Primary school parent volunteers asking for cash for teachers

[LavenderGalileo]

A reception parent class volunteer has said that we all have to (yes have to) give money (yes cash) towards end of year presents, to be split between 10 (yes 10)! teachers including the class teacher and assistants, PE teacher, cook, head, deputy head etc

Naturally, I ignored this and the following reminders.

After again being reminded that only 5 people had donated, it apparently shot up to 15 had as per this email from the parent volunteer

“Hi all

Firstly, thank you to those that have donated so far to the teachers end of year cash/ voucher presents.

I have however only received contributions from 15 of the "children". If you don't want to make a contribution and are going to do your own thing, which as I've said before is totally fine, please do have the courtesy to let me know so that I can take you off the spreadsheet and not be worrying on the last day for example that I might be waiting on last minute donations.

Thanks”

Is it me or is this whole thing insane?! Why do we have to give cash or be permitted by a parent volunteer to “do our own thing”?

Is it not the volunteer who is so rude for implying that simply ignoring the distasteful and highly problematic request is discourteous?

This is a reception class by the way so I’ve bought the teacher and class assistants small gifts and my child will draw and hand write a card… surely that’s appropriate?

This has split the parents about 20/10… Roughly 20 (despite the volunteer claiming 15 donated) think the whole notion is a bit vulgar and a bit of a misunderstanding of volunteer “power”

This was done at Christmas too, with odd amounts flying around like £300 was split to the class teacher; £85 to the school head; £7.50 to the chef… I feel the whole thing is so problematic

The head is well aware of this and basically said at Christmas “well the school isn’t asking the parent volunteer to do this” (rather than “I’m mortified” by this and can see the obvious problems 😂)

What are the thoughts here?

You genuinely think giving a token of thanks is odd? It’s nothing to do with wages, it’s a sign of appreciation. A verbal thanks is the same concept.

This year, my son’s teacher has really gone the extra mile to meet his special needs. I’m getting her a card and a token gift, because I am genuinely so grateful (and I’m a bit shy and awkward so sending a small gift is easier for me!) When he was in intensive care I bought his nurse a present too, nothing flashy, just a token of thanks.

I’m a teacher and this year I’ll get some small gifts, some verbal thanks, a few messages on the app and a couple of cards. Some parents don’t say thanks and that’s fine too, like you say, I’m only doing my job! But I don’t think it’s odd to say thanks through a small gift. Culturally it’s very normal in the U.K.

I think it's a bit passive-aggressive and also over the top - gifts for the head, the chef, wtf?! Having said that I think it's better to have a class gift as you can get something more meaning-/useful. But no one should feel obliged to contribute. These things will fade away over the next few years. Some parents are bit over-enthusiastic when their pfb children start primary school unfortunately.

This wouldn’t be allowed where I work. Small tokens are able to be accepted but nothing over a specified amount and cash/vouchers are not allowed.

This is completely normal. My kids have been in two different primary schools and one parent always volunteers to do the colllection and we transfer money to them. They then buy the gift / vouchers. Anyone who wants to get their own gift just says so.

I think it’s great that they take this chore on, saves me finding time to buy a gift.

I cannot see your problem at all. They are trying to do something nice and helpful. Do your own thing if you want. And let them do their’s.

@Notanymoreforme The wording is the problem, not the actual gesture. I assume.

@Flora56 Teacher is a job like many others. No one should be shamed for not giving them cards or gifts; after all these parents have already paid their taxes. Do you buy Christmas presents for the person at the supermarket checkout or the builders who fix the potholes on your road or the library assistant?

To be fair, if you don't like that it is cash being handed out, why don't you volunteer instead next time?

I think it sounds awful. I worked in primary school and never heard of class collections. Didn’t ever get asked to contribute as parent either. It was much more meaningful to me to receive handmade cards and messages from the children. A collection just sounds like parents will feel compelled to donate and why to whole staff? If a CT or TA as gone above and beyond for child it might be nice to give a token but it should come from being motivated not hounded by an over zealous volunteer.

The wording that says no one has to give anything? That doesn’t sound so bad. OP trying to interpret it as being given ‘permission’ to do your own thing, is a bit bonkers.

This is why no-one ever wants to be a class rep! For my sins, I often was, and it's always a bit tricky when it comes to group/class gifts or contributions for things like fairs etc. We generally just passed an envelope around, everyone signed a card, and it was optional to put whatever money you wanted in. Some put £10, some a £1, it doesn't matter, and then a voucher was bought.

Give the woman a break, you have only just started school. Over time, everyone gets to know one another, and who wants to be included in these kind of things and who doesn't. Just let her know. There will always be people who want to do their own thing, and that is fine, but others also appreciate a group effort, so that they don't have to bother. Neither is wrong.

No. The snarky tone. No need for it. Just say if you don't pay by X date then I assume you're not involved, it's not a problem. Sounds like both sides are getting hot under the collar for no reason.

In a school I worked in you had to declare any gifts worth more than £5. Cash wasn't allowed at all.

Collections are very normal. They should be opt-in, not opt-out. However, I do have sympathy for the organizer on that. If it is like our school, the money will be given not as cash, but as a voucher to a big-box store. Someplace where a teacher could ostensibly buy something for the classroom or for their job, but could also easily buy something personal or even just household sundries. The fact that they could in theory get something for the class is what makes it seem less tacky. It’s just a little bit of social etiquette that everyone agrees to play along with. That voucher has to be purchased though and if the organizer gets donations at the last minute it creates problems .

Just interested, when did it become normal to give gifts, personal or via whip round to teachers?
I’m a retired teacher & it never was done, nor expected, in any of the schools I worked in.

My mum is a 75 year old retired primary school teacher and always got presents at Xmas / end of school year - total variety, not “expected”, generally not a big organised thing. It’s a lot less common in secondary schools.

Where did I say those who don’t buy gifts should be shamed? I said it’s not an odd thing to do.

To answer the other part of your question, no I don’t buy the checkout assistants or man who fills the pot holes a present. Mainly because I don’t know or have a relationship with them. My son spends 30 hours per week with his teacher, and spent up to 12 hours per day/night with his ICU nurse - he has/had a longer term relationship with them and they go/went over and above to help him.

Is this your first child? Wait till you have 3 at school and you’ll be extremely grateful for the class rep / volunteer to arrange this rather than fiddling about with small gifts and cards and the eve of term. One year you might even have a job share so that would be two teachers and a TA! So 3 flipping gifts!
YABU not to just tell the class rep you’ve done your own thing!

@Darklane Collections are new to me but presents are very common in primary school. Secondary it's rare unless you're leaving/Y11.

Is it the problem that there is a demand for the money as opposed to a suggestion that you might like to contribute?

Because imo giving money to a gift pot is a far better idea than everyone bringing little bits of tat to their individual teacher at the end of the year. I see a lot of 'Best Teacher' mugs and other such items in charity shops.

My DCs went to school in the US and it was the norm for the class parents to do a whip around. There was a suggested donation of $5 per child, but it was made clear that this was optional and any amount would be gratefully received. The teachers and TAs and office staff each got a hefty Visa gift card of equal value at the end of the year.

I went to primary school (in Ireland) in the 1970s and it was very much a thing in the school I attended. Teachers sent thank you notes to the children too. My mum used to send packets of blank note cards as presents

It's fine to do a collection and I like giving to one it's easier for me and I think nice for the staff to have one big "thing" and I have organised many.

It should be completely voluntary and aside d from the collection link I would just post once or twice saying I'm getting the gift by x date. I do not put the names of individual children jn, and out from class x or y as does anyone else that does one.

Running a spreadsheet and chasing like this is totally not on and I would be really pissed off it would put me right off putting in!!

Why? It's not their business. They just should be giving a date to contribute by and then using the money they have to buy gifts - not keeping a spreadsheet of who hasn't paid in.

I stopped donating after year 1. I had multiple children at the school and couldn’t afford to keep doing this. In our school it’s done by each class and they end up collecting upwards of 400£ for each teacher.

I went to school in Ireland in the 90s and we all gave a pound and the teacher got flowers and a card. Big difference to the amount being sought these days.

I come from a family very well represented with primary and secondary teachers. Without fail, they have all said this is bonkers and they are happy with a card from the class or child.