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Original poster

Boarding kids going back.... Mum expecting to feel a bit bereft... anyone else?.

98 replies

Brie · 03/09/2018 23:26

Not as bad as last year which was the first year and I was utterly miserable for most of the winter and spent most of the time looking for alternatives so I could get them home. This year with them happy I am planning to embrace it and the time to be more focussed on my work, and work on home improvements and get super fit of course ..... in peace and try and enjoy the time I do have with them without wishing it away. It still feels very unnatural to me though. They are excited though and keen to go back.

Please don't use this to slate me for the kids going to boarding school. The reasons were complex and I have tortured myself enough. They were very keen which made it harder possibly... or easier....

OP posts:
noraclavicle · 06/09/2018 22:44

it comes as a shock to you that some of us put our children's future and well-being ahead of our own selfish desire to have them around for longer?

Whoa, vitaminc I was with you on your comment on another thread yesterday, but on that sweeping statement? Definitely not, sorry. You have your own reasons, but a defensive, kneejerk ‘you’re selfish’ is a bit strong. And yes, I boarded. There’s no way on earth I’d do it with mine. It’s a divisive subject, let’s just say that..

Thankewe · 06/09/2018 22:48

Just like to say, sorry for de-railing the thread slightly and that I wasn’t intending to come across as goady or like I thought it was a bad choice.

I was just interested but I’ll leave the thread for it’s intended purpose and say I hope all DC continue to enjoy boarding school!

  • -I also looked at the facilities a few have and now wish I could drop out of university and go- -
DerekTheBrave · 06/09/2018 22:51

What would you do if you had a hugely talented and motivated child?

I have two of them. Potentially three but hard to tell yet with the one year old Grin

But yeah...but of a silly question, no? Unless you really believe that every able/talented/gifted child is at boarding school.

As to making sacrifices...i don’t know what sacrifices you’re talking about so it’s hard to answer. It’s possible to put your dc first whilst keeping them living at home though.

SallySideEye · 06/09/2018 22:52

I was sent to a private boarding school and hated it. Desperately missed the intimacy and proximity of my family and they soon realised that and I went back home. Best decision for me.

MrsChollySawcutt · 06/09/2018 22:53

Here we go...

SallySideEye · 06/09/2018 22:53

?

DerekTheBrave · 06/09/2018 22:55

You’re not to say anything bad about boarding school Sally.

SallySideEye · 06/09/2018 22:56

Ah.

Ojoj1974 · 06/09/2018 22:57

I was thrilled to drop DD off on Tuesday. I was fed up of cooking, entertaining, carting kids around etc DS is still at home but luckily back at school. Both kids were yearning for school and their friends. Everyone is happy again !
Ps I totally love my kids, we had an awesome 9 week summer holiday which I had off from work, but all good things must come to an end!!!
My DD loves boarding and DS can't wait to start.

noraclavicle · 06/09/2018 23:02

“in my view decent parents should be willing to make whatever sacrifices they can for their children's futures.“

Problem is, lots of parents (mine included) pull the ‘but we sacrificed so much! Cars, holidays, luxuries, everything!’ to try & justify the fact that they packed their (clearly ungrateful) kids off at tender ages. Sending your kids to boarding school doesn’t make you any more of a ‘decent’ parent than those keeping them at home. Please don’t try to sell it in those terms. If you have heartfelt reasons, fine. I truly hope it all works out for you & the sacrifices you feel you’ve made are worth it. I’ll warn you though - nothing is guaranteed.

vitaminC · 06/09/2018 23:04

Derek I was referring to the sacrifice of not having her with me at home. I miss her, but she worked very hard to get where she is now, so my feelings have to come second. That is what being a parent is about - putting your child first.

It was a sacrifice when DD1 was boarding, too, but me missing her was preferable to having a suicidal 12yo at home!

I'm really quite disgusted by some of the posts on this thread. I love it when all my babies are back in the nest with me. But it's not about what I love. It's about them.

Having a child in boarding school doesn't mean I love my kids any less than you love yours and to suggest otherwise is, quite frankly, offensive.

louise5754 · 06/09/2018 23:24

@Ojoj1974 I'm not sure whether that post was serious or not!

noraclavicle · 06/09/2018 23:26

“Having a child in boarding school doesn't mean I love my kids any less than you love yours and to suggest otherwise is, quite frankly, offensive.”

Ummm, the reverse too! No-one is ‘selfish’ or not ‘decent’ for not choosing boarding school..

EtonianMother · 06/09/2018 23:34

Of course they're not, @Noraclavicle. I am just so spectacularly grateful that my DC! was made an offer neither he nor I could refuse. Unfortunately my other DC are desperate to board, too, but there are no scholarships available for them. I wish there were, now that I have seen what DC1 has experienced. In fact, I wish I were 11 and talented and male enough to try for a scholarship. [grin[

MagnaDoodle · 06/09/2018 23:46

Wow. I’ve never read a board of school thread on here.

Thoroughly enjoying it 👀

MagnaDoodle · 06/09/2018 23:46

Boarding school thread. Obviously.

Feenie · 07/09/2018 06:36

Having a child in boarding school doesn't mean I love my kids any less than you love yours and to suggest otherwise is, quite frankly, offensive.”

Yes, it would have been - if anyone had said it. However, no one did.

However, the post that suggests parents who keep children at home instead of sending them to board must be selfish is ludicrously offensive.I

Another point to note is that it's not possible to control a thread in the way you're describing - people can post opinions, and those opinions may be challenged. That's the way a forum works.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/09/2018 07:47

Feenie if your DC was a talented musician, actor or chorister and was offered a place at a school that specialised in that talent but they had to board, would you let them go? Most Cathedral choir children have to board, maybe not full-time, so they can do the early morning services. If your child wanted to be in the choir would it be selfish of you if you said no because you didn't want them to board?

LoniceraJaponica · 07/09/2018 08:11

I'm curious about how friendships outside of school happens. Do your DC have schoolfriends over to stay in the holidays? Do they go and stay with schoolfriends? Do your DC get bored during the holidays?

DD is an only child and would have been very bored and very lonely if she hadn't seen her friends over the holidays.

vitaminC · 07/09/2018 09:18

My DDs spent a couple of weeks at their grandparents' where they hung out with cousins on XH's side, went to the beach, amusement parks etc, a couple of weeks on holiday with me and my cousin and her kids, and DD2 spent a couple of weeks in a ballet summer school with a few friends from her ballet school and some friends in other schools she knew from previous years.
No sleepovers here or at friends' and no-one was bored...

LoniceraJaponica · 07/09/2018 09:21

Sadly we don't have the luxury of having a large family. No cousins DD's age, and no grandparents. Oh well, that answers my question.

AlexanderHamilton · 07/09/2018 09:30

Lonicera - Its a bit different in my dd's case but during the long summer holidays most children at her school do one or more summer schools to keep their fitness levels up. There they sometimes meet up with their schoolfriends or with other children from similar schools.

Last Easter she did go and stay with a friend for a week.

errorofjudgement · 07/09/2018 14:42

During the summer DD stayed with school friends, had school friends here, and hung out with her local friends too. Oh and did some school work!

Justkeepswimmming · 07/09/2018 15:10

Mine have all just gone back and I miss them. I have no wish to defend my decision, however, to those who feel differently- all the pros and cons were considered a long time ago. It would be nice to be able to just give and receive support without having to justify my position.

bringbacksideburns · 07/09/2018 15:19

Luckily I am able to work to pay for my daughter to pursue her passion, but in my view decent parents should be willing to make whatever sacrifices they can for their children's futures

Many of us work our absolute socks off thank you but sadly our kids will never get to enjoy the privileges your's do because we would never be able to afford the fees you pay.

Please don't think you are superior to me as a parent. And that's not goady. I have no beef with you paying for education. But a bit of empathy and sensitivity towards others who struggle is a positive in life. And worth teaching your kids too.

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