Caught the school lying to us and GOSH about son's progress

[LolafromA]

Hi everyone. Posting it here as I need an advice. Thanks in advance.
Long story short… My son who is now in Year 4 had speech delay. While still in Nursery we were told by SENCO to sort out the funding and apply for an EHCP. Which we did. Didn’t get the place in the same school so we got accepted to another one. Of course, the new school did not need our ‘funding’ and supported our son using their SEN budget. Now we understand how SEN budgets work so I know we got tricked. During Reception year my son’s speech was developing rapidly. He was a sweet boy, very compliant, had friends, loved going to school and enjoyed learning despite speech problems. The teacher described him to me as having a ‘math head’. Which made sense since my brother is Physicist and my husband Cambridge Uni graduate (Astrophysics).
We got a place eventually at the school that we wanted (that advised us to get an EHCP) and my son started Year 1. He settled well and we received positive feedback about his academic progress. The teacher said he just needs to be more independent but they will work on it.
Now a month later during Parent Teacher meeting I mention to the teacher that my son is being assessed by GOSH (2nd opinion) for High Functioning ASD and I will be bringing forms to fill out about his behaviours etc. The teacher seemed surprised that our son has been diagnosed with ASD (my son is in Year 4 now and I am still not 100% sure but at the same time I realise that I am probably surrounded by aspies in my family (math gene is strong). My brother reminds me of Elon Musk a lot - very inteligent, based in Silicon Valley, studied Physics, Optical Engineer, geeky etc.
Now since I mention ASD, things change at school. All of the sudden I am invited for a meeting with SENCO, teachers and S&L Therapist and told my son needs one on one in Math and English lessons four times a week, lego therapy, of course S&L therapy. The amount of funding needed I was shown £12k costs.
At the same time my son (Year 1, has just turned 6) was assessed by GOSH professionals and the tests showed my son’s spelling is as a 9yo, Math - 8 yo and Early Reading Skills - 7 yo.
Because of Covid lockdown I found out these results only at the beginning of Year 2. It all made sense to me because I could not understand how this clever boy needs so much support. Remember I had to teach him during lockdown myself.
Year 2 started and I would ask my child if he has a TA. He would say that no and he is learning together with the whole class. I started questioning TA arrangements with the school and was told that my son has TA now. Later turned out TA was spending only 20 min twice a week with my son. Smoke and mirrors I know… Then another lockdown started from around Xmas. Again I got to witness my boy how easy he is to work with, how amazing memory he has, reads a text - answer questions correctly, comprehends etc So after the lockdown I started calling Local Authority as I felt we are being exploited. His EHCP was bringing the school extra 3k (top up funding). I ceased EHCP at the end of Year 2. Speech Therapist was giving him identical English lessons that I had to teach my son during lockdown myself. So I realised it’s another ‘smoke & mirrors’. The school tried hard to pursue us to keep an ECHP however I followed my gut feeling and told them to stop all the support as my child doesn’t need it. And guess what? My son had a good Year 3.
Meantime GOSH sent Educational Psychologist to observe my son (beginning of Year 3). Around Xmas I get a report from
Gosh and I can’t believe what I am reading. See below.

Cognitive and Academic Development
L cannot maintain independent learning without support and prompting. Mr X reported that L is reading at approximately a year 2 level (1 year behind). However, comprehension is a significant struggle; L struggles with inference and even simple retrieval of information he has read. Even with modelling, he struggles to answer basic questions.
Friendships and Relationships
Mr X reported that L had one friend, and that if that child were absent one day L would probably be on his own (e.g. during breaks), as he would struggle to join in socially with the other children. Mr X said that L does not have good social skills and only has one friend.
Mr X informed me that L previously had 1:1 support most of the time but now does not. Mr X feels that Lukas does need 1:1 support as he is unable to work independently without support.

Meantime a month before that above feedback to GOSH, SENCO’s reply to us:

In terms of verbal interaction, we would be looking closely at how he is doing so in the classroom.
There is no dispute that he is interacting well with his close friends in the playground. I also added into the annual review report about vour observations of him in the playground with other children.
Indeed, LA may feel that the TA support that L requires can be met by the class TA. I have made it clear that he does not need full time 1:1 in the classroom. It is quite normal to prompt other children from time to time, L just needs a little more than this. Mr P (Year 2 teacher) said that L is a lovely child to have in the class and easy to work with.

So after reading the GOSH report I go and speak to Mr X and ask how come my son’s reading is a year behind. Mr X replies ‘Don’t worry about L’s reading. His reading is fine!’ I said ‘Well I have just read Gosh report and it said this and this. Mr X suggests to speak about it all via Zoom when Parent Teacher meeting happens.
PS My son always had a group of friends and is a popular, soft spoken boy, polite and its all written in the End of Year Reports.
So during Parent/ Teacher meeting Mr X tells me my son scored above average in comprehension tests, has a group of friends, very good in mental math, has good vocabulary etc
I contacted GOSH and emailed all the correspondence (evidence) from SENCO regarding my son. Emailed all the evidence of how my son scored top mark 40/40 in Phonics and what Mr X said about his comprehension, friendships etc
GOSH right away arranged joint Zoom meeting with Mr X, SENCO and me. And all lies have been exposed. Complete silence from SENCO! They did not even try to defend their previous feedback.
GOSH said kids like L fly under the radar, his ASD case is subtle, he will do well academically and when he is a teen he may find it harder to fit in, may get depressed.
By the way GOSH Educational Psychologist in his report said he doesn’t see any anxiety in my son and that L is a very happy child from what he observed during PE lesson. Also at the end of Year 3 Mr X (Year 3 teacher) reported my child as very confident.
So Year 4 starts (this school year) and during Parent/ Teacher meeting Mrs F starts throwing hints at me how L has ADHD. I know.. lol I explained to her that he definitely does not. I studied and educated myself on both - Asd (subtle cases) and ADHD. SENCO gets called in. Complete silence from her. I leave the meeting saying how it’s time for us to have a meeting with the Headteacher which we did. I was furious! We had a meeting, brought up conflicting feedback to GOSH and was told it was Mr X’s opinion at the time about my son’s comprehension. Basically they had an answer for everything eg it was teacher’s opinion.
So I ended up requesting Subject Access Request (all educational records of my child since Year 1). Have a look at the image attached. My son never had comprehension problems!!!! In fact he scored high average!
My question here on Mumsnet would be - what do I do now? Report the school to Local Authority, Ofsted, Dept of Education? I complained to the Chair of Governors but received a reply with little answers. Mainly he advised to contact LA and was opologetic.
Every time my son has assessments now I ask the teacher Mrs F to email me his results. My son is excelling academically, she said he is mixing with the boys and girls, has a close group of friends which obviously I always knew since I organise playdates, meet with his friends/ parents in the playgrounds. I see how he interacts. You would not even know he has ASD but as I mentioned earlier, lets see how his teenage years go. Maybe that’s when I will see the symptoms.
As of now I need a realistic advice on what can be done to expose / stop the school doing this to another family.
Thank you.

OP - I'm from a very high-achieving academic family with Cambridge/Harvard graduates, multiple PhDs between my immediate family members (parents/grandparents/siblings/uncles etc) - yet my daughter is absolutely not academic. 😅 It can happen despite the strong "maths genes".

Am I right in thinking you are happy with his academic progress now?
If so, what do you want from the school?
Or does he still need support?

You can be successful and disabled. Being successful doesn’t mean the person isn’t disabled.

According to Tony Atwood you don’t need diagnosis if it doesn’t affect your life.

As per my pp, you wouldn’t get a diagnosis if it didn’t limit and impair everyday functioning.

Autistic people absolutely live successful lives but getting support doesn't their success means less because because had some support along the way. I bet if you spoke to many of those listed people they would tell you they received help to reach their full potential, like any child needs. It also doesn't mean they didn't struggle or find situations difficult too.

Those late diagnosed people do it so they can access the right support and help them understand themselves better.

From what I'm reading you don't want your son support because you don't feel he needs it (because you believe he's academically advanced and because you feel the school won't use it for him. I don't think your attitude is benefitting him.

Maybe I am in denial, God knows. But at the same time last year (End of Year 3 report) had no ‘Needs support’ marked. This is a year when he was ‘on his own’.

The old term was Aspergers after Hans Asperger who first noticed that some children were different. It's now called ASD. It's a spectrum characterised by certain difficulties and behaviours. Yes,many people, particularly older ones are not aware that they have the syndrome. They may well be successful, others might find them quirky or eccentric. Others, however, struggle. They may find social norms confusing, not fit into society, develop anxiety and depression due to their difficulties and find the whole of life confusing. The point is you don't know how your child will be. Mine finds every day a struggle. He doesn't think ASD is a super power. He finds it a huge disability. He's been severely bullied for being different. He is lonely a lot of the time as most people don't want to give any time to get to know his quirky self. The school your son attends is trying to help him. I don't think that you realize that. Come back in 20 years and tell us how it panned out. I won't be here by then, but it would be interesting.
Sorry but at this point I am bowing out. I'm finding the thread too upsetting.

That'd because they're supporting him with the classroom TA. Even GOSH pointed that out. That support could go at any point because it is legally required by and EHCP

One last thing my late DH and FIL also had it. It affected their lives to their detriment because of lack of diagnosis.

That KS1 assessment will have been a SATS paper and 17/40 would give a score in the mid to low 90s. 40/40 on the phonics screening and not meeting the expected standard in reading in yr 2 is rare and would suggest a comprehension issue.

I would suggest that if he had a scaled score in the 90s at the end of year 2 and an average score in Autumn term of yr 4 that there was an issue with his comprehension in yr 3.

How were you working with him at home? Did you explain tasks and then let his get on with them with little support or were you working alongside him helping him concentrate. 1:1 work at home is very different to a classroom.

If you’ve got this year’s teacher suggesting ADHD, an ed psych and last year’s teacher suggesting he needs additional help focusing then I’d suggest there is an issue with concentration as well. One that you likely may not have seen working with him at home.

There are plenty of children who are quite capable academically with an adult in the vicinity refocusing their attention when required but who won’t achieve when left to their own devices.

I agree, that’s what I was told nearly 4 years ago.

Exactly this. But also, a situation can turn on the head of a pin. DD2 was attending school with good attendance in year 9. Struggling emotionally, but nobody at school would have known. By Christmas of Year 10 she was struggling to attend school, and by mid-February the school were telling me not to try and bring her in because it was too traumatic for her. Now in a special school. DH worked with her old HT from Primary School and she was absolutely flabbergasted when she heard that our DD was now in a special school. She would never have imagined that the child she taught would be the child we described.

Puberty brings huge challenges to young people. Suddenly everything becomes more sophisticated and nuanced. Then some children who have ASD struggle to keep up socially.

Op I really wish you'd not pulled the last thread and just amended the personal details. It's really complicated the way you express it and I felt i understood last time.

You always left your son's name in again.

@LolafromA I can't comment on the first two as I don't actually know your son or observed him in a school setting.

However , on the 3rd point, if there are things specified and quantified in his EHCP, that is a legal document and the school has to provide what is in it. That is something you can actually go after the school for and why EHCP's are so so very important. They're not just a suggestion,or good to have they are an actual legal document. They are also reviewed and changed to best accommodate the child's needs . So if a child that needs help with changing for example then eventually does it safely and consistently, supervision or help with getting dressed will be taken out of the EHCP.

This is a document your son will benefit from, and it's best to have it in place. It can also help with secondary schools and getting a place at a school that is best suited for him. Starting it all over again , once he hits crisis point it will be too late.

I suggest you read his ECHP again, check when it was last updated and see exactly what it says. You should have a copy. If it hasn't been updated, then you need to talk to the SENCO/LA and get that sorted.

Also you need a list of all the things that must be in place for your son and go through them and see if they ever happened , in what context (if they did) etc. If there are any discrepancies,This is something you can complain to the school about, and they can't fob you off . Well, they can try , but since it's a legal document they don't have a leg to stand on.

TL;DR I understand you're angry, but do not get rid of the EHCP. It can only benefit your son in the future.

*also

OP. It is very difficult to get an EHCP and it costs schools a significant amount of money. The school would not have applied if they didn’t think your son needed the support and an EHCP wouldn’t have been given if his needs hadn’t been identified.

You seem to be in massive denial about your son’s diagnosis, including referencing numerous successful people with ASD. The funding you’ve turned your back on was supporting your son. You need to try to put it back in place. He may need it less now, he may never need it all, but if he does need it and it isn’t available then your son’s education will suffer and he will be disadvantaged

@Lougle for my dd it was similar. Flew in primary, had no difficulties with the academics or learning or friendships. Fast forward to secondary school and whilst the academics weren't a problem, the environment and the pressure and the sophisticated social nuances and d fell apart. Some time out of school and then into independent specialist school. Of course it was smoother because I had kept the EHCP when life was easy back in Primary school so it wasn't years wasted trying to get support.

I'm sorry OP but your son is in year 4. For the love of god please just chill out!!

He either has ASD or he doesn't. That's not for you to decide. Neither is it for you to decide how the professionals 'spend' the funding he may or may not be entitled to.
It doesn't matter if he's like your brother / husband / Elon Musk, has a 'math brain' or can't even spell his own name. As long as he's happy and learning at his own pace then what more can you ask for?

During last meeting with GOSH and school last year (when the feedback got amended about my son’s comprehension etc) I asked in front of everyone where does my child needs support. SENCO goes ‘Only in creative writing’. Then I ask ‘So how the school will support my son?’ SENCO goes ‘Well, he doesn’t need anyone sitting next to him as that would be counterproductive, as kids get too comfortable then. The ideas will be his, only TA will be there to supervise as there are more kids who need to support with writing. During the same meeting GOSH speech therapist said now just to look for signs of anxiety, nothing else. Also the doctor said to SENCO ‘Do you realise he will do well academically’.
My son is 9 years old now. I ask him if he feels differently to other kids. He answers no. He loves and plays football, loves to play chess, understands a lot about space, science. But at the same time he demands to go to the playground to play with his school friends.
So yes, teenage years is when things may change. I read many stories here on Mumsnet how ‘the wheels fall off’. But as of now I have a happy kid. I wish I knew what the future holds! I have to wait and see.
PS I don’t want this thread to upset anyone . I am just seeking for an advice as I did feel gaslighted and exploited by the school.
Thank you for all your replies.

That's exactly how most sen children are supported. A TA will come I and support then step away.

This is additional support, this isn't standard for all students. You need the EHCP to guarantee he gets even that type of support.

Nursery (school 1) - issues raised re speech. Referral to SALT. Joined pathway for ASC diagnosis. Nursery push for EHCP. EHCP in place. ASC diagnosis, op requests second opinion from GOSH. SALT thinks its language not autism.

School 2 - original placement not named in EHPC. DS starts Reception here. They meet his needs through SEN budget and don't 'need' the funding attached to EHCP.

School 1 - ds joins for Year 1. Op requests EHCP withdrawn end Year 2.

GOSH assessments continue, school provide mixed messages to parents and to GOSH, seemingly (to op) to maintain funding while not using it to benefit ds, and to confirm ASC diagnosis.

Op is unhappy, feels original push for EHCP was unnecessary and that ds' needs could always have been met in school from universal and SEN budget.

Next steps? Trust has gone. Ds now in Year 4.

^^ is that accurate?

Please please OP can you summarise? Your posts are so so long and difficult to follow

What’s the difference between developing and needs support on that end of year 3 report.

Even that’s saying he doesn’t usually work well independently.

It does seem like you might be getting conflicting information here. But there does seem to be some common threads. I second the advice to check what the EHCP says he should be getting because I suspect you might find that if that is a 1:1 TA in the vicinity (not next to him all the time) that the wheels might fall off and he underachieves off it is removed. The point of the EHCP is to ensure he reaches his academic potential by removing any barriers that might exist. Is it possible you don’t think it’s necessary because it’s actually working.

OP, why not just move your son from the school you clearly don't trust or like and find another one? I can't see any other resolution that will make you happy.

Supporting your child with creative writing doesn't necessarily involve a TA sitting next to him. My son was taught to mind map, he was given a picture sometimes to prompt, maybe a physical item, he'd be given a starting sentence, my daughter was taught how to edit her own work, still support but not necessarily having a TA next to them.