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Original poster

The midwife who by her inaction killed my child has stood for election as parent governor at our school.

239 replies

Bubble99 · 25/11/2007 22:26

In February 2005 one of my full term and healthy twin sons was stillborn during an emergency cs. We had been admitted to a ward during the evening for induction of labour. Routine monitoring quickly showed that the twins were becoming distressed and (after the event) we were told that a consultant should have been called and a transfer to the labour ward arranged immediately. The MW responsible for our 'care' did none of these things, did not contact any doctors ( let alone a consultant) for two hours and was later proved to be negligent.

After the death of my son Mr Bubble had to carry on as normal. DT1/DS4 and I were in hospital for a week and Mr Bubble came to see us after he had dropped the older Bubble boys at school each morning. A couple of days after Bo (DT2) died, Mr Bubble said that he had seen the midwife at school and that he had wanted to scream and shout at her. I could not believe that this was possible and we both agreed that it must be someone who looked like her. He has continued to see 'her' for the last nearly three years but I haven't.

We now have vacancies for parent governors ( I am also a parent governor) and on the nomination forms sent home from school are the statements made by each prospective governor.

I recognised the name of one of them who says she is a 'healthcare professional' and it is the same name... I have just phoned our chair of governors and he has said that she "used to be a midwife."

I know that I will not be able to cope with sitting opposite this woman during meetings if she is elected and it will affect any of my dealings with her on governor business.

What should I do? I was re elected last year and really enjoy the role.

I'm sure I should be able to forgive and move on but it is still so raw and I don't know if I can work with someone who has had such a profound and awful influence on my life.

OP posts:
Walnutshell · 27/11/2007 19:44

That is so terribly terribly sad. I hope this is resolved as it should be - ie the woman withdraws. xxx

Dottydot · 27/11/2007 19:47

Bubble - thinking of you For what it's worth I would advise that you don't make direct contact with this woman - I can't see it doing you any good at the moment (not even thinking about her - only concerned about you and where you're at, emotionally).

It seems unfair but if she's elected I think your only option sanity-wise is to resign, but making your reasons for doing so clear to the head and Chair.

Maybe you could focus your attention on a class her son isn't in, in a more informal capacity?

I'm so sorry you're in this horrible situation and that it has brought the sharpness of the pain of it all back so clearly

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 27/11/2007 19:51

Bubble

Are you going on Saturday ?

We can go and sit in a corner and rant and blub, hell I might even force myself to have some wine on your behlaf.

You are one of lifes wonderful people, and I truly hope this is resolved in your favour.

Darling Girl, life owes you one, please God let this be it.

SheepishPeachesMcLean · 27/11/2007 20:03

Hi bubble, just read all this for the first time, and want to say how sorry I am that this has all happened, from what happened to Bo through to this woman turning up at your school.
I just read your bit though about it setting you back, and I know just how that feels. I recently discovered we've moved in next door to the minister who buried my still born child 6 years ago. Complete coincidence but I can shared your sense of shock, and I understand how much more awful it must be for you. At least we know that our DT2 was very ill and there's no one to blame. However, I'm amazed how quick I've recovered my equilibrium after all those painful memories came flooding back and if you've managed to reach a sort of peaceful grieving once, you will manage to get there again, possibly quicker than you think at the moment, whilst all this dreadful business is going on. It will get better again in time.
Will be thinking of you.

miljee · 27/11/2007 20:03

Um- where's Bubble in all this?

Original poster
Bubble99 · 27/11/2007 20:19

The power of mnet, eh?

I feel better already for posting this evening.

Dotty. Yes, you're right. I am not even considering contacting her. What makes this situation so awful is the fact that, instead of having the choice of meeting someone who has had such an awful influence on my life I am now powerless to control it. My children have to go to school and one or other of us has to take them. I could avoid a meeting in a counsellor's office but not a potential meeting at school...every day.

Now I know who she is I'm amazed that I hadn't seen her before. Well I'd seen her but not made the connection and just assumed she was someone who looked like her. Mr Bubble had, but I had managed to convince him that he was deluded, bless him. It seemed too horrible a coincidence to be possible. Her children are also in different years to mine so that would also explain why I have never come face to face with her. It's possible too that she has been avoiding me.

And yes, I'm going on Saturday.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 27/11/2007 20:21

Are you going by tube Bubble? I'll travel up with you if you like.

KermitTheFrau · 27/11/2007 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 27/11/2007 20:26

Waiter more wine please, the best you have.

More wine for one of the bravest women I have ever met.She is right up there with MartianBishop, YorkieGirl Misdee OnlyJoking and lots more to numerous to mention. I am humbled to know and love her. She is a wonderful person.

Don't just stand there listening to me telling you how wonderful B99 is go go goand fetch the wine.

foxinsocks · 27/11/2007 20:28

sorry to hear about all this bubble. What a nightmare.

Original poster
Bubble99 · 27/11/2007 20:32

That sounds like a good plan, KC.

I'm hoping to wangle a car there and back agin on my MIL's business account (hope there are no tax type people around)

If I book a PSV we could also take any of the other West Londoners who are planning to go, too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bubble99 · 27/11/2007 20:36

Peaches. I agree. It's the seeing of the person out of context, isn't it? You would have associated that man with a time and place in your life. To then see these people in 'normal' life is like seeing a character from a nightmare in a supermarket, IYSWIM.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 27/11/2007 20:37

bubble I'm an accountant

Do you have my detials or shall I cat you?

Original poster
Bubble99 · 27/11/2007 20:39

Busted! By a salad vegetable.

CAT me, please.

OP posts:
tori32 · 27/11/2007 21:01

I'm so sorry to hear about your twin and what an awful predicament for you. I agree that you need to speak to the other govorners if you can in confidence. Explain your concerns. The MW may also not realise that you are a parent govorner and would probably feel just as awful sitting opposite you. Although it is raw, remember that even health care professionals can misjudge situations and I have no doubt that the death of your twin will have affected her deeply, obviously not to the same extent as you because that wouldn't be possible, but no health care professional would be in the job if they didn't want to do the best for their patients. As has been said she may well withdraw her application if she realises that you are going to be there aswell. If she doesn't then that would be very hard faced.

PS I didn't mean you should give this woman sympathy, just trying to say that the MW's conscience will probably make her withdraw her application once she knows you are on the board.

hunkermunker · 27/11/2007 21:05

Just want to echo LGJ's posts about your amazingness, Bubble. Wish I was coming on Saturday Did you get my text today, btw? Not sure I have the right number for you still? xx

tatt · 28/11/2007 08:37

it is possible this woman would make an excellent governor BUT if I knew about her past I would not vote for her - would many parents? I hope she is devasted by the mistake, maybe her own problems did contribute to it - she has the right to move on but not to cause you any additional grief. If she goes ahead and is elected you'll resign and sooner or later it will come out why. If I was a parent at the school I would feel I'd been misled and I'd be quite annoyed that she put you in that position. It is really in her own interest to withdraw.

As for supporting her child - I would not want to do that, to avoid any suggestion of conflict of interest/ any need to meet the mother. If her child was being discussed by the governors I'd withdraw from that meeting.

You could show this thread to the head/chair of governors if necessary to indicate that parents generally would not want this woman elected if they knew.

hunkermunker · 28/11/2007 08:43

Tatt, that's it exactly.

"she has the right to move on but not to cause you any additional grief"

Kewcumber · 28/11/2007 09:54

PS I think you'll find that technically I'm a salad fruit.

FlossALump · 03/12/2007 12:15

Bubble, hope you don't mind me asking how it went last thurs?

Judy1234 · 03/12/2007 13:03

How awful for you. Was it legally established she was negligent?

Baffy · 03/12/2007 13:16

How awful for you

How did things go, any news?

yummers · 03/12/2007 13:29

that's awful Bubble. i think you should talk to as many influential people at the school as you need to, as it would be completely insensitive for them to allow her to be elected given the pain she has caused you through her incompetance.

feelingfedup · 04/12/2007 08:30

bubble I am so sorry this has happened to you. I would ask the chair to have a word with her, to encourage her to step down.

if she refuses and is determined to be elected then I suggest you resign and go to the local papers.

You have nothing to hide and will have the opportunity to speak about your experience and how dreadful it would be to work with this person.
Once other parents hear of her 'experience' no one will vote for her.

Bauble99 · 04/12/2007 08:59

Voting closes today for the elections so I'll know by Thursday, once the count has been done, if she has been elected.

Xenia. We took action against the hospital rather than individuals as is normal but during the initial enquiry phase she was identified, in writing in, by the Head of Maternity Services and the Reviewing Consultant as being at fault for not acting on obvious (CTG tracing) signs of distress (along with the two doctors who dealt with us before a consultant became involved.)So yes, in answer to your question.

Our son died 14 minutes before he was delivered by emergency CS after being in distress for 7 hours. We should have been transferred to the labour ward asap and an emergency CS performed. If that had happened he would have survived. As it was, the poor little lad struggled for 7 hours and died because he couldn't keep going any longer.

The fact that he died 14 minutes before he was delivered, when so much time was available to save his life, haunts me and I cannot forgive those 'professionals' for killing him and nearly killing DT1/DS3.