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Original poster

Step daughter's surname on exam results is different from legal name

110 replies

howfartospar · 25/08/2023 12:48

My DH has a daughter and son from a previous relationship. His daughter had her exam results over the Summer and proudly sent a photo of the results. At the top of the exam results was her name with the family surname of his ex partner.

My DH is quite chilled and understands their desire for her to have the same name as their family, but he also feels he would like to identify with his daughter. The main concern is that will having a different surname to what’s on her passport impact when she applies for university / jobs etc?

Clearly a conversation with the ex partner will be an appropriate way forward at some point, but has anyone been in a similar situation and did it cause any issues or do you have any adivce?

OP posts:
Moriquendi · 25/08/2023 12:52

Has she changed her legal name? That is what I would assume as I think it’s compulsory to have your legal name on your GCSE certificates?

Sssudio · 25/08/2023 12:54

The results need to be in the name that matches her legal documents and is her actual name she will use going forward - so either she's changed her name or the school is wrong. There are v v limited grounds they will issue certs in a changed name, so you need to understand what is going on here first

aspirationalflamingo · 25/08/2023 12:54

How old is the child?

Under 16s can only change their name with parental consent.

16+ just need a deed poll, not a big deal.

As long as she's done her exams in a name she can evidence is hers, it shouldn't be any issue.

aspirationalflamingo · 25/08/2023 12:56

There is no such thing as a legal name in England and Wales. Only the name you use and can evidence is yours.

ZekeZeke · 25/08/2023 12:57

My advice is MYOB if your DH isn't bothered then don't get involved.

Original poster
howfartospar · 25/08/2023 13:00

The name hasn't officially been changed, and her passport is the same surname as my DH.

My DH would still like to identify with his daughter but his family name is completely omitted. I know some school can use "known as" for a different name, but this is on official exam results.

OP posts:
Wishitsnows · 25/08/2023 13:03

Surely at your dsds age she can choose her preferred surname. Not sure why your DH needs to have his surname the same as his daughters to identify with her. He clearly didn’t feel his exes name was needed for her to identify with her daughter for the last 16 years.

Sssudio · 25/08/2023 13:05

Where I work you need to provide a passport and qual certs when you start, and if the names on either don't match your current name you also need to provide the document that 'explains' the name change, in my case my marriage cert. I suspect other public sector orgs would require the same.

If hers will not match she either needs a document (like a statutory declaration) to explain the 'new' name or needs to get either passport or quals changed.

mumsworkneverstops · 25/08/2023 13:06

Maybe she has legally changed her name? And just not updated her passport yet?

If not, it's very easy to do so and she can do it at any point.

Monkeylimas · 25/08/2023 13:07

If she is 16 She can change her name without consent via deed poll. Maybe she did this in her 16th?

You say he wants to identify with his daughter - maybe she wanted to identify with the parent she lived with?

I don’t get why guys only start thinking about surnames and identity etc when it is their name that is not being used. Has he considered changing to her surname if it’s important to him? Lots of women keep their married name after divorce for this reason. His daughter must prefer the name she has given to school, he can change his via deed poll today if he wants to (you can do it for free online - just find the wording and print it out and get witnesses - you don’t need a solicitor).

Sssudio · 25/08/2023 13:07

if on the other hand she has several names and it's obvious that there's just an omission (ie it's a double barreled name in passport but single on certs) she might be ok as is.

Who registered her at school? All pupils should have been asked to check their name for certs and get back to the school if wrong much earlier in the year, so it should have been picked up then if an issue

Haggisfish3 · 25/08/2023 13:07

it would have been sd responsibility to check exam entry for this sort of thing. We always emphasise to students it must be their legal
name and should match other documents. Sounds to me like she has used a different name throughout secondary.

Alwaysdecorating · 25/08/2023 13:11

What do you mean identify with her?

and why does she need his name for that?

Enforceddrysummer · 25/08/2023 13:13

My DC changed their name on their 16th birthday to my surname. It was just in time for GCSE certificates to be in the new name, so entirely possible that OP's child has done this.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 25/08/2023 13:14

If he can't identify with his daughter because she doesn't have his name, there's bigger problems than the name.

MrsRetriever · 25/08/2023 13:15

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 25/08/2023 13:14

If he can't identify with his daughter because she doesn't have his name, there's bigger problems than the name.

This. Also a big fan of PP’s suggestion that he changes his name to match hers, if it’s so important.

Or is it only women who should go through the faff? And why is that?

MrsElsa · 25/08/2023 13:19

He needs to get a grip on his ego sharpish if he is to have any hope of maintaining a positive relationship with his DD.

Any issues re legal name can be handled by the mother, no need for him to stick his oar in.

Poor girl. The feedback from DH (and you!) to DD should be "well done you smashed those gcses!" And a nice gift / money sent to congratulate her.

Whattodo112222 · 25/08/2023 13:22

She's old enough to choose what name she wants to go by. Not sure you and your DP can enforce anything else upon her.

fettuccini · 25/08/2023 13:28

My birth surname was different to the surname I used at school. I took my step fathers name unofficially. All my school results were in this name and I was known by this name the whole time I was at school. It's never been an issue. I changed my name by deed poll at 18.

This is the name she wants to go by. How do you think married people present their school certificates? It's not normal for people to provide their marriage certificate to prove change of name in that instance. It won't be an issue for your step daughter. Maybe her dad can think of other ways of bonding with his daughter.

megletthesecond · 25/08/2023 13:31

I noticed on DS's results sheet that they had double barrelled his name. But he said it was just his dad's surname (his legal name) on the exam papers. I need to look into this too.

prh47bridge · 25/08/2023 13:33

howfartospar · 25/08/2023 13:00

The name hasn't officially been changed, and her passport is the same surname as my DH.

My DH would still like to identify with his daughter but his family name is completely omitted. I know some school can use "known as" for a different name, but this is on official exam results.

Schools should not use "known as" names. The courts and government guidance on this are clear. However, once your husband's daughter reaches the age of 16, she can choose whatever name she wants. Your husband has no say in the matter. If she doesn't want to use his surname, he has to accept that. His desire to identify with his daughter is irrelevant.

LadyBird1973 · 25/08/2023 13:34

I've got some sympathy with him. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of giving children their father's name by default, his was the name that both parents agreed to and it's jarring that this can just be altered without anyone ever having told him. He is her father and he might be a very nice man and a good dad. She doesn't become 'less' his daughter because she lives with mum, so I do think it would be appropriate for a discussion to have been had prior to dd changing her name.

HardcoreLadyType · 25/08/2023 13:40

I can see this will have been a shock for your DP, to find out about her name change in this manner. He may well feel sad, and perhaps some rejection.

He will probably want to discuss it with her later, but right now it’s time to celebrate her results.

As you can see from previous responses, she may have to do some admin to ensure all her paperwork is in order, but that can be resolved in due course, so it’s not really something you need to worry about.

ittakes2 · 25/08/2023 13:56

I suspect she has changed it legally - it doesn’t matter what name is on her passport it’s like when you get married and if you change your surname your passport will still be in your maiden name until it’s changed.
I named my daughter with a formal name after a family member but we have always from the day she was born called her a shortened version of this name. But I have not for lack of trying been able to get her four schools in the last 12 years to change her name on records to this shortened version. Even on her first day of school aged 4 she came home telling me the teacher had told her her name was the longer version - I had forgotten to tell her - and the school insisted on using the legal longer version for role call. There is no way an exam body would accept anything but a legal name.

JusthereforXmas · 25/08/2023 14:08

howfartospar · 25/08/2023 13:00

The name hasn't officially been changed, and her passport is the same surname as my DH.

My DH would still like to identify with his daughter but his family name is completely omitted. I know some school can use "known as" for a different name, but this is on official exam results.

Frankly what your DH wants doesn't matter one shiny shit... its not his name, not his identity, not his life.

Stop looking at this young woman as property you can stamp your name on, she doesn't belong to him and has made her wants clear by changing her name.

And from personal experience pushing this is what made me legally deedpoll my name. My fathers entitlement and control made me want to have no part of his name tied to me. He pushed me right out of his life with these types of views.

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