Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Original poster

Primary school parent volunteers asking for cash for teachers

134 replies

LavenderGalileo · 12/07/2023 07:46

A reception parent class volunteer has said that we all have to (yes have to) give money (yes cash) towards end of year presents, to be split between 10 (yes 10)! teachers including the class teacher and assistants, PE teacher, cook, head, deputy head etc

Naturally, I ignored this and the following reminders.

After again being reminded that only 5 people had donated, it apparently shot up to 15 had as per this email from the parent volunteer

“Hi all

Firstly, thank you to those that have donated so far to the teachers end of year cash/ voucher presents.

I have however only received contributions from 15 of the "children". If you don't want to make a contribution and are going to do your own thing, which as I've said before is totally fine, please do have the courtesy to let me know so that I can take you off the spreadsheet and not be worrying on the last day for example that I might be waiting on last minute donations.

Thanks”

Is it me or is this whole thing insane?! Why do we have to give cash or be permitted by a parent volunteer to “do our own thing”?

Is it not the volunteer who is so rude for implying that simply ignoring the distasteful and highly problematic request is discourteous?

This is a reception class by the way so I’ve bought the teacher and class assistants small gifts and my child will draw and hand write a card… surely that’s appropriate?

This has split the parents about 20/10… Roughly 20 (despite the volunteer claiming 15 donated) think the whole notion is a bit vulgar and a bit of a misunderstanding of volunteer “power”

This was done at Christmas too, with odd amounts flying around like £300 was split to the class teacher; £85 to the school head; £7.50 to the chef… I feel the whole thing is so problematic

The head is well aware of this and basically said at Christmas “well the school isn’t asking the parent volunteer to do this” (rather than “I’m mortified” by this and can see the obvious problems 😂)

What are the thoughts here?

OP posts:
Takeovermylife · 12/07/2023 08:24

Another thing, the mum isn't kind hearted, she is either seeking glory or there is a scam going on. Same mum every year...

timegoingtooquickly · 12/07/2023 08:25

PuttingDownRoots · 12/07/2023 07:51

In a way it makes more sense than 30 "best teacher" mugs.

But its been handled badly.

This!!

Talipesmum · 12/07/2023 08:26

As many are saying - joint collections are great, and are very normal. It’s nice that she’s thinking to include the wider support staff as well. And she’s made it clear it’s not compulsory.

But the tone is wrong, and she’ll probably figure out that her inner assumption that everyone will want to do this is wrong. Mostly people organising joint collections just give people opportunity to donate, but don’t demand to know who is planning to not donate/do their own thing. That’s the intrusive part.

She’s trying to help out but has the tone wrong. Don’t let it wind you up. She’s trying to help and has made some incorrect assumptions. Definitely not the business of the school to sort it out. Send a nice simple note back saying you’d rather sort out your own gift thanks.

Shopper727 · 12/07/2023 08:29

We did it by class so each teacher would get vouchers or whatever that we give £ to one parent who buys a gift usually just £5 no one has to either

TheCheeseTray · 12/07/2023 08:35

KingofCats · 12/07/2023 07:51

It’s very clear you don’t “have to” from the text you’ve posted - she’s asked you to let her know if you’re opting out. Why are you so offended?

It shouldn’t be an opt out - our school is an opt in. Eh collecting for Mrs H if you want to opt on my bank details are - please donate what you like ref your child’s name but the card and gift then goes from all the children who have donated.

but I got ‘stung’ one year I gave about £30 for the teacher and Ta as the suggestion was be generous Covid hard etc and the class was 30 children - everyone donated but some people donated 50 p by bank transfer just to get their child’s name on the card 🤦‍♀️🙄so the total amount was about £60 - so now we do our own thing. No one made me donate so much by the way but I was new to the area and it was affluent and the parent was making a big thing of being generous - but I did think afterwards no doing that again. I now tend to give a few bottles of wine 🍷 from him and have a spreadsheet of the bottles the staff like 👍 by asking them direct 👍

MrMucker · 12/07/2023 08:39

I should say that if this is a school work related email then you have breached its terms and conditions by posting it on here. Check the bottom of it, ts and cs on the recipient of the email.

But more importantly, calm down ffs. She/he has asked for something, is employing a standard fund raising tactic of asking where you stand and to please act in haste if it is a yes.
From you, it is a no, so....what, you choose to get angry about it?

Rather than posting what is essentially a private and confidential message from within a school system, you could have just taken time to read it and react to the words. Rather than some imagined fact that you are being somehow extorted.

Stop scandalising and read it. It'll save the school from yet another outraged parent wanting to fuss and fume about nothing.

Original poster
LavenderGalileo · 12/07/2023 09:09

It’s more the fact that it’s vulgar to give money. and it’s demanding a quote relentless reminders to opt out rather than opt in otherwise you’re implied “discourteous”.

Secondly, this email was sent from the volunteer’s personal email to all parents’ personal private email addresses (it is fact the sender breaching GDPR, if anyone)

There is an official school group email, with ts and cs, that it was NOT sent from

Youve missed the point

OP posts:
Leftphalange100 · 12/07/2023 09:13

I think you're overreacting.

I'd have sent a simple message saying you were doing your own thing.

In my experience this is very common and sometimes I give as it allows the teachers to get better presents rather than loads of token gifts and saves me the hassle. Sometimes I give my own.

If this is how worked up your getting in reception year, you have a long road ahead.

Not a big deal in my opinion

Leftphalange100 · 12/07/2023 09:14

Also I don't think you're being honest and you're clearly exaggerating.

You don't have to like you said, you can easily not do it as it says in the other person's message.

Crazycrazylady · 12/07/2023 09:27

Total over reaction on your part. Some people like to give teachers a gift at end of year and throwing a tenner into a collection suits them. It clearly says that's it's fine to opt out but she is asking that people let her know. Hardly spawn of Satan stuff. Confused

Nursemumma92 · 12/07/2023 09:30

The tone isn't great but the principle is very normal and exactly what happens at my DD's primary school.
Easy to just be courteous and opt out.

GiraffeLaSophie · 12/07/2023 09:44

LavenderGalileo · 12/07/2023 09:09

It’s more the fact that it’s vulgar to give money. and it’s demanding a quote relentless reminders to opt out rather than opt in otherwise you’re implied “discourteous”.

Secondly, this email was sent from the volunteer’s personal email to all parents’ personal private email addresses (it is fact the sender breaching GDPR, if anyone)

There is an official school group email, with ts and cs, that it was NOT sent from

Youve missed the point

What do you mean, it’s vulgar to give money? Are the teachers just going to be handed an envelope of cash on the last day, as that’s not what your first post suggested.

I don’t think the parent helper has done anything wrong. She’s not insisted that you ‘have’ to give money, she’s quite clear in that message that if you’re doing your own thing you can just email and tell her that. Your own thing could be buying your own gift/voucher or not buying anything at all.

How did she get your email address?

ThreadExterminator · 12/07/2023 09:49

I think it has become the norm for a class rep to collect money to buy presents from all the parents. Ours just put a message on the Whatsapp group a few weeks ago saying 'Is everyone happy for me to organise the gift again this year? Everyone happy with x voucher same as last year? And what do we think of £10 each?'.

People responded, 'great yes. sounds good to me'.

Job done. Painless and I didn't feel pressured. If I hadn't wanted to opt in I'd probably have let her know at that point as they need an idea of how much they'll collect so that they can get on with organising the gift.

uncertainalice · 12/07/2023 09:59

I'm afraid I just don't get this - any of it! I'm far from bah humbug, and I tell my DC's teacher that they've done really well by him this year and thank you etc...but why do we need to send presents or vouchers? They're just doing their job, a very important one, but so are lots of other people's jobs.

I might get DS to make a card if he's persuadable, but...

And yes I am on very low income, but even when I have been earning well, this still seems...odd?

Not a grinch, just bewildered by it all!

FlipFlop1987 · 12/07/2023 09:59

Generally I’m not a big fan of the teacher whip round. My personal opinion. However it seems to be the norm and I don’t want my opinion reflecting back onto my child in any way.
My child isn’t changing teachers this year and is only in school nursery so I was going to opt out too and do my own thing. However there’s 2 teachers and 3 TA’s so by the time I’d started to count it up, the £10 joint contribution was actually a better option and now the whole class has contributed it looks nice they are all involved in it and get to write in the card.
I get it isn’t to your taste either but honestly if it’s a reasonable amount, it’s by far the easier option. I just bank transferred and forgot all about it till next year. Job done

HanSB · 12/07/2023 10:01

I'm very grateful when a parent volunteers to collect money, buy a communal gift and arranges an online card with messages from all the children. It makes it all a lot easier and I'm sure the teachers are more thankful for this than 30 different cards and little gifts. The tone of her email is a bit demanding but this is an thankless job and as annoying as being the organiser for a group holiday chasing payments for example. You are being just as rude regardless of what you think by not responding to her, it takes a minute to reply and say you are not interested in being involved as you are doing your own thing.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 12/07/2023 10:06

I'm constantly surprised by what bollocks people will get aerated about on this site.

Just let her know you're doing your own thing FGS. Personally I'd happily bung a fiver or tenner over to an organiser so I don't have to do anything.

Original poster
LavenderGalileo · 12/07/2023 15:10

This sounds reasonable but sadly is not what happened here. It’s just a wad of cash divided up among 10 staff

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 12/07/2023 15:16

I would have thought that £1-5 per child would be more appropriate.

Until recently dh was a teacher and he had to declare or decline gifts worth more than a certain amount.

Comefromaway · 12/07/2023 15:17

But then I live in a fairly deprived city where parents are struggling to feed and clothe their children.

Hoppinggreen · 12/07/2023 15:18

She needs to step away from the spreadsheet and calm the F down

Talipesmum · 12/07/2023 15:21

I do think it’s a bit weird to just give plain cash.

Foxesandsquirrels · 12/07/2023 15:24

I think in the volunteers position I would've added:

"It will be lovely if we could all take part as the pool will be bigger. However, I completely understand this may not possible for everyone so please don't feel obliged. If I don't receive a donation from you by X date, I will assume you have made your own arrangements"

Or something of that nature. I can see both sides to this, but that's a snarky message and she's winding herself up for no reason. I imagine if so few people donated they ones that did, won't want to say it's from the whole class. It is quite embarrassing having to say no I can't donate and lots of people just can't at the moment.

Foxesandsquirrels · 12/07/2023 15:25

Talipesmum · 12/07/2023 15:21

I do think it’s a bit weird to just give plain cash.

It's very weird and actually not allowed in a lot of schools.

cyncope · 12/07/2023 15:30

If you don't want to be involved just text her and say you've sorted your own gift. Don't be such a drama queen.

Swipe left for the next trending thread