If you have a child who works their socks off at school and diligently follows the rules …..

[RudsyFarmer]

Never causes trouble, listens in lessons, is kind and thoughtful. Has your child ever received any acknowledgment, reward, praise for this from the school?
i know this has been discussed on here many times but I’d love a quick straw poll.

Thank you 💐

No, not in three schools. She did every scrap of homework diligently, always kind, always polite, always well behaved, but doesn't push herself forward and I think was overlooked by almost everyone who taught her. Not good for a kid's confidence to never have their time to shine.

Yes a little.

I'm ok if other kids to get more recognition if they need additional encouragement because I can do nice stuff at home for mine. I know it's not 'fair' but it never bothered me or seemed to bother my kids. They can see that some kids need extra, it's obvious.

This is rubbish. Just today DC asked why they'd never got a certificate in assembly when they were so good in school. And honestly I know it's because they are consistently well behaved and focused. But how do you explain that's why they are penalised for the school rewards??

Yes. Lots of times. Publicly.

Not once in primary, continually in secondary. Times 2 children.

Never really thought about that difference before.

Yes and no!
Got a (weird) bollocking from the teacher in p2 because dd was too advanced for her reading age, but then she won an award in p7 for being advanced??
School is school. I gave up on their judgements

In primary, everyone got star of the week the same number of times. So yes, but it was very obvious to everyone (including them) that it wasn't quite "real".
In secondary, yes a lot. Postcards home, emails home and prizes at the end of the year.

Yes, my dd received a gift voucher at the end of Year 7 for her efforts and behaviour.

Nope, regularly gets overlooked. Really bugs me

Yes postcards

I had one who was very obviously engaged with all lessons, trying her hardest all the time and kind to all. She was rewarded at primary fairly regularly (except one teacher who excluded her from everything possible), and a bit at secondary. She was very reliable so often chosen to do things because she would always be there (didn't miss a day from year 4 upwards) and would always remember what she needed to do, and would be right place, right time whatever.

Second one worked hard at things she likes, but can be a bit of a flibbery-gibbet, and very good at getting out of things she didn't like. Infant got normal things and not much more, juniors got almost nothing, even things that every child got she'd be one of the last or not at all, but got some at secondary. Rarely got chosen for things at primary, a few at secondary.

Third one can be a bit of a pickle and not always engaged well. He got almost nothing throughout. As he said fairly early on in his school career; "I'm not naughty enough to get the 'not-been-naughty-today prize' and I'm not good enough to get the always good prizes". Almost never got chosen for anything except one teacher who did choose him for things he was good at.

I'll add dh was a governor at both infants (except for dd1) and secondary (again only halfway through dd1)and I did the PTA, not all the time but helped at events and in the class, at infants.

To the op's question, yes. Our secondary school has "positive points" which the teachers award routinely for the things you mention. The kids with the most positive points at the end of the year get a treat, e.g. a cinema trip or bowling.

That's such lovely thing to read.

I think the children mentioned in the OP are often over looked and it is so important to acknowledge them.

Absolutely.

But, in our case this is a child who has worked their way from bottom of the class with a SENCO involved, to somewhere around the top purely on their own effort and dedication to their studies. And still zero acknowledgment or recognition of the effort when I thought this was exactly the thing we knew to praise.

I do agree with you here. You can say that the results are the reward, but when they have made such improvement, for others to recognise it too is quite special for the child concerned.

As an adult, I have had times when I've done something and felt rewarded by the result, however to have someone else comment on it does feel special. I didn't do it for the praise, nor even for my feeling with the result, but to be recognised by someone else that you've put that extra bit of effort in is nice.

In your dc's case though, it is possible that recognition has gone to a child who the result hasn't been so great, but for some reason or other the effort was harder, which the teachers know but wouldn't be obvious, if that makes sense.

No, but after the last 9 years we've had with our DS, I'd swap with you in a heartbeat. I know he can't help it (diagnosed ADHD and just about to be screened for ASD), but I worry constantly about his future and dream of a week where we have no contact from school.

From my experience with dc in state schools, they focus more on the dc who are struggling. Dc who are doing well do not get much praise or acknowledgement. For example star of the week tends to be giving to dc who improve their behaviour or improve in their work...less so to dc who are always well behaved and always top of the class. But that being said, they make sure everyone gets it at least once.

The thing is this is most children. Most children work hard, are kind, helpful and progress well. We have a weekly assembly where we give out certificates. I have 30 children in my class. In order for them all to get at least one each they most likely will only receive one certificate all year. Doesn’t mean they’re not praised. I give out housepoints for achieving and effort and verbally praise all day.
Just because your child doesn’t have a mantelpiece heaving with certificates doesn’t mean they’re not praised and recognised for their efforts.

Not in Primary but in secondary. Years of being told they're lovely, and watching others with challenging behaviour being rewarded in assembly week after week.

Completely different story in secondary which has really surprised me. Honours roll, certificates in different subjects, extremely accommodating with little things in class to ease anxiety and just feel that individual teachers seem to be more understanding.

I feel though that the primary school was more focused on SATs and data... the secondary is massively focused on wellbeing being the route to good results. Happy kids better success in school. Shame the primary HT hasn't cottoned on...

This was my experience as a child and sadly DS' now too. I know as adults we realise the stickers and awards are generally a load of shite and they're meant as motivators hence why they go to the children they do, but it wouldn't hurt to occasionally bother to say good job and well done to the quiet, hard working and consistently well behaved children.

And hence the I'm trying my hardest and it's still not enough people pleaser with little confidence in their abilities is born.

In my experience, good behaviour was never acknowledged at my children’s primary school, but has been very much rewarded at high school.

At our primary school it was always the more challenging children or those that struggled with school in some way that came home covered in stickers, who got star of the week early on in the school year and that were given special jobs.

For the record, none of this ever bothered me. I was happy that my kids were behaving and learning and we rewarded this at home.

Dd was and still is never recognised. She got star of the week at primary in the last month of school each year when they'd sweep up all of the kids who were otherwise ignored. By year 2 she had it figured out and resented it.
Secondary is no better, but they do much less awards.

Not in primary although it was acknowledged as she was always sat next to the misbehaving child as a ‘good influence’
Secondary is miles better have a achievement/behaviour point system where teachers have to state why they are awarding the point and we as parents can see that. Plus they get mini rewards every time they receive a certain number of achievement points which also gets acknowledged in end of term assembly so it’s more quantifiable iyswim
Hang in there - sounds like a fresh start at secondary will be positive.

It is super frustrating I know, but I had to explain to my dc how it works so they would not be sad if they did not get star of the week more then once or if it took forever so they thought they would never get it. I explained, those things are usually given to children who need a boost or struggling. It is not always fair, but that is how it is and their turn would come. My dc saw the benefits of this when their grandpa passed away and I noticed that week they both got star of the week (obviously stated for different reasons like good behvaiour or hard work that week), but I knew it was because the school wanted to give them a boost during a difficult time. So sometimes it may suck or seem really unfair, but perhaps the dc getting it need that extra boost for one reason or another. They should go about praising or giving awards though to the ones that are well behaved and work really hard as well....