Disappointed in top private school

[Nevermakeit]

My DS is in one of the junior section of what is considered one of the top private schools in London. We have been there 2 years and I am increasingly feeling disappointed by it, and as if it is all a bit of a con.

To be clear, there is no major issue, and DS is very happy (loves the food and playing cricket).
The teaching is fine, but not exceptional, and they don't seem to be 'all over' things (eg nobody has clocked yet that he doesn't understand a blind thing in any of the coding lessons and is getting left behind). He has little homework, and over Christmas had over a month off, and not a single piece of work to do, with result that by the end he was actually bored.
The school has great facilities but many things are extra eg music (as expected), but also drama (outsourced to external suppliers), and even chess club (£100 per term!) - in which case, I feel we are better off doing these outside the school, where the teaching might even be better (eg specialist teacher for chess/ability to actually see the music lesson). They have lots of grand sounding 'clubs' but now everything is online, I can see that there is very little content behind any of it. The children can sign up to as much or as little as they want, but no-one has any visibility of whether they participate, or even to ensure they push themselves outside their comfort zone and try different things (eg mine simply does sports).
The school newsletter is always full of the pupils amazing achievements, but the reality is that these reflect what they are doing OUTSIDE school, not anything the school has had any real influence on.
I have little contact with the other parents (most of the kids are bussed in), but as far as I can tell no-one else feels the same, they simply fawn over the school.
Everything is 'OK' for me too, but in view of the very high fees (which are significant for us), I would have expected more, and it feels like these schools trade off their reputation and rest on their laurels - and it's a bit of a case of 'emperor's new clothes'...
DS is happy, and proud of his school, as I said, so I will not take the decision to move him lightly. I just wonder if other people have had similar experiences?

I'm a bit surprised that you're surprised. State school teaching, particularly in London, is excellent. What you're paying for is the ability to easily access all those "extras" (at cos) and your child's friendships with the children of families that will open up workplace opportunities for them and generally less disruption in the classroom due to most (though of course not all) not facing any significant outside issues that impact on their ability to concentrate, such as poverty, hunger, lack of security, violence etc.
That's it.

@Nevermakeit
We went through 3 primary schools. Partially because moving out of a borough and the other because new HT was crap and new staff was even worse.
If you live in the are I think you do then I would suggest you check out Kew Riverside Primary for your other dc. Bog standard state primary, but with the best yr6 teacher ever!!!
The school is great, HT is still the same and was really nice. But I cannot say enough good things about Rachel, the yr6 teacher. :)
btw - the kids called her R. as well and yet she had loads of respect from all of them.

I’m surprised lots of people think it’s Habs- I know nothing about the school except it’s not in London!

Somewhat depends on your definition of London. It's in Hertfordshire but some see it as NW outer London. I thought there was a reference to it being in Herts on this post, but it's possibly been deleted.

I think the school being discussed is on the opposite side of the river to Habs.

I thought it was St Paul's but I'm finding it quite amusing that so many people are apparently underwhelmed by so many other schools.

Habs is often a back up choice to the very good state schools in Herts. Kids get in and then let go their places (well, the parents do) as the teaching and results are similar to the top cohort of state schools. And yes teachers move between them. Plenty of people round here went and are in normal jobs and no more well connected than many others. If it’s your best bet then worth it but if you are fortunate or sharp elbowed enough to get in the good states there really is no need.

I thought Habs had an exam between junior and senior school? I could be wrong

The private school habit of shortening a name and adding an “s” “Habs” is so intensely annoying I could never send a child private.

My university friends were all ex public school and everyone had this sort of nickname got right in my nerves I know this is unreasonable

DD has 6th form friends who go to the very nice private school near us. If she wanted to do drugs she’d know who to ask put it that way!

Just watched the ‘Habs’ promotional video.
It does look very nice. You’re buying a nice environment for your DC. Rather like choosing a house or the area to live.

I think the delta between public and state is expectations and extra curricular activities.
We tried state primary. At our school teaching was mediocre, low expectations and zero extra curricular. Moved to a non selective primary - higher parental expectations, amazing extra curricular, subject teachers but not that more academic (maths). So some progress but a bit disappointed. For other reasons we had to move one child so moved him to our local prep school (50 percent higher fees). Posher parents but I would say academically bits significantly more ambitious. The spelling tests are incredibly hard! Class is v small but differentiated into 3 groups. So we will move our other child too.
We have friends in London at an outstanding, v tiny catchment area school. No social housing in the area, lots of non working mums. Our friends do 1-2 hours a day extra work outside of school to keep up. All parents are apparently doing this. Normally the school gives no homework and during lockdown #1 provision was very poor. My conclusion is this school is in its in way selective (house prices) and the parents are doing all the work...

I think they're talking about St Paul's

I have friends with boys there who are also slightly miffed that it's not what they hoped.

It will always depend on the child and the schools suitability rather than whether it is private or not. Paying private gives you more choice of schools, and certainly better sports facilities, so makes it easier to find a match for your child, but I think that’s about it. As a teen/young adult I did notice that my privately schooled peers had much greater confidence than me, even though I was better academically, however, I’m not sure if this comes down to the schooling or their family backgrounds. If your son is happy at school that’s a massive plus and I’d say worth every penny (if you can afford it) after all, the main thing we want for our children is happiness.

But your kid will probably walk into a job at Price Waterhouse or similar at graduation because of who he knows.

If its st Paul's i am not surprised AT ALL.

If its habs (the buses!!!!) i am surprised and things have gone downhill.

I suppose the common perception is that St Paul's, Westminster and KCS are the three top boys school in London, and maybe the expectations from the parents are one level up from those who have children at other very good private schools (like Habs)? The fierce competition to get in, the extra expensive fees, sometimes combined with a commute/house move, can all raises parental hopes that the school will be fabulous.

Nonsense about networking. Dh and I “walked” into City jobs at Magic Circle law firm both from (different but similar) bog standard rural comps with zero connections. They even put in my job offer letter how I was very much their sort of person 😁. Smoke and mirrors.

@PreparationPreparationPrep but the same can be said of most middle class fee paying school families - it is parents and friends of parents who often unlock the door to contacts and job oops. So when people look at fee paying school children and say they are confident and polished it is usually about the home they come from as in my experience many children at my fee paying school were not confident, some had real confidence issues in fact.

Ops not oops!

My parents supportive (teachers) but knew nothing about law. Dh parents blue collar workers no one in their family had ever been to university he got into Cambridge on his own merit with support from some excellent teachers in his state school. If your child is driven and smart they should do this on their own.

My ex came from a deprived area (FSMs etc) went to a state school and first person in his family to go to university. He got a top job. No one spotted him he just followed the usual channels. School was really tough for him as he was bullied for being intelligent and he didn't enjoy it but if you are clever and driven you can do it without a dairy god mother.

I think the idea that contacts us everything is now limited to a very few top schools like Eton. Most public schools are of limited use in this area other than more interesting work experience.