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Original poster

The midwife who by her inaction killed my child has stood for election as parent governor at our school.

239 replies

Bubble99 · 25/11/2007 22:26

In February 2005 one of my full term and healthy twin sons was stillborn during an emergency cs. We had been admitted to a ward during the evening for induction of labour. Routine monitoring quickly showed that the twins were becoming distressed and (after the event) we were told that a consultant should have been called and a transfer to the labour ward arranged immediately. The MW responsible for our 'care' did none of these things, did not contact any doctors ( let alone a consultant) for two hours and was later proved to be negligent.

After the death of my son Mr Bubble had to carry on as normal. DT1/DS4 and I were in hospital for a week and Mr Bubble came to see us after he had dropped the older Bubble boys at school each morning. A couple of days after Bo (DT2) died, Mr Bubble said that he had seen the midwife at school and that he had wanted to scream and shout at her. I could not believe that this was possible and we both agreed that it must be someone who looked like her. He has continued to see 'her' for the last nearly three years but I haven't.

We now have vacancies for parent governors ( I am also a parent governor) and on the nomination forms sent home from school are the statements made by each prospective governor.

I recognised the name of one of them who says she is a 'healthcare professional' and it is the same name... I have just phoned our chair of governors and he has said that she "used to be a midwife."

I know that I will not be able to cope with sitting opposite this woman during meetings if she is elected and it will affect any of my dealings with her on governor business.

What should I do? I was re elected last year and really enjoy the role.

I'm sure I should be able to forgive and move on but it is still so raw and I don't know if I can work with someone who has had such a profound and awful influence on my life.

OP posts:
Freckle · 04/12/2007 21:18

If you feel that you can't have a conversation with her, could you write a letter? Explain that you are a governor and have heard that she's standing; that you thought it only fair to let her know you are on the board as it would not be nice for her to find out only at her first meeting, if elected.

If she knows who you are but doesn't realise you are a governor, then she may rethink. The other thing she needs to consider, if she decides to go ahead anyway, is that if you are both governors and there is tension between you or you resign because she is elected, people will wonder why and her part in Bo's death may become public knowledge.

Bauble99 · 04/12/2007 21:25

mlp. During the initial aftermath I wrote a letter to the Head of Maternity Services with a list of questions attached asking why the ex-MW (and the doctors) did not do X, Y & Z.

The letter back from the hospital included such gems as:

'We can confirm that Midwife X did not act appropriately'

'Hospital policy was not followed.'

'We can confirm that X,Y &Z should have been done.'

It was so damning that even our solicitor was surprised that they had given such candid responses. I would be prepared to give her a copy if she tried to abdicate responsibility (again.)

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/12/2007 21:31

OH bubble I wish I could do something to help.

Although nothing I could do would be very ethical I suppose.......

ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 04/12/2007 21:34

My only suggestion, ahould she be elected is that you write a letter explaining how you feel.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this

Bauble99 · 04/12/2007 21:40

That's the thing, Freckle. If she is elected and I resign, I would like to be able to tell the full governing body why. To do so would then affect the relationship that she has with them, which will not make for good meetings. Obviously the rest of the governors were not personally involved in this case, but it's bound to change the way they feel about her.

I would like to think that I am valued as a governor and I know that some of them were deeply saddened and angered by the circumstances surrounding Bo's death. It would have to change the way they viewed her.

Bauble99 · 04/12/2007 21:45

Anyway. There's nothing to be done until the election results are known on Friday. The clerk has said that he may be able to let me know on Thursday evening.

Thanks for letting me get it off my chest, anyway. x

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/12/2007 21:46

Fingers crossed she doesnt get it xxx

ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 04/12/2007 21:47

Bubble I have no doubt that you're incredibly well regarded and liked. I sit on the governing body of my local school, and have a very good relationship with my fellow members.

In the same situation, I myself would have to resign as I think I would struggle to remain objective knowing a colleage I respected, got along well with, and who was an asset to the school had resigned due to such a person being elected.

If she is elected, other like-minded people may be of the same mind. They could have a right old mess on their hands!

Freckle · 04/12/2007 21:55

I do not believe that the head and the chair of governors could not do anything. Perhaps they could do nothing officially, but a quiet word with the ex-MW would surely have been in everyone's interests.

I do hope that she is not elected. If you feel you have no choice but to resign, then I think you have to be honest about your reasons. If she has chosen to be elected to the board knowing that you are already a governor, it shows crass insensitivity at the very least and downright brazen brass neck at the most. Neither of which is an attribute valued in a school governor.

soapbox · 04/12/2007 21:58

I have to say that I am rather unsurprised that someone that had such a disregard for your and Bo's wellbeing during labour, is now seemingly oblivious to your feelings regarding this matter.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this Bubble - it really is beyond unfair

GreebosWhiskers · 04/12/2007 22:10

Bubble I've only just seen this thread & I can't believe what you had to go through (& are still going through). So & for you - I hope Friday brings the outcome you want.

edam · 04/12/2007 22:26

Oh Bubble, the fact she looks away from Mr Bubble... she must know. And that means she is amazingly brass necked. I can't believe anyone could be so cruel.

I devoutly hope she doesn't get in. Stupid, stupid woman.

Tamum · 04/12/2007 22:39

I am with soapbox on this- she sounds as though she is completely in denial really, and much as I'd like to think that it would help to have it out with her I feel on present form she might well deny any wrongdoing.

feelingfedup · 05/12/2007 08:21

agree with freckle, despite the rules and regulations the chair is, in exceptional circumstances, able to work outside of these. this situation is exceptional and the LEA would def back him. ask him to ring the LEA for backing if he/she feels unsure.

the chair may not feel comfortable/may not be able to ask this woman to step down, but he/she can have a quiet word, confirming this person knows who you are and how upset the whole situation has made you.

the chair would also be within regulations to point out that the story could end up in the public domain, which could be damaging both for the school and future relationships between govenors. chair could ask this person to 'consider their position' in the light of all this. anyone with an ounce of decency and understanding would step down.

MarsSelectionBoxLady · 05/12/2007 08:24

Love you angel!

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 05/12/2007 08:30

Huge hugs my darling, I fill up every time I think of this situation. God knows how you and your DH are feeling.

Hug footle for me.

ElenyaTuesday · 05/12/2007 08:45

Bubble,
reading this makes me cry. Your courage is amazing. Frankly, in your shoes I would have been unable to stop myself from telling all the other parents about this woman. Totally wrong, obviously.

I so hope this woman isn't elected. This is so shockingly unfair.

amidaiwish · 05/12/2007 09:22

have been following this thread and find it both upsetting and shocking.

who gets and counts the votes for the election? is it possible that the chair/head can "sway" the count? maybe that is what they intend to do behind the scenes rather than bring it all out in the open and deal with the aftermath?

It might be worth making clear to them that you will stand down if she is elected, if they don't know that already.

tigermoth · 05/12/2007 09:39

Just seen this and before reading it properly I just wanted to post my a message of sympathy, bubble - It defies belief

wheresthehamster · 05/12/2007 09:49

I can't remember if this has already been said but is it possible she thinks her son may not get an unbiased education with you as the SEN governor and she wants to ensure that is not the case?

If you reverse the roles and think of a scenario from her point of view. You make a horrendous mistake at work leaving a family devastated then find out you are at the same school. Your son has special needs and the mother in the family is the SEN governor. You don't know the extent of the involvement of the mother with your son but feel uneasy considering the bad feeling that must exist. You wonder why the mother has not asked to swap governor roles and would feel happier if you had a closer eye on things.

Not saying I believe this is the case but just trying to think of another possible reason for her application.

Hope the election is good news. On a more positive note I have never known someone stand for PG again if they don't get in the first time.

piximon · 05/12/2007 10:33

Bubble I really cannot comprehend how you must be feeling about all this. I'm not surprised you are still feeling so raw and quite frankly I do not know how she could apply knowing she'd have to face you. I'm sorry I do not have any advice, just wanted to send you my best wishes.

hunkermunker · 05/12/2007 10:47

If it would help for somebody who isn't involved in any way with the school to pass her a copy of the letter you mentioned that outlined her failings, I'll do it.

I'm astonished that anybody could be so callous as to do this. I'm very glad she's no longer working as a midwife - and so sorry she was yours.

Thinking of you.

Piggy · 05/12/2007 18:21

Hope you are ok Bubble. I have no idea how hideous this must be for you.

Do let us know what happens. You have an army of support behind you here on MN.

Best wishes.

paros · 06/12/2007 06:02

hope everything goes ok and that you get good news tonight .

GloriaInEleusis · 06/12/2007 10:55

Good luck bubble.

Sending lots and lots of virtual MN hugs all day...