Boarding kids going back.... Mum expecting to feel a bit bereft... anyone else?.

[Brie]

Not as bad as last year which was the first year and I was utterly miserable for most of the winter and spent most of the time looking for alternatives so I could get them home. This year with them happy I am planning to embrace it and the time to be more focussed on my work, and work on home improvements and get super fit of course ..... in peace and try and enjoy the time I do have with them without wishing it away. It still feels very unnatural to me though. They are excited though and keen to go back.

Please don't use this to slate me for the kids going to boarding school. The reasons were complex and I have tortured myself enough. They were very keen which made it harder possibly... or easier....

Because it comes as a shock to you that some of us put our children's future and well-being ahead of our own selfish desire to have them around for longer?

Why is it selfish to parent your child at home

Same age as my Dd then. (She’s at one of the 4 too but isn’t going the classical route)

Dd’s School is full of kids whose parents would have laughed in your face if you’d told them they would be sending their child to a boarding school when they were younger.

Missing mine too, house is so quiet! But they were so excited to get their fixtures for their various sports and see their mates etc etc, it helps knowing how much they love boarding.

Just ignore he goady fuckers, don't rise to it

Don’t get sucked into giving the anti boarders the time of day.

I am SO grateful that my parents let me board. From age 14-18 I boarded and loved every second. I grew confident, made deep lasting friendships and had so many opportunities. My parents are two of my best friends I had a wonderful idyllic home life I just loved living with my best friends. What teenager wouldn’t.

My parents could barely afford it and made huge sacrifices. They put my education first and I’m eternally grateful.

I worry that I’m too selfish to let my children go as I’ll miss them so much but I always said if I could afford it I’d do it because I LOVED it so much.

My two went off to school this week. First time boarding for DS who is starting year 7 and fifth year of boarding for DD who is now in year 11. Both are weekly boarders.

They both seem really happy. DD was excited to be going back and seeing all her friends. She loves her boarding house this year, as it's just for the y11 girls so a bit more grown up that the lower college boarding house.

I've been anxious about DS but he called me last night and was really delighted with it all.

Can't wait to pick them up on Saturday!

Parents who keep their children at home are selfish, but anyone who says they don't understand that opinion is a goady fucker?

Okaaaayyyy.

What is goady about thinking comments like this are sad?

The positive is that we'll have a tidy house

I don't and wouldn't have boarders, but I know that the goady fucks are coming on here just to be goady fucks.
Ok, you don't get it. Its not a thread for you. Sod off and stop trying to make other parents feel bad for making different choices.

If you can't understand that parents sometimes sacrifice their own needs and desires for the good of their children, dont imagine yourself any kind of better parent. You're not.

Genuine non-goady question:
Other than working overseas etc is the usual reading o send kids to boarding school due to them aspiring to be performers? Or are they actually better schools, due to no good schools nearby etc? Do they suit the academic children better and allow them to reach universities for the elite?

I don’t have children yet but can imagine that only certain types of children like boarding and it’s probably mostly the extroverted performers or those who want to study at Oxbridge and other prestigious institutions.

And last but not least

I wouldn't rise to the anti boarding posts. This thread is for support.

Its for PARENTS that parent.

Being called a goady fucker is vulgar.

School of potty mouths?

*usual reason to

My father had to stop the car round the corner of the school to cry after dropping me off, every single term for 5 years. My mother could not have given less of a shit.

I went to boarding school in the late 80s and i hope MUCH has changed since.

Oh Brie... My DS has just returned to school for his first 'A' level year. Of course I miss him, because he is my first born (which is a special position), and because he and I are absolutely kindred spirits. And I am not a 'farm the children out' type - I was a SAHM for about a billion years, and none of mine went to nursery etc.

I love the bones of DC1. But he is still in the very best place, and is so happy there. I feel like a bad mother to say that I don't really notice his absence. It just becomes the norm. The younger DC think so, too.

OP, reallly don't feel bad about anything at all. Just crack on with it, and your DC will do the same;

I don’t have children yet but can imagine that only certain types of children like boarding and it’s probably mostly the extroverted performers or those who want to study at Oxbridge and other prestigious institutions.

@ThankEwe, just no. You are very kind in your post, and evidently don't want to be goady - but no. That is not the case. Sometimes the very best, wonderful, breathtakingly brilliant school 300 miles from home makes your child an incredible offer which turns out to be the making of him. You as a parent know this will be the case when the offer is made. Your child is 10.6 at the time. But everyone is so, so right. DS, who had always hated school, was counting the seconds until he could return. He is absolutely in his element. Nobody could knock that for their child.

I went to boarding school. Loved it. Wouldn't change it for the world. I'm now in my 40's

The posts about being selfish by not sending your children to boarding school...really? 🙈

Thankewe
I don’t have children yet but can imagine that only certain types of children like boarding and it’s probably mostly the extroverted performers or those who want to study at Oxbridge and other prestigious institutions.

No. My DD1 was a weekly boarder for a few years when she was younger. She is headed neither to Oxbridge nor a stage career. She has Autism and was struggling and being bullied in our local comprehensive school. It was her choice to go to boarding school and she thrived on the routine. She's now 19 and living at home again, attending college.

I've always done what I thought was best for each child, individually. They have different needs and different personalities, but it's always been their choice in the end - I've never imposed my own choice of school on them.

@Etonian

Do they tend to take gifted pupils or those that require support also or does it depend on the school and what they have to offer?

I’ve only seen an advert for Queen etherlburga’s and never looked into boarding school as a concept. I do, however, understand that it’s a selfless decision to send a child there and that it’s obviously for the best but I don’t understand in which ways it can be the best other than helping them get into performing/another career or them being gifted/needing support

@Derekthebrave yes, really.

I've always made this kind of decision based on what was best for each child, not for me. It's natural to miss them, but that's no reason to deprive them of opportunities they will likely never get again!

@Vitamin

Cross post.
That’s a very fair point you make about your daughter and makes a lot of sense. I’m glad it was the right place for her and sounds much nicer than being in a school where she wasn’t treated the way she deserved

that's no reason to deprive them of opportunities they will likely never get again!

I suppose that’s just where different parenting styles come in.

Personally there’s no opportunity on Earth that would make me inclined to send my 11 year olds to live somewhere other than at home for the vast majority of the year. Obviously not everyone feels that way though.

No obviously not, parents who have made the decision (with their kids) that boarding is right for them have different views to you.

But I thought this thread was to support parents of boarders not to debate the rights and wrongs of boarding. There have been more than enough of those pointless threads already.

My daughter is 16, not 11.

What would you do if you had a hugely talented and motivated child?

Have you seen the film Billy Elliott? Luckily I am able to work to pay for my daughter to pursue her passion, but in my view decent parents should be willing to make whatever sacrifices they can for their children's futures.