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Original poster

Wrong decision for school choice

107 replies

Suzebear · 01/03/2023 16:49

Good evening, I don't want my query to annoy or anger anyone with what I'm asking. I honestly don't know if I'm seeking reassurance or advice. So school choices were provided today and our first choice was granted (I am grateful for that). However, our child has been massively upset since we've told her. The school we were given gets good from Ofsted, relatively small and is on our doorstep. She would have liked a school much further away (two buses each way), much larger but all of her friends are going there. We based choices on the likelihood of getting accepted for a decent school. Her primary school is a feeder school for the secondary school she wanted (we were advised that a feeder school has little impact on being accepted). I have spoken to the LA and they have said they could put her down for the second choice as a late applicant. I completely understand I should be grateful for my application, I am just broken that my kid is so upset by a decision I've made for her. Should I just accept or is it worth trying to see if I can help her change schools? Many thanks

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Daisydaisydaisyrosie · 01/03/2023 20:03

I'd not let my child make this decision to be honest. You are the adult so you decide for them. They have no idea about life's realities at age 19 or 11 to dictate these decisions. Leave the school as it is.

Daisydaisydaisyrosie · 01/03/2023 20:07

I'll add I lived miles away from school in the wrong direction taking buses etc. it was exhausting and I struggle with friendships as outside of school I never really went to others houses as was too far away.

Original poster
Suzebear · 01/03/2023 20:15

Daisydaisydaisyrosie · 01/03/2023 20:03

I'd not let my child make this decision to be honest. You are the adult so you decide for them. They have no idea about life's realities at age 19 or 11 to dictate these decisions. Leave the school as it is.

Yeah I agree with you. Her rationale is understandable and her being upset wobbled both of us. We knew she'd be upset but I wasn't ready for how upset she was today - I think that's what made me think we'd done something wrong.

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Original poster
Suzebear · 01/03/2023 20:17

Daisydaisydaisyrosie · 01/03/2023 20:07

I'll add I lived miles away from school in the wrong direction taking buses etc. it was exhausting and I struggle with friendships as outside of school I never really went to others houses as was too far away.

This it what we were trying to avoid. The new school is in a neighbourhood that never had its own school and parents had to apply out of catchment. I want her not to travel to far to see friends. Thank you for your response

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Daisydaisydaisyrosie · 01/03/2023 20:19

Sorry have noticed all my typos but think you got the gist of what I was saying Smile

Original poster
Suzebear · 01/03/2023 20:20

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 01/03/2023 19:53

Maybe trialing the journey would help her or just looking at it together on Google maps, like this is where you walk for first bus it comes x times an hour.... and so on and reminding her of how she felt that day that this would be without you and maybe in the dark in winter, she might realise herself how hard that would be.

Secondary is a big change, as per PPs I went across with all my friends and we drifted apart, new friends by the end of term 1. Secondary was much bigger and multiple primaries fed into it.

The one concern I'd have with a small local secondary is if DD would be only a handful of kids that don't know each other? Going into a small secondary could be a different social environment than going into a large secondary. There's less factors pushing change on the dynamic of existing relationships.

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Yeah I think the local primary schools make up the majority of kids going and if they already have friendship groups, would mine be left out?

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jazzandh · 01/03/2023 20:26

Another message of hold fast!

DS knew no-one, wobbled between acceptance and starting.

Taster day could barely get him out of the car (tears - the lot) but came out beaming!

Absolutely loves his school - so my gut instinct was right!

One bus, 30 minute journey and he's loving it!

WinterMermaid987 · 01/03/2023 20:27

My DD was the only kid out of her year group going to a different school this time last year. Honestly it was the right fit for her. She did get left out more that last term at primary school & several of her “friends” dropped her but she had extra transition days and her new school were brilliant really focused on putting together kids they thought would gel in tutor groups. She had made 4-5 new friends by Oct Halfterm.
She’s has kept in contact with 2 old primary friends and even the other group of kids all fractured and found other friends at secondary. Stick to your guns and I’m sure it will work out ok.

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 01/03/2023 21:03

Suzebear · 01/03/2023 20:20

Yeah I think the local primary schools make up the majority of kids going and if they already have friendship groups, would mine be left out?

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It's hard to say, I think you'd see some movement around the fringes of friendship groups, the ones that don't really click but had limited options. How small is small? And are there any other options or just the big further away and small local? Could you speak to someone at the secondary? They'd have a better idea if this is an issue.

Quartz2208 · 01/03/2023 21:07

She will be fine it is the right choice and the one she has gotten.

She is wobbling because the step from primary to high school is a huge one. But it is for everyone and friendship groups will disperse within the school ad amongst others. The ability to br close and not waste time travelling is huge

Original poster
Suzebear · 01/03/2023 21:10

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 01/03/2023 21:03

It's hard to say, I think you'd see some movement around the fringes of friendship groups, the ones that don't really click but had limited options. How small is small? And are there any other options or just the big further away and small local? Could you speak to someone at the secondary? They'd have a better idea if this is an issue.

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It's only 700+ pupils. I hope she'd mingle quickly

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Original poster
Suzebear · 01/03/2023 21:13

WinterMermaid987 · 01/03/2023 20:27

My DD was the only kid out of her year group going to a different school this time last year. Honestly it was the right fit for her. She did get left out more that last term at primary school & several of her “friends” dropped her but she had extra transition days and her new school were brilliant really focused on putting together kids they thought would gel in tutor groups. She had made 4-5 new friends by Oct Halfterm.
She’s has kept in contact with 2 old primary friends and even the other group of kids all fractured and found other friends at secondary. Stick to your guns and I’m sure it will work out ok.

I'm going to contact the school and see what they can offer. It's reassuring that you've said how well your daughter coped as it's very similar to what we're experiencing now. Thank you

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Original poster
Suzebear · 01/03/2023 21:15

Quartz2208 · 01/03/2023 21:07

She will be fine it is the right choice and the one she has gotten.

She is wobbling because the step from primary to high school is a huge one. But it is for everyone and friendship groups will disperse within the school ad amongst others. The ability to br close and not waste time travelling is huge

Thank you. I hope she starts to warm to the idea and I understand she must be scared about the change and not experiencing it with with her friends.

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Original poster
Suzebear · 01/03/2023 21:16

jazzandh · 01/03/2023 20:26

Another message of hold fast!

DS knew no-one, wobbled between acceptance and starting.

Taster day could barely get him out of the car (tears - the lot) but came out beaming!

Absolutely loves his school - so my gut instinct was right!

One bus, 30 minute journey and he's loving it!

Oh that's lovely. I hope my little lady does as well as your boy did

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snowtrees · 01/03/2023 21:32

Would she know any others going through clubs etc ?

BettySundaes · 01/03/2023 21:51

I just wanted to add that offers day can be unstabilising for any child. It's when reality hits a bit, that they are leaving primary, their peers are split up and going different ways. It may be worth speaking to her current teacher to find out what transition prep they are doing. At my DD's primary they allowed kids a good hour first thing on 2nd March to chat about what schools they were going to and discuss any fears/concerns, as well as following up with other sessions during the last term.

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 02/03/2023 01:50

Suzebear · 01/03/2023 21:10

It's only 700+ pupils. I hope she'd mingle quickly

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So that's over 100 kids per year if it just does secondary? I wouldn't consider that worryingly small. I know how hard it is when your child is really distressed about something, and how you just want to make everything right for them, but that doesn't mean the decisions the wrong one. Unless she struggles with social skills I'd think she could find some friends there, but it would be worth taking to the new school about transition days, where she might get to meet other new starters and how they support new students who don't know anyone. You could see if they have any clubs or groups your daughter would be interested in too. If they're not willing to engage with you at all that might make me rethink my decision, but if the school is proactive and happy to support her in this I think she'll be fine.

Meadowfly · 02/03/2023 06:33

I agree - 700 isn’t very small - a pretty perfect size imo!

Whycanineverever · 02/03/2023 06:41

It not just whether there is a bus running at the time she needs it - it's whether it has room.

My DD likes to get a bus to school and she will often go to the bus stop and then be home again because it's full and has driven past. If she's reliant on 2 buses that makes it even worse.

snowtrees · 02/03/2023 07:25

Is it 700 in Yr7-11?
That's small but not too small.
Most are 1000+

Original poster
Suzebear · 02/03/2023 08:45

Meadowfly · 02/03/2023 06:33

I agree - 700 isn’t very small - a pretty perfect size imo!

The other school has 1800 students so it's quite massive.

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Quartz2208 · 02/03/2023 12:01

How many years does it cover if new I suspect it may only have 2-3 years in

and 1800is 9 classes so on the large large side

snowtrees · 02/03/2023 13:11

Schools in our area are anywhere from 180 (unusual) to 360 in a year group. Most 210-300

Tittyfilarious81 · 02/03/2023 17:58

@Suzebear Hi op hope you and your DD are feeling better today about the choice of school, did you get chance to call the school and ask about transition days and if they do the summer school.

Original poster
Suzebear · 02/03/2023 18:26

Tittyfilarious81 · 02/03/2023 17:58

@Suzebear Hi op hope you and your DD are feeling better today about the choice of school, did you get chance to call the school and ask about transition days and if they do the summer school.

Hi there. Thank you for checking in on us. She was feeling better today and no wobbles at school. I rang the school but they were busy. I guess they may be because of the release of school places yesterday. I'll try tmr on my work break. You're very kind to follow us up ☺️

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