner city state too….

AugustRose · 15/09/2023 22:46

My youngest two did get rewarded or positive comments in primary but rarely in secondary. DD2 (16) worked hard, rarely off, always had the correct kit or equipment and only ever got nice comments off two teachers who she got on very well with - she's just gone to college because she couldn't wait to leave.

DS2 (12) has just started year 8 so there's still time I suppose. However, he and his classmates are acutely aware of the new Headteacher's son (same Year) who was consistently praised and received achievement points last year, despite being an out spoken brat.

I've had 4 DC and it really is a case of those who shout loudest get the rewards and that was two different secondary schools.

Hawkins0009 · 15/09/2023 22:46

RudsyFarmer · 15/09/2023 20:41

I’ve rattled this scenario around my head and thought that if the child was a natural high achiever from the start and sailed through their academics then I could almost understand them getting overlooked.

But, in our case this is a child who has worked their way from bottom of the class with a SENCO involved, to somewhere around the top purely on their own effort and dedication to their studies. And still zero acknowledgment or recognition of the effort when I thought this was exactly the thing we knew to praise.

Once again I’m scraping around to try and find a way to positively spin things so their confidence isn’t shot to pieces and they don’t give up when they’re achieved so much. I’m frustrated.

Show quote history

the potential to achieve Oxbridge ?

UsingChangeofName · 15/09/2023 22:50

Yes.

In Infant School,
Yes in Junior School (sep school, sep HT, sep systems)
Yes in secondary (yrs 7 - 11)
Yes in 6th form (different school)

MsAnnThropic · 15/09/2023 22:53

Nope. Always overlooked.