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Original poster

Teacher snapped at DD

124 replies

Mybumlooksbig · 15/01/2023 22:53

DD in year 6 at school, she is very quiet and shy.
Her regular class teacher is on maternity leave so the class have had a replacement now since Christmas time. No problems until Friday-
My daughter was struggling to fill in some of her work during a lesson, the teacher noticed she was struggling, came to see what the problem was and said to her in an aggressive tone- "Are you thick or something!?"

DD is devastated beyond words.
I have emailed the head teacher and haven't had a response yet (incident happened on Fri so unsure if emails are monitored over the weekend)

I have been absolutely bubbling with rage since DD returned home from school on Fri.

Never ever been in such a position.. will the head take it seriously?
Aibu to want this teacher dismissed from the school immediately and not to teach my daughter on Monday?

My tummy is in knots over what to do tomorrow.

OP posts:
MissMaple82 · 17/01/2023 19:34

watchfulwishes · 15/01/2023 22:57

If it is as you report - and kids can be unreliable witnesses! - the head should take it seriously as that comment is clearly unacceptable.

I don't think it is reasonable to want the teacher sacked. You've no idea of back story or situation.

Try to calm down until such time as the head has responded.

But equally, children can be very reliable and honest! Why do we, as a society, assume children are liars who are not to be trusted?

Hawkins001 · 17/01/2023 19:34

Mybumlooksbig · 15/01/2023 23:12

Thanks all, maybe I am being unreasonable. I did come on here looking for perspective and advice.
I'm not "that parent" never had to raise an issue with school before.
I think with it happening just before the weekend and not being able to speak to anyone has made it worse too.

What if your dd, is struggling but is also a bit of a Machiavelli personality ?

Hawkins001 · 17/01/2023 19:35

@Mybumlooksbig that said, if it is true, then all the best and positivity op

Retrievemysanity · 17/01/2023 19:37

My DD’s TA used the F word and called my daughter stupid. DD has learning difficulties so didn’t tell me but thankfully a number of other children heard it and were appalled enough to tell their parents who told me. She was dismissed. Hope your matter got resolved OP.

JarByTheDoor · 17/01/2023 19:39

Caaarrrl · 17/01/2023 19:13

Taken seriously, yes. Investigated, by all means. However, the hyperbole and language used by the OP suggested that there has been an enormous over reaction. She wants the teacher sacked immediately without even knowing if this was said to the child or if it was a misunderstanding. I am not suggesting that the child is lying or that the matter should not be investigated.

In my many years of being a primary teacher, I have had parents complaining about things that children had misunderstood, misremembered misreported, or just did not happen at all. I will always investigate though.

Show quote history

Yep the OP was clearly very emotional about it and was going a bit OTT (hopefully was a bit more measured in her communications with the school…), which is why I mentioned the need to avoid feeding into the child's upset, because I think that's also an unhelpful response. I just feel uncomfortable on threads like this with the very strong repeated emphasis on how very unlikely it is for a teacher to say such a thing, and how much posters doubt the child is giving an accurate account. I always hope that of course that's what they say to other adults but they wouldn't let that level of scepticism about a report of harm from someone in a position of trust be visible to their kids, if the kid's generally not given to telling lies. And that last sentence was a mess but my brain's not working properly today, sorry…

MissMaple82 · 17/01/2023 19:40

DuffLite · 17/01/2023 18:18

How many more years are you going to shelter your child from anything that makes her feel slightly unhappy?

Wtf are you on about! This is categorically not acceptable, no teacher in the universe should think its OK to call a child thick, and if they do they shouldn't be teaching. If this is true, this is an abuse of power and I would say verges on bullying and/or abuse

StaunchMomma · 17/01/2023 19:58

Don't wait for an email back - phone them and demand a meeting. Also demand to speak to the teacher in question.

That is utterly outrageous and every single teacher knows it!!

As an ex teacher I can tell you that it IS kicking up a massive stink that gets something done! They are likely to try to smooth it over and pretend it never happened.

You make sure that teacher knows that if your DD comes home with a tale to tell again you will be going above the school with your next complaint.

Spanky123 · 17/01/2023 19:59

StaunchMomma · 17/01/2023 19:58

Don't wait for an email back - phone them and demand a meeting. Also demand to speak to the teacher in question.

That is utterly outrageous and every single teacher knows it!!

As an ex teacher I can tell you that it IS kicking up a massive stink that gets something done! They are likely to try to smooth it over and pretend it never happened.

You make sure that teacher knows that if your DD comes home with a tale to tell again you will be going above the school with your next complaint.

are you ok hun?

StaunchMomma · 17/01/2023 19:59

As an aside, for those saying you're being over protective, that's utter rubbish.

Saying something like that to a child is the absolute opposite of how we are taught to interact with kids.

StaunchMomma · 17/01/2023 20:05

Spanky123 · 17/01/2023 19:59

are you ok hun?

Show quote history

You'd be pressed to find a teacher who doesn't hate staff that act like that. They do exist and most are happy when they get moved on or hopefully suspended/sacked.

I've seen deputy heads corner kids aggressively and try to get them to retaliate so they can have them expelled. I've seen teachers lose it and hit out at kids. I've heard teachers call kids names. It happens, but it really shouldn't.

I also know how leadership teams operate when faced with complaints - deny, brush over, move on. You have to kick up or they ignore it.

StaunchMomma · 17/01/2023 20:07

Retrievemysanity · 17/01/2023 19:37

My DD’s TA used the F word and called my daughter stupid. DD has learning difficulties so didn’t tell me but thankfully a number of other children heard it and were appalled enough to tell their parents who told me. She was dismissed. Hope your matter got resolved OP.

Exactly. It happens a lot more than people realise!

AuuYSC · 17/01/2023 20:10

I remember at school there was a smelly child and a teacher told him he stunk and does he even have a wash so I can believe this teacher said this - maybe speak to the head and raise your concerns

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 17/01/2023 20:16

Exactly. It happens a lot more than people realise!

I really hope not. At least now it's something people think that it's unacceptable. Any teacher who do this should be called out and casted out.

SpareHeirOverThere · 17/01/2023 20:20

You should ask the school to look into it. It is clearly not an acceptable way to speak to students.

But you should be more concerned about your dd's response. She's been in a state all weekend? Worst case scenario, that teacher was rude, dismissive and mean. But it was one comment. By a supply teacher. You need to work with her on her resilience.

purpledalmation · 17/01/2023 20:20

report the issue. If there is a class TA they may have seen other supportive incidents.

Takoneko · 17/01/2023 20:22

I’m surprised by some of these responses. I’m a senior teacher with a safeguarding role, working in secondary. If I got a report of a teacher saying this I would be bubbling with rage too, and our students are older than the OP’s DD. If the teacher was an agency supply then we would absolutely dismiss for this, if the investigation suggested it may be true. If they aren’t agency then it’s not quite so straightforward but we would definitely investigate and take action, even though it wouldn’t be a dismissal. One of the sad lessons that you learn as a safeguarding lead is that whilst kids do lie, adults also do horrible things to children with depressing regularity. A child should never be dismissed out of hand.

ChristmasTensions · 17/01/2023 20:26

I’m surprised at the responses here too. Your DD sounds reliable and what the teacher said was disgusting. I’d be calling the Head for an urgent meeting. Ex-teacher here and I don’t like the minimising going on on the thread. Children deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. If she treats your daughter like this she will be like it with other children too.

ChristmasTensions · 17/01/2023 20:29

Also, when I was a teacher, 95% of colleagues were great. 5% were bad apples who shouldn’t have been near a classroom. And this was very recently, I only left two years ago. It does happen and it’s so naive to think it doesn’t. I’ve seen teachers talk to kids like shit. Terrible but it happens.

Tempone · 17/01/2023 20:41

Hope it's sorted out op.

findmybalance · 17/01/2023 21:21

Ignore some of the PP claiming they'd be fine with this.

IF tht's what they said, then yes this teacher should be out.

But approach with calm - ask for a meeting and clarify

Crazycrazylady · 17/01/2023 21:38

Completely unacceptable for the teacher but a) it's highly unlikely that even if teacher admits it will be dismissed and d) I think your daughter ( and yourself) could both do with being more resilient. Words like distraught seem over kill to me.

lollipoprainbow · 17/01/2023 21:40

Can we stop with the being more resilient crap.

heartbroken22 · 17/01/2023 21:41

I hope you're okay and more importantly your daughter is okay. Just heard today an ex colleague got sacked in a secondary school for saying something similar to a child with special needs. Definitely flag it up and demand an apology. No excuse to treat a child like that.

heartbroken22 · 17/01/2023 21:41

I'd ask to speak to that teacher personally and give her a piece of my mind and then report her too.

LondonLovie · 17/01/2023 21:44

Call and ask to speak to the head. I don't understand why everyone conducts such matters via email. Call and if unavailable demand and time slot for a call

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