Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Original poster

Is this a safeguarding issue

106 replies

CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 11:46

Hi
A TA at my DD's high school has just left. No longer a TA - doing something different I think.

My DD really liked her (I've never met her) and asked for her email. TA gave it to her and they've been chatting. I've read the emails, and there's nothing untoward but I feel very uncomfortable about this and feel it's crossing a safeguarding boundary - if it was public befriending on SM (no option toDM) I'd be fine as it's visible, but this feels off - must adults don't want or need 14y/o pupils as friends.

Am I being overly cautious or would you also be concerned that this is a breach of safeguarding boundaries and probably unethical?

OP posts:
Gensola · 14/03/2023 11:48

if thé TA has left education there isn’t much you can do about it, there’s no law about private citizens being friends with younger people. Why does it make you feel uncomfortable? I stayed in touch with my old teacher from school in my degree subject and emailed him news etc occasionally. Teachers aren’t machines!

Can2022getanyworse · 14/03/2023 11:49

Deffo a safeguarding issue - you should contact the school as there will be a policy for contact with students outside school. You should also block the TA from your daughter's email. Really really unprofessional.

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 11:52

Gensola · 14/03/2023 11:48

if thé TA has left education there isn’t much you can do about it, there’s no law about private citizens being friends with younger people. Why does it make you feel uncomfortable? I stayed in touch with my old teacher from school in my degree subject and emailed him news etc occasionally. Teachers aren’t machines!

My daughter is 14

OP posts:
CwmYoy · 14/03/2023 11:52

Can2022getanyworse · 14/03/2023 11:49

Deffo a safeguarding issue - you should contact the school as there will be a policy for contact with students outside school. You should also block the TA from your daughter's email. Really really unprofessional.

Don't be ridiculous. TA has left the school.

Thousands of teachers are facebook friends with ex pupils. Nothing wrong with it at all. Daft.

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 11:53

This is not on Facebook. It's via personal email.

OP posts:
Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 11:54

And please don't call me daft for raising a perfectly reasonable concern.

OP posts:
gwenneh · 14/03/2023 11:55

What exactly is the difference between email and Facebook, in your mind? Given that the former TA can privately message your daughter on either platform, the level of communication is no different.

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 11:57

gwenneh · 14/03/2023 11:55

What exactly is the difference between email and Facebook, in your mind? Given that the former TA can privately message your daughter on either platform, the level of communication is no different.

Social media settings can be controlled.

OP posts:
Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 11:57

This isn't AIBU by the way!

OP posts:
gwenneh · 14/03/2023 11:59

Social media settings are just as controllable as email.
You've decided that this is unethical - so own that, put a stop to it.

Eatentoomanyroses · 14/03/2023 12:01

I think it’s odd. Very. With safeguarding you have to presume the worst of adults in order to protect the child. I would get in touch with the TA yourself and tell her to cut contact

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 12:05

gwenneh · 14/03/2023 11:59

Social media settings are just as controllable as email.
You've decided that this is unethical - so own that, put a stop to it.

No. I'm not sure if I'm being overly cautious. Which is why I asked for opinions. If your opinion is that I'm being over cautious, that's fine, but I object to being called 'daft' by a PP for asking the question. It seems odd to me why an adult would want to be friends with a 14 y/o child in a way that is quite as private and open to abuse. But I had a difficult time as a teenager, and it's possible that's colouring my view.

OP posts:
oneplus2is3 · 14/03/2023 12:05

I would report to school. I had to investigate a very similar situation as part of my role and the adult was referred on to LA safeguarding team as they were still working in schools in the area. In the case I was involved in the parents were aware and supported the contact- if you don't, then it's even more concerning.

Adults in school are in a position of power and pursuing personal relationships in many forms can be perceived as an abuse of this.

Having said all this the contact may be entirely innocent but I would listen to your gut on this one.

user1477391263 · 14/03/2023 12:10

oneplus2is3 · 14/03/2023 12:05

I would report to school. I had to investigate a very similar situation as part of my role and the adult was referred on to LA safeguarding team as they were still working in schools in the area. In the case I was involved in the parents were aware and supported the contact- if you don't, then it's even more concerning.

Adults in school are in a position of power and pursuing personal relationships in many forms can be perceived as an abuse of this.

Having said all this the contact may be entirely innocent but I would listen to your gut on this one.

Christ almighty, is there any wonder we've got the other thread talking about the difficulty of securing any staff or volunteers in schools?

The TA made a minor error of judgment. Just ask your daughter not to email her again.

Bunnyishotandcross · 14/03/2023 12:14

When my ds left school his teacher told him it would be 2 years before they could for example follow each other on sm or chat as mates.

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 12:15

Christ almighty, is there any wonder we've got the other thread talking about the difficulty of securing any staff or volunteers in schools?

I'm not entirely sure how you extrapolate me asking a question about something I'm unsure about, whilst looking for a bit of a sense check, and the decimation of the teaching industry!

I'm fairly sure over a decade of Tory policies have quite a bit more to do with that situation than me asking a polite question on an anonymous forum!

OP posts:
Howtohideasausage · 14/03/2023 12:17

I'm in two minds. On the hand why would an adult want to communicate with a child? But on the other, relationships with different people who aren't your age or family can be so rewarding and helpful. If you've read the communication, are you concerned?

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 12:19

Howtohideasausage · 14/03/2023 12:17

I'm in two minds. On the hand why would an adult want to communicate with a child? But on the other, relationships with different people who aren't your age or family can be so rewarding and helpful. If you've read the communication, are you concerned?

Well that's the thing - I don't know this person so that's possibly why I'm uncomfortable. She's had and has friendships with older friends whom I know - but one did turn out to be toxic and manipulative and she's admitted that she didn't recognise the signs so maybe that's why I'm cautious.

OP posts:
Can2022getanyworse · 14/03/2023 12:21

Professionally inappropriate for any current or former member of school staff to have contact outside school with a minor (unless there is a pre-existing relationship/family link).

If you are unhappy with it, then it needs to stop op. Own your discomfort. Block and report to school.

Prinnny · 14/03/2023 12:26

I think you’re being OTT, it was your daughter who asked to maintain contact, if it was the other way around then you might have a point. She’s probably just messaging her to be polite and hoping it will fizzle out.

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 12:29

Ok. Well thanks for the varying comments. I've asked school if they have a policy for contact from ex staff - I haven't mentioned names, so I'll see what they say. Thanks all.

OP posts:
MunchMonster · 14/03/2023 12:30

I wouldn't class it as a safeguarding issue. But I definitely don't think it should be happening because it is a blurring of boundaries and unprofessional. I wouldn't be happy with it.

I'd probs just email the TA directly since she's not at you Dad's school anymore and just tell her your concern.

drspouse · 14/03/2023 12:37

Prinnny · 14/03/2023 12:26

I think you’re being OTT, it was your daughter who asked to maintain contact, if it was the other way around then you might have a point. She’s probably just messaging her to be polite and hoping it will fizzle out.

She should have said no?

Seeline · 14/03/2023 12:39

Bunnyishotandcross · 14/03/2023 12:14

When my ds left school his teacher told him it would be 2 years before they could for example follow each other on sm or chat as mates.

My DD was told a year from a teacher who I am friendly with and DD was a friend of her DD at primary.
There should definitely be guidelines in place.

FriedEggChocolate · 14/03/2023 12:52

@CandyLeBonBon I can completely see why you'd have concerns over this. I don't see why a TA would want to keep in touch with a former pupil who is school age. To my mind, if your DD is still at the school where the TA works, they should be keeping a wide berth and not have given her their email address.

Do they have any shared interests - particular sport, watch the same TV series etc. that would build a shared interest? If not, I'm not sure why this adult is seeking to stay in touch with a child they used to support in class. to my mind, the TA should have gently said no when your DD asked for her email address. It's called "being the grown up" in such situations - I would like to do X but know that it's not appropriate for me to do so.

Swipe left for the next trending thread