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Original poster

Primary school parent volunteers asking for cash for teachers

134 replies

LavenderGalileo · 12/07/2023 07:46

A reception parent class volunteer has said that we all have to (yes have to) give money (yes cash) towards end of year presents, to be split between 10 (yes 10)! teachers including the class teacher and assistants, PE teacher, cook, head, deputy head etc

Naturally, I ignored this and the following reminders.

After again being reminded that only 5 people had donated, it apparently shot up to 15 had as per this email from the parent volunteer

“Hi all

Firstly, thank you to those that have donated so far to the teachers end of year cash/ voucher presents.

I have however only received contributions from 15 of the "children". If you don't want to make a contribution and are going to do your own thing, which as I've said before is totally fine, please do have the courtesy to let me know so that I can take you off the spreadsheet and not be worrying on the last day for example that I might be waiting on last minute donations.

Thanks”

Is it me or is this whole thing insane?! Why do we have to give cash or be permitted by a parent volunteer to “do our own thing”?

Is it not the volunteer who is so rude for implying that simply ignoring the distasteful and highly problematic request is discourteous?

This is a reception class by the way so I’ve bought the teacher and class assistants small gifts and my child will draw and hand write a card… surely that’s appropriate?

This has split the parents about 20/10… Roughly 20 (despite the volunteer claiming 15 donated) think the whole notion is a bit vulgar and a bit of a misunderstanding of volunteer “power”

This was done at Christmas too, with odd amounts flying around like £300 was split to the class teacher; £85 to the school head; £7.50 to the chef… I feel the whole thing is so problematic

The head is well aware of this and basically said at Christmas “well the school isn’t asking the parent volunteer to do this” (rather than “I’m mortified” by this and can see the obvious problems 😂)

What are the thoughts here?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 12/07/2023 07:47

I wouldn’t let them know, cheeky fucker.

Calloffruity · 12/07/2023 07:49

I'd continue to ignore.

KingofCats · 12/07/2023 07:50

This is really normal? If you don’t want to donate or do your own thing (and own thing could be nothing) the just let them know? I personally am very grateful for the class reps who organise the end of term gifts so I don’t have to. I have also been an end of term collector on many occasions and I did make it slightly easier, I never chased anyone to let me know, just set up an online pot and people could donate or not by the deadline and then I used whatever funds were there for a present split between head, class teacher and TAs. No need for a spreadsheet and chasing but if that’s the way it’s usually been done in the past at your school just politely decline?

PuttingDownRoots · 12/07/2023 07:51

In a way it makes more sense than 30 "best teacher" mugs.

But its been handled badly.

KingofCats · 12/07/2023 07:51

It’s very clear you don’t “have to” from the text you’ve posted - she’s asked you to let her know if you’re opting out. Why are you so offended?

TheaBrandt · 12/07/2023 07:51

Think she’s got abit carried away. SomeOne close to her should have a gentle word

AppleKatie · 12/07/2023 07:54

I don’t think it’s inherently wrong of the volunteer to do this- I’m grateful for the ones who do it at my DCs schools and regularly pay them.

you’re right that the tone of this one is off, but that’s the prob with volunteers they can be anyone they don’t get training and they might not always have the best communication skills.

if she’d have said, ‘I’m organising a collection for the teachers, suggested donation £5, please donate via bank transfer to X account Y sort code. If you are planning to join in with this last date for donations is Z as I will be shopping on A, and all welcome to hand over the presents with me at B time don’t worry if you can’t make it I will put a pic up on WhatsApp of what I bought’

would you have done it?

ButterCrackers · 12/07/2023 07:55

Same thing happens but I just reply doing my own gifts. It might be that your child won’t get to sign the card or be in the group that gives the gifts out so ready your kids so that they understand this.

DancingBarefootTonight · 12/07/2023 07:57

You obviously don’t have to give money and you don’t have to let her know if you’re doing your own thing. Just ignore if it bothers you. Why not just tell her you’re not donating though? It would take less time than posting on here.

Personally, although I’d have found this parent a bit annoying as self appointed organiser, it would have suited me to just give some money and not have to think about it. It hopefully reduces the amount of best teacher mugs and homemade biscuits that are given and never used.

It seems you’re making drama out of something that would hardly register to others.

Yerroblemom1923 · 12/07/2023 07:58

I don't even understand why parents do this! All my teacher friends don't want or expect a zillion keyrings and mugs. It's all a bit cringe. Yes, handmade cards from the kids are lovely. Flowers/ plants usually pointless as most can't wait to get away on holiday. Wine, chocolate just not necessary. Kids' hygiene is doubtful at the best of times so homemade biscuits, cakes etc won't get eaten.
Parents just stop this nonsense of pressurising fellow parents who may have neither the money or inclination to contribute to unwanted teacher gifts.

Hardbackwriter · 12/07/2023 07:59

A reception parent class volunteer has said that we all have to (yes have to) give money

But the email you've then given very clearly says that you don't 'have to'.

I think the tone could be better but that they're a volunteer trying to be helpful. It would be courteous to let her know you're opting out. If she'll be doing the same thing next year then you could say now that you'll always do your own thing so count you out.

Needmorelego · 12/07/2023 08:04

Just message “Hi I won’t be donating. Thanks”.
That’s all she wants to know.
You don’t need to give a reason.

TheaBrandt · 12/07/2023 08:04

If done well it’s great. At our old primary a parent would kindly offer to collect donations then they could get the teacher and ta some vouchers. This has gone wrong as she’s being aggressive and getting presents for everyone plus the cats mother.

YeCannaeChangeTheLawsOfPhysics · 12/07/2023 08:09

Oh dear this person is not right for the role.

I'd ignore.

WimpoleHat · 12/07/2023 08:10

It’s pretty standard to have a class collection- and it makes sense, really - the teacher probably doesn’t want 25 candles or mugs or whatever. This parent sounds like she was a bit officious about it, but of course you don’t “have to”. (Obviously, you don’t “have to” communicate with her at all, but for the sake of peace and harmony, a quick “we’re doing our own thing” text doesn’t seem like the end of the world. From her own point of view, she will think she’s trying to do a nice thing for the teacher.)

ThatsExyKim · 12/07/2023 08:12

They shouldn’t be asking you to message if you want to opt out, rather to message if you want to opt in. Some years I’ve contributed to things like this, some years I have ‘done my own thing’ but it’s always been a case of ‘let me know if you want to contribute’.

Summermeadowflowers · 12/07/2023 08:14

I think the op is saying that rather than giving gifts money is given to the teachers and I agree that’s not really appropriate

Jigslaw · 12/07/2023 08:15

Yes it is insane, most teachers I know would be mortified by this also. We have always done a whip around and bought a voucher from the entire class, this generally works well as people put in what they can afford (if anything) without judgement, and all of the children get to be a part of giving a present even if their parents couldn't afford to contribute- it feels fair tbh.

Owlieandfoxy · 12/07/2023 08:15

Ew! Imagine being married to that person

Not normal. Don't get involved

Mintearo7 · 12/07/2023 08:16

Agree it’s just bad communication skills. She just needed to give a deadline for donations rather than asking people to opt out. Some parents aren’t even organised or courteous enough to reply to party invites. She’s expecting too much.

Takeovermylife · 12/07/2023 08:18

I had this this week. From the same mum who caught my husband off guard last year and he gave a tenner. For a present that her and her daughter gave to the teacher. I'm pretty sure she has some kind of scam going where she sieves off the cash or gives something she already owns.

So this week she came to me and said that she didnt have our phone numbers, tgey are doing a collection and its 10 pounds each and...
I stopped her there and said I already have something.

ZenNudist · 12/07/2023 08:19

This is standard. There's nothing wrong with the message. We just give a fiver for teacher and TA and a kind hearted mum organises it. Collection at Christmas and end of year. Nothing for the head. Buy the caretaker a bottle of red wine separately and then I give costa vouchers or prosecco to school secretary and after school club staff.

Jigslaw · 12/07/2023 08:21

I think it's the fact there's a spreadsheet and pressure to donate. They should just have said if you want to send money for this please send it by x date, thanks.

Takeovermylife · 12/07/2023 08:23

Also the assumptions that the teacher doesn't want loads of differnt gifts thats a lie, I work in a nursery and love getting loads of little things.

Same with the homemade gifts, some parents are amazing bakers and you can tell that their child didn't help.

kirinm · 12/07/2023 08:23

Our class contributes for our teacher and teaching assistant but it's anonymous and voluntary - obviously!!

It is ridiculous to try and raise money for everybody and even more ridiculous to have a bloody spreadsheet.