Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Moving settled 7 year old at year 3 to prestigious grammar school but without friends

86 replies

IndecisiveEmma · 23/04/2021 15:00

What is everyone's opinion about children moving school age 7?
My daughter has the chance to go to the grammar school near us - one of the best In the country. She's fairly sensitive and doesn't like change and is v attached to a lot of her friends.
I know for a fact that none of her friends are going to this school.
Breaks my heart to think that we would be taking her away from her friends and a very nice little school that she could stay at til 11. She would have the chance to go to the other school then too, but far less likely as greater competition.
So - move at year 3 in September to a v good school, which may be more pressure, but sets her up til 18.
Or stick where she's at with friends in a gentle school with less pressure and chance it at 11 and hope her friends go to. Of course she may not get in.
Feels like such a big decision. Pros and cons both ways.
For context schools are NPS now and RGS as the potential.

OP posts:

paralysedbyinertia · 23/04/2021 15:02

I'd leave her where she is for the time being. Happiness, confidence and good mental health count for a lot in my view.

UserTwice · 23/04/2021 15:06

I don't know what schools you are referring to, but moving a happy, settled, child at age 7 just because the school is "the best in the country" sounds like a very bad idea. You have no idea if she will be academically suitable for the school at 11 (I'm assuming it's a selective school) and actually don't even mention whether you think the school will suit her at age 7.

You sound very sold on this school just because it is prestigious. Not getting into the school at 11 is not the be all and end all.

Planningobjection · 23/04/2021 15:11

Personally I think friendships and happiness should come first but I’m not really a believer in fee paying schools. I’m in the camp or if they are going to succeed they will succeed at a state school with parental support.

PegPeople · 23/04/2021 15:17

It doesn't actually sound like you would be moving her for any other reason than it being one of the best schools.

She's currently happy and thriving where she is plus she has secure attachments and most importantly friends. Why on earth would you risk throwing all that away and causing a child who you freely admit is sensitive and resistant to change unnecessary disruption, stress and trauma.

Be honest is the great school worth the very real risk of jeopardising her educational accomplishment, security and happiness?

Seeline · 23/04/2021 15:21

It's difficult to tell whether a school at 7 will suit a child at age 11. NOt just academically, but in terms of ethos, teaching style, available opportunities etc.

It's virtually impossible to tell whether that school will still suit them at 16, leaving aside whether they reach the required standard to progress and whether the options they want to pursue are available to them.

Have you visited the school? Did you like how it felt? Did you agree with the ethos? Could you see your DD being happy and settled there?

Aboutnow · 23/04/2021 15:26

You say she is sensitive, I can’t see how she is going to suit a grammar. They suit children who are fairly robust and can take pressure.
Your post uses such emotive words I think you know deep down you would be making a mistake.
Always pick a happy childhood over a fabulous education, you will end up with a happier adult child.

SavingsQuestions · 23/04/2021 15:28

All everyone says! She's happy, settled and they are the best factors for learning. If she also doesn't like change it would be crazy to move her.

A child at 11 is v different to 7 too, so would be good to see what suits her then rather than just to stay in a school because you've already entered it!

Iwantacampervan · 23/04/2021 15:49

You say she is sensitive, I can’t see how she is going to suit a grammar. They suit children who are fairly robust and can take pressure.
As the school takes pupils at year 3 I assume it's a private school with Grammar in the name rather than a state grammar school.

Original poster

IndecisiveEmma · 23/04/2021 19:49

What I’m wrestling with is balancing out the bigger picture though. This is a great school for her to get to. As parents is it not our responsibility to try and give your children the best opportunities especially as they get older? Going now would guarantee that she gets those chances at the new school.

Not going now risks her getting in.

OP posts:

Didicat · 23/04/2021 19:53

My daughter has moved school as we have moved area for y3, settled fine made new friends etc. Children move schools all the time only you can decide if it is a good fit for your daughter.

Aboutnow · 23/04/2021 19:55

It depends what 'best' means to you.
Personally I don't think you can 'better' a happy childhood at a school near to where you live, so that you can spend hours with friends after school and grow up in a relaxed, non pressured environment where you can slowly work out who you want to be without external stresses.
Not sure that fits with the superselective model you are talking about but it seems to work for my children.
I think happy children become successful, settled adults with fewer mental health issues. The rest then takes care of itself.

Whinge · 23/04/2021 19:55

@IndecisiveEmma

Not going now risks her getting in.

The best opportunities in the world won't matter if you have an anxious unhappy child with no friends who ends up as a school refuser.

A happy settled child is worth far more than the potential opportunties.

Cookerhood · 23/04/2021 20:01

It's not a grammar but a private school, but beyond that, my parents moved me in year 5 to a (now prestigious) private school as it was easier to get in at 9, & to stay you only had to achieve a certain standard rather than be top. It worked for me, I was very happy there.

Pseud · 23/04/2021 20:08

Goodness, MN is normally full of posts of how easy it is for children to make new friends at another school, secondary school transition threads are full of assurances that no one sticks with their primary friends.

OP - just be clear on why you want the school, and what your alternatives are for secondary. 11 plus pressure might be tougher for a sensitive child compared to moving now. But yes, as others have said, don’t be caught up in how prestigious it is, weigh it up against your other options, and focus on where you think she’ll be happy and fulfilled. If it is the right school with all that considered, then moving now is not crazy.

SeasonFinale · 23/04/2021 20:16

DS moved at y3 to a school that would have gone through to 18 but he then also moved at y9 to a more slective school, both indies after state KS1. Yes, they do make friends easily at both ages and he enjoyed the experiences (as well as the education) both had to offer. If you feel it is the right school go for it.

There are usually other new joiners at y3 too. DS found another new boy and agreed to be friends on the first day and they still are! (19, post A level)

vjg13 · 23/04/2021 20:18

It does depend on what options there are for year 7 and how likely she would be to get in then.

We sent my daughter to a secondary school where she didn't know anyone and had a longish bus journey to get there (local school was walking distance) and it was the best decision for her.

Smartiepants79 · 23/04/2021 20:24

I don’t think grammar school exists for year 3 children??
I think you mean a private school.
What is the long term plan??
If she doesn’t go there where will she move to at 11?
If the answer is the same school then you move her now.
If there are other, good choices, for secondary then you have to think harder.
We moved my DD at the end of yr4. She was happy and settled etc. BUT I knew that in the long run I wanted her at the school she is now at. She will now stay there til she is 18.
We will do the same for my youngest.
She is still young enough to transition fairly easily. Especially if all the other kids will be new also.
Being happy at her current school is great but if the long term goal is the other school then you move her.

Seeline · 23/04/2021 20:26

@IndecisiveEmma

Not going now risks her getting in.

Does it guarantee progression at Y7? Lots of Indies are happy to weed out students that aren't making the grade before going into the senior school.

Original poster

IndecisiveEmma · 23/04/2021 20:30

The 2 schools are across the road from each other so both local to us.
Yes they are both private schools and the new one is selective. Some of her friends didn't try at this age and some didn't get in.
Maybe I've overplayed the sensitive thing. She's not a wall flower. She's nervous of change and does warm up. People mentioning about it really affecting her mental health in the future and happiness as an adult makes me think it wouldn’t be that bad for her and that she wouldn’t end up being that unhappy. She manages to hold her own and argue daily with me and her sister!
The main issue is 1 friend of hers not going. If this 1 friend was - she would feel happier which would give me comfort.
Thinking over everything people have said above - I think after the initial transition and first few day nerves she is the type that would make new friends. She does this easily in a park etc with strangers. The school starts at year 3 so everyone in the same boat.
I think the school she is at now is great - and the new one is better. Both offer good education. Just the new one offers her more and as I say above - it's our role to offer her as much as we can if we can.
I think we just want the best for her. This is the school we want her to go to eventually - so the ‘best’ school is relevant because it’s where we would ideally like her to go.
This decision is mostly based on trying to future proof the chance of her not getting In and potential stress of exam at 11. Especially this year because of COVID less took the assessment for year 3 entrance which means even more of them would be going for it at age 11.
The pressure/ competitive nature - she’s a bright kid. Maybe it will suit her to be more stretched for ages 8 - 11. Without crystal ball it’s hard to say obviously.

OP posts:

rattlemehearties · 23/04/2021 20:30

This makes me sad to read. She's happy and settled. Why disrupt her childhood. Decide again age 11 what she'll do for secondary but no need to move her now

GammyLeg · 23/04/2021 20:36

With an epidemic of anxiety and poor mental health among youth I would absolutely not rock the boat and change schools. Parent involvement is the main indicator of educational success, especially if the school she’s already at is a good one anyway.

UserTwice · 23/04/2021 20:39

The best school is the school that is best for your child.

You cannot possibly know at age 7 that this will be the best school for your child at age 11. If it's the best school for her at age 7, then by all means move her. But don't make the decision on what you think might happen 4 years into the future.

What if you move her, she takes ages to settle, and then the school isn't all that you think it is?

Seeline · 23/04/2021 20:40

It is obviously a good school, but what is it about the school that makes you think that it is the best school for your DD?

Seeline · 23/04/2021 20:41

And what is Plan B for Y7 if you find she is struggling - academically or otherwise?

VaVaGloom · 23/04/2021 20:42

@IndecisiveEmma Why did you start her at the other school if this was the school you wanted for her long term?

Flip

1 2 3 4