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Original poster

Boarding kids going back.... Mum expecting to feel a bit bereft... anyone else?.

98 replies

Brie · 03/09/2018 23:26

Not as bad as last year which was the first year and I was utterly miserable for most of the winter and spent most of the time looking for alternatives so I could get them home. This year with them happy I am planning to embrace it and the time to be more focussed on my work, and work on home improvements and get super fit of course ..... in peace and try and enjoy the time I do have with them without wishing it away. It still feels very unnatural to me though. They are excited though and keen to go back.

Please don't use this to slate me for the kids going to boarding school. The reasons were complex and I have tortured myself enough. They were very keen which made it harder possibly... or easier....

OP posts:
Pythonesque · 04/09/2018 14:39

I'm with you. My eldest went back last night, 7th (gulp!) year of boarding as she did 4 years at prep and couldn't be persuaded to "come home" for senior school. Youngest started on Sunday, I'm hoping to get an email from him once they've sorted out their new laptops etc ... (not holding my breath!). He's not noisy round the house but we are missing his presence already and will certainly miss his piano playing.

To be honest I am very excited at what he will get up to this term.

We've got house stuff to sort out too and I'm hoping to get myself more in order generally this year.

A little bit of me thinks of it as "outsourcing the difficult bits of the teenage years" ... I love the conversations you can have in the car. We will have to be a bit organised though as their schools are in opposite directions. Have you got 1st exeat in 3 weeks or is the timing different?

nuttyknitter · 04/09/2018 14:45

Seriously? There's very straightforward solution .....

Hideandgo · 04/09/2018 15:02

I was a boarder and my mum always missed me and my sister terribly. But I’m so grateful she didn’t put her feelings first. I had a great 6 yrs, made the deepest of friendships and was exposed to so much more life and experiences than if I’d gone to the local school.

Hideandgo · 04/09/2018 15:03

My dad missed us too for the record! He’s just more stoic in personality😅

vitaminC · 04/09/2018 15:14

Yes. I drove DD2 back to school yesterday.
She's in a vocational ballet school, so of course I'm proud and happy for her, but I do miss her, as do her sisters.
This is her 3rd year there and she loves it and doesn't get homesick, which is good. We see her every 6-8 weeks.
Luckily I still have DDs 1 and 3 living with me. And if I'm honest, there's a lot less fighting and squabbling when only 2 of the 3 are around!

1805 · 04/09/2018 15:39

both of mine going back today. Already dropped ds off (4th year of full boarding) and dd starts weekly boarding tonight. I'm feeling a bit at a loss as to what I'll do as I'm on my own most evenings at home.

I'm hoping to sort the crap lying around the house out, eat less, and walk the dogs more. I'll be skinny in no time!! hmmmm.
Good luck OP. Stay busy!

ifonly4 · 04/09/2018 15:54

My DD is going back tonight, it's gone so quickly. The positive is that we'll have a tidy house. I've deliberately planned extra activities this week, and we need to declutter, so I'm hoping that'll help.

motherstongue · 04/09/2018 20:35

Waiting on my first phone call of this academic year!

DD returned yesterday for her 2nd year and was in good spirits. She is sharing with one of her best friends this term so that made the start of term much more appealing!

Brie, I too found it very hard last year and struggled with the separation. It took me very much by surprise how hard it hit me as my DS had just finished 5 years at boarding school so I thought I was an old hand. I think it was because she is my "baby" so when DS went away before I still had her at home to look after. I felt like I had empty nest syndrome 5 years too early! DS has been on a gap year and heads off to Uni on 22nd September so the house really will be empty this year.

Like you I have made plans to fill my time more successfully this year and, yes, I'm another who plans to get fitter (though I've been saying that for years, lol).

Stormzyandme · 04/09/2018 20:43

I miss mine terribly while Im at work, its only 7 hours & I love picking her up from her classroom. I think this might be the first time, that I feel happy to be poor.

Every cloud Grin

ifonly4 · 05/09/2018 11:18

How's everyone today?

Dropped DD off last night. Her friends were all over her immediately, so it was a quick goodbye. DH has gone away for two nights with work, so after I finish at 2pm, I'm popping into town for potter which is going to cost, isn't it?!

Bombardier25966 · 05/09/2018 11:26

It still feels very unnatural to me though

Well it is. Sorry, not sure what you want people to say when you're more focused on home improvements and the gym than your children.

errorofjudgement · 05/09/2018 18:07

My DD goes back on Sunday, I know we’ll miss her a lot, but this is her decision, driven by her. She really enjoyed it last year. This year there will be more pressure with both A levels and auditions.

I joined a choir last year, and after 12 years of sitting in draughty halls and dark car parks 3/4/5 nights a week waiting for DD to finish dance/music/drama, it was good to have a bit of time to do something I enjoy.

ifonly4 · 05/09/2018 18:57

error, hope you'll be ok when your DD goes back. Good to hear you did something positive for yourself after DD went off to make her own way in life.

I'm sure you remember me from last year with the DD who was so so close to pulling out of boarding school as she couldn't settle. Well she applied for peer mentor this year, has three newbies who are homesick so is doing her bit to try support them. I asked her if she felt homesick earlier and the answer was "no". I probably won't hear from her for a few days unless we contact her!

errorofjudgement · 05/09/2018 19:11

Hi ifonly4 - definitely remember you, Smile
Wow - so good to hear your about your DD. Can you believe ours are half way through this adventure? I’ve told DD to take every opportunity that comes her way this year and just enjoy this amazing experience!

1805 · 05/09/2018 19:58

So, I've spoken twice to dd, once for her to tell me about all the clubs on offer, and again for her to tell me what she's chosen! Both times there was obviously someone with her as she kept talking to them as well as me! She seems happy, which is obviously a huge relief.
As for ds, he texted me a question, and when I asked how he was I got "ok". "I'm good". Typical!

goldenlilliesdaffodillies · 05/09/2018 23:31

DD went back yesterday. I hate it when she goes, but as a teenager she loves boarding!

Beelin · 05/09/2018 23:35

Blimey, this thread. ShockShockShock

errorofjudgement · 06/09/2018 18:26

Yay, some good news, the boarding house allocations have come out today and DD has her first choice!

Feenie · 06/09/2018 18:41

This is like reading MN on another planet.

vitaminC · 06/09/2018 19:46

Why, Feeny?
Because it comes as a shock to you that some of us put our children's future and well-being ahead of our own selfish desire to have them around for longer?

wurzelburga · 06/09/2018 20:05

I am never sure what the anti boarding brigade - few if any of whom have any direct experience of 21st century boarding - feel they achieve by making snide comments on this kind of thread.

If you are so convinced that boarding is evil , campaign to have it banned. Start by gathering some real data - (not anecdotes from Great Uncle George who was sent back to England before WW2, or horror stories from those who make their living from criticising boarding) - establish a lobby group and work through the political process to get the law changed. I doubt you will be successful but it might make you feel better...

Families make all sorts of different decisions about their children’s education based on their own personal circumstances of which you know nothing. British boarding schools are strictly regulated, achieve great results for their students and that is why people from across the world pay huge sums of money to send their children to them.

Feenie · 06/09/2018 21:20

Because it comes as a shock to you that some of us put our children's future and well-being ahead of our own selfish desire to have them around for longer?

I don't know where to start with that viewpoint - it's so far away from my view as a parent, and that of anyone I've ever met, ever. Genuinely baffled. Confused

AlexanderHamilton · 06/09/2018 21:24

Is she Year 9 Vitamin? A difficult year I know so all the best if she is.

Dd commuted during most of Lower School (except during shows & exams). She started Upper School on Wednesday & is now living with a host family as her school only have boarding for up to Year 11.

Doobydoo · 06/09/2018 21:33

I wouldn't rise to the anti boarding posts. This thread is for support. We have home edded but if we had moved to suffolk ds 2 would have gone to Summerhill as a boarder..

vitaminC · 06/09/2018 21:35

@AlexanderHamilton she's year 12. Just turned 16. She actually lives with a host family too, right next door to the school, which is great.

@Feenie my daughter is a talented dancer. She also worked very, very hard to get into one of the top dance schools in the country as she knows that in order to have any chance at a career as a professional ballet dancer, she needs to have graduated from one of 4 schools.

It took a lot of determination and drive on her behalf to make the grade. Can you imagine if I'd told her "no, I don't want you living so far away from me"? It makes my blood boil to think that there are parents who would be so selfish as to refuse their child an opportunity like that!!

I actually took on a second job, and extra shifts at my other job, to be able to fund her studies.

If she succeeds in her chosen career, she'll appreciate the sacrifices I have made for her to achieve that. And if for some reason she doesn't end up a professional dancer, at least we'll know we did all we could and have no regrets.