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Original poster

Teacher snapped at DD

124 replies

Mybumlooksbig · 15/01/2023 22:53

DD in year 6 at school, she is very quiet and shy.
Her regular class teacher is on maternity leave so the class have had a replacement now since Christmas time. No problems until Friday-
My daughter was struggling to fill in some of her work during a lesson, the teacher noticed she was struggling, came to see what the problem was and said to her in an aggressive tone- "Are you thick or something!?"

DD is devastated beyond words.
I have emailed the head teacher and haven't had a response yet (incident happened on Fri so unsure if emails are monitored over the weekend)

I have been absolutely bubbling with rage since DD returned home from school on Fri.

Never ever been in such a position.. will the head take it seriously?
Aibu to want this teacher dismissed from the school immediately and not to teach my daughter on Monday?

My tummy is in knots over what to do tomorrow.

OP posts:
RedHouseWins · 15/01/2023 22:54

Unless you have video evidence I would tread carefully. It's a long time till the end of the year.

Original poster
Mybumlooksbig · 15/01/2023 22:56

RedHouseWins · 15/01/2023 22:54

Unless you have video evidence I would tread carefully. It's a long time till the end of the year.

No evidence but DD isn't one to make things up and she's been a wreck all weekend.
The class has a t.a but she was helping another table at the time so may not have heard what the teacher said.

OP posts:
watchfulwishes · 15/01/2023 22:57

If it is as you report - and kids can be unreliable witnesses! - the head should take it seriously as that comment is clearly unacceptable.

I don't think it is reasonable to want the teacher sacked. You've no idea of back story or situation.

Try to calm down until such time as the head has responded.

Hellocatshome · 15/01/2023 22:57

Unless this teacher is an absolute shit it doesn't sound likely this is exactly what was said. Were there any witnesses?

GoingtotheWinchester · 15/01/2023 22:58

Please don’t be “that parent”. Kids get the wrong end of the stick, mis remember, exaggerate and make things up. Your first approach should be super calm to check facts and the other side of the story.

GoingtotheWinchester · 15/01/2023 22:59

Dismissed immediately??? Are you for real? Dear god.

2chocolateoranges · 15/01/2023 23:00

Is that the exact words that the teacher used?

Puppers · 15/01/2023 23:01

You don't need to tread carefully.

You should approach the head calmly of course, but you are absolutely entitled to be firm when advocating for your child. This was extremely unprofessional and inappropriate of the teacher. You need some strong assurances from the head that DD will not be subjected to bullying behaviour whilst in their care again. Shocking.

Original poster
Mybumlooksbig · 15/01/2023 23:03

GoingtotheWinchester · 15/01/2023 22:59

Dismissed immediately??? Are you for real? Dear god.

Is this the norm of how to speak to primary school children who are struggling?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mybumlooksbig · 15/01/2023 23:04

2chocolateoranges · 15/01/2023 23:00

Is that the exact words that the teacher used?

Yes according to my DD who is quite reliable and sensible with information. The state she has been in all weekend seems to fit too.

OP posts:
Greenshake · 15/01/2023 23:06

How much of your daughters ‘state’ is being fuelled by your obvious outrage? You have one side of the story and you are being completely unreasonable to want the teacher dismissed.

Mouthfulofquiz · 15/01/2023 23:07

You really need to make sure you are 100 per cent right before you go barging into school demanding someone gets sacked. Why not write a reasonable email to the school, follow up with a phone call (or a meeting with the head?) and then let them
investigate it? You’d be surprised what even the most reliable children mis-remember. I’m not saying it didn’t happen or that it’s right, just try and keep a level head for your daughter’s sake.

Nimbostratus100 · 15/01/2023 23:09

No teacher should speak to a child like that, in the uK, so ask for it to be looked in to.

Why would she be "devastated beyond words"?

Why would emails be monitored over the weekend?

Why would you want her not to teach your child on Monday?

Wrong, ( if it happened) but huge overreaction from your DD and you

GoingtotheWinchester · 15/01/2023 23:11

@Mybumlooksbig dont be so ridiculous. 🙄 Of course it’s not. It’s far far more likely that it didn’t happen - that’s what you need to check first. And if it did she needs speaking to not sacking.

Original poster
Mybumlooksbig · 15/01/2023 23:12

Thanks all, maybe I am being unreasonable. I did come on here looking for perspective and advice.
I'm not "that parent" never had to raise an issue with school before.
I think with it happening just before the weekend and not being able to speak to anyone has made it worse too.

OP posts:
Blanketpolicy · 15/01/2023 23:14

Are you thick or something? Or Are you stuck with something?

Could be mistaken of distracted in a noisy classroom/or if there are regional accents. Or if might have been a misplaced joke... (some of ds's primary school teachers had a weird sense of humour with the kids that could have been misconstrued by a sensitive child - one in particular liked to affectionately call them muppets)

Go in calm and find out the facts first.

Anothernameanother · 15/01/2023 23:16

It's not OK if this was said.

It's also unlikely to lead to a dismissal if this was a one off incident.

YANBU to be angry. But the solution is likely to be a warning and for some restorative work between the teacher and your daughter.

watchfulwishes · 15/01/2023 23:17

There's nothing wrong with being 'that parent' if you have a real issue, it is just necessary to approach it calmly.

If the teacher did say that, it really isn't ok.

I would be trying to explain to my child that the teacher was wrong and not to take it to heart.

Babdoc · 15/01/2023 23:18

This seems fairly mild to me, compared to
my teachers, who threw heavy wooden blackboard rubbers at kids’ heads! Grin
How times have changed. Thankfully.

GroggyLegs · 15/01/2023 23:18

I assume your daughter sits next to someone, so another child or children nearby will be able to give an account when the head investigates, which I'd imagine she is duty bound to with a serious allegation.

Our children feed off our fears so if it were mine, tomorrow morning I'd try and keep my own feelings under the surface & keep it as light as possible and lots of hugs & reassurance that it's good to ask for help, she's definitely not thick etc. And await the outcome from the head.

My kids are great but there's always two sides to their stories...

FrenchOrEnglish · 15/01/2023 23:22

100% you need to ask another parent to ask their child what happened. At Year 6 you'll be able to get some reliable feedback if you ask a few kids without prompting them.

Thesonglastslonger · 15/01/2023 23:23

I would be livid and demand a meeting with both the teacher and head. It is very difficult to fill teaching positions at the moment and I expect the head is already well aware that she’s had to recruit from the dregs of the pool. Perhaps a stern word from the head to the teacher will improve the teacher’s manner.

I don’t believe a child would mishear that phrase, it’s a common phrase but one she hopefully won’t have heard before. And it makes me so sad to see posters suggesting your daughter is lying. In my experience it is far far more likely that a tired overworked teacher will snap and be rude than it is that an otherwise well behaved child will suddenly make up a malicious lie about an adult for no reason.

saraclara · 15/01/2023 23:28

Why are people contorting themselves to find some explanation for this that isn't the child's?

I've been a teacher for nearly four decades, and I'm not going to pretend that there aren't some obnoxious people in the profession. Thank goodness they're few and far between, but I see no reason not to believe a generally quiet and serious child. We don't do our profession any favours by refusing to believe that any teacher can possibly be at fault.

Absolutely, getting stressed and angry and upset is not helpful to your daughter OP, and demanding that this teacher is sacked is not the way to go.

When you speak to the school about it.(And yes, that's perfectly reasonable) be very very calm, and express concern, not fury. If your daughters journey through primary school has been uneventful until now, make it clear that this is absolutely not something that you would expect, and that your DD has never reported anything like this before.
Stay rational, calm, and together and make sure that you and your daughter come across as sensible and reliable..

Noname99 · 15/01/2023 23:32

You’ve emailed the head teacher. You say you’ve never had an issue with the school before and your child is in year 6 now so I’m wondering why you have so little faith in them resolving this.

if the teacher has said this thr it’s unacceptable and she needs to apologize and explain to you daughter that it was said in frustration and not met.

That you want a teacher sacked is the most gross overreaction. You’ve never made a mistake at work, never made a comment in anger or frustration? Never got it wrong? And people wonder why teachers are leaving in droves.

You perhaps also should look at doing some resilience and self esteem work with your child. If she’s had no issues at school and one teacher ‘snapping’ at her once with one comment sends her into a two day melt down then that’s not great. She should be able to shrug off one comment and understand at 11 years old that adults aren’t perfect and might say something they don’t mean by mistake once.

angstridden2 · 15/01/2023 23:33

The teacher is obviously a disgusting human being who is only there because they can’t get anyone else.Dismissal is too good for her, torture seems proportionate. (please note hint of sarcasm). ‘Dregs of the pool’🙁No wonder teachers are leaving in droves. 4 years of university for poor pay and appalling contempt by much of society. Your reaction is making your daughter’s woe far worse, you do t know exactly what happened.Until you do, calm down.