Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Original poster

Is this a safeguarding issue

106 replies

CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 11:46

Hi
A TA at my DD's high school has just left. No longer a TA - doing something different I think.

My DD really liked her (I've never met her) and asked for her email. TA gave it to her and they've been chatting. I've read the emails, and there's nothing untoward but I feel very uncomfortable about this and feel it's crossing a safeguarding boundary - if it was public befriending on SM (no option toDM) I'd be fine as it's visible, but this feels off - must adults don't want or need 14y/o pupils as friends.

Am I being overly cautious or would you also be concerned that this is a breach of safeguarding boundaries and probably unethical?

OP posts:
clarepetal · 14/03/2023 14:34

I'm a TA and wouldn't do it. In some ways I'd love to, as some of the kids I work with are lovely, and I'd like to see what happens to them when they leave school and that they are happy, but I don't think it's appropriate.
Once they (or I) have left the school, they should be moving onto the next step of their lives. I won't be friends on social media either as my life is separate.

goddaton · 14/03/2023 14:41

drspouse · 14/03/2023 14:23

I know it is not good practice for adults in a position of authority to exchange contact details with children but I am not sure how recent this policy is - if it was for example OK for the TA to do this 10 years ago when she was 14 maybe she thinks it's OK now.

I used to sing in a choir (early 2000s) and a teacher who was in my section used to be answering text messages from pupils and saying "aww, so sweet" when pupils sent her messages like "you're the best teacher" when she answered their questions on homework.

I wasn't a parent then or in any position of authority and didn't think anything of it except that it was a bit intrusive into choir practice (I did later volunteer with children before we had our DCs and was firmly told not to do this but it could have been up to 10 years later I think).

Its pretty recent, when I started in teaching (c2000), albeit it was an FE art college, it was common enough for lecturers and students to be heading off for a boozy night out in the pubs and clubs. When I first moved into schools (c2005) it wasn't uncommon for pupils to call or turn up at the door with a prep question!

I can't remember exactly when the term safeguarding first came on the radar, maybe 2013, around that time I think, others may know better.

But its the way things are now, and I think its better to err on the side of caution.

CremeEggThief · 14/03/2023 14:43

I don't think it's odd as such, BUT if you as a parent are not happy with it them speak to your DD about not continuing the online friendship.

BatFaceOwl · 14/03/2023 16:09

Depends really. Is this the odd email once every few months and related to educational advice / other wholesome content? If so, I'd think it was nice probably

Or are the emails more like best pals and very frequent? That would cause me more concern

Either way, I'd be keeping an eye on it and I'd need to know what was being chatted about, given that your daughter is 14

curtaintwitcher23 · 14/03/2023 16:36

You absolutely right to trust your gut this is not ok.I am surprised to see people claim to be friends with former pupils via social media, for me this still crosses professional lines and implies you wanted to be mates when you taught them, I know a primary teacher that stated friending former pupils in their late teens Envyit's just off and the fact the TA gave her personal email address is totally naive.

If the TA was a man or your daughter was a boy, I don't think people would be so relaxed about it.

steppemum · 14/03/2023 17:00

drspouse · 14/03/2023 14:23

I know it is not good practice for adults in a position of authority to exchange contact details with children but I am not sure how recent this policy is - if it was for example OK for the TA to do this 10 years ago when she was 14 maybe she thinks it's OK now.

I used to sing in a choir (early 2000s) and a teacher who was in my section used to be answering text messages from pupils and saying "aww, so sweet" when pupils sent her messages like "you're the best teacher" when she answered their questions on homework.

I wasn't a parent then or in any position of authority and didn't think anything of it except that it was a bit intrusive into choir practice (I did later volunteer with children before we had our DCs and was firmly told not to do this but it could have been up to 10 years later I think).

but it is irrelevant how recent this came in.

The fatc remains that it is current good practice.

Staff in schools receive safeguarding training before they begin and annual updates. She will have had those. They are also required to read and sign the policy including the good practice guidelines. She will have done that.

Honestly schools take these things very seriously and have strict guidelines on it.

As others have said they often have a 2 year policy - ie 2 years after you leave you can't be friends on social media.

Those who think that because she has left education that she is not bound by this any more does not understand safeguarding.

ScentOfAMemory · 14/03/2023 17:15

What's irrelevant is whether it's appropriate or not. The TA is no longer in a position of authority over the child. There is no safeguarding to answer. The teenager asked the TA for her email address. Not the other way round.
The OP will presumably tell her daughter she may not wish to conduct a relationship of any kind with her former TA but there is literally nothing in any safeguarding guidelines that explicitly forbids it. Individual schools can prevent their staff from giving out numbers/emails/FB names to students while they are in the school's employ. Beyond that- no.

ScentOfAMemory · 14/03/2023 17:16

steppemum · 14/03/2023 17:00

but it is irrelevant how recent this came in.

The fatc remains that it is current good practice.

Staff in schools receive safeguarding training before they begin and annual updates. She will have had those. They are also required to read and sign the policy including the good practice guidelines. She will have done that.

Honestly schools take these things very seriously and have strict guidelines on it.

As others have said they often have a 2 year policy - ie 2 years after you leave you can't be friends on social media.

Those who think that because she has left education that she is not bound by this any more does not understand safeguarding.

Show quote history

Yes we do. (Understand safeguarding)

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 19:06

BatFaceOwl · 14/03/2023 16:09

Depends really. Is this the odd email once every few months and related to educational advice / other wholesome content? If so, I'd think it was nice probably

Or are the emails more like best pals and very frequent? That would cause me more concern

Either way, I'd be keeping an eye on it and I'd need to know what was being chatted about, given that your daughter is 14

She's talking about her upcoming tooth extraction, braces, school difficulties. It's very much a big sister type relationship but that's kind of what's bothering me. I'm sure she's very nice but she's an adult I don't know, in private, direct contact with a minor without (to her knowledge at least) and parental awareness or supervision.

I think if she'd said, when dd asked for her email 'let's just make sure mum's ok with that' and approached me to let me know that's what she was doing, I'd feel less unsure tbh.

OP posts:
BatFaceOwl · 14/03/2023 19:07

@CandyLeBonBon yes, feels like an imbalance of power doesn't it? I wouldn't be comfortable

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 19:09

I mean I'm taking the stance that she's (the TA) been a bit naive rather than anything more nefarious, but as I said, dd is a bit vulnerable atm and a relationship like this could easily turn into something less benign if I'm not keeping tabs on it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 19:09

BatFaceOwl · 14/03/2023 19:07

@CandyLeBonBon yes, feels like an imbalance of power doesn't it? I wouldn't be comfortable

Yes. It does feel a bit imbalanced. That's exactly how I feel.

OP posts:
BatFaceOwl · 14/03/2023 19:10

They're at different life stages so the imbalance will be highlighted. You're wise to try and sort it now

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 19:11

I'm just thinking that anyone who has had any safeguarding training would know that being open and transparent in communications with minors should be a given? So the fact that she hasn't asked whether mum's ok with them being in touch is what's just made my ears prick up a little bit.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 14/03/2023 19:13

there are normally guidelines for relationships of any kind that start off as being between staff and students in an educational setting, and it is normally that there has to be a two year gap, but this is not the case if the relationship starts somewhere else, and it happens to be between staff and students in an educational setting, eg, church, family friend, sports club, etc.

so it might be that the TA is not following their contracted guidelines

or there might be different guidelines in this school

LolaSmiles · 14/03/2023 19:22

I don't think it's very wise of the TA, especially because the child involved is 14 and the OP says is having a vulnerable time. A 14 year old should be having age appropriate peer relationships through the ups and down of teenage life, not an adult who until recent was in a position of trust. It concerns me that an adult is choosing to encourage this sort of relationship.

I've stayed in touch with Year 11 leavers and sixth form leavers through my work emails, and if I was leaving somewhere I would probably consider offering a personal email for references/relevant professional advice/professionally appropriate contact. I'd definitely not consider having personal conversations with them or being a friend figure that they confide in about teenage angst.

goddaton · 14/03/2023 19:28

Sadly there is a world of difference between guidelines and legally enforceable rules, especially after someone has left employment.

The 2 year guidance is part of the professional standards for teachers, who can be sanctioned by the Teaching Regulation Agency, but TA's are not controlled by any sort of professional regulating body.

However, if the person has left the field of education then there is nothing even a professional regulator can do other than striking them off from re-joining, only the police can act and then only if a crime has been committed.

I really understand the OPs concern, the problem is both a legitimate friendly relationship and grooming start from a place that seems innocent enough.

Here is a suggestion, as your DD seems to want to stay in touch with the TA, why not invite her over for a family tea, that way you can get the measure of her, make contact and if needs be have a quiet chat.

Paperdolly · 14/03/2023 19:35

Not read all the thread but did the TA leave voluntarily? We had to suggest one of ours found another type of employment as she wanted to spend time with her 14 year old son at break and lunchtimes 😳

hoover12345 · 14/03/2023 19:36

This reminds me when I was In primary the young TA who was so lovely to all of us told everyone she was leaving. She came up to me in the "wet area" and said she will give me her number because she's leaving and wrote it on a piece of paper. It was her house number and I remember ringing her when I got in because I couldn't believe a teacher gave me their number I was amazed but I kept putting the phone down. Looking back now it was really odd!

Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 19:58

Here is a suggestion, as your DD seems to want to stay in touch with the TA, why not invite her over for a family tea, that way you can get the measure of her, make contact and if needs be have a quiet chat.

That sounds like a good idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
CandyLeBonBon · 14/03/2023 19:58

Paperdolly · 14/03/2023 19:35

Not read all the thread but did the TA leave voluntarily? We had to suggest one of ours found another type of employment as she wanted to spend time with her 14 year old son at break and lunchtimes 😳

I don't know tbh. But that sounds odd for sure!

OP posts:
gluteustothemaximus · 14/03/2023 20:09

Work in a large secondary school. This feels wrong.

We are not in any way allowed to befriend students on social media or to message in any way. Even if I left, no way would I accept a friendship from a young person. The TA has made a mistake saying yes.

Dinopawus · 14/03/2023 21:16

goddaton · 14/03/2023 13:59

I'm a teacher of over 20 years experience, so a bit of knowledge in this area.

I don't think there is a safeguarding issue here as it would clearly appear there is no wrong doing on the part of the ex. TA

We all know that alas there are some wrong-un's working in education, but it is worth keeping in mind that 99.9% of school staff are perfectly nice normal people.

As she no longer works for the school she is not bound by any of their contractural obligations, they could still raise a safeguarding concern to the local authority, but I can't see why they would have any cause to in this case.

Saying all that it's never wrong to raise a concern, thats what the system is for, if there is no merit found in the concern it won't get reported up the tree so to speak.

This is a worrying response TBH.

I don't think there is a safeguarding issue here as it would clearly appear there is no wrong doing on the part of the ex. TA

We don't know the motives of the TA that's the point. Safeguarding means not assuming there is no wrongdoing, and instead putting procedures in place to stop those who wish to pursue harm from being able to do so.

The TA motivation may be innocent or they could be grooming OP's child. OP is right to question this.

Marchsnowstorms · 14/03/2023 22:37

I think it's very wierd behaviour by TA even if they've left

Ionacat · 14/03/2023 22:50

I would ring the school and ask to speak to the safeguarding lead. This isn’t appropriate behaviour. It is drilled into you (or should be) never to give out personal information to students and most schools now have tight social media policies as well.
The reality is that if she’s no longer not working with children this is probably as far as it goes, but if there had been other concerns then these could be put together to form a pattern of behaviour. The school might also want to check their safeguarding culture, if this TA thought this was acceptable, do other staff members, then training and policies may need updating.

Posters who would be fine with it - would you be fine if this was a man, probably not, so just because it is a woman shouldn’t make any difference. Basic safeguarding - abusers can be male/female and can come from all walks of life. The issue here is the imbalance of power.