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Original poster

2021 Boarding Parents thread

100 replies

soonishsoonish · 08/03/2021 15:12

I don’t think There’s a thread yet and after following the thread for 2020 parents I thought it might be good to have one for 2021 boarding parent.
My eldest DS13 will full board in senior school from Sept. His school is full boarding, pretest in year 6 but we’ve only now received all final documentation and forms to fill etc, it all seems real now. Any one in a similar position? DS is very excited, not sure how I feel just yet though lol

OP posts:
Porseb · 08/09/2021 07:29

I need this thread - dropped DD off (6th form) on Friday. Have had the "I want to come home" calls and texts already.

I feel guilty yet this was driven by her and she was so excited.

I'm trying not to react or say too much but appreciate any advice or hand holds from anyone who's been there.

Darbishire27 · 08/09/2021 20:25

@Porseb
Sending a hand-hold. Don't expect this to be all one direction- there will be swings both ways until the pendulum settles. The first few days are mentally and physically exhausting as the new pupils adjust to strange people, places and routines. It won't have been helped by the sudden hot weather, particularly if they are kitted out for autumn. But children are so adaptable and she will start enjoying herself as soon as she strikes up a friendship. And boarding schools are used to homesickness, and will support her- they will probably be keeping their new arrivals super-busy. It's worth letting the house staff know if your DC is struggling so they can keep an extra close eye, but probably better for you both not to be having constant contact. Send letters and cards that she can read and reread, but give her space to grow into the experience. She has an amazing opportunity and in no time she will be having a ball. Good luck!

Porseb · 09/09/2021 06:14

@Darbishire27 - thank-you so much for your wise words.

I think yesterday was a better day. I'm leaving her to make contact first (they're allowed phones as oldest in school) and then waiting a while before responding.

Yes, the school has organised activities and they're the sort of things she enjoys.

I keep telling her (and myself) to take it day by day, step by step.

And breathe ....

Ziegfeld · 10/09/2021 20:52

So far so good here. School seems to have cunningly avoided any academic work to date, giving children the impression it is a glorified holiday camp. Children cannot believe their luck. Long may it continue.

Mummy195 · 13/09/2021 16:25

Well you are lucky with it going all well.

DS had no real views about going boarding initially (he has never had much views about anything, though he did love his previous school and we chose it because of that). At some point, right before holidays, there was some panic with him not wanting to go, then a back and forth as his younger brother was doing interviews and seemed rather keen. So I had to 'be the adult' - not that we have much choice in the matter.

So on our first day we got low energy, not completely sulky face (curiosity got the better of him). Followed by why did I choose so many musical instruments, not enough sports (its rugby seasons, and that did not bother him at last school), prep is a waste of time (one of the main reasons he is boarding), bored, but too busy to do anything or get phone calls etc. Talks to people but no friends made yet. Classes boring. Most teachers nice, except for 1 or 2. HM and matron very nice. Food is good (we will not get great or amazing just yet). Hints, but no outright calls to come collect him yet, fingers crossed.

On our side as parents, we are happy with the communication from the school and HMs so far. We find everything very organised. Early days.......

Thingaling · 17/09/2021 19:21

I have to say time goes very slowly now DS is at school. This last week has gone SO slowly. NC except for a letter (clearly written under teacher supervision and presumably censorship because the address is written out old-school at the top) received today… claims not to have been homesick but reading between lines of what the school said when they did a parent ring round, I am not entirely convinced. I have so many questions about what they are up to and how things work, it’s driving me bananas.

TimeFlying · 18/09/2021 08:46

Hi. Genuinely interested to ask you about why you chose boarding? I have no experience in this area. and would love to know.

Porseb · 18/09/2021 09:20

We (that would be DD and I because she made the final decision) chose it because it would enable her to balance her high level sports training with the demands of 6th form.

If she stayed home, she would not be able to fit in the training sessions she wants for her sport, we would be driving too much, getting up very early then trying to get to school or from school to training.

Porseb · 18/09/2021 09:21

@Thingaling

I have to say time goes very slowly now DS is at school. This last week has gone SO slowly. NC except for a letter (clearly written under teacher supervision and presumably censorship because the address is written out old-school at the top) received today… claims not to have been homesick but reading between lines of what the school said when they did a parent ring round, I am not entirely convinced. I have so many questions about what they are up to and how things work, it’s driving me bananas.
This must be so hard
Hameldown · 18/09/2021 09:51

@thingaling
Does the school have a parent portal where they post photos of all the children's doings? This can help you gain an insight into how the first weeks have been. The NC part is almost certainly because the school is keeping all the new arrivals fiendishly busy as an antidote to homesickness- I'm guessing from the letter that this is prep rather than senior school, and they will be working hard to support your DC and ease them into their new setting. If you are concerned by lack of contact perhaps drop the Houseparent a line and ask for an update- or maybe to facilitate a Skype. You probably have the first exeat next week, which is something to look forward to... sending a hand-hold Flowers

TimeFlying · 18/09/2021 10:37

Thanks Porseb.

Thingaling · 18/09/2021 12:41

@hameldown
They’ve explained about the NC and I totally get it, it makes sense, it is just driving me bananas because I have no idea what he’s up to! They do have a portal which I click on several times a day to see if there are any updates - there have been a couple of uploads of photos but no commentary with them.

I don’t want to bug the school too much because the staff work long hours as it is and I don’t want to be one of those high maintenance parents…. Also I suspect that they are more likely to let me take him home for Saturday nights if they think we are a low-drama family….

Hameldown · 18/09/2021 12:56

@thingaling
Yes, I totally understand- we had two DS full boarding from Y4 and it is hard being on the outside trying to see in without getting a view. But it sounds like you are a million miles from being a problem parent and surely the school won't take it amiss if you ask for an update- it's in the spirit if proper safeguarding that parents have good communications with both children and staff. If you haven't already done so it could be worth setting up a WhatsApp group for parents of your year group so you can pool your knowledge of what the children are up to. It's also invaluable come the holidays for working out which boys' bags contain which boys' belongings! Once you have a couple of exeats under your belt you will know more from the horse's mouth.

Montypig · 23/09/2021 12:52

Hi. - glad to have found you all. My DD started this September and has been happy so far, but is now back at home with the flu. Feels like we will be starting again all over again after exeat.

Hope you all have a lovely weekend if its exeat for you

Porseb · 23/09/2021 13:21

DD also down with a bug but seems to have turn a bit of a corner and is happier now.

The first 2 weeks were really really tough

thingaling · 23/09/2021 14:26

had first phone call yday - all sounded v cheerful, no tears

Mummy195 · 27/09/2021 08:33

Was wondering how the exeat weekend went for everyone.
Now that you've seen DC face to face again, how were they @Porseb and @thingaling

I did see DS during the Rugby weekend under the pretext of seeing a match. He seems to have made a few friends and everyone at his house knows him and he seemed to get along well. School said he was coping well. DS was giving me a non committal grunt when I ask him anything, but a family friend asked how it was, and he said it was great. So I'll just take that for now.

thingaling · 27/09/2021 09:31

He was fine! Has enjoyed relaxing at home
and being made a fuss of. He also came out last Saturday for a bit less than 24 hours. I definitely think it’s true that our relationship seems to be better - he is more appreciative of home and I am not stressed because of work/homework etc.
Most importantly there were no tears when he went back to school last Sunday and am hoping for similar today. He says they are being kept busy, the food is good, the houseparents and matrons are very kind, and the academic work is more gentle than he is used to.

Cocopogo · 27/09/2021 09:43

I have been considering sending DD (12) to boarding school. She’s struggling with organisation and I’m struggling with boundaries and I think it will really help navigate what I expect to be a difficult few years of education and life. But I don’t think we can afford it, which ever way I look at it, I’m a single parent and it’s not just the boarding fees, it’s all the extras, it just seems out of reach.

thingaling · 27/09/2021 10:27

@cocopogo
There are some state boarding schools where parents only pay the boarding element, not tuition. Worth a look? Also check out Christ’s Hospital - some cousins of ours go there and they say it’s amazing. They offer very generous financial support for families.

Vaughan32 · 27/09/2021 11:32

@Cocopogo
I would second the Christ's Hospital suggestion as it hasn't lost sight of its original philanthropic mission (unlike many other ancient foundations). Otherwise the essential equation is about financial support for particular talents- this is how independent schools ensure they have outstanding sport, drama, art and of course academic performances to report- although of course excellent facilities, teaching, total immersion, motivated pupils etc...play their part also. The more financial support you need the more your DC needs to be able to contribute, and vice versa, although family links still carry some weight. The starting point for a Scholarship might be 10%, then they will consider your financial picture set against how much they want what your DC has to offer. They will all have a small number of 100% awards, and a larger cohort at 20-30%. My advice fwiw is to avoid pitching at absolutely top flight schools unless there is a family connection or your DC is truly elite at one of these areas of awards. When they state their admissions process is 'needs blind' this may be true as far as securing a place goes but that's not the same as ensuring every child who secures a place can attend at a price their parent(s) can afford, and places can be withdrawn if the school is not confident you will be able to see your DC all the way through. There are consultancies for bursary applications to help you ensure you pitch it perfectly, which might be worth exploring, and as @thingaling says, boarding state schools could also be a decent option. Good luck!

Porseb · 27/09/2021 12:43

I second the suggestion about state boarding - there are a number of them and some have students from forces families.

My exeat weekend is this weekend and I am so looking forward to it except DD has planned a really full weekend with her friends from home so I will hardly see her 🙄

Having said that, she has settled in and turned a corner 😊 and is enjoying the experience.

Cocopogo · 27/09/2021 14:57

Thankyou that was really helpful and I’ll look in to all the options

Motorcyclemptiness · 04/10/2021 19:53

have pm'ed you, OP

Motorcyclemptiness · 04/10/2021 19:53

Cocopogo, I should have said, not OP!

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