If your DC are in private school..

[OhMyDearMrBennett]

Would you call yourselves as
A. Pay fees without even thinking
B. Some sacrifices but still pretty decent standard
C. Everything goes into fees

We have been thinking with moving DC (yr5) over for a while. We have not been happy with the current primary for a few years, and our original plan was to move at 11
However given all the uncertainty with provision for september we are thinking move or get on the waiting list for a space now. I am just worried about her / us fitting in. We have a fairly big but dilapidated house which we are slowly doing up, average car, DH works FT and I am PT. Holidays we have never been one for exotic holidays anyway but enjoy camping,occasionally drive over to france. No designer clothes or bags. DD loves her drama and swimming we would still be able to afford for her to do this. Dc2 we would want to start in a few years time which would then entail me moving to FT for a few years whilst we are paying 2 sets off fees but I'm happy to do this.
Are we fairly average or will us and DC stick out like sore thumbs? School we are thinking of is Eltham College if that makes any difference.

My kids moved schools from an 'alternative' private school to a more normal one middle of years 2 and 4. Settlement was more due to their personalities - y2 one struggled a bit as she is quite introverted but my son almost made it his mission to make friends as soon as possible. They both were fine after a while, and there were a number of other kids joining in different years and mid year too.
The state schools near me are not very good, so there wasn't a question of sending my kids there. We have a comfortable living, largely because we live where housing is relatively inexpensive (my detached four bed with pool costs the same as a one bedroom flat in Fulham). We go on holiday every other year, we have one TV etc. But I do not have to worry about how I'm going to pay my bills. I try and have a years worth of fees in hand, but I usually just have two terms worth.
I would say there are for sure a percentage of families who are very well off, and equally families who make considerable sacrifices in order to send their kids private. Most are in the middle.

We pay monthly from salary but have 1 years fees set aside in case

@Jkslays our prep is fully back now, and had an amazing zoom based provision during lockdown. Fees have never been more worth it! Local state schools did exactly nothing (apart from a loose recommendation to look at bbc bite size and twinkl)

Eltham College has plenty of B and Cs.

@jkslays Our school has delivered a fantastic remote learning experience for which I am very grateful, particularly when I hear of the experience that others are having.

Yes, the novelty has worn off a bit/lot but I'm hoping that we can just shuffle through to the end of term with a tiny bit of enthusiasm left and then have a good break with plenty of time away from a screen.

In September either the schools will be back (hopefully) and I'll be deliriously happy to pay the fees or we will be carrying on remotely. Either way I rationalise it as paying for an experience that is better than most (and DC not missing out on big chunks of curriculum) and also the hope that the school will survive the crisis and that we'll have a great school to go back to eventually.

With five in the system, we are very firmly C.

Somewhere between B and C (depending on the amount of work we get as freelancers!).

Our current prep is a lot of As and then Bs, so we are at the lower end of the spectrum. But it's totally worth it and absolutely the right school for us. As a PP said, we realised what we are paying for during the lockdown with all the Zoom lessons and individual attention.

But Eltham is an even better mix - it seems to be mostly Bs and Cs. One of the most economically and ethnically diverse schools in the area. I would say you will definitely not stand out!

Five at private school @CraftyGin ?! Ouch!
We are A at the moment but they're at pre-prep stage. We will be B when they graduate to (the very expensive) Prep and likely C-- if they go on to public school!

We are A. At kids last school most people seemed A, at current school there are a few Bs, but on the whole they seem to be very showy about their money, which I really don’t like. In both cases, although we are A, there are lots people there who are mega wealthy, and you need to be comfortable with that. It really never bothered me at the last school, most parents worked and all were lovely. At the current school most mums don’t work and they all seem to want you to know how much money they have. Not sure we are going to last long.

We are B/A. We easily have enough to cover tbd fees, but we don’t have enough for flashy cars and lots of holidays. But I don’t feel like we particularly go without anything we want. I’d say B was typical at our school with a few good mix of As and Cs

Thank you so much to everyone who has responded , very reassuring to know we will not be the only ones wincing when it comes to paying fees ! Out of interest we are equidistant between eltham and a GDST school, are these schools similar to Eltham in terms of having girls from.a wide bracket of incomes ? We are undecided between all girls and mixed. I went to an all girls school which I loved but realise it is not for everyone. Fees slightly less.

Eltham is more likely to get your child better grades and Oxbridge if that is what you want. Probably better facilities. And they have improved for girls - I would not have sent my girl to the co-Ed sixth form.

However, I would prefer GDST any time. Yes, the facilities and grades are not quite as polished, but they do produce really independent, feminist, ambitious girls.

GDST would have girls from lower income brackets on average

GDST schools thrive from telling girls they aren’t good enough. I went to one and I’d say all my high achieving peers still feel
Like failures......and I’ve met a number of adults who have been to different GDST schools to mine- you can spot them a mile off- and they all say the same. I wouldn’t send my goldfish to one.

Wow church, is in that really true of girls who go to GDST schools today? Do you think the all girl environment was too competitive or was it the ethos of the schools that caused damage? OP I hear good things about Eltham. The head is super ambitious and wants it to rival the Dulwich schools and in fact gets better results than the college. I suspect given it is quite far into SE London, it will be very diverse. You will probably have reasonably high earner parents but they will be working their tits off in the NHS if they’re anything like the families at my DS school. They may drive flashy cars but will probably be out of earned income rather than ‘old money’. Do have a chat with the bursar about scholarships and hardship funds. When I was wobbly about sending my DS private, the admissions person offered to set up a meeting to discuss contingencies in case things went wrong with £££.

Eltham College is a bit more socially mixed than say Dulwich College but, due to its proximity to Blackheath and Greenwich it still attracts a fair proportion of city banker types. Quite a lot of the parents both work. There are lots and lots of 4x4's. There are always cliques at this type of school but there will also genuinely be people who don't care what your husband does.

If you mean Blackheath High, I would say it's much more mixed than EC.

C. Everything goes into fees.

We cannot really afford it, but we send both our DC to private school. But then we're in Australia where 43% of children go to private school as the state schools are so badly underfunded.

If we were in the UK, with access to a semi-decent state school and my DC were naturally bright, we would send them to state school.

Ds1 is in year 12 at Eltham College having joined in year 7. I’d say we’re in your category B. I must admit I went into the whole private school thing rather naively and although I can’t say I regret it, it is certainly harder now, particularly as our friends all start to find their lives becoming financially easier and we are still in the same place that we were six years ago, with no end in sight (we have DS2 also in private now). Eltham has quite a mixed range of students from each of your three categories and I’m happy that the kids fit in regardless of their wealth. There are those who have their £500 shoes and whatever but equally plenty for whom that wouldn’t be an option (including DS1!). I’d be happy to recommend the school.

A, I made the decision to invest in their education and I’ve never regretted it. That said I’m still very much involved in their development as young women. My son on the other hand is a ... well I’m not sure quite what he is. He goes to the local Comprehensive and would fit straight into the cast of the “Inbetweeners”. They have a strict uniform policy but that doesn’t stop him wearing his blazer back to front or having brightly coloured odd socks. His friends are equally bonkers , and they will only speak French on Wednesdays. I’ve given up trying to understand but he’s quite harmless. Has an amazing head of blonde curls.

We are B/C and at Eltham! It's fine, but there are a lot of A's. You do realise though that your Y5 DD (unless I've misunderstood) wouldn't be able to join until Y7? The first intake of girls into yr 3 and 7 starts this September and the school are only taking girls into those year groups until it goes fully co-ed.

Also the swimming and drama could happen at school there's loads of opportunities.

I went to a local GDST school and had the opposite experience to the above poster - we were told we could do anything! Almost a let down when we realised we couldn't!

#OhMyDearMrBennett Eltham College is not fully co ed yet. The current Year 5 class won't be co ed until Year 7 - so there wouldn't be a place for her before then? Even if she did start then she would be among the very first girls in the senior school which could be daunting.

FWIW Eltham College is stronger academically then Blackheath High.

Both schools are pretty down to earth IMO - with parents in every category from A to C and a good number of bursary kids too. The coed/all girls thing depends on your child. Colfes might be another possible? Been coed for 20+ years.

#MrsPatmore not sure that anyone cares what your father does at any school really. There are city banker type dads at any London school - including grammars and comps.

We were B but I found that there was a wide mix at DD's school.

One of my favourite moments was when another mother said that they'd had to sell the yacht to pay the school fees - so cash poor and asset rich.

When you look at the figures allow for the fees going up by 5% every year, way above inflation.

Between b and c. Mix of parents at our DC's private school (the other one goes to a state school). Some fees are a drop in the ocean or paid for by relatives. Others make huge sacrifices.