Caught the school lying to us and GOSH about son's progress

[LolafromA]

Hi everyone. Posting it here as I need an advice. Thanks in advance.
Long story short… My son who is now in Year 4 had speech delay. While still in Nursery we were told by SENCO to sort out the funding and apply for an EHCP. Which we did. Didn’t get the place in the same school so we got accepted to another one. Of course, the new school did not need our ‘funding’ and supported our son using their SEN budget. Now we understand how SEN budgets work so I know we got tricked. During Reception year my son’s speech was developing rapidly. He was a sweet boy, very compliant, had friends, loved going to school and enjoyed learning despite speech problems. The teacher described him to me as having a ‘math head’. Which made sense since my brother is Physicist and my husband Cambridge Uni graduate (Astrophysics).
We got a place eventually at the school that we wanted (that advised us to get an EHCP) and my son started Year 1. He settled well and we received positive feedback about his academic progress. The teacher said he just needs to be more independent but they will work on it.
Now a month later during Parent Teacher meeting I mention to the teacher that my son is being assessed by GOSH (2nd opinion) for High Functioning ASD and I will be bringing forms to fill out about his behaviours etc. The teacher seemed surprised that our son has been diagnosed with ASD (my son is in Year 4 now and I am still not 100% sure but at the same time I realise that I am probably surrounded by aspies in my family (math gene is strong). My brother reminds me of Elon Musk a lot - very inteligent, based in Silicon Valley, studied Physics, Optical Engineer, geeky etc.
Now since I mention ASD, things change at school. All of the sudden I am invited for a meeting with SENCO, teachers and S&L Therapist and told my son needs one on one in Math and English lessons four times a week, lego therapy, of course S&L therapy. The amount of funding needed I was shown £12k costs.
At the same time my son (Year 1, has just turned 6) was assessed by GOSH professionals and the tests showed my son’s spelling is as a 9yo, Math - 8 yo and Early Reading Skills - 7 yo.
Because of Covid lockdown I found out these results only at the beginning of Year 2. It all made sense to me because I could not understand how this clever boy needs so much support. Remember I had to teach him during lockdown myself.
Year 2 started and I would ask my child if he has a TA. He would say that no and he is learning together with the whole class. I started questioning TA arrangements with the school and was told that my son has TA now. Later turned out TA was spending only 20 min twice a week with my son. Smoke and mirrors I know… Then another lockdown started from around Xmas. Again I got to witness my boy how easy he is to work with, how amazing memory he has, reads a text - answer questions correctly, comprehends etc So after the lockdown I started calling Local Authority as I felt we are being exploited. His EHCP was bringing the school extra 3k (top up funding). I ceased EHCP at the end of Year 2. Speech Therapist was giving him identical English lessons that I had to teach my son during lockdown myself. So I realised it’s another ‘smoke & mirrors’. The school tried hard to pursue us to keep an ECHP however I followed my gut feeling and told them to stop all the support as my child doesn’t need it. And guess what? My son had a good Year 3.
Meantime GOSH sent Educational Psychologist to observe my son (beginning of Year 3). Around Xmas I get a report from
Gosh and I can’t believe what I am reading. See below.

Cognitive and Academic Development
L cannot maintain independent learning without support and prompting. Mr X reported that L is reading at approximately a year 2 level (1 year behind). However, comprehension is a significant struggle; L struggles with inference and even simple retrieval of information he has read. Even with modelling, he struggles to answer basic questions.
Friendships and Relationships
Mr X reported that L had one friend, and that if that child were absent one day L would probably be on his own (e.g. during breaks), as he would struggle to join in socially with the other children. Mr X said that L does not have good social skills and only has one friend.
Mr X informed me that L previously had 1:1 support most of the time but now does not. Mr X feels that Lukas does need 1:1 support as he is unable to work independently without support.

Meantime a month before that above feedback to GOSH, SENCO’s reply to us:

In terms of verbal interaction, we would be looking closely at how he is doing so in the classroom.
There is no dispute that he is interacting well with his close friends in the playground. I also added into the annual review report about vour observations of him in the playground with other children.
Indeed, LA may feel that the TA support that L requires can be met by the class TA. I have made it clear that he does not need full time 1:1 in the classroom. It is quite normal to prompt other children from time to time, L just needs a little more than this. Mr P (Year 2 teacher) said that L is a lovely child to have in the class and easy to work with.

So after reading the GOSH report I go and speak to Mr X and ask how come my son’s reading is a year behind. Mr X replies ‘Don’t worry about L’s reading. His reading is fine!’ I said ‘Well I have just read Gosh report and it said this and this. Mr X suggests to speak about it all via Zoom when Parent Teacher meeting happens.
PS My son always had a group of friends and is a popular, soft spoken boy, polite and its all written in the End of Year Reports.
So during Parent/ Teacher meeting Mr X tells me my son scored above average in comprehension tests, has a group of friends, very good in mental math, has good vocabulary etc
I contacted GOSH and emailed all the correspondence (evidence) from SENCO regarding my son. Emailed all the evidence of how my son scored top mark 40/40 in Phonics and what Mr X said about his comprehension, friendships etc
GOSH right away arranged joint Zoom meeting with Mr X, SENCO and me. And all lies have been exposed. Complete silence from SENCO! They did not even try to defend their previous feedback.
GOSH said kids like L fly under the radar, his ASD case is subtle, he will do well academically and when he is a teen he may find it harder to fit in, may get depressed.
By the way GOSH Educational Psychologist in his report said he doesn’t see any anxiety in my son and that L is a very happy child from what he observed during PE lesson. Also at the end of Year 3 Mr X (Year 3 teacher) reported my child as very confident.
So Year 4 starts (this school year) and during Parent/ Teacher meeting Mrs F starts throwing hints at me how L has ADHD. I know.. lol I explained to her that he definitely does not. I studied and educated myself on both - Asd (subtle cases) and ADHD. SENCO gets called in. Complete silence from her. I leave the meeting saying how it’s time for us to have a meeting with the Headteacher which we did. I was furious! We had a meeting, brought up conflicting feedback to GOSH and was told it was Mr X’s opinion at the time about my son’s comprehension. Basically they had an answer for everything eg it was teacher’s opinion.
So I ended up requesting Subject Access Request (all educational records of my child since Year 1). Have a look at the image attached. My son never had comprehension problems!!!! In fact he scored high average!
My question here on Mumsnet would be - what do I do now? Report the school to Local Authority, Ofsted, Dept of Education? I complained to the Chair of Governors but received a reply with little answers. Mainly he advised to contact LA and was opologetic.
Every time my son has assessments now I ask the teacher Mrs F to email me his results. My son is excelling academically, she said he is mixing with the boys and girls, has a close group of friends which obviously I always knew since I organise playdates, meet with his friends/ parents in the playgrounds. I see how he interacts. You would not even know he has ASD but as I mentioned earlier, lets see how his teenage years go. Maybe that’s when I will see the symptoms.
As of now I need a realistic advice on what can be done to expose / stop the school doing this to another family.
Thank you.

You child can have multiple diagnoses alongside ASD. Both of mine have co morbids alongside the ASD it's a regular occurrence. So my dd was first diagnosed social communication disorder and then it was firmed up to Autism and other co morbids about six months later following input and reports from other professionals.

Oh, I see. Thanks for explaining. I thought you have a right to delete the thread. This was my first time posting here.

No problem, different sites have different 'etiquette'. You already have this post deleted once, so this is the second time people have answered it (same/different people).

Trust me I don’t even think of ASD on a daily basis. We just seem to live normal lives. However I do doubt if my son is diagnosed correctly because how normal he is!

There's a reason things seem normal to you OP. You do live 'normal lives'. You see your family in your son. There's a reason for that, most families with ASD in the household tend to realise eventually.

@gamerchick is entirely right. I'm a single parent living with a son and a daughter with autism. I rarely think about autism either, life here is normal for us and it rarely causes me any difficulties.
Even though my son and daughter were diagnosed early the vast majority of people wouldn't notice or think autism if they saw them. Indeed autism outreach (the school specialist advisory service) couldn't pick out my daughter in her class at school and needed the teacher to identify her for them.
Funnily enough the only parent who did recognise autism was a parent who had two autistic children herself.

I think once you know how many autistic people present, it does become very obvious who is also on the spectrum.

@LolafromA "By the way is it normal for GOSH to put 2 diagnosis in my son’s records? They never mentioned Language Disorder to me but it says in their reports they diagnose my son with both - Language Disorder and a year later entry done (I did SAR all reports from GOSH) for ASD. I get an idea that first they thought he has DLD (Language Disorder) a year later - ASD (last year). That’s why I question my son’s diagnosis. What if it is DLD after all??"

Just curious - how many times your son was seen at GOSH and when was these diagnosis made? It seems you were not aware of it and it is more of a shock to you, did they not mention it to you during assessment?

OP it is very common for children to have more than one diagnosis.

I think you have been let down if this hasn't been explained clearly to you. The suggestion above of getting in touch with your local independent advice services (SENDIASS) is a good one, I think you would benefit from someone looking through this and making sense of this with you. That is if they have the capacity to do this, I know my local one is very stretched at the moment.

I still don't see any conspiracy here, and I do think that given that the school is supporting your son it is probably in his best interests to stay there.

Just to emphasise, it is a huge help to have an EHCP when choosing secondary schools as it means you can name a school that you are not in catchment for. If your son is in year 4 this will come round very quickly, I'd start looking next year.

Hi again OP

1. You can ask for the thread to be removed. I would - regardless of what others say - because you have shared so much private info here.
2. ASC often comes with comorbidities e.g. sensory issues, pathological demand avoidance, anxiety or ADHD
3. Neurodiverse kiddies can also be naughty, it isn't either/or
4. Your son being egged on by others to tease the teacher is another flag - being socially manipulated by others was on one of my questionnaires
5. Neurodiversity can often run in families - not always, but often a parent or sibling will also have autistic traits
6. ASC is not linear so the trope/typical traits or red flags will not all be present in all autistic kiddies (example: my DC does understand humour, does make eye-contact, can show affection. Those three things don't make him not autistic).

Good luck in the future
Sequins x

This is really normal. DD1 started with GDD (Global Developmental Delay), brain malformation and epilepsy. Then she moved to moderate learning disability, brain malformation and epilepsy. Then when she was 15, she picked up her ASD diagnosis, alongside eating disorder and severe expressive and receptive language disorder. To be fair, the ASD had always been there, as had the language disorder, but until then it wasn't thought to be important enough to officially diagnose. Once her needs became more severe, it was decided that she needed a formal assessment for ASD. Now, at 17, an ADHD assessment is being considered, because her attention and concentration difficulties are causing many of her problems.

my son did not acknowledge the Ed Ph when he entered the classroom, my son did not ask Ed Ph for any questions while other kids asked him ‘Why are you here etc.’

Do you not think that's unusual - the other kids noticed someone was in the room who isn't usually. Your DS didn't care.

DD2 would be like your DS. As far as she's concerned, it's nothing to do with her so she will ignore them. She would need someone to say 'This is Ed, he has come to see the class.' Then, even now at 15, she would likely say 'Ok.' and continue to ignore them.

The typical reaction for a child of your DS's age is to be curious. Your DS was showing an atypical response.

Your DS was observed when he was only with his best friend - in his comfort zone.

At the end of the day, you will do what you do. But many, many parents have to fight tooth and nail to get any support whatsoever. DD2 was in a complete mess and out of school before she got any support.

Have to clarify. Here it is below copied from the original report. There is more. However reading that report now so many things written on it feels like don’t apply to my son anymore.

Communication
L was observed to speak to the pupil next to him. The other pupil pointed at the observing clinician and L followed the point; L looked at the clinician but did not react. He was seen to copy his friend's finger-to-mouth ('shh') gesture. L answered a direct question from the teacher.

•You can ask for the thread to be removed. I would - regardless of what others say - because you have shared so much private info here.

@SequinsandStilettos I've explained the etiquette not told op she can/can't. Starting and deleting threads on the same subject doesn't usually happen on MN unlike other forums.

None of this is inconsistent with his ASD. It's not surprising in the slightest.

You want us to confirm your son doesn't have ASD when professional teams have told you he does. Snippets of reports of behaviour could confirm or deny most things tbh. You were part of the diagnostic process twice over and the EHC needs assessment. They didn't happen in your absence.
I completely understand that you must feel upset and scared that your child may not have the easy life you would have wished for that is totally understandable. But you seem to be on such a mission to prove that the diagnosis is wrong and the EHCP wasn't at all necessary that you are at risk of setting yourself against the very people who can support you and your child.
Have you considered counselling so that you can explore your feelings around why you need the diagnosis to be wrong and why you didn't want your child to have an EHCP when nobody outside your self and his teachers would have known if you chose not to tell anybody?
You will drive yourself mad, get help now to come to terms with everything so you can focus on working with the professionals involved with your child to get him the very best outcomes.

Don’t worry, the mumsnet moderator already removed all the images I added since I requested it.

Oh that's good @LolafromA it can be hard working out how sites have different ways of doing things.

It is quite common for needs to change over time and reports to become out of date. It doesn’t mean DS doesn’t have ASD.

I totally get ASD runs in the families and I realise my family men might be on the spectrum. Neither of them is diagnosed as they are so highly functioning. Looking at my brother or my husband I realise whatever they achieved in life is probably thanks to ASD. And that’s why it’s hard to see it my child because I grew up along undiagnosed ‘aspie’. So to me many things are ‘normal’. But I don’t see it as a disability. I see it the other way around in my family. Both ‘aspies’ are very successful and live happy lives.
PS I was my husband first girlfriend at the age of 23 and yes, he came across as a bit socially awkward. I do understand that that social awkwardness was most likely ASD. :-) We are good. No need to worry.

I was told by mumsnet moderator this thread will be moved to ‘older than 30 days’ and then will get deleted. He removed any images I shared too.

Just FYI, I think you are underestimating the costs of certain things. You talk about 11k/12k of funding etc and then you talk about TA support. This level of funding does not come close to providing full time TA support- maybe part time support if no funding is spent on anything else.

You also mention the SALT and this being done as group sessions, SALT is expensive, as someone else has said, and one session a week will have used up most/all of the "extra 3k" you are talking about. Group sessions may have been appropriate to work on social communication etc.

The numbers you cite also don't really add up? But regardless, £3k is really not that much money to a school- I can't see them going to the trouble of fabricating things, to then not even bother going after the money to employ a full time TA etc.

I really don't think things have happened as you think they have.

I can't understand the OP ... Gosh said her son had learning issues and the school has not identified it? Is that the issue?

OP you do realise that autism runs in girls as well don't you?

Stop with the aspergers stuff. There's no such thing as an aspie.

No the school had identified it and put in place an EHCP to provide support but, I think, the OP doesn’t think her son needs the support and therefore the school lied about his needs to get extra funding.

You're going to have to really spell it out, @gamerchick .

I've asked directly but no answer/didn't seem to start any bells ringing

OP, I would suggest separating your DS' academic progress from his diagnosis and EHCP.

His relatives academic success is also not relevant to his educational needs.

I may have misunderstood your post, but it almost sounds like you don't want your DS to be supported - surely that's not it?