The midwife who by her inaction killed my child has stood for election as parent governor at our school.

[Bubble99]

In February 2005 one of my full term and healthy twin sons was stillborn during an emergency cs. We had been admitted to a ward during the evening for induction of labour. Routine monitoring quickly showed that the twins were becoming distressed and (after the event) we were told that a consultant should have been called and a transfer to the labour ward arranged immediately. The MW responsible for our 'care' did none of these things, did not contact any doctors ( let alone a consultant) for two hours and was later proved to be negligent.

After the death of my son Mr Bubble had to carry on as normal. DT1/DS4 and I were in hospital for a week and Mr Bubble came to see us after he had dropped the older Bubble boys at school each morning. A couple of days after Bo (DT2) died, Mr Bubble said that he had seen the midwife at school and that he had wanted to scream and shout at her. I could not believe that this was possible and we both agreed that it must be someone who looked like her. He has continued to see 'her' for the last nearly three years but I haven't.

We now have vacancies for parent governors ( I am also a parent governor) and on the nomination forms sent home from school are the statements made by each prospective governor.

I recognised the name of one of them who says she is a 'healthcare professional' and it is the same name... I have just phoned our chair of governors and he has said that she "used to be a midwife."

I know that I will not be able to cope with sitting opposite this woman during meetings if she is elected and it will affect any of my dealings with her on governor business.

What should I do? I was re elected last year and really enjoy the role.

I'm sure I should be able to forgive and move on but it is still so raw and I don't know if I can work with someone who has had such a profound and awful influence on my life.

oh Bubble how absolutely hideous
Good luck for tomorrow and I hope something can be worked out

How horrible for you Bubble.

I hope once the situation is made known that everyone does the decent thing.

Oh bubble. What are the chances of this happening? I really don't have any advice, but you do need to speak up about it. I really hope she has no clue who you are and once she does she backs down. How will you feel about working with her DS still? What a complete arse of a situation.

Bubble so sorry to read your horrific events i genuinely do not know what to say..please take care and i hope you dont suffer anguish because of this

Hi Bubble

I realise that this must be an awful shock to you. I'm probably going to be shot down in flames - but there is another side.

She has every right to stand as a parent governor as her son is a child at the school. As you say there are 5 people standing for 3 places and she may well not be elected. Being devil's advocate here - why shouldn't she stand? I know her inaction had terrible consequences, but she may be trying to move on with her life and give something back to the school that's helping her child.

I agree with the other comments - you should speak, in confidence, to the Chair and let them know your feelings, but that shouldn't rule out her right to stand in the election.

I'm sorry that you're in this position and hope that things work out.

What an awful situation. I wonder whether she is aware that you have been supporting her child and taken the fact that you have been doing so as a sign that you have forgiven her for her actions.

A friend of mine was in the situation where someone locally ran over and killed a member of her family. She formally apologised to the family at the inquest, and it seems that she took their silence as an acceptance of the apology and that they had forgiven her.

A little while later she was talking to the family priest and said that the family had forgiven her. He rather unprofessionally blurted out that they most definitely hadn't and she absolutely dissolved - she apparently had been totally convinced in her own mind that they had. I just wonder if something similar is going on here.

just want to say, i am so sorry that this has suddenly come back to hit you in the face.. you have had some sterling advice here, i can't really add anything , except my support for you in this unenviable situation. (lulumama ) x

Good luck for today Bubble what an upsetting and wretched coincidence for you

what a sad story bubble

there are no winners here

not only do you have live the rest of your life without your lost twin,

but this woman has to do the same with the knowledge that she made a tragic mistake, which effectively ended her career and will come back to haunt her for always.

I'm so sorry for all

All thoughts with you Bubble-let's hope the Chair can offer some good advice.xx

What an absolutely awful situation - no advice, but lots of sympathy.

I just hope she has the good grace to stand down when the situation is made clear to her. HOpe conversation today goes well.

But this isn't necessarily about 'forgiveness' or Bubble's anger at her...the constant reminder of what happened would be there in meetings, a constant emotional turmoil...

can't be good for anyone most of all Bubble & family.

oh Bubble

speaking as a health professional, i would think a letter to her (wearing your governers hat possibly?) would be best

i imagine hse hasnt realised you are you

she should have the decency to stand down. i know i would. she should feel very humble know ing you are helping her child

best wishes

Was she fired following her neglegence? if so then it is pretty clear that it was her fault and that you are not over reacting or jus being bitter (im not saying you are but just that anyone who didn't know may worry that that may have been teh case iykwim)

i would then speak with the chair and explain what you have said here, tell them that she was fired due to her neglegence and that you would not be happy serving with her.

explain how stringly you feel, i am sure they would rather elect another, equally acceptable parent to the governing body rather than upset a standing member.

Bubble - this is a horrendous situation to be in and i really do feel for you.

I review clinical risk situations and usually there are a catalogue of errors, with not only one person being responsible.

This midwife will not deliberatley have set out to cause harm. You said something important earlier - she has a SN child. What pressures was she under. Was the unit actuely short staffed. Was she fairly newly qualified - did she mis-interpret the CTG and not realise the babies were in distress.

THe point I am trying to make is that she is not a horrible person despite the horrendous outcome that night.

Would it help at all to speak to her I wonder?

I personally have been involved in a situation where in retrospect the outcome could have been different had it been realised at the time there was a problem.

I hope I do not offend you Bubble with this post - I just wanted to look at it from a different perspective.

I have never forgotton your loss and remember that sad time so clearly.

but Mears i have an SN child.

whilst i was working i could not allow home pressures to interfere with my work.

when i got to a point where homelife was such that it may have started to impede my ability to do my job i gave up work.

logically you are right of course, she did not do any of this deliberatly and i am sure she feels awful everyday since knowing her part in the conclusion of that night.

BUT dealing with the death of a child is devestating and logic just doesn't come into it, the emotion that overwhelmes you just doesn't allow it.

Message withdrawn

Bubble - i think that LisaLisa's idea sounds very good. You could do it by letter - but if it was me, personally, i would add after the 'no ongoing grudge' business the cavat that you would find it hard not to be constantly reminded if in meetings with her, and that you don't think this is fair on either of you.

I have nothing helpful to add really - just wanted to say how I am for your loss, and how much I admire you for not letting your feelings about this woman reflect on the way you have treated her child.

bubble, I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this impossible situation

I hope she will withdraw from the election.

What ever you do, don't you pull out from being a governor yourself. This is your way of helping your living children. I think I would ask the chair (or someone you think she knows) to let the woman know who you are. If I was her it would make me pull out.

I'm really sorry you are facing this. I can't begin to imagine how it's making you feel. I agree it would be a good idea to talk through your feelings with the chair/head. xx

What a difficult and horrible situation.

A few years ago a friend of mine lost a baby during labour and she strongly suspected (although it was never proved because the notes weren't clear) that the midwife was culpable. A year later my friend was my doula and who should turn up to deliver the baby, but the midwife in questions It must have been very difficult for both of them but it was fine. Of course, this was a one-off and I imagine it would be difficult to see this woman on a regular basis.