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Original poster

Step daughter's surname on exam results is different from legal name

110 replies

howfartospar · 25/08/2023 12:48

My DH has a daughter and son from a previous relationship. His daughter had her exam results over the Summer and proudly sent a photo of the results. At the top of the exam results was her name with the family surname of his ex partner.

My DH is quite chilled and understands their desire for her to have the same name as their family, but he also feels he would like to identify with his daughter. The main concern is that will having a different surname to what’s on her passport impact when she applies for university / jobs etc?

Clearly a conversation with the ex partner will be an appropriate way forward at some point, but has anyone been in a similar situation and did it cause any issues or do you have any adivce?

OP posts:
Ladyoftheknight · 25/08/2023 14:09

How do you know she hasn't changed it?

If her exam results have the wrong name, you need to contact the school/exam board and have it changed as it could make them invalid.

Her passport having one name doesn't mean anything, she could've changed it since getting the passport.

JusthereforXmas · 25/08/2023 14:12

prh47bridge · 25/08/2023 13:33

Schools should not use "known as" names. The courts and government guidance on this are clear. However, once your husband's daughter reaches the age of 16, she can choose whatever name she wants. Your husband has no say in the matter. If she doesn't want to use his surname, he has to accept that. His desire to identify with his daughter is irrelevant.

Show quote history

Every school I have ever encountered uses 'known as'. As they should as a person has the right to decide their own identity.

I have helped with office administration and nearly half the kids went by names that weren't their full legal first name.

Dropthedonkey · 25/08/2023 14:15

What name has been on her report cards over the years?
I can see that it would be nice to have and a head's up that this was happening - it's not as if they are no contact

Original poster
howfartospar · 25/08/2023 14:17

Wow - I do feel that some of these comments are a little judgemental here!

My DH has spoken to his daughter previously about the surname and given his blessing for her to change her name if she wanted to, she did not.

He has no issue with incorporating his exes family name and this has previously been used in a double-barrelled way.

He was surprised that his surname has now been removed, as it never previously was.

The concern is will it cause issues for her brilliant exam results to be in a different name to that on her passport or "official" surname if you like.

If the surname was changed then he would have no issue with it. he has a good relationship with his ex and even her new husband, so it's somewhat strange that it was never discussed.

I'm sure conversation with the ex and daughter will confirm matters.

Thanks for the replies.

OP posts:
fettuccini · 25/08/2023 14:24

Again, no it won't make a difference that her passport is in a different name to her exam results. Her 'official' surname is likely to change again, if she gets married. Again, It won't make a jot if difference.

So he actually already gave his blessing...

JusthereforXmas · 25/08/2023 14:25

howfartospar · 25/08/2023 14:17

Wow - I do feel that some of these comments are a little judgemental here!

My DH has spoken to his daughter previously about the surname and given his blessing for her to change her name if she wanted to, she did not.

He has no issue with incorporating his exes family name and this has previously been used in a double-barrelled way.

He was surprised that his surname has now been removed, as it never previously was.

The concern is will it cause issues for her brilliant exam results to be in a different name to that on her passport or "official" surname if you like.

If the surname was changed then he would have no issue with it. he has a good relationship with his ex and even her new husband, so it's somewhat strange that it was never discussed.

I'm sure conversation with the ex and daughter will confirm matters.

Thanks for the replies.

There no such thing as an 'official' surname.

I have 2 that I use interchangeably on different legal documents (bank, passport, DVLA for one & Tax, child stuff, anything council based for the other).

As long as you are honest on any government forms that you have an alias (they ask this usually) theres absoloutly no laws on how many names you can use or what on.

You can not be discriminated against due to your name.

kirinm · 25/08/2023 14:28

howfartospar · 25/08/2023 13:00

The name hasn't officially been changed, and her passport is the same surname as my DH.

My DH would still like to identify with his daughter but his family name is completely omitted. I know some school can use "known as" for a different name, but this is on official exam results.

'Identify'? You mean he wants her to have his name. It's up to her, isn't it? She won't have been forced to change her name

kirinm · 25/08/2023 14:30

LadyBird1973 · 25/08/2023 13:34

I've got some sympathy with him. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of giving children their father's name by default, his was the name that both parents agreed to and it's jarring that this can just be altered without anyone ever having told him. He is her father and he might be a very nice man and a good dad. She doesn't become 'less' his daughter because she lives with mum, so I do think it would be appropriate for a discussion to have been had prior to dd changing her name.

It's not his name. It's her name and she shouldn't have to consult anyone if she wants to change it.

Qilin · 25/08/2023 14:30

*Every school I have ever encountered uses 'known as'. As they should as a person has the right to decide their own identity.

I have helped with office administration and nearly half the kids went by names that weren't their full legal first name.*

On official exams?
I thought only the legal name can appear on external exams and exam certificates?

Yes it's normal day to day and on the register in class. But the legal name is also on SIMs (or equivalent) and used for official and legal documentation.

kirinm · 25/08/2023 14:31

Oh your DH no longer cares about identifying with his daughter, just that the formal processes have been complied with. Sure.

Shopper727 · 25/08/2023 14:34

Why does he need to identify with her? What a weird comment
she’s his daughter and she can have whatever name she feels comfortable with. It’s just a name, she’s the same person regardless

Quartz2208 · 25/08/2023 14:34

School send out a statement of entry to check as to what name should be on the certificates and should really be the legal name due to all the reasons stated here

if it isn’t then she has deliberately agreed and changed it

prh47bridge · 25/08/2023 14:41

JusthereforXmas · 25/08/2023 14:12

Every school I have ever encountered uses 'known as'. As they should as a person has the right to decide their own identity.

I have helped with office administration and nearly half the kids went by names that weren't their full legal first name.

Show quote history

Using a shortened first name is fine. However, the courts and government guidance are clear that a school cannot use a "known as" surname (or, indeed, a completely different first name to their legal name) unless everyone with PR consents.

JusthereforXmas · 25/08/2023 14:42

Qilin · 25/08/2023 14:30

*Every school I have ever encountered uses 'known as'. As they should as a person has the right to decide their own identity.

I have helped with office administration and nearly half the kids went by names that weren't their full legal first name.*

On official exams?
I thought only the legal name can appear on external exams and exam certificates?

Yes it's normal day to day and on the register in class. But the legal name is also on SIMs (or equivalent) and used for official and legal documentation.

You never said on exams you said 'Schools should not use "known as" names.'.

That said even on exams you have a right to your own identity. You have the right in England to go by any name as long as its not for deceptive purposes. If you can prove its a name you use and wasn't a scam then its legally your name.

NerrSnerr · 25/08/2023 14:44

Has he spoken to her about it?

Ultimately it's her name and she can decide what she chooses to go by.

anotheranotheranotheranother · 25/08/2023 14:55

The concern is will it cause issues for her brilliant exam results to be in a different name to that on her passport or "official" surname if you like.

It won't.

That wasn't the concern though? You said he wanted to 'identify' with his DD

FFSWhatToDoNow · 25/08/2023 15:06

fettuccini · 25/08/2023 14:24

Again, no it won't make a difference that her passport is in a different name to her exam results. Her 'official' surname is likely to change again, if she gets married. Again, It won't make a jot if difference.

So he actually already gave his blessing...

Absolutely no reason for anyone to change name on marriage that isn’t hideously sexist.

Alwaysdecorating · 25/08/2023 15:08

howfartospar · 25/08/2023 14:17

Wow - I do feel that some of these comments are a little judgemental here!

My DH has spoken to his daughter previously about the surname and given his blessing for her to change her name if she wanted to, she did not.

He has no issue with incorporating his exes family name and this has previously been used in a double-barrelled way.

He was surprised that his surname has now been removed, as it never previously was.

The concern is will it cause issues for her brilliant exam results to be in a different name to that on her passport or "official" surname if you like.

If the surname was changed then he would have no issue with it. he has a good relationship with his ex and even her new husband, so it's somewhat strange that it was never discussed.

I'm sure conversation with the ex and daughter will confirm matters.

Thanks for the replies.

He wasn’t surprised. He was bothered. Because he feels he can o my identify with her if she has his name. Which is odd.

She may have changed her mind since he asked her.

It won’t cause an issue. I have my GCSE and a levels in one name, passports and banks in another and professionally another.

But that’s not why your husband felt odd about it and like she needs his name for him to identify with her

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 25/08/2023 15:11

howfartospar · 25/08/2023 13:00

The name hasn't officially been changed, and her passport is the same surname as my DH.

My DH would still like to identify with his daughter but his family name is completely omitted. I know some school can use "known as" for a different name, but this is on official exam results.

I don't understand what he means by 'identify' with his daughter. Is he concerned she isn't biologically his? Because assuming not, why on Earth would he be concerned about not identifying' with her.

Anotheranonymousname · 25/08/2023 15:13

It may well be that she has officially changed her last name but it may also be that the school has produced this summary of results and it's been printed out using her 'known as' names. The only thing that really matters is that her exam entries were made in the names she wants to use.

fettuccini · 25/08/2023 15:22

@FFSWhatToDoNow oh here we go. I knew some moron would jump on this. It isn't sexist for a woman to decide for herself is SHE wants to change her own name to their husbands. I chose to change my name because, funny enough, I have autonomy and I chose it for myself. Just like most women who change this name nowadays. We have a choice. Everyone's choice is valid. This thread isn't about that though. If you want to start one about that type of thing go ahead elsewhere, there is a feminist board.

FFSWhatToDoNow · 25/08/2023 15:45

Shame men aren’t expected to make that choice though, eh, seeing how hassle free and brilliant it apparently is.

FFSWhatToDoNow · 25/08/2023 15:47

I’d have thought a 16 year old changing their name formally would be more likely to keep it, that’s all.

and your casual comments about her “probably changing her name” if she marries is another thing keeping women in their place. If you’re going to be casually sexist, expect it to get called out.

Lisbeth50 · 25/08/2023 15:55

Are you sure it was an official document from the exam board and not just an emailed list sent by the school? If she is known by another name at school, they may have just used that name on the email.

ExperiencedTeacher · 25/08/2023 15:57

This paper is just her results from school. Her exam certificates, which is what she’ll need in the future, won’t be issued for a couple of months and will have the name on her birth certificate on them