The midwife who by her inaction killed my child has stood for election as parent governor at our school.

[Bubble99]

In February 2005 one of my full term and healthy twin sons was stillborn during an emergency cs. We had been admitted to a ward during the evening for induction of labour. Routine monitoring quickly showed that the twins were becoming distressed and (after the event) we were told that a consultant should have been called and a transfer to the labour ward arranged immediately. The MW responsible for our 'care' did none of these things, did not contact any doctors ( let alone a consultant) for two hours and was later proved to be negligent.

After the death of my son Mr Bubble had to carry on as normal. DT1/DS4 and I were in hospital for a week and Mr Bubble came to see us after he had dropped the older Bubble boys at school each morning. A couple of days after Bo (DT2) died, Mr Bubble said that he had seen the midwife at school and that he had wanted to scream and shout at her. I could not believe that this was possible and we both agreed that it must be someone who looked like her. He has continued to see 'her' for the last nearly three years but I haven't.

We now have vacancies for parent governors ( I am also a parent governor) and on the nomination forms sent home from school are the statements made by each prospective governor.

I recognised the name of one of them who says she is a 'healthcare professional' and it is the same name... I have just phoned our chair of governors and he has said that she "used to be a midwife."

I know that I will not be able to cope with sitting opposite this woman during meetings if she is elected and it will affect any of my dealings with her on governor business.

What should I do? I was re elected last year and really enjoy the role.

I'm sure I should be able to forgive and move on but it is still so raw and I don't know if I can work with someone who has had such a profound and awful influence on my life.

Just to agree with mamazon really- as a parent on sn kids, I did make the choice not to return to a specific line of work 9parental support) aware I might not be so able to approach the position from the impartial angles I might wish, and that I might also not be able to handle the sometimes extreme demands placed upon us 9the caharity) as a whole. If you can't sope, you have to remove yourself from thsi sort of work.

Bubble , personally I would be surprised if she didnt know who you were- ver surprised indeed. If she was removed or forced tor esign, and then is putting herself down as an ex H?C professional on the governors forms, I woudl also be very , and yes I would feel that it would be right for you to bring it to the attention of the other governors. The whole thing, with you supporting her LO and then applying to be a Governor- doesn't that just seem wierd to anyone else? I'd be very uncomfortable in my boys SN were being suported by someone I knew from the way you two do- indeed, I would challenge it as I would be worried they were receiving less than truly dedicated support (not saying you'd do that- you didnt even realsie who he was- but some might)

Bubble, what is life like

You can't make it up can you

I don't think you should write her a letter, I think that could backfire. At no point must you seen to be doing anything untoward.

You must ask the chair what the best way forward with this one is.

Good Luck

Whoa! Bubble isn't responsible for the child's progress as she herself knows but has an interest in him and knows him through her role as SEN governor. I don't like the suggestion that Bubble has a 'hold' over the MW regards her son.

Also in some schools it is very easy to not be able to name ANY governor

Not read whole post but does she know that you sit on the board? I would have a word with the chair of governors to see what they know.

If she does and has submitted herself anyway then she is twisted and the school won't want her, will they?

If she doesn't, then I would suggest a private letter from you/ or the chair to her asking if she will continue with this even now she knows who you are?

If she has any shred of decency she will withdraw her application. If I had been the cause of something so terrible then, whether it was a genuine mistake or not I would never want to be reminded of what I had done so forcibly - presumably she has to live with this knowledge every day anyway.

The school could cite conflict of interests I would imagine as a reason for declining her application, as you have seniority.

I think there is a lot the head will do "unofficially" if you chat to her or the chair. The last thing they want is for a situation to be apparent at each governors meeting. I still think she doesn't know you are there. Most parents don't know who the governors are.

I'm obviously not as nice as these other M.netters. I'd tell other parents my story if I had to too. Don't listen to me though. Try the low key stuff first.

You will get back to us and tell us what is happening wont you Bubble99.

Yes, sorry - Cam is probably right about not writing a letter.

What a horrible situation to be in.

I do think though that you?re going to have to tread carefully wrt how you approach this though. If you make it clear to the head/chair that you feel unable to work with her because of what has happened in the past, then this could (for some) put a questionmark over whether you should be involved with issues relating to her ds. It is still a conflict of interest after all, even if she is not elected.

Any progress with this today bubble?

Have been thinking of you all day

I've had you in my mind all day too Bubble, this is just horrendous for you

I hope the chair is able to help and a swift solution is found to all this.

Wotcha greeny

'Ello VVVQV!! U ok hun ??

Not arf bad luv. Must catch up soon.

Where is that bubble with an update?

Thinking of you Bubble - horrible situation to find yourself in.
Much love, xxxx

oh bubble, this is so difficult. i hope the head sorts this out amicably before she stands.

If the MW served a 3 month+ sentence then iirc she is not eligible to stand as a PG. Did this happen?

I don't think the Head can interfere in PG elections only faciliate the election and count the votes.

For those parents who are nominated but don't get elected they are sometimes co-opted on as Community Governors by the Governing Body. You would have a chance, if you haven't already done so, to make your views VERY clear at this point even if you don't go into details.

I feel sure there was no malice in her "inaction", just mistake with devastating consequences. I would not be at all surprised if she knows you are a governor and is standing as a way of meeting you again and seeking your foregiveness. I doubt it is a coincidence to be honest. I too lost a baby an hour after his birth through medical negligence.

I feel sure there was no malice in her "inaction" - blimey I should think not! They'd have charged her wih manslaughter if there was any malice.

She's a very bizarre woman if she's trying to make some kind of rapprochement with Bubble through being appointed to a board of governors

I had killed someone even if through no fault of my own, I'd go out of my way to avoid their family after an intial attempt to apologise. What on earth would you say? Your presence would be a gaping sore every time they had to meet you. If she knows Bubble is on the board it is, IMVHO, at best insensitive. If she doesn't know she should be informed.

Message withdrawn

no news yet?

I'm thinking of you Bubble, you must be in such turmoil

Do let us know how you are.

If I was in the ex-mw's position I would be living with the guilt and distress of what happened for the rest of my days. I'd be taking every action possible to do good for other children. I would probably be standing as a governor at my child's school...

Horrendous though this is for bubble, maybe it's her one chance to reach some sort of 'closure' on the situation. At the moment she can't imagine sitting opposite the woman in a meeting, but she's already inadvertently made a connection by helping the SEN child.

The anger must be palpable, but there's no point demonising the woman in your minds. Most of us have jobs where if we make a mistake the consequences can be costly or inconvenient - not fatal.

I thank my lucky stars that I have 2 healthy, happy boys, but maybe bubble could actually gain something from the woman's appointment? To work together for a common goal?

Or am I living in cloud cuckoo land?

You sound like a really good person fortyplus but I dont think it works like that in the real world.

I was a governor for a long time in England before we moved here to Scotland. I'm sure the head or chair will unofficially interveen (sp?) if they see this situation developing.

Hello again. And thanks for all of your posts.

I've talked again to the chair who has talked to our head. I'm hoping to hear from him this evening. We've got a full govs meeting on Thursday anyay so I'll be able to talk to both there, before or after the meeting.

The closing date for voting for the new parent govs is next Tuesday so there is still time if she decides to withdraw from the elections.

A couple of you have asked me to consider that she may make an excellent governor for the school. Of course she may, better than me perhaps. But this is not the issue. My only concern is that I will not be able to cope with being around her. My problem, of course.

It has been so difficult and painful to come to terms with the death of my son. I said at the time that if there had been 'something wrong with him' it would have been easier, somehow. But to know that our beautiful, healthy little boy died only because those supposed to be caring for us did not do their jobs properly is heartbreaking. When I look at his twin and realise how close he too came to dying it makes me even more aware of what we've lost. I had got to the point where I thought about Bo from time to time and now feel as though I'm back to square one.

She may well want to make peace. And yes, I'm sure she has relived that awful night many times, too. Not sure how that conversation would go, though and not sure anyway that I'm ready to face that yet. I still feel so angry.

Thanks also for the advice re conflict of interest with the SEN observations. Of course I can't continue to write reports on her son. If at some point in the future there is a question about him remaining in mainstream education, my reports would play a small part in the decision making process and could obv be open to the charge that I was not/am not impartial.

Thanks again. I'll let you know how it goes on Thursday if I don't speak to either the chair or the head before then.

x

I hope the Chair and HT can resolve this for you Bubble. I find it unbelievable that she has seen that you are on the board and yet wants to put herself forward. Of course it is admirable she wants to help her son's school, but she must be made of steel to think she could face you over a meeting table twice a term for 3 years. Good luck.