If your DC are in private school..

[OhMyDearMrBennett]

Would you call yourselves as
A. Pay fees without even thinking
B. Some sacrifices but still pretty decent standard
C. Everything goes into fees

We have been thinking with moving DC (yr5) over for a while. We have not been happy with the current primary for a few years, and our original plan was to move at 11
However given all the uncertainty with provision for september we are thinking move or get on the waiting list for a space now. I am just worried about her / us fitting in. We have a fairly big but dilapidated house which we are slowly doing up, average car, DH works FT and I am PT. Holidays we have never been one for exotic holidays anyway but enjoy camping,occasionally drive over to france. No designer clothes or bags. DD loves her drama and swimming we would still be able to afford for her to do this. Dc2 we would want to start in a few years time which would then entail me moving to FT for a few years whilst we are paying 2 sets off fees but I'm happy to do this.
Are we fairly average or will us and DC stick out like sore thumbs? School we are thinking of is Eltham College if that makes any difference.

We are A now do not feel the fees but it wasn’t the case always. I don’t think it’s an issue in the north west lots of working class people who came into new money through hard work now send children to private school. There are some kids wearing Gucci and most have iPhones but not everyone.

We're somewhere between B and A. I find most parents friendly and down to earth. It's a very small private primary though. Worth it for us.

None of those in our case. Fees are paid by a grandparent who pays them for all 6 (and counting) grandchildren.

OP, my DS2 is at Eltham (DS1 left last year; now at university) and we are probably B. There's a huge mix of families there - some eyewateringly wealthy As, but mostly Bs and Cs. It's a lovely school and I'd highly recommend it

I guess we started as a low B, with a savings buffer (intended then mainly as pension substitute), and an expectation that I would get funding for my research degree complete it and get back to earning money. The latter didn't happen as envisaged... then our eldest moved to boarding for choirschool. We've been at C for quite a while but although we now have 2 in senior boarding, it's been no more unaffordable for us than day schools would have been due to different bursary policies. We're not paying as much as 1 whole fee between them, and our savings buffer runs out as the younger one finishes (I think!).

Curiously, my youngest remarked the other day that some of his fellow students thought he had a rich family because of his accent, which surprised us a lot!! He is at a school with a huge range of backgrounds and clearly it doesn't show for most of them.

@ZoomZord

This is interesting OP thanks for starting this as I wondered the same.

We rely on a nanny to work. So I am waiting till 11 as I won't need childcare by then, which could go towards fees instead. But my friends are telling me not to wait. They are all A (and are very down to earth nice people, camping holidays etc) but we are nowhere near their earnings league.

How many years of fees would you recommend to save up ideally? Did anyone downsize? Did pensions take a backseat? It's very helpful because I've been going around in circles with my job, childcare arrangements, school fees, moving house... argh

We didn’t save up years fees. We just paid the first term - saved up through out the term then paid again when the next lot were due.

I don’t think many people gay years fees up front unless they do it for tax reason and I know you can actually put it through your business ( I think)

I know through this lock down two families who’s fathers were pilots have had to pull their kids entirely as it put them in financial difficulty over night. I think there will be quite a few children missing from class in September.

Also really check the school out. Just because it’s private it doesn’t mean the GCSE results are great. Even though we do love our schools ethics and it’s a lovely place to be the GCSE results are actually really poor so we are moving to a new one in September.

Also sorry for hijacking the thread —

How do you all feel about paying Autumn school fees if we haven’t got caste iron assurance they will be all back in fully in September. Or have you guys?

The home work our school have set up has been amazing and I really can’t fault it. Zoom assemblies, live classs ect., ( I’m sure you’ve all had the same. But we’ve hit a wall with it now. We started off great but it’s fizzled out as dds have just lost interest so I really need them back in school - but it’s a bit of a kick in the tits to keep paying when they are not actually in..

It really depends on the school. As even a tiny terrace in London can cost substantially more than a mansion further north, the wealth gap might not be as obvious at a school like Eltham College than outside of London. At traditional country boarding preps or country boarding schools, the norm is rather, in your terms, A and Bplus. The problem for us is that the school wants the broadest range of experiences for the pupils with little regard to costs for parent. Last term I paid on top of fees over 2.5k (several different music lessons, riding, speech and drama, tennis, clay pigeon shooting), some of those activities dd got signed up for by enthusiastic teachers without parental consultation. Expectations seems to be that parents don't have to think twice about the 'enrichment' on offer, and that those extras are the main reason parents have chosen the school. I came to understand that 'we as a school are about much more than grades and exam success' is a euphemism for 'we have lots of ways to make parents pay money'

It depends on the school OP. Some private schools are full of very wealthy families - the type who have second/third homes, skiing or Caribbean every winter, spend the summer at their place in Europe, multiple high end cars, etc, other schools are much more of a mix of the ones who can afford it easily with the ones who scrimp and save and drive an old banger! The best way to tell which is which is by hanging out by the school gate one day and watching the cars arriving. If they're all huge high end cars with personalised number plates - avoid - and not just because you won't fit in!

My worry if you are a C is that should your circumstances change even slightly your DC might have to be pulled out with little or no warning. We didn't commit to private until we knew this wouldn't be an issue, because we felt it wouldn't be fair on our DC to do this. I have a couple of friends whose parents ran out of money and they had to be returned to the state sector - one mid-year - it was awful for them.

I used to be friends with boys from Eltham College when I was at a girls‘ private school (this was a couple of decades ago). Most of the boys we knew came from pretty wealthy families who would have been in your group A but not all and I don’t remember any snobbery towards those in groups B or C. This was also the situation at our school. Things may have changed since then of course!

Eltham then was very heavily focused on rugby and drinking and quite a few boys have drinking problems from a young age so something to consider. Again, may be different now.

Many planned new joiners to private schools are pulling out. At our rep I know of three new joiners who have pulled out already for September

Prep school I mean

I live with my parents and we afford it between us. Probs between B and C. At our school there are people from every financial set up possible and I was very concerned when looking at the school we would be ostracised because we weren't wealthy. Actually I've found it to be so so lovely and welcoming - more so than the state school DC was attending. I've made so many friends and it has been worth every single penny.

Oh my daughter started in year 1 and settled pretty much immediately!

Definitely depends on the school though - we looked at another in the area that was comparable fee wise but so much more cliquey and we felt we wouldn't fit in really.

A/B
One child in private school . Took him out of state school for a number of reasons.
I think it really depends on the type of private school. The school my ds attends is a small, very relaxed school.
The children come from a variety of backgrounds. Some very wealthy and others with ‘normal’ jobs.
Have not seen any snobbery tbh. In fact, I felt there was more wealth disparity in the state grammars that my dds attend.

@Jkslays- My husband and I are worried about whether it’s worth paying for Autumn fees of the lessons are going to be remote for the foreseeable future.
Ds is definitely losing interest with the remote learning. So we are effectively paying for him to look blankly at a computer screen.

[quote areyoubeingserviced]@Jkslays- My husband and I are worried about whether it’s worth paying for Autumn fees of the lessons are going to be remote for the foreseeable future.
Ds is definitely losing interest with the remote learning. So we are effectively paying for him to look blankly at a computer screen.[/quote]
I hear you. Same here.

Yes I have seen the threads saying don’t do it if you’re a C

I don’t think that’s because you won’t fit in however. Not at all. Most private schools have a big range of parents income wise. Only a small handful have a flash the cash culture and you can smell those a mile off.

I think the advice is because it always costs a little more than you think - trips, fee inflation, extra curricular etc and if you are C and just scraping the fees together then these extras will really hurt.

Also because if you are C then if anything changes financially you will probably have to leave and find a state school place which is likely to be tough on your child(ren) to have to move schools, and may be hard to find a state school place at an unusual stage.

I have a friend in C and she is now looking to move her kids to state as covid has killed her job - but there are no state places - it’s a bit of a nightmare for her. This could happen to anyone but at least if you are A or B you would have a cushion to tide you through a few terms.

As pp have said, make sure you pick the right school, have a good look around (when schools are back to normal).

Is there an option D?! DS is on a full scholarship to a great school, and we have very average jobs (I wouldn't class either of us as having 'careers'). We live in a nice area in an ordinary house and drive ordinary cars.

He fitted in fine, there is a mixed bag of kids, yes some are very rich, but not all. No problems with the other pupils, of course friendship groups do tend to shuffle the pack so the rich kids are together etc but he's never had any problems and he's never felt he shouldn't be there.

He (& we) have always felt very grateful indeed to be there, it's been the making of him.

I have to say that we never think of ourselves in terms of the 3 brackets that you have above, but would say between B and C. We are well off, we notice the school fee money but don’t miss it (IYKWIM) and we have holidays etc. We don’t drive flash cars (but we don’t see the value in them, they depreciate anyway). We have some very wealthy families in the school and some that I know scrimp and worry about the fees. The parents are generally all lovely and no one says anything about money or comparisons. I would say that as long as the school is the right fit for your child and the ethos suits you then you will find likeminded parents. Contrary to popular belief private school parents really are very normal and generally not cliquey!

Looking at our prep, most parents are between B and C. Small houses, old cars, camping holidays, budget clothes. Its s big commitment, but i haven’t ever regretted it (especially recently - it is money well invested),

We were A bit when DS starts there too it will be more B
I have traded my Freelance work for something a bit more steady with a guaranteed income though so it should be ok, plus we only have 2 of them there for 1 year.
DH has quite a nice Toyota but I’ve got a knackered 4x4 I mostly use to transport the dog but as we are within walking distance of the school nobody really knows what we drive
Our house is nice but not amazing but most of DDS friends live in pretty ordinary houses anyway. We do go on a few holidays but mostly Europe
But If you are worried about fitting in it might not be the right school

We are in the process of moving DS1 from state primary to private school. I'd say we are 'B'. As are most others - we know a few families there already.

Two things to remember - hardly anyone pays the published fees. There are always discounts to be had, don't be ashamed to ask.

The extras are expensive. I've just been adding up the uniform and PE kit list and I'm looking at £450.

I also meant to say - we have one year saved up. We will save a monthly amount to spread the cost, so that by the time we need to pay for next year we will have saved up a full year again IYSWIM.