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Education

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Original poster

Moving settled 7 year old at year 3 to prestigious grammar school but without friends

86 replies

IndecisiveEmma · 23/04/2021 15:00

What is everyone's opinion about children moving school age 7?
My daughter has the chance to go to the grammar school near us - one of the best In the country. She's fairly sensitive and doesn't like change and is v attached to a lot of her friends.
I know for a fact that none of her friends are going to this school.
Breaks my heart to think that we would be taking her away from her friends and a very nice little school that she could stay at til 11. She would have the chance to go to the other school then too, but far less likely as greater competition.
So - move at year 3 in September to a v good school, which may be more pressure, but sets her up til 18.
Or stick where she's at with friends in a gentle school with less pressure and chance it at 11 and hope her friends go to. Of course she may not get in.
Feels like such a big decision. Pros and cons both ways.
For context schools are NPS now and RGS as the potential.

OP posts:

SantiagoSky · 23/04/2021 20:48

I would do it now if you want her to go to this school eventually.

Planningobjection · 23/04/2021 21:00

Sounds like you’ve made your mind up OP.

FWIW I disagree with our role as parents as to give the best opportunities. I think it’s to provide security, stability and obviously access to a good education but I disagree with the competitive nature of private schools. A bright child will do well anywhere with good parental support. Lots of children move schools at this age and some do well, others struggle with the transition in friends and settings. I see time and time again parents getting their child into ‘the best’ school only for the child actually not to be academic enough. How will you handle that?

Ariannah · 23/04/2021 21:04

I would move her. She’ll make new friends, probably more influential friends who will help her get ahead in life. A child can’t possibly appreciate the benefit of that.

Aboutnow · 23/04/2021 21:05

Someone taught me the mantra ‘never move a happy child’ and having been in the parenting game long enough to see the effect of happy children being moved for a more academic education and becoming unhappy, for me it would be too much of a risk for very little gain.

Whinge · 23/04/2021 21:07

@Ariannah

I would move her. She’ll make new friends, probably more influential friends who will help her get ahead in life. A child can’t possibly appreciate the benefit of that.

The child is 7, and already at a private school. Moving a happy settled child, just on the off chance of more influential friends is ridiculous

Aboutnow · 23/04/2021 21:07

@Ariannah
When I am interviewing for people to become my friends I always ask myself if they are going to be influential enough and if they are going to help me get ahead.
If the answer is no, they are out. I don’t bother with traits like warmth, empathy, humour, loyalty, humility. It’s influential or nothing for me.

GammyLeg · 23/04/2021 21:10

“She’ll make new friends, probably more influential friends who will help her get ahead in life.”

Jesus. And here I was naively thinking school was about learning literacy and maths.

HumunaHey · 23/04/2021 21:12

@Ariannah

I would move her. She’ll make new friends, probably more influential friends who will help her get ahead in life. A child can’t possibly appreciate the benefit of that.

This is just so sad.

UserTwice · 23/04/2021 21:22

Goodness, MN is normally full of posts of how easy it is for children to make new friends at another school, secondary school transition threads are full of assurances that no one sticks with their primary friends.

Secondary school transition threads exist to reassure parents that their child will be ok at their new school that they have to send them to because they can't stay at their primary school any longer. This is not remotely the same. For what it's worth, I think OP's DC will make new friends if she's moved, but why force her to move if she doesn't have to and she's perfectly happy where she is?

Planningobjection · 23/04/2021 21:28

@Ariannah

I would move her. She’ll make new friends, probably more influential friends who will help her get ahead in life. A child can’t possibly appreciate the benefit of that.

I’m hoping this is a joke.

Ariannah · 23/04/2021 21:31

The child is 7, and already at a private school
OP didn’t say the child is already at a private school? Regardless, if the other school is more expensive and offers the opportunity to make better connections I’d take it.

Whinge · 23/04/2021 21:33

@Ariannah

The child is 7, and already at a private school OP didn’t say the child is already at a private school? Regardless, if the other school is more expensive and offers the opportunity to make better connections I’d take it.

Yes she did

The 2 schools are across the road from each other so both local to us.
Yes they are both private schools

More expensive doesn't mean the school will be a better experience or environment for a child.

UserTwice · 23/04/2021 21:35

@Ariannah

The child is 7, and already at a private school OP didn’t say the child is already at a private school? Regardless, if the other school is more expensive and offers the opportunity to make better connections I’d take it.

She needs to be sent with very careful instructions though, and OP should probably invest in some consultancy to research the families of her DD's potential playmates. You don't want her making friends with someone just because they like skipping rather than maximising her opportunities by befriending the ones with the most influential connections.

ufucoffee · 23/04/2021 21:41

I'd move her if you want to. My daughter moved school around the same age and made lots of new friends. In my experience of working with children they always do.

YouJustDoYou · 23/04/2021 21:48

i think ive missed something along the way, but theres no guarantee shes going to get in to a grammar school...

dopeyduck · 23/04/2021 21:53

In circumstances such as this I really do feel that bright children will perform well in either school.

Clearly both schools offer good education. Your child is clearly bright, maybe you should ask her what she'd like?

I went to normal local primary and secondary school, both were ok schools. A very close friend of mine went to a private school age 11. We both left with good grades, went on to do A levels (state and private respectively) and later ended up at the same (Russel Group) university, studying the same degree course and both of us graduated with first class degrees.

We had different paths because our backgrounds gave us different opportunities, but it didn't really end up making all that difference.

I feel that you've made this a bigger deal than it really is.

RovenderKitt · 23/04/2021 22:00

Of course you shouldn’t move her. She will most likely lose more ground in the changeover than any gain anyway. Plus if, as you say, she is bright she will do well at any reasonable secondary school. The best school for any child isn’t the one which has the highest results but the one where the child will be happiest for that is where they will do their best.

Original poster

IndecisiveEmma · 23/04/2021 22:01

Don’t think I ever said it was in order to find more influential friends.

OP posts:

Bobbots · 23/04/2021 22:14

This is depressing.
What do you mean when you say you want the “best” for her? The best in what sense? And when you say one school is better than the other, in what way? Do you mean exam results?
You are already sending a 7 year old to a fee paying private school, it’s not like she’s at a run down state school in the middle of a council estate (many of which are fantastic schools, before anyone jumps on me!). What I’m trying to say is that the difference between the two schools and how “good” they are can be fairly small at best, possibly negligible. So even if you discount what pp are saying about unsettling her and also not knowing whether this new school will suit her, do you really have to go even further in ensuring she gets “the best” (again I’m still not really sure what this means in this context) by moving her unnecessarily?

If you are concerned about how influential her friends will be in the future then im sorry but that is batshit.

Original poster

IndecisiveEmma · 23/04/2021 23:01

Wow people really read what they want into things don’t they.

OP posts:

Nonmaquillee · 23/04/2021 23:03

I don't understand - grammar schools are for secondary school children, not primary aged kids. What do you mean?

Original poster

IndecisiveEmma · 23/04/2021 23:15

It’s got the word grammar school in its name. It’s a school that starts at year 3 and goes to age 18. The school she is in now finishes in year 6 so she has to move then. Taking the place now guarantees her through to 18 with no concerns about her not getting a place.

Of course I want the best for her. That’s why the mew school is up for consideration. It’s an excellent school with a lot more opportunities and chance for growth than the one she’s at now.

OP posts:

JamieFrasersBigSwingingKilt · 23/04/2021 23:19

I think it would be helpful OP if you explain what 'best' means for your family and daughter.

I went to a highly academic private school - also one of the best in the country. I understand the aspiration and the opportunity you mention.

I wouldn't be bound by a 7 year old's friendships to jeopardise the potential she could reach. She'll make friends very quickly and can see her BFF outside school. You will have to manage the transition carefully though as, of course, you'll want her to be happy and thriving.

paralysedbyinertia · 23/04/2021 23:21

OP, why are you asking exactly? It seems like you have already made up your mind, so just do whatever you think is best and hope it works out as you intend it to.

appletart99 · 23/04/2021 23:22

Hi,
I know the two schools you are talking about so I hope this is helpful. The one your daughter is at is lovely and supportive and it sounds like most of her friends are staying. The success rate of the Year 6 leavers has been pretty impressive so my personal view is that it the second school is the right one for her then she will get in at 11 regardless.

If you are thinking you should move her now because it is easier to get in and she might not get in at 11 then it is possible that it may not be the right school for her and she would struggle or not reach her full potential.

I do think there is a lot to be said for primary aged kids feeling nurtured and supported, especially after this past year. I have no personal experience of the second school, and am not saying she wouldn't get that there, but she would be a small fish in a big pond of up to 18year olds. At least at the moment she is in a small environment where all the teachers know all the kids.

I am sure she will do well wherever she goes, and it is completely natural to want to give her the best opportunities. But I don't think it is as simple as looking at league tables and results. Kids thrive and reach/exceed their potential when they are happy and well supported.

We will be in your situation next year and are planning to stay put for the above reasons. Hope that helps.

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