Being forced to send child to private school against 1 parents wishes?

[Ginfilledcats]

Hi,

Not sure if this is the right board so please Mumsnet move it if so.

Short question is: can 1 parent be forced into sending, and paying half of private school for child against their wishes?

Detail: Basically parents are split (never married) co-parent 50/50 exactly including paying half each for nursery. Both parents work for NHS (one front line, one admin) both earn £30k and are both full time.

Child in question is currently 3 years old and attends a private nursery that is attached to a private primary school.

Parent A wants child to go to the private school her reasons are:

• wanting the best education for her child, education is very important to them
• they went to a very good boarding school and want the best for their child that money can buy
• child's older brother is at the school (paid for by older child's father)
• wrap around care included in the cost (£800 a month)
• school gets excellent results
• small classes

Parent B wants child to go to local state school because

• state school performs really well, Outstanding, at OFSTED
• wants the child to mix with all sorts of children from different backgrounds
• wants child to have local friends (private school is not in their local area)
• neither parent can actually afford said school (have asked grandparents to pay at least half, parent A's will, parent B's will not)
• parent B and all his family attended state schools and all done very well education and career wise
• there is no private high school anywhere near this area so wouldn't continue private into high school.

Parent A is adamant that child will go to this school (has already applied and paid deposit) and is demanding parent B pay half of fees plus uniform, like they are currently for nursery (which is £250 each per month). Parent B feels as they don't want them to go to this school, once school age they shouldn't have to pay anything else.

Parent B pays for food/clothes/toys etc at their home, plus half of nursery at present.

Can parent A force parent B to continue to pay (and pay more!) for the school when it's 50/50. And can parent A unilaterally decide what school the child goes to?

What should Parent B do? They cannot afford the pay the school fees on their wage, lives in an absolutely tiny 2 bed terrace (mortgaged and is cheaper than renting anywhere within the local area), owns cheap second half car not on finance.

Advice grateful appreciated.

No idea but wouldn’t have thought so. You can’t get blood out of a stone. If they can’t afford it, then end of discussions I would have thought.

If there is a disagreement that cannot be resolved by the parents, you will have to apply for a Specific Issue Order at the Court. The Judge will then decide. This should be done sooner rather than later to make sure state education application deadlines are met.

I doubt the court would order a parent who only earns £30k to pay private school fees though. Regardless of it only being £250 per month now, these will rise as the child gets older.

If B can’t afford it, then that’s that, surely? No one can force you to give what you haven’t got.

I can really sympathise with parent A. Having two children with different partners, it’s hard if one can go to private school and the other cannot.
Parent B has listed loads of reasons why they don’t want the child to go to the private school. But ask yourself honestly, if you could afford the fees easily, would you be happy for your child to attend the private school like their brother? Reasons like ‘having local friends’ seem a bit weak. It’s absolutely fair enough if you can’t afford the school, but it would be a stronger argument just to focus on the COST alone. What would parent B say if parent A’s parents were able to stump up enough cash to cover the full cost of the school?

But if the child can only attend the school of parent B can afford to pay some of the fees - and parent B cannot - then the child obviously cannot attend the school. You can’t magic money out of nowhere!

Parent a can enroll the child at the school. Parent b could challenge that by going to court, asking for an order that the child goes to the state school instead. If parent a cannot show that they can sustainably afford the fees, parent b will prob win.

Parent a can go to court seeking an order that parent b contribute to school fees but is not going to win in these circumstances.

Parent b should be very clear (in writing) that they cannot afford the fees, and do not want their child to attend that school.

I can't imagine B could be forced to pay school fees. And sending a child on 1 income of £30K seems unlikely (possible with a bursary at secondary school however).

I knew of one family where parent A was paying all the school fees but parent B didn't want children to go. In the end a social worker appointed by the court decided for them.

I think Parent A needs to do some maths.

Any descent private school (ie better than state) will cost in the region of £4-6k per annum plus uniform plus extras (and everything is an extra). There are longer holidays to contend with as well. This will increase to £8-9k minimum for secondary.

With a combined salary of £60k, take home in region of £48, that is a significant proportion of salary especially if they are living in a high cost region, eg London or the south east. What if there are other children? I don't think they can afford it.

If they are separated and parent B is paying child maintenance then they pay what they pay now and let parent A use the CM as they want. I'm nor sure of the legal position of NRP deciding on schools for the child, maybe parent B needs some legal advice.

Short answer is no, no one can be forced to pay for something they can't afford, and that includes private schooling

Parent B needs to get to court and explain all this to the judge.

I have no idea legally, but morally Parent A is unreasonable to force financial hardship on to Parent B. If Parent B can't afford to pay for the private school then either Parent A should be willing to pay the full cost if that's their choice or else the child goes to the free school. The child will have a good education either way. Perhaps a suggested compromise would be for the child to attend free school for primary education and the parents reassess their financial position at secondary school level.
I'm interested to know which you are? You write it as though you are Parent A.

It wouldn't be a Specific Issue application, it would be an application under Schedule 1 of the Children Act. In these circumstances, I don't see the Court going for it. It doesn't seem affordable or proportionate.

@Enidblyton1

I can really sympathise with parent A. Having two children with different partners, it’s hard if one can go to private school and the other cannot. Parent B has listed loads of reasons why they don’t want the child to go to the private school. But ask yourself honestly, if you could afford the fees easily, would you be happy for your child to attend the private school like their brother? Reasons like ‘having local friends’ seem a bit weak. It’s absolutely fair enough if you can’t afford the school, but it would be a stronger argument just to focus on the COST alone. What would parent B say if parent A’s parents were able to stump up enough cash to cover the full cost of the school?

But if the child can only attend the school of parent B can afford to pay some of the fees - and parent B cannot - then the child obviously cannot attend the school. You can’t magic money out of nowhere!

Thank you for replying you raise a good point about the friends argument. Parent B is against private school in general as in, doesn't believe in paying for education, superiority complexes etc. Even if the child got full scholarship or was paid for my A's parents I don't think they would be too happy at them going but I admit would probably accept them going. But it is the cost thing, they simply can't afford it. Uniform alone is £600!

Parent B is northern working class, all family working class run of the mill people, never really associated with anyone from private schools or who were "rich". Parent A is from London, went to boarding school them self and is only use to that world.

@Grooticle

Parent a can enroll the child at the school. Parent b could challenge that by going to court, asking for an order that the child goes to the state school instead. If parent a cannot show that they can sustainably afford the fees, parent b will prob win.

Parent a can go to court seeking an order that parent b contribute to school fees but is not going to win in these circumstances.

Parent b should be very clear (in writing) that they cannot afford the fees, and do not want their child to attend that school.

Thank you that's really helpful!

@Crazycatlady83

If there is a disagreement that cannot be resolved by the parents, you will have to apply for a Specific Issue Order at the Court. The Judge will then decide. This should be done sooner rather than later to make sure state education application deadlines are met.

I doubt the court would order a parent who only earns £30k to pay private school fees though. Regardless of it only being £250 per month now, these will rise as the child gets older.

Ah that's interesting and useful to know, many thanks!

@DPotter

I think Parent A needs to do some maths.

Any descent private school (ie better than state) will cost in the region of £4-6k per annum plus uniform plus extras (and everything is an extra). There are longer holidays to contend with as well. This will increase to £8-9k minimum for secondary.

With a combined salary of £60k, take home in region of £48, that is a significant proportion of salary especially if they are living in a high cost region, eg London or the south east. What if there are other children? I don't think they can afford it.

If they are separated and parent B is paying child maintenance then they pay what they pay now and let parent A use the CM as they want. I'm nor sure of the legal position of NRP deciding on schools for the child, maybe parent B needs some legal advice.

Short answer is no, no one can be forced to pay for something they can't afford, and that includes private schooling

Agree parent A needs to do some maths! They live in cloud land where money is concerned and thinks it grows on trees as their dad just gives them money all the time.

This family live in the North and are separated. The only money being paid by B currently is 50% of nursery fees as that is what person A insisted on.

@StressedTired

I have no idea legally, but morally Parent A is unreasonable to force financial hardship on to Parent B. If Parent B can't afford to pay for the private school then either Parent A should be willing to pay the full cost if that's their choice or else the child goes to the free school. The child will have a good education either way. Perhaps a suggested compromise would be for the child to attend free school for primary education and the parents reassess their financial position at secondary school level. I'm interested to know which you are? You write it as though you are Parent A.

I'm neither parent actually, but related to) and in agreement with) parent B but was trying really hard initially to be even and unbiased as possible.

Wow, this is an aside, but £600 for uniform is crazy!! (and this is a private infant/junior school in the North? I would have assumed London...)
My children go to a boarding school near London and I always get their uniform from the second hand school shop. Costs a fraction of the new cost. A lot of other parents do the same - it’s quite normal.
If parent A can find the cash to send the child to the private school (and parent B agrees) I would be gently suggesting that they buy second hand uniform!!

@Enidblyton1

Wow, this is an aside, but £600 for uniform is crazy!! (and this is a private infant/junior school in the North? I would have assumed London...) My children go to a boarding school near London and I always get their uniform from the second hand school shop. Costs a fraction of the new cost. A lot of other parents do the same - it’s quite normal. If parent A can find the cash to send the child to the private school (and parent B agrees) I would be gently suggesting that they buy second hand uniform!!

Yup up here in the north, it's was £550 for the elder son the September before last so I presumed it will have gone up. They have a uniform for everything you could imagine. The kids must get changed several times a day! And parent A doesn't believe in second hand clothes! I said if the child does end up there he should only commit to providing half the costs of what it would cost for a normal school uniform!

I don't think the school can accept a student unless both parents, with parental responsibility and liability for fees both sign the contract.

If parent A signs the contract with school then they should be responsible for the fees ( from the schools point of view).

I think parent A is being unrealistic about what’s affordable unless there is going to be significant help from grandparents. Even if both parents were still together a household income of £60k would need belts tightened to afford this. Senior school (outside London) is £12-15k now, depending on the school. Then there’s uniform, travel, extras. I know, I’m doing this right now!

Private schools round this way are £5-9k a term. We'd love to have the option to do it in the future should we need to (DC may do better in that sort of environment) but we are saving our butts off for a decade and even then we might not be able to afford it.

Parent A can jog on, expecting Parent B to contribute in these circumstances.

@DoubleTweenQueen

I don't think the school can accept a student unless both parents, with parental responsibility and liability for fees both sign the contract.

Well, that's that then.

Any descent private school (ie better than state) will cost in the region of £4-6k per annum plus uniform plus extras (and everything is an extra). There are longer holidays to contend with as well. This will increase to £8-9k minimum for secondary

Private schools around you are cheap! We've looked at private schools for primary near us and it's circa £13,000 a year and nowhere near a top-flight establishment.

Thanks everyone for your contribution, very helpful!

Private schools won't accept a pupil unless both parents (and/or anyone else with parental responsibility) agree to send their child to us.

Part of the acceptance process is signing an agreement to pay the fees, normally joint and several liability. If only one parent is to pay the fees then this is usually dealt with by a separate agreement between the school and both parents, setting out who will pay the fees.

Oh dear, parent A sounds demanding and out of touch with reality.

I know nothing of splitting child costs following separation, but it would probably be easier all round if a monthly sum could be agreed upon in advance - based on parent B’s income/assets. Then parent A uses it as they please to cover costs (assuming the child mostly lives with them). Having to discuss every item, such as uniform, and agree a split sounds incredibly tedious and time consuming. And will lead to frequent arguments.

I do think it would be easier all round if parent B put aside their anti private school principles and just said, sorry Parent A we can’t afford private school. End of story.