Boarding kids going back.... Mum expecting to feel a bit bereft... anyone else?.

[Brie]

Not as bad as last year which was the first year and I was utterly miserable for most of the winter and spent most of the time looking for alternatives so I could get them home. This year with them happy I am planning to embrace it and the time to be more focussed on my work, and work on home improvements and get super fit of course ..... in peace and try and enjoy the time I do have with them without wishing it away. It still feels very unnatural to me though. They are excited though and keen to go back.

Please don't use this to slate me for the kids going to boarding school. The reasons were complex and I have tortured myself enough. They were very keen which made it harder possibly... or easier....

Bring back - at my daughter’s school about half the lower school & two thirds of the upper school are on means tested government funding. Low income families pay nothing & it rises on a sliding scale.

Due to my husbands job we could have sent our children private and had 90% paid. Couldn't afford the 10% 🙈😂

I haven't read the whole thread, but my daughter went to boarding school at 11. She wanted to. 'Harry Potter' era. She had the time of her life. I had a nearly 2 year old when she left. We all missed her so much but as time passed we all got used to it.

My boy, nearly 9 years younger. It was very different. We were a split up family by then but all still raw. He was 13. It broke my heart the day he left. His father took him (we were not speaking so he sat in car outside my house while my son brought everything out). I I was holding it together as my son packed the car. We said goodbye but he got out of car 3 times to say bye again. By third time the tears were bursting horizontally from me. He held my hand and said,' Mummy, I'm not leaving you. I'm just going to school and I'll be home soon'.

I will never forget those words. The next weeks were awful. I didn't even want to get out of bed. My son is a musician and suddenly there was no music in my house. Just silence.

It got better over the year.

Now he is going into his third year. He loves it. I have got used to it and it's fine now.

Just saying.,, it gets better eventually

Thanks for all the supportive posts.... and the goadie ones. I don't mind that. I can completely understand those opinions. That is why I struggle with it so much it does feel odd, because it is quite odd. The boarding school thing kind of snowballed as an idea as we were living overseas and the kids were excited to go. I thought I would be ok with it and I had always wanted to go as a kid so I was excited for them. I have found it WAAAAAY harder than I expected. they come home pretty much every weekend and do genuinely seem to love it.

Trouble is I totally put my career on hold to bring them up these last few years so am not massively confident yet about getting back to my old career, which was quite techy so I am doing alot of online professional development. They are all encouraging me though, kids husband..... dogs would probably prefer I stuck with working from home but hey..... I am ready for an outside the house job with actual colleagues!. The kids are fab, they call often and are lovely if I pop over to see them but they are happy where they are and want to get on with it mostly.
We still have a lovely family life when we are together, probably slightly better as fewer just sibling ragging and whatnot. Just they staying in this weekend to you know 'bond with the roomies'.

House is not yet tidier!! I have watched 3 hours of telly tonight.. which is not like me... having a little wallow anyway. Can't wait for next weekend anyway.

I'm a new weekly boarding mum, DD went last Weds, was home for the weekend now back for her full first week. She is an hour and a half away- Y12.
She was nervous, but doing OK so far.
She is going because we live very rurally and there is no suitable 6th form option for her within a commutable distance.

I'm glad she is only weekly (Her school is about half full-boarder, quarter weekly boarders, quarter day students)

I'm missing her but doing OK (But I still have uni student DD home until the end of next week - then it will really hit me!)

I really miss mine too OP. This is her final year - she's 17. I miss her more this year than I did the last three years - it seems to get harder and harder, which I didn't expect.

She's home for her first long weekend tomorrow and I can't wait.

To answer a couple of questions...

Other than working overseas etc is the usual reading o send kids to boarding school due to them aspiring to be performers? Or are they actually better schools, due to no good schools nearby etc? Do they suit the academic children better and allow them to reach universities for the elite?

In our case, the local school was the second best school in the state, and DD was still bored shitless despite being in all the talents programs. The best school available in our state is a state boarding school. She expressed an interest, went to the open weekend, declared that she'd found her people, and they accepted her. She's never been happier than since she went there. Academically she's been challenged there in ways she wouldn't have been at home. We do live in a fairly poor rural US state though.

I'm curious about how friendships outside of school happens. Do your DC have schoolfriends over to stay in the holidays? Do they go and stay with schoolfriends? Do your DC get bored during the holidays?

During the holidays DD catches up with her old schoolfriends from when she went to the local school, and also gets together with boarding school friends. Many live near enough that she can see them easily, and some will do sleepovers. She also had a summer job and made friends through that. She can drive, which helps.

Friends locally too, from younger childhood. Harder to keep up with but I think it is nice for them too to to have a change from their regular friends... I guess a change is as good as a rest.

I miss mine tons, doesn't seem to get easier.

hello Brie

You wallow away and don't mind the bitches, some comments are awful.
Mine is home today, she stayed last weekend to meet new students/ dorm mates.
She said she's really ill, that means she has the cold that me and dh have had all week.
So lots of tlc and films, lounging in a onesie seems the order of the weekend.
The monday after she went back, I shouted her for something and dh thought it quite amusing. But I've done that before when others have gone back after the holiday.
I think it gets much easier as they go through the school, I'm not half as bad as I was, which is good as I was quite ill during her first term of Y7.
When you know they are in the right place and thriving it gets better too an of course you only realise this when they've been there a term or two.

in my view decent parents should be willing to make whatever sacrifices they can for their children's futures

I do hope you ensure you take your children to visit stately homes.

Hope your DS is settling in now OP. My two (Y11 and Y7) are home for the weekend tomorrow although I did pop in to see them yesterday after school as I had to sign permission forms for one of DDs activities.

I was worried that a short visit would be unsettling for DS but it wasn't. It was so lovely to see him so happy and thriving at the school. We had quiet time together just us three, with so much news and funny stories to share. He seems to have found his people, confidence was shining out of him and he went happily back to his boarding house when I left to catch up with his new friends.

I went home feeling immeasurably relieved. Obviously we all thought long and hard about the decision for him to follow his big sister to boarding school and ultimately it was his choice. But that doesn't mean I haven't had an anxious couple of weeks hoping and praying he settles in well. He was home last weekend and all sounded positive but somehow seeing him there, so happy has made all the difference.

it comes as a shock to you that some of us put our children's future and well-being ahead of our own selfish desire to have them around for longer?

Why have people taken this out of context, don't they read properly.

The point was rather than be selfish by saying no you can't go, when a child clearly wants to, just because you'll be upset and miss them too much.
for some parents there isn't much of a choice and it isn't what they set out to do at all

I never imagined my kids would board but due to circumstances DS1 went at 8yrs and DS2 saw how much fun his brother was having and wanted a slice of the action so he followed aged 7yrs 10m. They are now at senior school and still love boarding. We have given them the option to come home to the local school many times but there is no way, they both love it too much. I miss them like crazy and today has been tough withit being the w/e but we have all chatted on the phone and they are both happy and settled so I will just blub quietly to myself.

Ds started weekly boarding this year.

I rang him last week and two minutes into the conversation, he said he had to go, cos he wanted to talk to the boys. It was the most bizarre feeling - happiness and sadness at the same time.

Anyone who doesn't understand why you'd send your DC to private school, it was my DD was chose to move for Sixth Form to private. If I'm honest I didn't want her to leave home and DH told her if she wanted it, she had to contact the schools she was interested in and she did. The result, she was offered a scholarship and massive bursary at her first choice school. She did find it hard to settle in, a day was even arranged at her old school with a view to going back, but it she chose to stay at the new private school. Moving forward 10 months, she loves it there and didn't want to come back for the holidays. She had two friends to stay in the holidays, and stayed with one in return. Also, had the offer to visit a friend abroad and the other parents kindly offered to pay flight, but we couldn't accept that.

There's nothing wrong with state school for a good number of pupils and even parents, but my DH has said more than once why wouldn't you want the experience for your child, small class sizes, lots of support, opportunities and talks. For us, staff are easy to contact and respond that day (even if it's at 11pm!). We get monthly updates in her academic subjects. We only attend school for holiday pick up and some concerts DD is taking part in, but in one year we've already spent more time speaking to tutors than in five years at primary. At concerts and functions, a number of tutors and staff come over to us to chat out our DD.

Is anyone else on Exeat this weekend? I've got one home already and picking the other up later this afternoon.

Have a lovely weekend boarding families.

Just picked up both of mine for exeat weekend! Both tired but happy and excited to be home until Monday morning.

Mine is home, went to bed at 9pm though as still coughing and worn out.

I can’t think how awful a home must be that a child of 8/9/10 would prefer to board rather than be at home with their parents...
this thread is so sad.

Not biting.

Happy kids here. Both gone to bed now having had a lovely evening.

Night night boarding families.

Yellowsunredroses et al,

I'm going to bite because I AM FED UP WITH STRANGERS MAKING WRONG AND HURTFUL COMMENTS ABOUT DC WHO BOARD AND THEIR FAMILIES.
PEOPLE ARE FREE TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS ABOUT THEIR OWN CHILDREN. DON'T WANT YOUR DC TO BOARD?? THEN DON'T. DC WANT TO BOARD?? THEN LET THEM IF IT WORKS FOR YOU. SIMPLE.

NOW PLEASE BUTT OUT OF A THREAD OFFERING SUPPORT FOR PARENTS WHO'S DC BOARD.

Personally, the best thing we've ever done for our daughter is let her board. Long story and set of circumstances which is nobody else's business, but it truly has changed her for the better.
Great having both dc back this weekend though.

sorry. got a bit cross and fed up with people raiding the thread.

Yellow- your post makes me very cross and sad because it is so ignorant. As an example my sister’s child was struggling significantly at the school he could walk to and was being bullied as a result of specific learning differences. My nephew is now at a school which caters for those needs and has to board given the distance. As a result of that change he is a happy much more confident person. How dare you judge without walking first in the shoes of others. Another (widowed) friend has a (very serious) illness and to give her child stability has chosen boarding. You really have no idea of some of the reasons why people might choose boarding. Sorry if this comes across as angry - but I am,