Being forced to send child to private school against 1 parents wishes?

[Ginfilledcats]

Hi,

Not sure if this is the right board so please Mumsnet move it if so.

Short question is: can 1 parent be forced into sending, and paying half of private school for child against their wishes?

Detail: Basically parents are split (never married) co-parent 50/50 exactly including paying half each for nursery. Both parents work for NHS (one front line, one admin) both earn £30k and are both full time.

Child in question is currently 3 years old and attends a private nursery that is attached to a private primary school.

Parent A wants child to go to the private school her reasons are:

• wanting the best education for her child, education is very important to them
• they went to a very good boarding school and want the best for their child that money can buy
• child's older brother is at the school (paid for by older child's father)
• wrap around care included in the cost (£800 a month)
• school gets excellent results
• small classes

Parent B wants child to go to local state school because

• state school performs really well, Outstanding, at OFSTED
• wants the child to mix with all sorts of children from different backgrounds
• wants child to have local friends (private school is not in their local area)
• neither parent can actually afford said school (have asked grandparents to pay at least half, parent A's will, parent B's will not)
• parent B and all his family attended state schools and all done very well education and career wise
• there is no private high school anywhere near this area so wouldn't continue private into high school.

Parent A is adamant that child will go to this school (has already applied and paid deposit) and is demanding parent B pay half of fees plus uniform, like they are currently for nursery (which is £250 each per month). Parent B feels as they don't want them to go to this school, once school age they shouldn't have to pay anything else.

Parent B pays for food/clothes/toys etc at their home, plus half of nursery at present.

Can parent A force parent B to continue to pay (and pay more!) for the school when it's 50/50. And can parent A unilaterally decide what school the child goes to?

What should Parent B do? They cannot afford the pay the school fees on their wage, lives in an absolutely tiny 2 bed terrace (mortgaged and is cheaper than renting anywhere within the local area), owns cheap second half car not on finance.

Advice grateful appreciated.

Parent A must be joking.

No sane court isn’t going to force this on Parent B. There’s a perfectly good, free, school available.

*is

More like 4-6k per term!

If parent A was privately educated themselves, its very hard to put their dc into state. From the outside, state looks terrifying. Whatsmore, there will be feelings of failure and guilt that they haven't been able to provide for their child.

And yes, 4 - 6k per term never go to a school that charges 4-6k a year!

@ItsLoisSangersFault

If parent A was privately educated themselves, its very hard to put their dc into state. From the outside, state looks terrifying. Whatsmore, there will be feelings of failure and guilt that they haven't been able to provide for their child.

I think there is a big element of this for sure!

If your state option is an outstanding primary, I can think of no good reason for parents on £60,000 to send a child to a private school. You need to eat and pay a mortgage as well as school fees.

Child in question is currently 3 years old

Neither parent can see into the future and know what standard of education either school will be providing at secondary level when the child is old enough to attend.

The private school may have closed and the state school may no longer have a great Ofstead rating.

Definitely time for a very realistic maths lesson. By the time the child is old enough to attend a decent private secondary school, the fees will be much more than they are today. School fees increase by a rather large percentage year on year.

Parent A is being U. And has no legal means of making parent B pay fees, when B is on a modest income.

Parent A is deluded. If I were Parent B I'd be telling them to jog on and contacting the school to inform them that you are not signing any contract because you won't be paying the fees.

If child was at private already and taking GCSEs or A-levels next summer then Parent A would be right to beg B to pay some of the fees until then.

On a salary of £30k I would have thought that A could apply for bursaries to help with cost?

I really sympathise here, especially as Parent A's older child goes to private school, and she/he also went to private school.

Both DH and I went to private schools and we are doing everything possible to make that a reality for our DC too.

However, Parent B cannot be expected to pay half the fees on such a low salary. Don't even know where Parent A is coming off asking Parent B'a parents for the cash too

If Parent A wants the child to go to private school, then it should be funded entirely by Parent A and his/her family/parents.

And yes, 4 - 6k per termgrin never go to a school that charges 4-6k a year!

Why?
The private school in the next city (in West Yorkshire) has fees starting at £7,930 per year for reception/year 1, rising to £14,480 per year for senior school. Exam fees are on top of this.

@ItsLoisSangersFault all the outstanding primary schools I have seen look far from terrifying both from the inside or outside! They are incredible and inspiring places to learn packed to the rafters with lovely children dynamic senior leadership teams and very good teachers. Have you ever been in one?!

Not a chance in hell of either of them being able to afford even 50% each.

@RampantIvy

And yes, 4 - 6k per termgrin never go to a school that charges 4-6k a year!

Why?
The private school in the next city (in West Yorkshire) has fees starting at £7,930 per year for reception/year 1, rising to £14,480 per year for senior school. Exam fees are on top of this.

So, 8k per year + exam fees.

What is included in their fees? Meals? Activities? Trips?

Tuition fees include the costs of stationery, textbooks, learning support, games and lunches. There are no compulsory extras except for external examination fees.

The other child being at the private school is a definite complication here too. Does their father 100% fund his fees, or does parent A contribute too? If parent A contributes, I can understand a level of guilt if she can’t contribute the same for her second child.
Do you know the situation, OP?

It’s also an interesting point you make about private school for primary and then state for secondary. Many people will say it’s more important to do private for secondary - though others would say that private primary is more important (to teach the basics well). I would look at the private school parent A sends her first child to and see how many of those children tend to go to state secondaries vs private. It’s not always an easy move if you are the only child moving to a state school at 11.

Note that with fee increase for older years (Year 4 and above usually around 30% more than Reception), in addition to year-on-year above inflation increases, in 5 years time, the fees would be approximately 8k per parent out of post-tax income of 24k each.

Parent B can't afford it.

If Grandparents A offer to cover all the fees, and Parent B agrees, get advice on creating a trust in the child's name, since that can be very tax-efficient (doesn't work for parents, but does for grandparents) . Personally though, I'd worry about grandparents pulling out and Parent B feeling obliged to cover the fees so that the child can stay at the school. Changing private->state part-way would be tough. Many parents choose state even though they would prefer private if they aren't sure they can commit to the whole amount. You could
Ask them to put several years worth of fees up front into the Trust, but again get advice since that might cost a lot in extra tax

Parent A had a private education and now earns £30,000 working for the nhs. Not being rude but parent A hasn't exactly done well with her education.

This happened between my parents over my sister (although Parent A did not attend private school themselves and the main push was my sister, who was a teenager and wanted to go).

Parent B couldn't afford to contribute and just didn't. Although the school chased them for fees and unpaid bills on several occasions, they just directed the school back to Parent A. Not to say that wasn't stressful.

Parent B did pay for a lot of extra curriculars and contribute to uniform. School trips were eyewateringly expensive and often.

I totally support parent B.

I've had children in both state and private sectors. I consider the local friends very important at primary school.

Totally Parent B.
I get where A is coming from - I went to private schools (not paid for by parents, mostly), and feel a bit guilty that it's not an option for my kids, but as it turns out local states have been working pretty well.

Could you suggest that parent A starts saving in a trust fund and they revisit the decision when it comes to secondary? Some tutoring or support with a house move may prove more cost-effective.

I signed a private school form this week and both parents had to sign and we are still married. I wouldn’t have thought A could make B pay. Perhaps contact the school and explain the situation.

@GhoulWithADragonTattoo

I signed a private school form this week and both parents had to sign and we are still married. I wouldn’t have thought A could make B pay. Perhaps contact the school and explain the situation.

What could the school do?

"Hi, we'd love to send kid here,but there might be issues paying... hope that's ok"

My DCs went to private school and even way back then it took over half our salaries. It was a bizarre time (nineties) since our rural schools didn't do wrap around care (they do now) and we couldn't work around it (shift professional work including weekends).

The advantages were sport and music but otherwise what the private school offered was no different from the local state school (but again no wrap around care then).

But both DC had local friends mostly through sport and I'd say their current friends are school/local/uni/work. It's also the ethics of the private school - there were a couple of schools I knew of where pupils called state school kids "Kevins" or worse.

Parent B needs to calculate and tell Parent A what the fees and extras will be and that s/he can't afford them.