Why is it considered okay to go in for private-school-bashing?

[nellyraggbagg]

I met a friend today, who launched into a full-scale rant against 'shiny private school children'. As my DS is one of these 'shiny private school children', I thought it rather offensive. We are not fabulously wealthy; we don't have a 4WD or designer clothes; we can't afford to go on holiday anywhere, never mind abroad; we have shelved all plans to move house so that we can afford school fees. Why, oh why do people think it's acceptable to be rude to someone because of their school choice? I'd never dream of talking about her 'illiterate, chavvy, hoody state school children'!!

lol senora, would that be an estate as in "I was shooting pheasants on my father's estate in Northumberland"?

Book an expensive holiday to wherever, buy an expensive house splash out on a new car and nobody would say a word, spend on your children's future and they will all pull out their daggers. These people don't realise the sacrifices parents make to get their kids a better education. If the same money was spent on sending the kid on a cruise, nobody would say a word. Why do we hate all good things in life so much?

i dont think its envy
its just a reaction to feelng people look down on you - makes folk go on the offensive

Some of "these people" know only too well the "sacrifices" made but believe them to be morally unjustifiable.
There will, however, always be the exceptional case such as SEN.

HR why do you automatically think private school parents are looking down on you! Just because they choose to spend money on what they perceive is a better education, why should you be so paranoid?

do you think people inmercedes automatically look down on fiesta drivers ? should we ban mercedes. In fact go the whole hog and bring in communism...sigh!

Each child in provate school save sthe state over £5k, so you should be grateful.

My son has private swimming lessons. I think one to one lessons are better than group lessons and I have the money to pay for it.

The lessons are expensive, but I feel the superior learning experience is worth it. Am I a snob? (My son is hard of hearing and cannot wear hearing aids in the water. He found hard to understand the teacher in group lessons.)

Many children only have swimming lessons in keystage 2 as part of the national curriculum because their parents cannot afford swimming lessons. Life is unfair.

What is the difference between me deciding that my son should have private swimming lessons and the OP opting for private education? Its her money and up to her how to spend it.

one of mine is SEN, one isn't - both in independent schools. My sen ds would be bullied mercilessly in a state school.

microwave because they 'perceive it ' to be 'better'
not paranoia

Surely it is individual choice, the point the OP was making is quite fairly made, why can people have a go one way but not the other?
The really venomous comments seem to come from the state side of the arguement.

HR it often IS better,that's why the parents are paying!!!

• and yes there are good state schools but as a teacher in a private school I can tell you none of my colleagues would ever go back to state school teaching...why? not because of the kids themselves but because there is a lot less stress, which makes us better happire teachers which must be better for the kids, less staff turnover etc here's why...the facilities are fantastic, there's the extra curricula activities..too long to mention, there's no limit on photocopying, the lunches are great (!) there's less beauracracy, and most of all the CLASS SIZES ARE SMALLER.

In my humble opinion that last point is the clincher. Its also the solution to state school probs but the govnt knows it can't afford it so faffs around with initiatives to avoid the main issue.

I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad really, but I am trying to show you why parents choose to go private and that its the government you should be ranting at not the well-off parents!

[off to hide behind the cricket pavilion

i know those things are true microwave
i do know a handful of teachers at ours that have moved away rom private - to state
one friend said she found the parents in state system'easier'
some state schools are better than some private

I think it's the wrong question. Who says it's okay? Who says "people" do it? The only useful question is why did your friend do it today.

My children are shiny. Lovely and shiny. They do happen to go to private schools but I don't think there's a cause-and-effect thing going on.

HR yes your right about the parents! us teachers are merely 'staff!'

.."and why hasn't little johnny got an A grade when they have paid for it."

(another massive generalisation of course!)

Agree there smallwhitecat.
There are plenty of parents who choose what they think is the right school for their dcs from available choices, without making value judgements about the other schools.
We had a choice of four:
2 x state a short walk away, both good. Both VERY big though (three form entry). Did not like head or vibe of one - that's allowed, isn't it? There's no rule that says you are a snob for just not liking a school? didn't get a place at the other due to its understandable popularity - excess of siblings that year
1 x church state school a bus ride away. Got a place, were scuppered by lack of before and after school care (we both WOTH f/t and have observed that church schools are actually not that proactive in providing wraparound care...)
1 x small independent school at end of road, non-academically selective, more ethnically diverse than prevailing local monoculture, no SATs, no National Literacy and Numeracy Strategy.
We DON'T think we are better than neighbours/friends whose children attend the other schools and neither do our children. Who are not very shiny either.

So we've got a vote for unshiny private school children. Just need one from shiny state school children then my point will be proven.

There are lots of shiny state schoolers in a nearby suburb whose parents all live in hugely expensive houses quattro
They will be saving their City bonuses for when 11 comes round and they have to bus their offspring miles round the South Circular, because the borough is nearly bottom of the national league tables and the very best non-church state school got a mighty 45% A-C GCSEs (and operates banding so that only 27 high-achieving children are admitted out of total intake of 150...). It's actually a smashing school with very good value-added ratings...but you just cannot get a place there

dd1's hair is so greasy just now, will that count as shiny? I do hope so.

Well, in that case, ds will probably make the grade too [blech]

To go back to the op: I'm quite sure it wasn't personal - I think she'd have been rather embarrassed if I'd reminded her that my DS is one of these oh-so-shiny children. And no, 'shiny' is hardly the worst insult in the universe. But the venom with which it was uttered was quite something to behold (and the attack was quite sustained - I got through a cup of v hot black coffee and two biscuits while it was all happening...)

Come to think of it, I should be offended on my own behalf, too (after 13 yrs at an independent school). I don't think she is aware of this - my shine has obviously rubbed off over the years.

Oh, and this same friend, who says private schools aren't socially diverse enough for her liking, won't let her children talk to her cleaner in case they pick up a regional accent (!!!)

Message withdrawn

I keeo saying this but I really hate the term private schools. That does imply some sort of snobbishness and I don;t know any snobs at my dd's school. Well, maybe one and that is a grandmoterh whose grandaughter has just transferred from a state school where she had problems but tands at the school agtes telling us all how she wanted her GD to go to St X's as she thinks Catholic schools are the best.

The fact we all chose not to send our children to St X's prep or St Y's state might give her a clue we don't necessarily agree that is always the case.

Anyway, I digress, I chose to send my daughter to an INDEPENDANT schoolo becasue I am fed up with how the govt has messed around with education with this new initiative and that one and SATS and goodness knows what else. Then again I am the girl who at age 14 at my failing state comp chose to give my English oral presentation debate on "Why the National Curriculum should not be introduced". My English teacher almost cheered me"!!