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Original poster

The midwife who by her inaction killed my child has stood for election as parent governor at our school.

239 replies

Bubble99 · 25/11/2007 22:26

In February 2005 one of my full term and healthy twin sons was stillborn during an emergency cs. We had been admitted to a ward during the evening for induction of labour. Routine monitoring quickly showed that the twins were becoming distressed and (after the event) we were told that a consultant should have been called and a transfer to the labour ward arranged immediately. The MW responsible for our 'care' did none of these things, did not contact any doctors ( let alone a consultant) for two hours and was later proved to be negligent.

After the death of my son Mr Bubble had to carry on as normal. DT1/DS4 and I were in hospital for a week and Mr Bubble came to see us after he had dropped the older Bubble boys at school each morning. A couple of days after Bo (DT2) died, Mr Bubble said that he had seen the midwife at school and that he had wanted to scream and shout at her. I could not believe that this was possible and we both agreed that it must be someone who looked like her. He has continued to see 'her' for the last nearly three years but I haven't.

We now have vacancies for parent governors ( I am also a parent governor) and on the nomination forms sent home from school are the statements made by each prospective governor.

I recognised the name of one of them who says she is a 'healthcare professional' and it is the same name... I have just phoned our chair of governors and he has said that she "used to be a midwife."

I know that I will not be able to cope with sitting opposite this woman during meetings if she is elected and it will affect any of my dealings with her on governor business.

What should I do? I was re elected last year and really enjoy the role.

I'm sure I should be able to forgive and move on but it is still so raw and I don't know if I can work with someone who has had such a profound and awful influence on my life.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 04/12/2007 09:01

oh bubble.
am thinking of you.

FlossALump · 04/12/2007 09:04

Sorry Bubble, I read it earlier as last thurs. I'm so sorry all this is being brought to the fore again.

figleaf · 04/12/2007 13:42

No one asked her not to stand then? even after you spoke to the chair!!

kizzie · 04/12/2007 14:56

Ive only just seen this but I just wanted to say that i have often thought of Bo and your family. I have twin sons and your story really struck a chord with me. im so sorry that you've had to go through this horrible situation with the school and I really really hope the MW isnt elected to so you can carry on enjoying your role.

Kizzie x

Bauble99 · 04/12/2007 20:03

Thanks all.

figleaf. The thing is there has never been a case like this before, according to the Governor Support office at the LEA. The head was very upset that I had been made so upset, IYSWIM. The school opened in 2002 and DS1 was one of the first children in a reception class of 14. As a result we have got to know the staff very well and the Chair's son is DS1's best friend. It is not a case of them not wanting to be able to do something, simply that they can't.

The ex-MW has not been legally convicted and is as eligible to be a governor as any other parent. My options are/were as follows:

  1. Talk to her directly myself - Not possible as I want absolutely nothing to do with this woman ever again in my life.

  2. Talk to a friend of hers at school. This runs the risk of what happened becoming playground knowledge and, though I have no warm feelings towards this woman at all, would potentially affect her children. Although I have tried to make sure that the Bubble boys haven't overheard any conversations about this, DS1 (10) has ears like Dumbo and has asked me straight out about it. He referred to her as X's mum and I would hate X or her other child Y to be involved at all.

If the Head or the Chair approached her with a 'Do you realise who Bubble is?' conversation, what could they then say if she said 'yes'. They would then have to decide whether to ask her not to stand, which they cannot do.

The ex-MW, IIRC (and I do) displayed a lethal mix of arrogance and incompetence. She had found time to write 'monitor and review' all over my notes while my twins CTG traces were showing that all was seriously not well. The reviewing consultant and the Head of Maternity Services both commented that the whole point of reviewing is to act if necessary. When the ex-MW eventually called the doctors she then abdicated all responsibility. The doctors (one junior and a locum registrar)were out of their depth but neither saw fit to call the on-call consultant and, when the cons phoned the ward to find out if there was anything he needed to know about, said nothing.

Before we opened the nurseries 2 years ago I had been working for 20 years as a qualified nurse and it is for this reason that her abdication of responsibility and total lack of advocacy angers me so much. I have worked in the past with doctors who have been in the process of making clinical mistakes. Most nurses can recount incidences of doctors incorrectly prescribing Heparin (all those noughts.) It is a nurse or midwife's responsibility to step in and correct or at least seek a second opinion on these errors.

So. There is a distict possibility that the ex-MW honestly feels that she was not at fault because she had covered (or so she thought) her arse by writing 'monitor and review', turning the whole sorry mess over to a couple of incompetent doctors and well and truly washing her hands of it.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/12/2007 20:12

oh bubble. Does this mean she is none-the-wiser about you and your feelings?

Tamum · 04/12/2007 20:14

What a complete nightmare bubble. I do hope she isn't elected. There's just no other solution by the sounds of it.

Kewcumber · 04/12/2007 20:18

"There is a distict possibility that the ex-MW honestly feels that she was not at fault" - she would have to have the hide (and intellectand self-awareness) of a rhinocerous to beleive that if she was named in writing in the inquiry as being at fault! If thats the case then you're onto a loser.

Fingers crossed that she doesn't get voted in. I really feel for you.

bossybritches · 04/12/2007 20:18

So difficult for all of you.

I still think the head should have a quiet word off-the record with the ex-MW. I know the rules & entitlements etc but sometimes these have to be over-ruled & much as maybe she has the right to move on there is far less for her to leave behind & forget than you.

If I were the head I would strongly advise the other lady to step down.

Do we know yet Bubble if she knows who you are?(ie ex-patient?)

Bauble99 · 04/12/2007 20:20

VVV. Either she doesn't know or doesn't care. And I can do nothing about either.

Tamum. No, there is nothing that can be done at all.

Tamum · 04/12/2007 20:21

I do agree about the quiet word- I would be worried that she might stand again next year if she isn't elected this time. Maybe if it's outside the context of an actual election the head could say something?

StarofBethleCam · 04/12/2007 20:22

for you Bubble

I completely understand that you cannot have your life entwined with the ex_MW ever again

Bauble99 · 04/12/2007 20:23

I cannot believe that she doesn't know. Our surname is so unusual and if I had been involved, in any way, in a case as awful as ours, it would be burned onto my brain forever.

Tamum · 04/12/2007 20:25

I guess I am just trying desperately to think that no-one could be that crass and insensitive, but it sounds horribly as though you may be right and she already knows. God, it defies belief.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/12/2007 20:25

Can mr bubble have a word - as a parent and not a governor?

mylittleponey · 04/12/2007 20:29

seems like the ex-m/w feels that she did no wrong as she must know who you are as your name is unusual.

what a stressful & awful situation for you - is there anyway your kids & you could change school?

Bauble99 · 04/12/2007 20:33

That's a possibility, Tamum.

I know she isn't working either as a midwife or at the hospital. She must have dual registration (both MW and RN) as she is apparently working as a nurse at a clinic somewhere.

The sickening thing is that, in the days after Bo died, we had numerous hospital officials, senior doctors and midwives coming to see us in my room on the ward. On more than one occasion (and I'm not imagining with hindsight) I heard her name murmured and saw raised eyebrows as they went through the notes, which made me think that she had some kind of 'history.'

Bauble99 · 04/12/2007 20:37

mylittlepony. I will resign as a governor, if it comes to it, but I am not prepared to make my children suffer, anymore than I would hers.

I have imagined having a conversation with her. But it could only go to a very bad place and I'm not prepared to go there.

edam · 04/12/2007 20:42

Oh Bubble, I'm so sorry this is dragging on. Can't imagine what the bloody woman is thinking.

What about VVQ's idea of Mr Bubble having a word - is that something he'd feel up to?

Bauble99 · 04/12/2007 20:49

But what would he say? He has seen her at school over the last couple of years and says that he finds it really upsetting. After Bo died, and DS3 and I were still in hospital, he saw her in the morning while dropping the big boys at school. He was very shaken and told me when he came to see us later. I told him he must be imagining it, that it must be someone who looks like her, as I couldn't believe that fate could be that unkind.

He also doesn't want to have 'that' conversation with her, not out of cowardice, but purely for self-preservation.

GloriaInEleusis · 04/12/2007 20:52

Oh Bubble... don't know what to say. How horrible for you.

(((((hugs)))))))

mylittleponey · 04/12/2007 20:55

would say watch out - as if you say she had responsibility for what happened she might say that she didn't as she passed responsibility onto the docs. You could come out looking like you're looking your just hitting out and she's the target.

HarkTheHassledAngelsSing · 04/12/2007 20:56

What an unbelievably awful situation. When will you know the election outcome?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/12/2007 21:06

Oh I dont know sweetie. Maybe something along the lines of having heard that she is applying for a Governer position, and that due to circumstances in the past, he, or his family wouldnt feel happy about her being in such a prominent position because of the reminders of what has happened before.

Bauble99 · 04/12/2007 21:10

He also says that anytime he looks at her she looks uncomfortable and looks away, at the ground etc. So she must know who he is.

As Kewcumber says, she must be more than thick-skinned if she is standing for election despite this.